Living with a partner with uncontrolled type 2 diabetes

[Molly56]

If you get a chance visit Chester Zoo well kept and amazing gardens. if you go there then go to the big eating place/restaurant opposite the tiger cages it is set into about 5 different serving areas. The first one does lovely salads and the last one green salad with coleslaw yummmy
Another place is Trentham Gardens Garden Center.
l prefer Bents though have to say their eating place is heaven have own chefs for each section and the salad bar is droooooling it is pricey but as a treat. if not raining eat outside on the terrace by the little lake and fountain

@Mud Island Dweller enjoying my short break with a friend ....Tatton Park Flower Show yesterday and Chester Zoo tomorrow....will check out the restaurant as recommended, thanks.
Have no idea what is happening with my partner while I am away other than he has gone away too to visit his son and daughter in law...they have told me not to worry but I still worry a little bit as he drove up there on his own (4 - 5 hour drive).......am still concerned about the driving issue as I know for a fact he will not be testing his bs as the nurse instructed...still, that's not my problem. ......
Feeling more relaxed at the moment but stress levels are sure to increase as I drive home on Sunday as not sure what next week will bring. Perhaps he will come back a new man after his break with family....or then again perhaps he will just fall into the same routine.(this is the more likely scenario!)...will keep you posted
Looking forward to the zoo tomorrow

 

[Scouser58]

Hello Molly56, we keep meeting up on many posts, well that man's reading of 23.2 is a very big no no. and the 18.4 was another. With readings that high he is putting himself in no end of problems, and could have the condition of Ketoacidosis which is another thing diabetics have to be careful about, it can make the body burn fat off in place of glucose, and needs to be monitored, by means of water testing with special dip sticks, from the gp, diametetes nurse, see how he goes along, does he have a big thirst, has it giot more severe, does he go piddling alot? has those trips got more? has his hunger levels go worse?.

Molly I don't want to scare you any more, but if the man does not pull himself up by the braces, then you must step back and push him towards the gp/nurse. Having high bs, is a part of the hyper stuff we posted about previously.
Molly keep in touch, am here most days/evenings, keep yourself safe and calm, so ttfn

 

[Molly56]

Hello Molly56, we keep meeting up on many posts, well that man's reading of 23.2 is a very big no no. and the 18.4 was another. With readings that high he is putting himself in no end of problems, and could have the condition of Ketoacidosis which is another thing diabetics have to be careful about, it can make the body burn fat off in place of glucose, and needs to be monitored, by means of water testing with special dip sticks, from the gp, diametetes nurse, see how he goes along, does he have a big thirst, has it giot more severe, does he go piddling alot? has those trips got more? has his hunger levels go worse?.

Molly I don't want to scare you any more, but if the man does not pull himself up by the braces, then you must step back and push him towards the gp/nurse. Having high bs, is a part of the hyper stuff we posted about previously.
Molly keep in touch, am here most days/evenings, keep yourself safe and calm, so ttfn

@Scouser58 Thanks for the information....will keep an eye on the situation now I am back from visiting my friend.

Will try and get him to test his bs levels later today (may have to have mine done too....".if you do yours, I will do mine"....as I know for a fact he did not take the bs monitor with him when he went away - I know this because I just checked the history on the meter and no recent readings. ....this is despite him being told he should test before driving by the diabetic nurse and him driving about 200 miles each way when going up to see his son whilst I was away

Have increased his medication to the new regime now that I am back so will see what difference, if any, this makes over the next few days / weeks....hopefully it should help to bring levels down as dose of gliclazide has now been doubled to maximum dose of 320mg per day.

Will keep in touch

 

[Molly56]

Will try and get him to test his bs levels later today (may have to have mine done too....".if you do yours, I will do mine"....
have increased his medication to the new regime so will see what difference, if any, this makes over the next few days / weeks....hopefully it should help to bring levels down as dose of gliclazide has now been doubled to maximum dose of 320mg per day.

Have tested bs levels before dinner tonight.....mine was 6.9 (not sure if I should be worried by that or not as just doing it to encourage him to test /have not been diagnosed as diabetic myself/ feeling stressed at the moment) and his was 17.2 (he should be worried by that, but isn't!)

