Living with a partner with uncontrolled type 2 diabetes

[Enclave]

Hi Molly,
If he's happer on holiday .. How about suggesting that you move home .. Maby he just is not happy with his surroundings and this is the reason he's taken to his bed ! Planning and looking for a change of home could be what he needs to give him a future to look forward to.

 

[Molly56]

Just answering a couple of earlier suggestions /comments….

Something made me think that Molly.. And I also thought that you would be a bit peeved that he can be more active on hol, but not at home....
I haven't got any answers, I wish I had... Perhaps at home the only thing to do is to encourage quietly a hobby or taking the opportunity on holiday to discuss hobbies more..

@donnellysdogs Regarding hobbies I have already suggested this ….woodworking was one which he did enjoy a couple of years ago …he has all the equipment in the shed ready to use but just doesn’t seem to be inclined to use it…the other more recent suggestion was fishing….he seems to have spent hundreds of pounds on equipment in the last couple of months to set himself up but as yet he has not actually gone fishing….have suggested that he goes out to visit a few fishing lakes to check out their facilities and where he would like to go but once again he has not done this yet….personally I can see that he will not actually do it and the fishing equipment will remain in the shed with the unused woodworking equipment…
..so it is not that he doesn’t have anything to do but the general apathy / disinterest seems to be holding him back from actually going out and doing it….

Could you on hol get him more interested in going out and sightseeing, perhaps every other day rather than the pool and eating? Normally trips out are earlier in mornings so he would have to get up? It is a habit that needs gentle breaking it appears!! Hope you can enjoy your holiday, without angst....

Will try to suggest going out on holiday and doing a bit of sightseeing…where we are going the island looks quite small and have noticed on google earth that there is a bus stop right outside our hotel so if we don’t want to go on the organised trips hopefully there will be a good local bus service we could use…have also identified a couple of local attractions which could be within walking distance…a local park area, a bird sanctuary and a butterfly farm…
In fact the butterfly farm offers a return visit during your vacation once you have made the initial visit and payment…will try to do this at the start of the holiday and can always use this for my escape later on if needed…
A gentle stroll along the beach is another possibility....either together or if he doesn't want to join me, on my own....

Hi Molly,
If he's happier on holiday .. How about suggesting that you move home .. Maybe he just is not happy with his surroundings and this is the reason he's taken to his bed ! Planning and looking for a change of home could be what he needs to give him a future to look forward to.

@Enclave Thanks for the suggestion but don’t know that this is a practical solution to the problem….without giving away every detail of our relationship and personal circumstances, this is my home which I purchased as a result of a previous relationship / divorce settlement…it is what I could afford at the time and what I know I can afford both now and in the future, if and when I end up on my own. ….if he wants a change of surroundings he is welcome to leave and find where he wants to be ….but for the reasons given above I will be staying where I am, at least for the immediate future....
….sorry if that sounds harsh or selfish but it is just the reality of the situation…
I am sure that for some people your suggestion would be a possible solution but it is not for me at the moment…but thank you anyway for your comment...

 

[connie104]

I know it's hard but I would have by now suggested he moves out if he wants this one sided relationship and it may be the answer. At least when you do see him he won't be laying in bed and be responsible for himself and his medication . You would have much more quality time then ! Just a thought from an outsider !

 

[donnellysdogs]

@Molly56-you are so organised.. Google earth!! I wouldn't have even thought about that!!

Sounds like you got the holiday planned out wonderfully. Love the idea of butterfly farm and return visit..

Have you ever considered saying to your partner that whilst he stays with you in your house that he needs to do more as you getting fed up? You have probably done this. Its hard from an outsiders point of view to actually see what you get out of this relationship to be honest. However, we are not in your shoes, but I think we voice it as a concern for you more than anything...

 

[graj0]

@Molly56
Have you ever considered saying to your partner that whilst he stays with you in your house that he needs to do more as you getting fed up? You have probably done this. Its hard from an outsiders point of view to actually see what you get out of this relationship to be honest. However, we are not in your shoes, but I think we voice it as a concern for you more than anything...

