Anxiety

[Michik]

Hello. I am 16 years old and I feel really concerned about myself. I cant manage to do anything new in my life. At first, I was trying to ask out a newly met girl from my school this week but everything ended in my mind of course. Nothing special, next failure in my life. Maybe I am too shy to talk with girls? Have I been brought up badly?
The next fact is that I am just about to go to gym but yet havent managed to do that. Neither my parents nor friends support me in this case. They think that I look well. But its false because I know better about myself(imagine I cant even do one push-up). Ive ran out of options where to call for help. Ive been trying to think positive but there is always a situation when bad thoughts come. The only thing I am good at is studying.

 

[azure]

Concentrate on your successes and your skills @Michik

You've said you're good at studying. That's cool Don't worry about meeting girls - just be yourself. Any girl worth meeting will see your many good points

When the bad thoughts come, imagine shutting a door in your head to keep them out. They're false. Don't let them have any space in your mind. When a little sneaky bad thought comes, think of a good thing to push the bad thought down.

If you're worried about the gym, coukd you do exercises at home? You wouldn't have to go anywhere then and could have privacy.

 

[Freema]

Hello. I am 16 years old and I feel really concerned about myself. I cant manage to do anything new in my life. At first, I was trying to ask out a newly met girl from my school this week but everything ended in my mind of course. Nothing special, next failure in my life. Maybe I am too shy to talk with girls? Have I been brought up badly?
The next fact is that I am just about to go to gym but yet havent managed to do that. Neither my parents nor friends support me in this case. They think that I look well. But its false because I know better about myself(imagine I cant even do one push-up). Ive ran out of options where to call for help. Ive been trying to think positive but there is always a situation when bad thoughts come. The only thing I am good at is studying.

you are not the only one feeling a bit scared and very shy in your age, I think half of all young people are, and some more than others... I had that feeling when being your age too...and the worst is that at that age one tends to think it will be like that forever and one will not succeed in anything and so on very Black and White thinking..

life is a process every new phase is difficult and to many scary , and especially when it comes to dating and having all these dangerous very sensitive feelings and being so scared of being rejected ...

well be sweet towards yourself like you would be to anyone other that is going to learn something new and jump into deeper waters when it comes to feelings..
statistically every third young persons today has not had any sexual partner when 19 years of age... so well count on some failures and rejections before succeeding.. thats how life is, but most ends up finding someone they love and feel good in the company of... at least for some years if not forever..

about your looks... noone has to look perfect... perfect is for movies , not for the real world.. in which it is much more important to feel good on the inside and learn to have confidence by trial and error.. trial and error and then learning.. let oneself be allowed to make mistakes without dooming oneself for being a total failure..

 

[Michik]

Concentrate on your successes and your skills @Michik

You've said you're good at studying. That's cool Don't worry about meeting girls - just be yourself. Any girl worth meeting will see your many good points

When the bad thoughts come, imagine shutting a door in your head to keep them out. They're false. Don't let them have any space in your mind. When a little sneaky bad thought comes, think of a good thing to push the bad thought down.

If you're worried about the gym, coukd you do exercises at home? You wouldn't have to go anywhere then and could have privacy.

I like this girl a lot and she seems to like me too. I would say that I fell in love with her but the problem is that I am not brave enough to ask her out. There is some kind of block.

I live in a flat so there is no space for exercising. I dont care about privacy, I understand that everyone started form the bottom and wasnt fit so fast. I can go but I cant manage to do that.


I also understand that my relationship would last about a year, maybe less but not more. Im not so stupid to believe in this all "beautiful world" and love because it only happens in movies/books.
About appearance, how will I feel good in my body if I dont accept it outside?

 

[Freema]

I like this girl a lot and she seems to like me too. I would say that I fell in love with her but the problem is that I am not brave enough to ask her out. There is some kind of block.

I live in a flat so there is no space for exercising. I dont care about privacy, I understand that everyone started form the bottom and wasnt fit so fast. I can go but I cant manage to do that.


I also understand that my relationship would last about a year, maybe less but not more. Im not so stupid to believe in this all "beautiful world" and love because it only happens in movies/books.
About appearance, how will I feel good in my body if I dont accept it outside?

love happens all the time , and you will also learn to be more brave and take risks... I think your blocking is due to being too scared of rejection even when you know she probably likes you..

 

[NinaB73]

@Michik, I felt very heartened by your post, You seem to be giving yourself a really hard time! What @azure has already said is sound advice but I feel concerned that you seem so unhappy. You are 16 and therefore if you feel going to the gym will help you and build your confidence then I personally don't see that as a bad thing. My son is 17 and last year had a pretty terrible time with self confidence and being his mum he didn't really confide in me but that didn't mean I wasn't aware or worried, I may be wrong but your parents may already know you are struggling but simply do not know how to show they care,
Is your diabetes concerning you at all? There will always be a lot of support on here for you especially from the younger community if that is the case.
If the bad thoughts continue then I think you really do need to speak to your G.P about it. You are not abnormal you are just going through a tricky patch at the moment and you will be amazed at how many people will want to help you through it! You are very brave by posting on here! Keep in touch.