Thought it would be good to encourage him to at least test occasionally now that he is on the increased medication so that we can see if it is having any effect in bringing down his bs levels....am seeing if gentle encouragement works first - at least he has not refused to test so some progress has been made - if this doesn't work I will have to rethink tactics and perhaps become more assertive and proactive .....

hopefully in time I can start to encourage him to test on a more regular basis but think I need to take it one small step at a time to start with

 

[Molly56]

My partner has I think got into some bad habits with eating that are probably having an impact on his diabetes.....

To start with he rarely eats breakfast as he has problems getting up in the morning - have stressed the importance of eating breakfast but can't make him!

Having looked at the forum though I have learnt that carbohydrates are the main enemy....rather than the sugar....and have explained this to him....which leads me to his habit of eating a bowl of cereal late in the evening a couple of hours after his evening meal -a very strange habit to me and one which I think I should more actively discourage

Have just been looking back at my old posts and found the quote above........well, all I can say is one month on and things have not changed a bit, despite my best efforts in trying to give some thought to what we eat and clearing out the cupboards of any tempting / unsuitable foods.

Prepared dinner for tonight and made sure that I gave him less potatoes and more green veg.........trying to cut down on carbohydrates as advised in lchf........had dinner about 6.30pm.......

And then, less than 2 hours after our dinner ........have just heard him tucking into a bowl of cereal in the kitchen whilst I am catching up with some emails and paperwork in the lounge........so that totally negates my efforts to cut down on the carbs!!!!!

Would just mention, for the record, that it was not me that bought the packet of cereal (and I don't eat it)....he often goes out and buys the shopping whilst I am out at work ......but other than throwing it straight in the bin each time he buys a packet, what can I do????

Am finding this all so frustrating at the moment....................

 

[mo53]

I think you are showing amazing patience and kindness to your partner when you must be worried sick about him.

 

[donnellysdogs]

You are going to have to look after your wellbeing only.

You cannot change him, he's not willing to. If you are feeding him less carbs at meals then thats all you can do.

There is nothing more that you can do, otherwise you are always going to be anxious with his eating.

My hubby would do the same years ago. When I went to bed he would help himself to anything he could find. He ate constantly when away from me ie going to work, at work.
I was lucky that he wanted to change and low carb and higher fat has totally transformed him. One big difference.. He wanted to change.

It just sounds like your partner foesn't give a **** about anything at the moment.


Loving life

 

[Molly56]

I think you are showing amazing patience and kindness to your partner when you must be worried sick about him.

@mo53 Thank you

 

[Molly56]

You are going to have to look after your wellbeing only.

You cannot change him, he's not willing to. If you are feeding him less carbs at meals then thats all you can do.

There is nothing more that you can do, otherwise you are always going to be anxious with his eating.

My hubby would do the same years ago. When I went to bed he would help himself to anything he could find. He ate constantly when away from me ie going to work, at work.
I was lucky that he wanted to change and low carb and higher fat has totally transformed him. One big difference.. He wanted to change.

It just sounds like your partner foesn't give a **** about anything at the moment.


Loving life

@donnellysdogs Am definitely making a point of looking after my own wellbeing as a matter of priority - after all if I don't look after myself no-one else is going to.

Whilst it may sometimes sound like I am getting very stressed about the situation I have found a number of coping mechanisms to deal with this - one being a couple of close friends who I discuss this with, one being this forum and generally having my own routine and things to keep me busy / occupied.

I keep on reminding myself that he is an adult and is responsible for his own actions - as you rightly say I cannot change him - if he wants to change he has got to decide that for himself.

Am finding lots of time for myself particularly as he spends so much time in bed...for example, today I got up about 7.30 and had a few hours to myself before I went out to work at about 11am (.....he was still in bed asleep!!!) ....when I got home about 3.30pm he was back in bed / gone for a lie down (!!!)....as far as I can gather he had probably got up about 12.00, popped round the shop to get some lunch and not done much else..........I then had about 2 hours to myself where I cut the lawn / done some housework / prepared dinner and completed my paperwork for work before he finally got up about 5.30 - 6.00pm.

You may wonder why I don't go and wake him up but frankly I don't see why i should......he is an adult, I am not his mother and he is quite capable of getting up on his own at 66 years of age..........sorry if that sounds harsh to some people but that is just the way I feel about it.

Anyway, if he wants to waste his life just laying in bed all day who am I to stop him...............apologies for the rant but that is the way I am feeling tonight...

 

[gorillamark]

@donnellysdogs
I keep on reminding myself that he is an adult and is responsible for his own actions - as you rightly say I cannot change him - if he wants to change he has got to decide that for himself.

