Hi everyone!
Gosh i haven't posted in a while. i am coming in a time of slight desperation - although after writing this my perfectionistic and maybe slightly paranoid side will probably be exposed.
a little overview. I have been a pumper since the age of 11, and in the last few years have struggled with an eating disorder. I have been in recovery, and am currently getting myself back on that path after a small relapse in the 2nd half of my first year at uni.
One of the contributors to my relapse was high blood sugars - a lot of my eating disorder centred on a fear of carbohydrates/crb restriction; however, i have never omitted insulin, this to me would defeat the purpose of what my ultimate aim was - to get better blood sugar control.
I realise i've digressed… but it has relevance i promise! So my actual problem currently is the number of infusion sets that just don't quite work. My blood sugars don't soar catastrophically, but they will be mid-teens when usually they run so so well in single figures. My diabetes nurse joked my control is "not normal" sometimes, because it's so tight! I do obsess over it - i admit to that.
I use the 13mm silhouette cannula. I use my love handle area, but that does have wuite a lot of scarring now. I tried my thigh, that didn't go well! I tried my stomach once in revet months (the area i used when i first got the pump) and it was incredibly painful. When i feel pain at the site, and see my blood sugars up, i often change the site and when i do blood kind of squirts out the site area… not pleasent! It's like the insulin is partly working, but not fully? I know it's not just my blood sugars going up - you know when you just know these things? Becase a week ago my control was really good, all working quite seamlessly.
My BMI is currently around 18, maybe slightly lower, and i am looking to gain weight. Well… for me that is a struggle to get my head round. I do have body image issues and this has only be exacerbated by undernourishment in recent months. But after ultimatums from my mum about me returning to uni, and quite simply being fed up with having a functioning eating disorder, i am trying to actively change again - choose recovery. In the last 3 weeks i've made a concerted effort to get myself back on track. After restricting carbs to under 120g and calories 1000 or less since March, i am now having about 160-170g carb a day, calories i reckon 1700. This is higher than it was even at the start of uni, so is progress. However, I know i need to get it more. My body is in a huge calorie deficit, and to truly recover from this illness i need to have proper renourishment amounts. Carbs need to be higher; i still obsess over them and avoid so many foods because of it! But to help this process i need to try and get these sets to work better. It makes the whole thing a hundred times more difficult - i see the higher numbers again and again and it makes every mouthful of food a struggle. It also makes me question that i need it; the temptation to go back to restricting carbs is there, but it's also my biggest fear as that life is hell. My body also can't take much more, i don't think - it needs to be nourished.
Any help or advice would be appreciated a MILLION times over! If anyone also is struggling with eating issues and happens to stumble upon this, please do message me - it's often a problem that is overlooked, diabetes and EDs, which i think is ludicrous and needs to change.
xx
Gosh i haven't posted in a while. i am coming in a time of slight desperation - although after writing this my perfectionistic and maybe slightly paranoid side will probably be exposed.
a little overview. I have been a pumper since the age of 11, and in the last few years have struggled with an eating disorder. I have been in recovery, and am currently getting myself back on that path after a small relapse in the 2nd half of my first year at uni.
One of the contributors to my relapse was high blood sugars - a lot of my eating disorder centred on a fear of carbohydrates/crb restriction; however, i have never omitted insulin, this to me would defeat the purpose of what my ultimate aim was - to get better blood sugar control.
I realise i've digressed… but it has relevance i promise! So my actual problem currently is the number of infusion sets that just don't quite work. My blood sugars don't soar catastrophically, but they will be mid-teens when usually they run so so well in single figures. My diabetes nurse joked my control is "not normal" sometimes, because it's so tight! I do obsess over it - i admit to that.
I use the 13mm silhouette cannula. I use my love handle area, but that does have wuite a lot of scarring now. I tried my thigh, that didn't go well! I tried my stomach once in revet months (the area i used when i first got the pump) and it was incredibly painful. When i feel pain at the site, and see my blood sugars up, i often change the site and when i do blood kind of squirts out the site area… not pleasent! It's like the insulin is partly working, but not fully? I know it's not just my blood sugars going up - you know when you just know these things? Becase a week ago my control was really good, all working quite seamlessly.
My BMI is currently around 18, maybe slightly lower, and i am looking to gain weight. Well… for me that is a struggle to get my head round. I do have body image issues and this has only be exacerbated by undernourishment in recent months. But after ultimatums from my mum about me returning to uni, and quite simply being fed up with having a functioning eating disorder, i am trying to actively change again - choose recovery. In the last 3 weeks i've made a concerted effort to get myself back on track. After restricting carbs to under 120g and calories 1000 or less since March, i am now having about 160-170g carb a day, calories i reckon 1700. This is higher than it was even at the start of uni, so is progress. However, I know i need to get it more. My body is in a huge calorie deficit, and to truly recover from this illness i need to have proper renourishment amounts. Carbs need to be higher; i still obsess over them and avoid so many foods because of it! But to help this process i need to try and get these sets to work better. It makes the whole thing a hundred times more difficult - i see the higher numbers again and again and it makes every mouthful of food a struggle. It also makes me question that i need it; the temptation to go back to restricting carbs is there, but it's also my biggest fear as that life is hell. My body also can't take much more, i don't think - it needs to be nourished.
Any help or advice would be appreciated a MILLION times over! If anyone also is struggling with eating issues and happens to stumble upon this, please do message me - it's often a problem that is overlooked, diabetes and EDs, which i think is ludicrous and needs to change.
xx