Could write several books about the complexity of relationships, what makes one relationship work very well could be a disaster in another. It's another one of those situations where we are all different. As JFK said " . . . ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country." No different to a relationship, although there comes a time when all give and no receive isn't great.
As you say, "However, we are not in your shoes . . . . ".
I had a thought though, anybody who uses Google Earth to suss out where they're going on holiday has got things pretty well sussed out, Molly, have a lovely time. You deserve a fantastic holiday. Rome wasn't built in a day and things won't change overnight, I think Molly's partner is making progress thanks to her softly softly approach. If she's very lucky a bolt of lightening will hit him up the backside and he'll see the light and change his ways.

 

[donnellysdogs]

@Molly56.. My stepdad is a brilliant wood turner and used to spend all day in his workshop...(much to my mums annoyance-lol, because she had no hobbies).... My stepdad joined a club... Is there not a wood working club anywhere around you that he could join? Or friends or neighbours that could just take your partner fishing a few times?

When we moved to this house I had a hubby that was really depressed..I as per usual got talking to everyone and through this I got to know people that could possibly encourage my partner. For example, our hall plaster fell off boxing day.. I'd got to know a neighbour builder well... He plastered walls etc inexchange I got him gym membership... Which then got my hubby someone to go to the gym with!!! Best thing ever for my hubby.. He now goes circuit training twice a week and to gym twice a week with the neighbour that I got talking to....

Do you know anybody in your circle of friends or family that go fishing? Do you need anything made in the house that he could make for you?

You've probably done all this too.. As you are so organised.

I had to introduce life and existance to my hubby through my outgoing personality. If it had been down to him, I would be the one that was still being classified as the depressed one... Because of him not having a life, it dragged me down.

This, like you, was a softly softly approach. He believes he set up going to the gym etc off his own back...But it was actually me paying the neighbour with a years gym membership that got hubby in to it....

 

[Molly56]

I had a thought though, anybody who uses Google Earth to suss out where they're going on holiday has got things pretty well sussed out, Molly, have a lovely time. You deserve a fantastic holiday. Rome wasn't built in a day and things won't change overnight, I think Molly's partner is making progress thanks to her softly softly approach. If she's very lucky a bolt of lightening will hit him up the backside and he'll see the light and change his ways.

@graj0 ....thank you for your kind words...would thoroughly recommend the use of Google Earth/ google maps when going away...it seems that you can virtually go anywhere in the world at a touch of a button...

...for holidays it is great as I can check out the location of the hotel and what is around it.......make sure it is not right next door to the airport or some other undesirable location....it also means that I can see what local attractions are nearby and should I wish to go for a walk whether turning left or right along the beach or out the front of the hotel will bring me to some hidden gem........it seems the travel companies only tell you about the sights they want you to see and there is often some other local attraction of interest right on the doorstep......such as the butterfly farm and bird sanctuary in this case..

Don't know why they always say that women can't read maps but this is a definite skill that I have (as well as a good sense of direction) so I do like to know where I am going and where I am in relation to the bigger picture.....

As I said Google Earth allows you to visit any part of the world and get satellite images and pictures of locations that you will never ever get to visit...perhaps rather sadly and in a moment of boredom some time ago I did search North Korea on google maps.....(I think it was out of curiosity when the leader of the regime changed a couple of years ago)....it was rather limited in what you could see compared to other places but interesting nonetheless...

Am thinking this could be the topic of a new thread.....where have you visited on Google Earth....the more obscure the better.....what do you think?

Will keep an eye out for that bolt of lightening...

 

[graj0]

My wife's an excellent map reader, a dab hand with OS maps and compass, very technical. LOL

I've taken up your suggestion, just a bit of light hearted fun.

A couple of years ago I was in South Korea, looking across the border, the excitement caused by people appearing in North Korea, amongst South Koreans, was amazing. The South Koreans really would like to be re-united but sadly they are such different peoples now. Who knows?

 

[Molly56]

Perhaps miracles do happen.....this morning he was up before 9 o'clock.....blood sugar reading was 8.7....and last night when we went out for dinner he chose a steak salad...said he was avoiding the potatoes....the carb message is going in........

Edited....out shopping this evening, not only was he looking at the sugar content on the packets but also the amount of carbohydrates.....seems the penny is dropping...

 

[Molly56]

Am off on holiday in a couple of days......so why do I feel so unenthusiastic about it at the moment....am making every excuse possible not to get packed even though I know it needs to be done...

Perhaps I am not the only one that gets stressed before going away ... @Scouser58 I know what you mean about hating packing - have packed his clothes but have now got to sort out mine and remember everything else I like to take with me...