 

[Jaylee]

Hello. I am 16 years old and I feel really concerned about myself. I cant manage to do anything new in my life. At first, I was trying to ask out a newly met girl from my school this week but everything ended in my mind of course. Nothing special, next failure in my life. Maybe I am too shy to talk with girls? Have I been brought up badly?
The next fact is that I am just about to go to gym but yet havent managed to do that. Neither my parents nor friends support me in this case. They think that I look well. But its false because I know better about myself(imagine I cant even do one push-up). Ive ran out of options where to call for help. Ive been trying to think positive but there is always a situation when bad thoughts come. The only thing I am good at is studying.

You know what..? I was one similar to you in some respects in spite of being brought up with 3 sisters & having a plethora of female freinds..?
I wound up in a ruddy rock band!

PM me if you want evidence of my truth.. I got shed loads..
I was brought up by nice sane people..
Trust me. You will get there!

 

[azure]

I like this girl a lot and she seems to like me too. I would say that I fell in love with her but the problem is that I am not brave enough to ask her out. There is some kind of block.

I live in a flat so there is no space for exercising. I dont care about privacy, I understand that everyone started form the bottom and wasnt fit so fast. I can go but I cant manage to do that.


I also understand that my relationship would last about a year, maybe less but not more. Im not so stupid to believe in this all "beautiful world" and love because it only happens in movies/books.
About appearance, how will I feel good in my body if I dont accept it outside?

I guess the block may be because you're afraid she'll say No? Why not hang out with her on a more casual basis, more as friends to start with?Be friendly, listen to her, and show her you're a thoughtful person.

If you try to feel positive about yourself, then that will show in the way you act. You probably look around and think that you see lots of people who are confident - but most of them aren't. They're struggling too inside. Very, very few people feel really brave and confident all the time. Remember that next time you look at another person and wish you could be as confident as they seem. Inside, they won't be as confident as you think.

Is there any alternative to the gym? Swimming? Walking?

 

[Michik]

love happens all the time , and you will also learn to be more brave and take risks... I think your blocking is due to being too scared of rejection even when you know she probably likes you..

But she might consider it as friendly relationship so I will end up in so-called "friendzone". I have a fear of being rejected. I dont know how she reacts if I ask her out. I have done no progress since I fell in love. Thats almost 3 months. I wish I could not fall in love. One day I tried to forget but the other day I saw her again in school and my emotion got stronger.

 

[rockape37]

I tell you now i used to be incredibly shy when it came to talking to girls and i have 4 sisters lol.

In time this will pass,girls are just like us and there is one out there waiting to meet you and enjoy your company regardless of what you might think of yourself. Like i said i used to be shy, but one day i got on a plane and travelled meeting lots of people including my wife to be and have been married for 27 yrs and have 2 gorgeous daughters.

Regards

Martin

 

[Jaylee]

But she might consider it as friendly relationship so I will end up in so-called "friendzone". I have a fear of being rejected. I dont know how she reacts if I ask her out. I have done no progress since I fell in love. Thats almost 3 months. I wish I could not fall in love. One day I tried to forget but the other day I saw her again in school and my emotion got stronger.

You seem like an articulate young guy..
You almost make it sound like you're trapped on a "desert island"?

Have you thought about tapping her up on a social networking site? Get talking that way..!

 

[Freema]

But she might consider it as friendly relationship so I will end up in so-called "friendzone". I have a fear of being rejected. I dont know how she reacts if I ask her out. I have done no progress since I fell in love. Thats almost 3 months. I wish I could not fall in love. One day I tried to forget but the other day I saw her again in school and my emotion got stronger.

yes I feel you fear, well isn´t that normal when one risk to be rejected and it at the same time means so much to you, I have felt that way many times in this life, but have come to the conclusion that some times one must risk something instead of regretting never to have tried... and yes it hurts like hell and one feel devastated when love doesn´t turn out to be what one has hoped for... but still if one doesn´t take the chance it is much worse in the longer run...
and yes a lot more people do "like" the other person than actually feel the same amount of love, and it is sometimes hard to feel gratitude of being liked , when one hopes to actually being loved as deeply back as one loves the other..

but like the old fairy tales... one has to kiss the frogg to see if it could turn into a prince/prinsess.... haha terrible symbol...

but there is something in it... and sometimes the style one is rejected in makes one understand that the person was not really that likable as first thought anyway... and by advancing one at least learn something new of the situation instead of being hopelesly stuck...

