A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. She yelled "fore" but it was too late.
The ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in obvious agony.
The woman rushed over to the man and immediately began to apologise. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him earnestly.
"Ummph, oooh, noooo... I'll be fine in a few minutes", he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and put her hands inside. She began to massage his privates.
She then asked him, "How does that feel?"
He replied still in agony, "It feels great, but it doesn't do a thing for my thumb. It still hurts like hell!"
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During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the
criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be
institutionalised.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon,
a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the
bathtub".
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket
because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want
a bed near the window?"
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Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you either hear or are about
to repeat a rumour.
In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his
wisdom.
One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to
him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about
one of your students?"
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to
pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
"Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance.
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my
student let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The
first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are
about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or
not.
Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you
are about to tell me about my student something good?"
"No, on the contrary ...".
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him,
even though you're not certain it's true?".
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued." You may
still pass the test though, because there is a third filter - the
filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be
useful to me?"
"No, not really..."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither
True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"
The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a
great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he
never found out that his student, Plato, was having an affair with his wife.
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Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out
a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy,
'Son, how old are you?'
'Eight,' the boy replied.
The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'
The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me.
They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV
that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a
bike. Right now, he can't do either one.
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