@donnellysdogs .....am guessing I am still concerned about what he is going to be like when we are away...as I said in previous posts I am not sure I like the change in personality which happens when we are away and we will have to see if there are any changes in the issues around mealtimes...can still look for that table on my own if necessary..

Am sure / hope that the stress levels subside....they generally lessen once I have got to the airport and checked the baggage in...fingers crossed the same happens this time so come Monday afternoon things should be a little better...

@graj0 ....other than check out google maps for the location I have also just checked out the weather forecast....temperatures will be about 30 -32 degrees (feels hotter though..) with some rain / showers predicted .....but no sign of that lightening bolt you mentioned in your recent post

......well, back to more packing I suppose.....roll on Monday....

 

[donnellysdogs]

Hope you do have a lesser stressed time @Molly56.

Last reported readings and info on partner seemed more positive.

Really so hope that you find it a good break...(can't wait for your next installment of "holidaying with a lesser compliant t2")

 

[Molly56]

Hope you do have a lesser stressed time @Molly56.

Last reported readings and info on partner seemed more positive.

Really so hope that you find it a good break...(can't wait for your next installment of "holidaying with a lesser compliant t2")

@donnellysdogs ...Will probably keep in touch while away.....the forum is a good way to maintain my sanity in times of stress...
.......would go and finish my packing but he is laying on the bed where my clothes are laid out at the moment....
Am sure I will enjoy holiday once I get there........

 

[fred1234]

I think I would leave him and give him a fright!!!!!

 

[Molly56]

I think I would leave him and give him a fright!!!!!

@fred1234 ....you may not be surprised to hear that you are not the first person to have made that suggestion...however I am still here and trying to support him in the best way that I can....things are slowly getting better but can be difficult at times...I would certainly describe it as a challenge....

 

[donnellysdogs]

@fred1234 ....you may not be surprised to hear that you are not the first person to have made that suggestion...however I am still here and trying to support him in the best way that I can....things are slowly getting better but can be difficult at times...I would certainly describe it as a challenge....

Respecting peoples choices in n life is paramount for everything!! Support to get through the harder choices we choose to take is vital. Harder choices are tough but can be positive.

Me, I've stuck by a partner in difficulty and boy, it's worth it if there is a good positive outcome....it's just knowing whether and when things may be impossible to change...then you got to admit defeat and move on... However, when does that point actually happen?

I still see slow positive changes for @Molly56 and will continue to support herbin her decisions.

 

[Molly56]

Hope you do have a lesser stressed time @Molly56.

Last reported readings and info on partner seemed more positive.

Really so hope that you find it a good break...(can't wait for your next installment of "holidaying with a lesser compliant t2")

@donnellysdogs ....have edited thread title to reflect current status....all packed ....cats delivered to "holiday home" ..... en route to airport to drop off cases...flying tomorrow morning.....

 

[donnellysdogs]

Love it, keep your sense of humour and enjoy yourselves!! Have a lovely time!
If partner slips.. Tell him holiday is just a different place.. His body state remains the same.. So he still needs some control!!

 

[Molly56]

Have edited title of thread slightly as not sure if "uncontrolled" is quite the right description now given that some progress has been made since original postings......have used the term "?better controlled?" as not sure how else to describe where we are at now......thought use of question marks was appropriate as still not exactly under control / some fluctuations.....if anyone has any better suggestions for terminology to use please let me know...........thanks ...

 

[donnellysdogs]

@Molly56 think that terminology is about right!! See if you can get a selfie on hol with a butterfly on the end of your nose!! Enjoy...

 

[Molly56]

So far so good ( I think).......hotel is lovely, weather very humid....the only problem is that my body clock says that iit is time to get up for breakfast and it is only 3.25am!........will have to adjust to 5 hour time difference..
..bodies are strange things but do adapt to changes in circumstances given time... I guess this is true for many out there on this forum....

Edited....finally breakfast time has arrived........
...I did notice that there was a separate section of desserts last night marked "sugar free desserts" so seems that they do cater for those who need this type of food....I did also notice that he opted to have cheese and biscuits and some fruit so perhaps a better choice than other times....I am assuming that cheese is a good option - they had a whole variety to choose from...
....looking forward to some relaxation in the sun....