Am finding lots of time for myself particularly as he spends so much time in bed...for example, today I got up about 7.30 and had a few hours to myself before I went out to work at about 11am (.....he was still in bed asleep!!!) ....when I got home about 3.30pm he was back in bed / gone for a lie down (!!!)....as far as I can gather he had probably got up about 12.00, popped round the shop to get some lunch and not done much else..........I then had about 2 hours to myself where I cut the lawn / done some housework / prepared dinner and completed my paperwork for work before he finally got up about 5.30 - 6.00pm.

You may wonder why I don't go and wake him up but frankly I don't see why i should......he is an adult, I am not his mother and he is quite capable of getting up on his own at 66 years of age..........sorry if that sounds harsh to some people but that is just the way I feel about it.

Anyway, if he wants to waste his life just laying in bed all day who am I to stop him...............apologies for the rant but that is the way I am feeling tonight...

If he's sleeping that much it could well be because his blood sugars are way high. I've been in a similar situation - loving somebody who refused to look after themselves. Eventually I told them that while they had every right to refuse to look after themselves and to continue to engage in behaviour that would ultimately kill them (and from reading this thread a few times I think you know perfectly well that that is what he's doing) that they did NOT have the right to inflict upon me the emotional pain of watching them do or the emotional pain and stress of trying to stop them and failing. And so I presented an ultimatum either this behaviour stops or you can kill yourself by continuing it. If this behaviour continues I refuse to let you abuse my love for you and this relationship is over. They continued refusing to do anything to bring their blood sugar down and though it really hurt me to do I threw them out and cut them off. They died two years later in a car crash having passed out at the wheel they also killed a child when their car mounted the pavement and knocked the poor child off her bicycle. I was sorry to hear about their death and was distressed about the child but not even slightly surprised.

There comes a point when it is your own survival and your first duty is to yourself. If he's willing to risk killing or injuring other people let alone himself because of a diabetic episode for instance falling asleep at the wheel during a 200 mile drive because his blood sugar is way too high then it sounds to me as though you need to start thinking urgently about protecting yourself. Sorry this is so blunt and perhaps very harsh sounding but I've now read this thread repeatedly and it sounds to me as though this man is dangerously selfish. I've been in the situation of having an untreated diabetic who refused treatment for a partner and eventually things got so bad that I had to present an ultimatum and stick to it. Horrible situation to be in and the problem was that this was a very lovable and charming person who I loved very much but your first duty is to yourself.

Hugs from me because I do know what it feels like.

 

[ploppy the jailer]

Is he still as pig headed?

 

[Molly56]

If he's sleeping that much it could well be because his blood sugars are way high. I've been in a similar situation - loving somebody who refused to look after themselves. Eventually I told them that while they had every right to refuse to look after themselves and to continue to engage in behaviour that would ultimately kill them (and from reading this thread a few times I think you know perfectly well that that is what he's doing) that they did NOT have the right to inflict upon me the emotional pain of watching them do or the emotional pain and stress of trying to stop them and failing. And so I presented an ultimatum either this behaviour stops or you can kill yourself by continuing it. If this behaviour continues I refuse to let you abuse my love for you and this relationship is over. They continued refusing to do anything to bring their blood sugar down and though it really hurt me to do I threw them out and cut them off. They died two years later in a car crash having passed out at the wheel they also killed a child when their car mounted the pavement and knocked the poor child off her bicycle. I was sorry to hear about their death and was distressed about the child but not even slightly surprised.

There comes a point when it is your own survival and your first duty is to yourself. If he's willing to risk killing or injuring other people let alone himself because of a diabetic episode for instance falling asleep at the wheel during a 200 mile drive because his blood sugar is way too high then it sounds to me as though you need to start thinking urgently about protecting yourself. Sorry this is so blunt and perhaps very harsh sounding but I've now read this thread repeatedly and it sounds to me as though this man is dangerously selfish. I've been in the situation of having an untreated diabetic who refused treatment for a partner and eventually things got so bad that I had to present an ultimatum and stick to it. Horrible situation to be in and the problem was that this was a very lovable and charming person who I loved very much but your first duty is to yourself.

Hugs from me because I do know what it feels like.

@gorillamark thank you for your post - I can see that it must have been very difficult for you to do what you did and for it all to end in such tragic circumstances.

