Living with a partner with uncontrolled type 2 diabetes

[Molly56]

Dear Molly

Other than to reassure you that OH's levels have not reached dangerously high levels, I am not sure what purpose taking the occasional pre dinner count serves.

We test before and after meals in order to educate ourselves about how that specific meal affects our levels so that we may take corrective action if necessary the next time we have the same meal.

Your OH is reluctant to test and then does not seem to make any use of the result.

It sounds as if the test only serves to confirm to him that all is futile and that it is all out of his hands. For whatever reason it does sound as if he has given up on himself.

You obviously have not given up on him, despite the personal toll this is extracting from you.

I hope he comes to appreciate this; for his sake more than yours.

You probably need to wait and see how the meeting with his nurse will go. At least you will get to see what his latest A1c is and get a better picture of what his current situation is.

All the best

Pavlos

@pavlosn ...thank you as always for the advice...I guess the reason for the occasional tests are perhaps my way of trying to get him into the thought of testing his blood sugar levels in the hope that he will see that the level provides some explanation for the reason he is feeling as he does.

I fully understand the reasons why other members test before and after meals but the only reason that I have chosen this time of day to encourage him to test is purely and simply because I am there at that time......I know that perhaps a better indicator would be testing first thing in the morning before breakfast but invariably he gets up after I have gone out in the morning and I know that he would not even think of testing himself...

I feel that we have at least made some small progress with the idea of testing in that three or four months ago he saw no reason at all why he should test and was quite adamant that he would not test.....despite the nurse telling him that he needed to test before driving (this was due to the increase in gliclazide and the potential of hypos).....he doesn't test before driving - I know this for a fact - but at least by keeping a check on his levels every now and again I can see that they are still on the high side...

As you rightly say at least the meeting next week will let us know where we are.....I can also hopefully take the opportunity to get the nurse to explain and reinforce when and why he should be testing...and then hopefully build on that...

I am aware that if / when he is put on insulin then testing will become a much more important issue so am just preparing the ground in the meantime...

 

[Molly56]

It seems that the more positive and brighter vibe was just a passing phase .....or perhaps I was just hoping that we had reached a new and better period....

Returning from work today I found that he is not feeling all that great....not sure exactly what is wrong as can't put a finger on any specific symptom but he has not been feeling well for a few days...could be the new medication I guess having some side effects or his diabetes just not being under control...
....he does seem rather down and perhaps interestingly mentioned that he thought not feeling well is down to his diabetes....this is the first time he has actually mentioned or admitted to this as being the cause of his problems so I guess that at least shows that he is now accepting that it is a problem...

Am not exactly sure how to tackle this at the moment as am feeling tired and not 100% myself at the moment....can hopefully think it through and work it out when I am feeling a bit better...
Am slightly worried about a couple of comments that he made which indicated that it is getting him down but don't think that I should be overly concerned .....I will of course keep an eye on things and if need be suggest that he makes an appointment with his doctor...

 

[Pip16]

Hi Molly. Sorry to hear this.
Isn't duloxetine a similar medication to amitriptyline? As in an old type of antidepressant. Am sure it is so tiredness etc will be another side effect.
I know amitriptyline isn't used as an antidepressant so much anymore but the side effects they give in lower doses than given for depression, control symptoms in other illnesses. They certainly control my ibs but the other side effects it brings are not so good.
Hopefully if your oh is feeling this way it is just the side effects and it will pass quickly.
It may have been he felt slightly better the other day because the amitriptyline had been lowered and now the new one has started to kick in.. Or possibly the withdrawal effects from the amitriptyline. It takes me around 4 weeks of feeling rough, before the withdrawal effects pass.
It's also the time of year for bugs too.

Has he checked his blood today, maybe you could suggest it before and after tea tonight. Then again before bed. If he's thinking himself that he may be feeling unwell due to the diabetes then maybe he'll check and hopefully start trying to have some control over it now. I hope so.

My fingers are crossed for you. Take care and let us know how you get on. If he starts feeling very unwell though, maybe a visit to out of hours doctor over the weekend.

 

[graj0]

....he does seem rather down and perhaps interestingly mentioned that he thought not feeling well is down to his diabetes....this is the first time he has actually mentioned or admitted to this as being the cause of his problems so I guess that at least shows that he is now accepting that it is a problem...

Good time to get the BG meter out. Poor control can have some weird effects. Diabetes.co.uk have a fair bit on the subject including http://www.diabetes.co.uk/diabetes-and-depression.html.

