Overwhelmed

[NoKindOfSusie]

You say "normal life" but I'm not sure I understand what you mean by that? I got diagnosed with T1 just over a month ago. I'm 39, live by myself but work approx. 60 hours a week in a senior engineering job. I've found a few minor grumbles...the wait for results, looking for pharmacies that stock what I need, having to work late to make up for hospital visits, the odd hypo and bulky coat pockets.
But I don't see that anything else changes. Testing only really needs to be done maybe 5-7 times a day and takes seconds, and 2 basal and 2-3 bolus injections also take next to no time. I consider this stuff to be negligible compared to the usual pressures of work and home life.

Perhaps you could ask your GP if there is any counselling you could receive - it sounds like the fear of some change maybe triggering stress or anxiety.

No it isn't the fear of change. It's the fear of awful things that can absolutely happen and that is not an irrational fear. I could list all the things that are frightening and horrible and can happen in the future but I suspect you know what they are and for some reason it just doesn't bother you, well, it bothers me. I'm not sure what some shrink is going to be able to tell me, oh, it's OK really? No, it isn't OK. I can do all the testing and the injecting and I do, and I constantly go out of the range they want me to be in, so am I inevitably going to have terrible stuff happen? And even to achieve that, I hardly dare eat anything, I hate sleeping because I don't know what's going to happen overnight, if I take more than a tiny amount of exercise I end up shivering in a corner, and if that happens at work I will be permanently unemployed from a job I have wanted since I was a teenager, meaning I lose the place I have to live and I'm on the next plane back to Australia to live in the house I grew up in. That will also mess up my roommate because then she will lose her place to live as well, which will be my fault. If it's going finish me off when I'm 50 I wish it would do it right now and just get it over with.

 

[Jaylee]

No it isn't the fear of change. It's the fear of awful things that can absolutely happen and that is not an irrational fear. I could list all the things that are frightening and horrible and can happen in the future but I suspect you know what they are and for some reason it just doesn't bother you, well, it bothers me. I'm not sure what some shrink is going to be able to tell me, oh, it's OK really? No, it isn't OK. I can do all the testing and the injecting and I do, and I constantly go out of the range they want me to be in, so am I inevitably going to have terrible stuff happen? And even to achieve that, I hardly dare eat anything, I hate sleeping because I don't know what's going to happen overnight, if I take more than a tiny amount of exercise I end up shivering in a corner, and if that happens at work I will be permanently unemployed from a job I have wanted since I was a teenager, meaning I lose the place I have to live and I'm on the next plane back to Australia to live in the house I grew up in. That will also mess up my roommate because then she will lose her place to live as well, which will be my fault. If it's going finish me off when I'm 50 I wish it would do it right now and just get it over with.

Fascinating outlook you have @NoKindOfSusie ,

Roomies come & go, in my experience.. What practice do you have in place should your's change her circumstances. For instance, the roommate meets "someone", develops a relationship & wishes to set up elsewhere?

Oddly, I'm headbutting 50. Didn't think I'd get beyond the "2 score" mark...? Yep, I'm one of those guys diagnosed "under 10." & still managing to fill the "scrap book" with some great night out pics..!

I appreciate your posts elaborating on what I could have actually missed out on...

 

[Bertyboy]

I'm now wondering if I should be worried that I went out for an Italian for our office Christmas do? I skipped the dessert, mind, it tasted like an instant DKA-in-a-bowl !

 

[leahkian]

No it isn't the fear of change. It's the fear of awful things that can absolutely happen and that is not an irrational fear. I could list all the things that are frightening and horrible and can happen in the future but I suspect you know what they are and for some reason it just doesn't bother you, well, it bothers me. I'm not sure what some shrink is going to be able to tell me, oh, it's OK really? No, it isn't OK. I can do all the testing and the injecting and I do, and I constantly go out of the range they want me to be in, so am I inevitably going to have terrible stuff happen? And even to achieve that, I hardly dare eat anything, I hate sleeping because I don't know what's going to happen overnight, if I take more than a tiny amount of exercise I end up shivering in a corner, and if that happens at work I will be permanently unemployed from a job I have wanted since I was a teenager, meaning I lose the place I have to live and I'm on the next plane back to Australia to live in the house I grew up in. That will also mess up my roommate because then she will lose her place to live as well, which will be my fault. If it's going finish me off when I'm 50 I wish it would do it right now and just get it over with.

