reactions of people

[Natt]

Hi guys
I was wondering how do the reactions of other peope affect you, when you first tell them that your child has T1D?

It seems to have a rather strong effect on me these days. There are 2 types of reactions, the first one is "it is not such a big deal, these days diabetes it is totally manageable, etc", or they simply start to cry and cannot find any words...

I am still new to all this (little over 2 months since dg) and just looking for someone who would tell me that "everything is going to be OK", but that somehow doesn't happen.

These days the reactions of other people can really put me down... After I've just been able to achieve some kind of inner encouragement, obviously very fragile, and then the "crying reaction" happens, and I am, like, oh my good, this is really scary, it's never going to be ok...

I just wanted to share some thoughts on this and see how you feel about it.
Thanks for listening
Nat

 

[Jordi77]

Hi @Natt i just tell them and if they want to know it's up to them and if not they can stay away but most people are curious and want to know more about diabetes and how you control it and how you are all the time and if you there is anything you need and other bits and bobs but most people are just curious but you should not be upset about it or even want to run away from the situation and hide it is you still and it is only a little part of you that has diabetes and that you are still the same person who you are and nothing has changed just you have to check your blood sugars and if you are on medication for it you need to take that as I'm a T2 and as like you I take insulin 4 times a day and I tell people if they don't want to sit and watch to look away for a few seconds and it is done and I take off the needle but the truth is you are still the same person just you have diabetes for life now and I have had it for 23 yrs now

 

[leslie10152]

Hi guys
I was wondering how do the reactions of other peope affect you, when you first tell them that your child has T1D?

It seems to have a rather strong effect on me these days. There are 2 types of reactions, the first one is "it is not such a big deal, these days diabetes it is totally manageable, etc", or they simply start to cry and cannot find any words...

I am still new to all this (little over 2 months since dg) and just looking for someone who would tell me that "everything is going to be OK", but that somehow doesn't happen.

These days the reactions of other people can really put me down... After I've just been able to achieve some kind of inner encouragement, obviously very fragile, and then the "crying reaction" happens, and I am, like, oh my good, this is really scary, it's never going to be ok...

I just wanted to share some thoughts on this and see how you feel about it.
Thanks for listening
Nat

Anything out of the ordinary will illicit unusual and awkward responses. Some people do not cope well with such subjects. You will always encounter these situations, so take heart and get on with the process of adapting. I have been through it many times, comments like ' diabetes won't kill you' really annoy me. But I take it with a grain of salt and get on with life. What more can you do?

 

[Juicyj]

Hiya @Natt - As a type 1 myself, I will be honest, I don't tell people unless, a) I am feeling mentally prepared or b) if there isn't really a need to. I have found that when you tell people it can trigger a variety of reactions and unless i'm feeling strong it's just not worth it most times, I also feel with people i've told then it always becomes part of the discussion and generally I just feel I want to get on with it without involving it. As a parent of a type 1 you will also experience the stages of grief that are linked to managing a lifelong condition, so coupling this the variety of responses you are getting then this is also a challenge in itself. Unless you feel there is a 'need to know' then is it worth telling some people ?

By the way it does get better in time, but that comes with acceptance and increasing your knowledge and confidence levels, don't let it alter the course of your life though, try to carry on as normal, we are behind you

 

[Diakat]

I think that the "It's no big deal" people are probably trying to be kind to you and your child in emphasising the positive aspect that diabetes can be managed.
The criers probably see the enormity of the situation and need some time to take it all in.
None of which helps your family.
Diabetes is serious and life changing but not the end of the world and your child will find their own way in life with your great support. Other people's reactions will become less important as time goes on, just try to ride it out for now. Hug.

 

[Natt]

Thank you, yes, there is really not much you can do about it. At the moment, the criers bother me the most as their reaction reminds me about just how serious and huge this is (like I don't know already). Receiving understanding and not pitty would be nice.

 

[Diakat]

Thank you, yes, there is really not much you can do about it. At the moment, the criers bother me the most as their reaction reminds me about just how serious and huge this is (like I don't know already). Receiving understanding and not pitty would be nice.

Understanding is something we can offer here. Plenty of parents on the forum to offer support.

 

[Robinredbreast]

Hi guys
I was wondering how do the reactions of other peope affect you, when you first tell them that your child has T1D?

It seems to have a rather strong effect on me these days. There are 2 types of reactions, the first one is "it is not such a big deal, these days diabetes it is totally manageable, etc", or they simply start to cry and cannot find any words...

I am still new to all this (little over 2 months since dg) and just looking for someone who would tell me that "everything is going to be OK", but that somehow doesn't happen.

These days the reactions of other people can really put me down... After I've just been able to achieve some kind of inner encouragement, obviously very fragile, and then the "crying reaction" happens, and I am, like, oh my good, this is really scary, it's never going to be ok...

I just wanted to share some thoughts on this and see how you feel about it.
Thanks for listening
Nat

When a child is diagnosed, it can feel like your heart has been ripped out and it's just not fair, why her, why him ? I was the same when my 2 1/2 year old granddaughter was diagnosed with type 1. she is 8 now and doing really well and leading a normal happy life. Unfortunately the thing that hit's the most is it's for life, unless the future brings a cure or a less intrusive way of managing type 1, but in time things will settle down and get a little easier. In my work, promoting branded goods, often food, some say they can't eat it because they are keeping away from sugar as they are diabetic, all have been type 2.
An elderly woman saw me injecting my granddaughter with insulin whist we were out in another town visiting the ducks, she asked politely what I was doing, I told her and she was so sympathetic and even asked if she could give her £3 to buy something for herself, I will never forget that and the women said it was so sad that children get these type of medical conditions.
You will be able to get advice and support from some great forum members, which, in it's self, is a big help.
Take care.

