Help! I have so much weight to lose

Totto

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Zand, your experience today reminds me of a friend of mine who quit drinking and when she couldn't resort to the bottle she didn't know what to do with all her feelings. She didn't know what her feelings were nor how to handle them.

I think carbs/comfort eating and getting stuck on the bottle have things in common as both are ways to handle or avoid feelings. Both also seem to take over the brain.

I think you did brilliantly today and tell you what, uncomfortably as it may be when something hits you, you learn new things about yourself.

My friend is sober since ten years. She still struggles occasionally but holds a high position and has done an amazing career.
 
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zand

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Yes Totto. Today I have learnt a lot.

After I made the last post on this thread, I went away to try to think about this a bit more constructively. I thought back through my life to the first time I ever resorted to comfort eating to mask my feelings. It took a while, it was a long way back. I was 6 years old. There was a massive argument which I didn't really understand. I just knew that my Mum was upset and shouting at me, so it must be my fault. It wasn't. As an adult I can see that. As a child I assumed it was my fault because she was shouting when she looked at me. I went into the house and ate chocolate after chocolate, I just could not understand what was going on. I didn't know what I had done wrong. I had been sent in, so it must be my fault. And that was the start of me damping down my feelings with food.

Yes eating carbs and hitting the bottle are very similar. The bottle was my next choice, but it never helped me before so why would it help now?

OK sorry about the next song which I've just added to today's playlist. It's how I am feeling right now...But hey, I am feeling something, so that has to be better than how I was before.

Working Class Hero - John Lennon
 
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zand

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OK. I don't feel like 'me' right now. I am not the person I was this morning. Not really sure what comes next. Not sure what is going on
 
A

Avocado Sevenfold

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OK. I don't feel like 'me' right now. I am not the person I was this morning. Not really sure what comes next. Not sure what is going on
Sorry Zand, haven't read the thread but noticed this post. Are you ok?
 

Andy12345

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wow, this is some deep stuff, i would like you to think about your son, would he want you to punish yourself? in fact i would guess it would break hes heart if he thought you were punishing yourself over this thing, so stop it right now! stop worrying about things you cant change, theres no point, all it is, is destructive, take a deep breath, the man who never did anything wrong, never did anything (or woman) in a week this will be forgotten, in a 100 years your grandchildrens children wont remember who you were, in a few billion years the sun will have died and the earth will not be a memory because there wont be anyone to remember it, so now..... what was you worrying about?

you are on a journey, its an epic journey, this is a chapter in this journey that will strengthen you and make the end taste that much sweeter
(excuse the pun)

ok im starting to think ive lost the plot and im going to stop talking now :) (you think youve got problems? im clearly completely off my nut :jimlad:)
 
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Avocado Sevenfold

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I am not a shrink, but I would imagine little 6 year old Zand standing in from of me. I would take her hand and tell her that she has not done anything wrong then give her a big hug.

I would then put on some loud, cheesy pop music and dance like no-one is watching for some carb-free serotonin. That will boost your mood and help you sleep better. Take care x
 

zand

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I am not a shrink, but I would imagine little 6 year old Zand standing in from of me. I would take her hand and tell her that she has not done anything wrong then give her a big hug.

I would then put on some loud, cheesy pop music and dance like no-one is watching for some carb-free serotonin. That will boost your mood and help you sleep better. Take care x

Lol, are you sure you're not a shrink??? I am that little girl right now. So, I will gladly let you take my hand and hug me.

Don't really have loud, cheesy pop music. I don't suppose the stuff I am listening to right now is helping that little girl to heal! - Nickelback, Foreigner, Deep Purple and Black Sabbath. OK I'll switch to Leonard Cohen, still moody, but gentler.

Thanks for this
 
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Avocado Sevenfold

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Lol, are you sure you're not a shrink??? I am that little girl right now. So, I will gladly let you take my hand and hug me.

Don't really have loud, cheesy pop music. I don't suppose the stuff I am listening to right now is helping that little girl to heal! - Nickelback, Foreigner, Deep Purple and Black Sabbath. OK I'll switch to Leonard Cohen, still moody, but gentler.

Thanks for this
No - you are the adult now. You have to hug little Zand :)

No to Leonard Cohen too! Far too depressing. Dr Avocado prescribes some Ian Gillan three times a day. Start dancing to Deep Purple's Highway Star now for instant results :woot:
 
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andcol

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How about some michael jackson moon walking
 
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zand

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Remember to leave your webcam on, Zand. *opens popcorn*

Enough!!!! you really don't wanna see this!!

Seriously, thanks all of you. It's OK now. I feel I've been to hell and back. Tomorrow my family are going to Hull and back!

I am going to rest now
 
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popsy

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Crowds of people, my idea of hell would be a huge gathering of any sort!

Heights, scare me to death!
Liars, cheats. poseurs, any kind of violence, thieves and people who take advantage of others.

The way the world is going to hell in a handbasket.

Global warming, the melting ice caps, whaling..I mean what for?!

