Dairy of a Blonde

[Randburg]

JAN: Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

FEB: Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.
Hellloooo!!!!! Bottles won"t fit in typewriter.

MAR: Got really excited------ finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months
Box said "2---4" years.

APR: Trapped on escalator for hours------ power went out.

MAY: Tried to make Kool-Aid----- wrong instructions----8 cups
of water won't fit into those tiny packets!!!!!!

JUN: Tried to waterski-----couldn't find a lake with a slope.

JUL: Lost the breast stroke swimming contest---- learned later
The other swimmers cheated--- they used their arms.

AUG: Got locked out of my car in rain storm----- car swamped
Because soft-top was open.

SEP: The capital of California is "C" ------isn't it!!!!!???????

OCT: Hate Smarties--- they are so hard to peel!!!

NOV: Baked turkey for 4 ? days ----- instructions said 1 hour per pound
And I weigh 108!!!!

DEC: Couln't call 911----- duh-there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone.

 

[zand]

 

[Snowy12]

Pmsl great

 

[Nuthead]

 

[Pura Vida]

View attachment 8470

The Blondes are BACK!



DISNEYLAND


Two blondes were going to Disneyland.
They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT.
They started crying and turned around and went home.





FLORIDA OR MOON



Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooo, can you see Florida?'





CAR TROUBLE


A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, 'What's the story?'

He replies, 'Just **** in the carburetor'

She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'





SPEEDING TICKET


A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff,

'I wish you guys would get your act together.

Just yesterday you take my license away,
and now today you expect me to show it to you?'





AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE


A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'

The redhead took her finger,
pushed on her left shoulder and screamed,
then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more.
She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.
Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?

'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'

'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'





KNITTING



A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'

'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'





BLONDE ON TIME

A girl was visiting her blonde friend,
who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.

The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said,
'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'Helllooooo. . . ,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'







IN A VACUUM



A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.

It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

 

[catherinecherub]

If blondes are supposed to be so dumb then why do so many people dye their hair blonde


Q...Why are blonde jokes always very short?
A...So that men can remember them

 

[Nuthead]

If blondes are supposed to be so dumb then why do so many people dye their hair blonde


Q...Why are blonde jokes always very short?
A...So that men can remember them

They dye their hair blonde to match their intellect.

 

[Snowy12]

So glad that my hair is not dyed,I have always wondered that why so many women dye there hair blonde.

 

[Pasha]

Old version was "Gentleman prefer blondes"