 

[Natt]

Understanding is something we can offer here. Plenty of parents on the forum to offer support.

Yes, it really means so much...

 

[Natt]

When a child is diagnosed, it can feel like your heart has been ripped out and it's just not fair, why her, why him ? I was the same when my 2 1/2 year old granddaughter was diagnosed with type 1. she is 8 now and doing really well and leading a normal happy life. Unfortunately the thing that hit's the most is it's for life, unless the future brings a cure or a less intrusive way of managing type 1, but in time things will settle down and get a little easier. In my work, promoting branded goods, often food, some say they can't eat it because they are keeping away from sugar as they are diabetic, all have been type 2.
An elderly woman saw me injecting my granddaughter with insulin whist we were out in another town visiting the ducks, she asked politely what I was doing, I told her and she was so sympathetic and even asked if she could give her £3 to buy something for herself, I will never forget that and the women said it was so sad that children get these type of medical conditions.
You will be able to get advice and support from some great forum members, which, in it's self, is a big help.
Take care.

Downright heartbreaking. Each day new challenge, it's the project of my life now. WHatever I do (at work during the day), I have just one thought and worry.. did he eat his snack at school, will he be Ok playing with the friends in the park, or at the water pollo practice... I also encountered really nice people, and that kindness touches me deeply, the goodness in people still exists The other day we were buying some water proof patches for his libre, and the lady just handed a couple of those for free (I bought 10), saying he will sure be the best player out there...

 

[Sydneysider]

That is such a good question! It is now 2 months since my 11yo son was diagnosed and I have experienced exactly the same. Some people I feel want to minimise it when I tell them, which makes me furious, and others just react with horror, which makes my heart sink.

I really notice when people handle it well, which to me is understanding how serious it is but not loading their emotions onto me. Also I like it when people are positive about the help of the new technologies, such as CGM and pump, but not SO positive at they're all, oh, problem completely solved then!

So I like a good balance in how people react. I'm pretty hard to please, clearly. : )

 

[Lyndseyx]

Hi guys
I was wondering how do the reactions of other peope affect you, when you first tell them that your child has T1D?

It seems to have a rather strong effect on me these days. There are 2 types of reactions, the first one is "it is not such a big deal, these days diabetes it is totally manageable, etc", or they simply start to cry and cannot find any words...

I am still new to all this (little over 2 months since dg) and just looking for someone who would tell me that "everything is going to be OK", but that somehow doesn't happen.

These days the reactions of other people can really put me down... After I've just been able to achieve some kind of inner encouragement, obviously very fragile, and then the "crying reaction" happens, and I am, like, oh my good, this is really scary, it's never going to be ok...

I just wanted to share some thoughts on this and see how you feel about it.
Thanks for listening
Nat

Hi Nat
I'm not a parent of a Child with T1 Diabetes, but I have been T1 for over 40yrs...... 52 now! The only thing that wasn't allowed in my life was scuba diving in the Caribbean....& I can live without a wet fish in my face.lol I've had an adventurous life. Lived & worked all over the world! No complications so far! & in the 70's things weren't so good as now! So relax, bring up a well adjusted child about being Diabetic, don't wrap them in cotton wool. Life is for living, Diabetic or NOT!!!!! Xx

 

[LornaO]

Hi, it does get easier as your confidence grows. I was encouraged by a sensible health professional to think that people who just shrug and say there's worse things are doing that to minimise what they need to understand. That's mainly because they can't because it's too complicated for them or they don't want to. Some folk think they know it all and they are the ones I struggle with. The emotional response is more due to education and you can do that. Don't be afraid to ask for help understanding your feelings though. I've had to and yes I have bad days still but talking does help put things in perspective.

 

[SockFiddler]

You do, eventually, learn which language to use and to generally ignore the sympathetic head tilts and tears. People don't realise that you just don't need to take on their drama, too, and these responses are well-intentioned even while being difficult to cope with.

I literally just got done writing a post about parent carer resources for parents in the UK which (hopefully) will be of some use and comfort. You're experiencing a grieving process and it's going to take some time before you're back to anything like "normal life". And, sorry to say it, that grief will return at random and unpredictable moments as your child grows.

But, and I say this again, you WILL get good at this. You will learn to cope. You will learn to communicate more effectively and get more adept at handling the people around you.

But it WILL normalise, you will adapt to this new situation, you will always be mindful but your anxiety will reduce. It's important, until then, to remember to take care of yourself. Find some support, take a break, be kind to yourself and try to forgive your friends and family: when you get these awkward reactions, try saying "I know, and thank you" - I often find gratitude as an acknowledgement for their distress will startle most people into a better response and preserves relationships far more effectively than sharply pointing out this isn't happening to them and the wrong person is requiring comfort (how I used to react).

 

[Robinredbreast]

Hi, it does get easier as your confidence grows. I was encouraged by a sensible health professional to think that people who just shrug and say there's worse things are doing that to minimise what they need to understand. That's mainly because they can't because it's too complicated for them or they don't want to. Some folk think they know it all and they are the ones I struggle with. The emotional response is more due to education and you can do that. Don't be afraid to ask for help understanding your feelings though. I've had to and yes I have bad days still but talking does help put things in perspective.

What a fantastic post, so wise and with thought too. Take care X