 

[Molly56]

Good time to get the BG meter out. Poor control can have some weird effects. Diabetes.co.uk have a fair bit on the subject including http://www.diabetes.co.uk/diabetes-and-depression.html.

@graj0 .....25.6 ......at which point should I start panicking........

 

[Pip16]

Think I would make a call to out of hours now.

 

[Enclave]

@graj0 .....25.6 ......at which point should I start panicking........

Molly, 25.6 is on the high side !!! As you know, this will be making him feel rubbish .. On top of what any other med's are doing ... I would give the NHS direct help line a call at the very least. ( is there still a NHS help line ?)

 

[alliebee]

Molly I would take him down to A and E. Seriously. I'm not trying to worry you although I'm sure you are. He needs medical attention

 

[beardie]

Hi Molly. Sorry to hear this.
Isn't duloxetine a similar medication to amitriptyline? As in an old type of antidepressant. Am sure it is so tiredness etc will be another side effect.
I know amitriptyline isn't used as an antidepressant so much anymore but the side effects they give in lower doses than given for depression, control symptoms in other illnesses. They certainly control my ibs but the other side effects it brings are not so good.
Hopefully if your oh is feeling this way it is just the side effects and it will pass quickly.
It may have been he felt slightly better the other day because the amitriptyline had been lowered and now the new one has started to kick in.. Or possibly the withdrawal effects from the amitriptyline. It takes me around 4 weeks of feeling rough, before the withdrawal effects pass.
It's also the time of year for bugs too.

Has he checked his blood today, maybe you could suggest it before and after tea tonight. Then again before bed. If he's thinking himself that he may be feeling unwell due to the diabetes then maybe he'll check and hopefully start trying to have some control over it now. I hope so.

My fingers are crossed for you. Take care and let us know how you get on. If he starts feeling very unwell though, maybe a visit to out of hours doctor over the weekend.

It is used for other things like arthritis and neuropathy, as I believe is amitriptyline.

 

[tim2000s]

I've read all of this thread from start to finish, and as t1, I would expect to be loading up on insulin if my bs was that high, with a high risk of hospitalisation. I hope you can manage this situation safely.

 

[pavlosn]

Molly I would take him down to A and E. Seriously. I'm not trying to worry you although I'm sure you are. He needs medical attention

@Molly56

Like alliebee, who is an experienced nurse, I too think you need to take him to A&E. Sorry if I am worrying you but 25 really is too high and better safe than sorry.

Pavlos

 

[beardie]

I suspect it is not up to molly. He is not a child even if he acts like one.

 

[donnellysdogs]

I suspect it is not up to molly. He is not a child even if he acts like one.

@Molly56... As a T1 I too would be feeling utter **** at being in 20's... I know myself how I got to those levels (pump failure) and know I can get them down..

Ur partner has head gead somewhat projectiled up his ass... So he will deny his current levels his fault...he won't do anything you have suggested previously..

So ur options are.... A&E...

**** shameful waste of NHS money.. But he not tbe 1st n won't be last.....

A&E won't do a lot... Bare minimum n will send him home.. They won't admit him...

So it will then, all come down to you again...

Your only choice is to take him to A&E. He does not need an ambulance.. But he does really need to go in.. But please expect to stay 12 hours n then get sent home withour much advice....

It was his choice... Now he is expecting you to feel sorry for him... N get him sorted out again...

 

[alliebee]

Morning Molly. How are you and your partner doing?

 

[Molly56]

Morning Molly. How are you and your partner doing?

@alliebee....thank you for asking....
First of all I slightly regret persuading him to do the blood test last night as have been worrying myself ever since...felt really anxious last night / had small anxiety attack but a bit more calm and relaxed now....
.I know that many suggested taking him to a&e but he was not going to go voluntarily and short of hitting him over the head and dragging him to the car that was not going to happen...
I have read up on high blood glucose levels and the signs to look out for but I would say on the whole he seems pretty ok / normal for him (apart from he seems to be going to the toilet a lot more - he already went a lot but was a lot more than normal)....I will of course look for any deterioration and be ready to act if needed...
I also completed the NHS symptom checker for advice and noted that it asked about recent changes in medication......checking up on the Duloxetine it mentioned that this could alter blood glucose levels so wondered if this was the culprit....am going to go round to the pharmacist in a while just to ask their advice...
Is difficult being the weekend otherwise I would be straight down to the GP to ask for advice....
Will keep an eye on things over the next few days and if I get a chance suggest that he tests his blood again....hopefully there may be some improvement....he has an appointment with the diabetic nurse next Wednesday so I will definitely mention this then as clearly things are not right with his medication.....
On a final note (and not sure what to make of this).....yesterday evening he did suggest that I marry him before he dies so that I would benefit from a widows pension....to me this is a sign that this troubling him far more than he wishes to admit to...