 

[Michik]

You seem like an articulate young guy..
You almost make it sound like you're trapped on a "desert island"?

Have you thought about tapping her up on a social networking site? Get talking that way..!

It usually ends after typing Hi, whats up or asking for lessons. There are several days that we've got a topic to talk about "on social networking site" but then there is no contact. If I asked her on Facebook what's up everyday, she'd find this harrassing.

Maybe I'm not mature enough to express my feelings?

 

[azure]

@Michik Or maybe she's just uncertain of your feelings and motives?

If you really like her, then either play it cool and just chat when you can to let her know you're there and hope she notices you, or take a risk and ask her out for something casual like a coffee. I know you're scared of rejection but don't assume that will happen. If she doesn't want to go out with you then her answer will be No whether you ask her next week or next year, so not asking won't change her answer, if you understand what I'm saying. But if she likes you or is interested in getting to know you better, then you won't know that unless you ask

 

[Michik]

@Michik Or maybe she's just uncertain of your feelings and motives?

If you really like her, then either play it cool and just chat when you can to let her know you're there and hope she notices you, or take a risk and ask her out for something casual like a coffee. I know you're scared of rejection but don't assume that will happen. If she doesn't want to go out with you then her answer will be No whether you ask her next week or next year, so not asking won't change her answer, if you understand what I'm saying. But if she likes you or is interested in getting to know you better, then you won't know that unless you ask

She doesnt know anything about my motives. I just dont show to her. She seems to like me as I said but she just could behave kindly. She smiles, thanks, asks for sth and she is polite. Nothing more. And Im getting confused because these acts of behaviour are misleading. We only know ourselves from this grade so its a short relationship

 

[azure]

Well, that's a good start If she disliked you, she'd probably make that clear.

Don't believe all the stuff online about the 'friendzone'. Being friends first is a good way to start a relationship, and it allows both people space and time to think about their feelings

 

[Michik]

Well, that's a good start If she disliked you, she'd probably make that clear.

Don't believe all the stuff online about the 'friendzone'. Being friends first is a good way to start a relationship, and it allows both people space and time to think about their feelings

But will it make up for my feelings? Being friends is good for both however I will still "love" her even though we are friends so I will still struggle and feel a little bitter. I understand that patience and time are the keys. Falling in love in this age is hazardous and unnecessary, especially for someone like me who cant even manage to do some changes in my life.
I dont find it very hard to ask her out but rejecting is a possibility which I have to to be aware of. Despite everything, talking with girls is very uncomfortable for me. Then imagine if I had to talk with my crush. She loves rock music but I find it disturbing. Im keen on politics, society and religious cases(although I study maths and physics a lot).

 

[Jaylee]

It usually ends after typing Hi, whats up or asking for lessons. There are several days that we've got a topic to talk about "on social networking site" but then there is no contact. If I asked her on Facebook what's up everyday, she'd find this harrassing.

Maybe I'm not mature enough to express my feelings?

Maybe contact her asking to "pick her brains" on a school subject/homework/that sorta thing, that your "unclear on"?
It's the classic "borrow a cuppa sugar" move..

My wife before we met shared a house with a psychiatric nurse, some guy with reactive hypoglycaemia & a guitarist I was & still am in a band with. (We had seen eachother about & briefly spoke..
But.
I knocked on the front door for the guitarist one day & she opened it.. The conversation went something like this? "Hello, is Dave coming out to play?" The wife. "He's not in." Me. "OK.. What are you doing right now?"
We started dating, & the rest was history...

 

[Jaylee]

But will it make up for my feelings? Being friends is good for both however I will still "love" her even though we are friends so I will still struggle and feel a little bitter. I understand that patience and time are the keys. Falling in love in this age is hazardous and unnecessary, especially for someone like me who cant even manage to do some changes in my life.
I dont find it very hard to ask her out but rejecting is a possibility which I have to to be aware of. Despite everything, talking with girls is very uncomfortable for me. Then imagine if I had to talk with my crush. She loves rock music but I find it disturbing. Im keen on politics, society and religious cases(although I study maths and physics a lot).

Woah. Back up! What's the problem with rock music?

Politics,society, maths..? You'd get on well with my wife! Lol

 

[rockape37]

She doesnt know anything about my motives. I just dont show to her. She seems to like me as I said but she just could behave kindly. She smiles, thanks, asks for sth and she is polite. Nothing more. And Im getting confused because these acts of behaviour are misleading. We only know ourselves from this grade so its a short relationship

Sounds like your doing ok, much much better than when i was a teenager.

Maybe say to her one day either face to face or via social media " I'm off to Such and such Cafe for a bite to eat and a coffee, such and such a dish/ pastry is really nice, would you like to join me? A casual ask out making it sound as if you'll be going whether she accepts or not.

Regards

Martin