Cruelty

Having to give up my eat everything philosophy..and I really really dislike consequences.
Yep my first ever bad food memory was at 8. My little 'friends' had tea parties with real food, I was always the first to arrive. I remember being accused by the small hostess of only coming for the food. It was quite true too. I never went again, probably was never invited again. Long ago and far away but it still bites doesn't it? There have been hundreds of such incidents since then but it was familiar territory , I knew exactly what was happening. Becoming someone else is extremely frightening, there are no landmarks and no guidance. Its like stepping off a cliff into nothingness but you really have no choice and know what? There is solid ground under your feet, it's just different. Being afraid is natural but do it anyway. Its that or stay as we always have been and you obviously don't want that.
Ddistract and deflect, walk away. You can do this .....and so can I xxxxx :cool:

Sent from DCUK App
 
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Scandichic

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Well am hoping that by now, the cake is in the bin, you are in bed in the land of nod and I am the only person up, having watched the boat that rocks! Because I am a sad do, I am on this website, whilst my youngest is curled up asleep beside me. (Am at my mums). Take carexxx
 
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zand

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So that's it then. The number 1 cause of my years of emotional eating was false guilt. Specifically false guilt over having hurt a loved one. The number 2 cause was loneliness following false guilt. There may be other triggers that I have to find of course, but right now I don't feel I will ever comfort eat again. Sorry for all the drama, I feel fine now. I must try to eat more tomorrow though, I haven't had anything since the dish of fruit. I won't lose weight long term if I don't eat properly.
 

zand

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Well am hoping that by now, the cake is in the bin, you are in bed in the land of nod and I am the only person up, having watched the boat that rocks! Because I am a sad do, I am on this website, whilst my youngest is curled up asleep beside me. (Am at my mums). Take carexxx

I don't know if my husband has eaten the cake by now, Scandi. I'll look in the morning. If it is still there, I won't need to bin it because I am 100% sure I won't need it. Thanks so much for your posts
 

zand

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@Andy12345 thanks for what you said last night. I know you are right, but it's because I had such a strong reaction to such a stupid incident that I knew there was something 'there' which needed dealing with. Thanks for everything you said. It's helped me motivate myself for my walk this morning.

Right, I need to say this.... 'please, don't try this at home'. I did because I know I have an adequate support network here, near my home, that I can call on if I really need help. This particular day when I was 6 years old has been revisited several times, for different reasons. So, I knew there weren't going to be huge shocks for me there last night (that happened 13 years ago, when I first revisited it.) If I had discovered a brand new memory, I would have left it alone until I could talk to a friend about it. Remember, when Pandora's box has been opened it can't all be put back in again.
@Avocado Sevenfold Thanks so much for your support.

OK. I have a day to myself. What to do.....?
 
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Scandichic

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@Andy12345 thanks for what you said last night. I know you are right, but it's because I had such a strong reaction to such a stupid incident that I knew there was something 'there' which needed dealing with. Thanks for everything you said. It's helped me motivate myself for my walk this morning.

Right, I need to say this.... 'please, don't try this at home'. I did because I know I have an adequate support network here, near my home, that I can call on if I really need help. This particular day when I was 6 years old has been revisited several times, for different reasons. So, I knew there weren't going to be huge shocks for me there last night (that happened 13 years ago, when I first revisited it.) If I had discovered a brand new memory, I would have left it alone until I could talk to a friend about it. Remember, when Pandora's box has been opened it can't all be put back in again.
@Avocado Sevenfold Yes, I kind of knew it was my job to comfort the little girl. I couldn't do it for a couple of hours because I was cross with her for messing up my life. She's fine now, she just has to grow up in her own time. Thanks for your support in my hour of need.

OK. I have a day to myself. What to do.....?
Easy! It's Easter Sunday go and have some fun!
 

Gudrun

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@Andy12345 thanks for what you said last night. I know you are right, but it's because I had such a strong reaction to such a stupid incident that I knew there was something 'there' which needed dealing with. Thanks for everything you said. It's helped me motivate myself for my walk this morning.

Right, I need to say this.... 'please, don't try this at home'. I did because I know I have an adequate support network here, near my home, that I can call on if I really need help. This particular day when I was 6 years old has been revisited several times, for different reasons. So, I knew there weren't going to be huge shocks for me there last night (that happened 13 years ago, when I first revisited it.) If I had discovered a brand new memory, I would have left it alone until I could talk to a friend about it. Remember, when Pandora's box has been opened it can't all be put back in again.
@Avocado Sevenfold Yes, I kind of knew it was my job to comfort the little girl. I couldn't do it for a couple of hours because I was cross with her for messing up my life. She's fine now, she just has to grow up in her own time. Thanks for your support in my hour of need.

OK. I have a day to myself. What to do.....?

Zand, I have only just noticed your thread and your problems yesterday. I am glad you are feeling better, but I want to share something with you that may make sense to what happened.

I want to talk about the 'tidy-drawer'... you know the kind where you stuff things in when you are tidying up and can't be bothered to put it in the right place. Our memories are like that. They are filled with all sorts, odds and ends and as we grow older the 'tidy-drawer' is so full that you can't shut it anymore.
Out spill things, long forgotten, long dismissed by the adult-me but kept by the child-me who put it there... and they spill out in the form of depression, anxiety, fear, paranoia, self-harm, compulsive or comfort eating.
What we need to do is to empty the drawer, look at the contents and throw away all those things that no longer belong in there. Your childhood memory of being shouted at by your mother without understanding the reason, and thinking it unfair, is one of those memories that you can look at with the adult-me eyes and dismiss as something that was your mother's fault (for misinterpreting or misunderstanding something you allegedly had done). Look at all the 'items' and then put back what you still need. You will find there is now enough space in the 'tidy-drawer' to not throw depression, anxiety, etc. in your face again.

How do you do it in practice? You do what you did yesterday... Start thinking why it is you feel like this. Writing helps. Type a 'letter' about your emotions, what you feel, what you resent, what you want. If you can type fast you will find surprising things come out that you were not even aware on the conscious level. Once you look at what you wrote with the adult eyes, many things can be seen as not your fault in the first place. Children always think everything is their fault. You are an adult and you know better now.

I hope you will not feel like yesterday again, but if you do, why not phone the Samaritans and just talk through your feelings. Talking (or writing) tends to help.

Hugs xx
 
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