Susie you have had a massive shock and setback with getting diabetes and are worried about what the future holds for you, now it is in newspapers, books and the internet of what could happen in the future which you have a right to worry. I have thought of taking my own life a few times as i was that low and could not see a future for me, i never did this not because of me it was the people who i would leave behind who would have to bury me. My parents, children, family, friends and the NHS staff who have tried to help me, i am not afraid to say i have cried many times over diabetes and will again. You have worked so hard to get the job you wanted and your parents are on the other side of the world so you cannot pop in and talk to them. You say that you do not want to see a shrink but there will be a local diabetes group that you would be able to go to just to talk and share your problems as there will be other people like you and some who have been through the same as you. Have you got a friend who you could talk to, i did my cousin but he took his own life due mental health problems and i carried his coffin past his children who were sobbing. That was when i asked for help off the mental health team as i had already put my family through so much and i found it easy to talk to someone that i did not know, this might help you. You are under a dark cloud and cannot see a way out but remember how hard you have worked to get where you are at the minute you are trying to do to many things at once. Take a step back and look at what you have got first a good job that you love and diabetes which you hate but break diabetes down into little tasks, first of all trying to get your BS sorted i am not going to tell you it is going to be easy. I would think about asking the diabetic team if they could put you on a insulin pump as this would give you better control and tell them that you fear that you might lose your job if you cannot get your BS stable. Then you need to start eating again if you look at it as starting to eat a healthy diet and carb count at first you will have a few set backs as you will have to see how your body reacts to how much insulin you need for certain foods and then exercise needs to be added and regular BS testing. Now all the thing can happen to you because you are a diabetic can also happen to people who are not diabetics as well, not every person who's kidneys fail is a diabetic and people also have nerve damage without diabetes. Then some people go blind but as a diabetic you will get your eyes checked every year, i mean i could be in car accident and die not because i was a diabetic. The things that happen in the future will happen and you looking at them now will not help you now, you need to focus on the now and not the future, diabetes and mental health issues are very common together and we all need a little help now and again. In all your replies you seem to have some fight in you so you are going to need that fight and i think you will fight because you have worked dammed hard to get to where you are and diabetes is not going to spoil it, so take a look at your life and tell yourself i have a challenge in the past and won and i am going to do it again. One day at a time you need to walk before you can run. This forum is for people like you who needs a rant and some kind words and to tell you that things will get better, plus i have never known an Aussie who did not like a challenge. If you want a human punch bag i can be that for you but only online.

 

[NoKindOfSusie]

I don't know what to tell you guys but I am obviously not making myself very popular so I'll just say that people have different attitudes to risk and leave it at that.

Yes I love challenges but when it is so random and there is no way to win then it isn't a challenge it's just punishment.

And thanks leahkian you have been kind but I don't want to be a pain.

 

[leahkian]

I don't know what to tell you guys but I am obviously not making myself very popular so I'll just say that people have different attitudes to risk and leave it at that.

Yes I love challenges but when it is so random and there is no way to win then it isn't a challenge it's just punishment.

And thanks leahkian you have been kind but I don't want to be a pain.

Susie you are not a pain you are a young woman who has had a bombshell dropped on you and in my view being a diabetic between the ages of 16 -30 are the hardest time. At that age you want your dream job, enjoying going out drinking and dancing with friends and then there is the chance you will meet someone. Now you have the job you wanted but worry about how diabetes is going to effect it, the simple truth is if you get you BS settled and stop worrying so much as stress effects your BS and with your job the hours are not 9-5 so always carry some glucose tablets and as i have said a pump would help you much more but to get one which last for 3 years you might after buy it yourself but the nhs will pay for the insulin and the other parts. Now going out with friends for a drink vodka and diet coke are great as they have no sugar in then if you are going dancing then here is where you can have pasta as it is a slow release carb and if you would take 10 units maybe just take 8 if you are dancing the night away. Now the big one how do i go about telling people that i like will they run away, now must people no someone who has diabetes, It took me till i was about 22 years old when i thought i am going to tell any girl who i liked that i was a diabetic and if they did not like it they could jog on. I was quite surprised by how many of the girls i liked already new i was a diabetic and the other saying a friend or relative is a diabetic. There is no doubt you will have stress with diabetes and when you are on the forum you speak what you are feeling and that is a good thing, it may make you unpopular with some people but that's life( as i told my daughter who bringing her new bf over to meet me and the kids, i said just tell him i don;t fave friends just people who i hate more than others) Susie you are not a pain and if i can help you in any way them at least you are talking about and even if you have a bad day at work and want to let some anger or have rant then let me know because you still have a life to live and things to achieve. So your not a pain and can write about anything you want but if i don;t here form you have a good Xmas and look forward to the new year