I have already considered the options and for the time being I am prepared to carry on trying to support him in the best way that I can but at the same time getting on with my own life. I know that one day it may come to the point where I have to make a tough decision and am doing all I can to protect myself and my future.....perhaps life on my own won't be such a bad thing.

As for the driving, the long journey was just a one off and thankfully he returned in one piece but I think (and hope) it made him realise that perhaps he can't do things as easily now as he had done in the past. Normally he only does short journeys which I know could also be an issue and if at any point I have any concerns about this I will make sure that I speak to the GP about it as I have mentioned in other posts

As you mention the sleeping too much is probably due to high bs levels....when I have managed to get him to test they have been between 15.0 and 23.2....hopefully the increase in medication will help to bring it down a bit but it is going to take a lot to bring it down to anywhere near normal.

Thanks for the hug...I needed that

 

[Molly56]

Is he still as pig headed?

What do you think???.......it's good to see you back

 

[gorillamark]

You're welcome.

 

[graj0]

.....have told him that he should have informed his insurance company of his diabetes but know for a fact he hasn't

I probably don't need to say what happens when you have an accident and your car insurers discover an undisclosed malady. As you know, it is a requirement and I think if insulin is taken the DVLA should be told as well. I'm type II on Metformin and told DVLA regardless (they make a note) and it didn't affect my insurance premium when I told them. They were all very helpful anyway.

Apart from car insurers not paying out if undisclosed illnesses are discovered, I found out on my policy, in the small print, that if I accepted liability, even if I was clearly at fault, they would not cover me. Crafty buggers, car insurers. Having said that, if your car insurers don't cover you because of an undisclosed illness, it's as good as being uninsured and if a third party was to be seriously injured, that will cost dearly.

 

[Molly56]

Thought it would be a good idea to test bs levels this morning to a) see what levels were in the morning and b) encourage him to test....using softly softly catchy monkey approach......levels this morning was 13.6 so not good but at least we know where we are.

 

[Molly56]

Have just been reading another post and discovered that peripheral neuropathy is a notifiable condition to the dvla - just googled it on the net and sure enough it appears on the dvla website as such.
Am not sure if my partner has been officially diagnosed with this by the GP but I know that he does exhibit many of the symptoms and many of the symptoms have been brought up at various appointments with the GP. In addition he told me yesterday that he can't feel the floor under certain parts of his feet at times.
At his recent annual review with the diabetic nurse she did carry out a foot check but in my opinion it was not carried out correctly (she didn't tell him to close his eyes) and I believe he told her that he could feel her touching his feet when perhaps he couldn't. Didn't feel at the time I could question it but perhaps I should have done.
This leaves me in a dilemma once again about him not informing his insurance company or, if he does have peripheral neuropathy, the dvla.
What do I do, that is the question.........

 

[ploppy the jailer]

Have just been reading another post and discovered that peripheral neuropathy is a notifiable condition to the dvla - just googled it on the net and sure enough it appears on the dvla website as such.
Am not sure if my partner has been officially diagnosed with this by the GP but I know that he does exhibit many of the symptoms and many of the symptoms have been brought up at various appointments with the GP. In addition he told me yesterday that he can't feel the floor under certain parts of his feet at times.
At his recent annual review with the diabetic nurse she did carry out a foot check but in my opinion it was not carried out correctly (she didn't tell him to close his eyes) and I believe he told her that he could feel her touching his feet when perhaps he couldn't. Didn't feel at the time I could question it but perhaps I should have done.
This leaves me in a dilemma once again about him not informing his insurance company or, if he does have peripheral neuropathy, the dvla.
What do I do, that is the question.........

You need to tell him he is being an ass and the rest of his life is at stake. Let him know how much it is upsetting you.

 

[Molly56]

Thought it would be a good idea to test bs levels this morning to a) see what levels were in the morning and b) encourage him to test....using softly softly catchy monkey approach......levels this morning was 13.6 so not good but at least we know where we are.

Seems the softly softly catchy monkey approach is working.....he tested again this evening without prompting and got a reading of 11.8.....some progress is being made

 

[donnellysdogs]

Tbh Molly I wonder why you stick with this partner?

My hubby had probs but admitted them and has changed totally of his own free will.

Honestly speaking now... What are you honestly getting out of your relationship besides worry and concern constantly?

There, I said it. It been a huge concern to me about your backing this other half who doesn't appear to give a ****.

Are you really getting real happiness for yourself?


Loving life