 

[AndBreathe]

@alliebee....thank you for asking....
First of all I slightly regret persuading him to do the blood test last night as have been worrying myself ever since...felt really anxious last night / had small anxiety attack but a bit more calm and relaxed now....
.I know that many suggested taking him to a&e but he was not going to go voluntarily and short of hitting him over the head and dragging him to the car that was not going to happen...
I have read up on high blood glucose levels and the signs to look out for but I would say on the whole he seems pretty ok / normal for him (apart from he seems to be going to the toilet a lot more - he already went a lot but was a lot more than normal)....I will of course look for any deterioration and be ready to act if needed...
I also completed the NHS symptom checker for advice and noted that it asked about recent changes in medication......checking up on the Duloxetine it mentioned that this could alter blood glucose levels so wondered if this was the culprit....am going to go round to the pharmacist in a while just to ask their advice...
Is difficult being the weekend otherwise I would be straight down to the GP to ask for advice....
Will keep an eye on things over the next few days and if I get a chance suggest that he tests his blood again....hopefully there may be some improvement....he has an appointment with the diabetic nurse next Wednesday so I will definitely mention this then as clearly things are not right with his medication.....
On a final note (and not sure what to make of this).....yesterday evening he did suggest that I marry him before he dies so that I would benefit from a widows pension....to me this is a sign that this troubling him far more than he wishes to admit to...

Molly - Did you actually ask him to go to A&E, or did you just "know" he wouldn't go?

 

[pavlosn]

Molly - Did you actually ask him to go to A&E, or did you just "know" he wouldn't go?

@Molly56

From what you write in your last couple of posts, it seems to me that he is very much aware that something is seriously wrong with his health and his diabetes management.

It does sound though he does not believe he can do something to change things. But sometimes all it takes is the right push.

I know some posters thing that he brought all this on himself and they may have a point to some extent. But this does not change the fact that he is s man who is not well and deserves to receive proper medical care.

If he is actually feeling unwell he may not be as uncooperative as you fear and may actually be willing to go to A&E.

If not then your scheduled diabetic review later in the week may be a good opportunity for something to break through his attitude.

Will they do a finger prick test of his bloods there? If so, I hope it is a high one so that the nurse is forced to take some action.

You may be right about the effect of the new medication, but of course that is not the whole story as he was not the best diabetic patient even before that.

In the meantime, make sure he gets lots of fluids and eats as low carb as you can convince him to.

Ask him to test his bloods again explaining that you are worried about that 25 count.

All the best

Pavlos

 

[daddys1]

Hi Molly, I'm probably not he most experienced here re diabetes, having being diagnosed only back in September still learning, but I am aware that a level of 25 is more tha 3 times the norm. He must feel pretty ill.

Testing is fine but it has to be for a purpose i.e. testing after a meal to check what food (carbohydrate) is affecting you or testing after exersize would also help, as these are meaninful tests. Have you explained that if he tested, like we all do here, he would easily be able to identifie what is affecting him and imporve his health. And that he should at least try it.

A 'one off ' test is only going to tell you how you are at that time and this one just at 25, just put more stress and thoughts of doom & If your already feeling bad then all it will do is confirm what you thought. You tested got a n awful result then nothing happend, why test?

Maybe when he sugests marrying you before he dies, you should be turning this round by saying that you will marry him providing he starts listening to your suggestions re helping him treat his diabetes, Can you not negociate with him to say 'try testing before & after meals for a few days just to see whether it helps' what has he got to lose by trying "what is the worst that can happen", ask him if he wants to die or have the chance of a reasonably normal life with a little bit of effort.

 

[Pip16]

Hi Molly. I totally agree with pavlos. He may be willing to check his bloods now he's had a fright. Suggest he checks them regularly until you meet with the DN.
Was the high reading last night before or after a meal?

Not the ideal proposal but it shows he is thinking of you and is concerned.

 

[Enclave]

Marry him, it will give him something to look forward to ....
As I expected .. He's a lot like me .. I asked the wife to marry me when my heart problems were really getting me down .. Did not say anything to her because that's what I am like.. We have been married for 18 years now .. It was the best thing We did .. Ever ...
I was offered end of life care about 6 years ago .. Still here !!!!!!!! So talk to him... Let him know