Hi
grohldoll and welcome. I posted something similar to you when I found this site in May. Your post really resonated with me. When I joined I'd been on Metformin for a few years, then Gliclazide, but no-one had mentioned not eating carbs to me and I was very much head in the sand about diabetes and felt that I'd been following such a stupid self-destructive path for years - binge eating, eating sugary treats etc.
About 5 years ago I took part in a trial internet course on mindful eating, which helped me make a start on the self-destruct cycle. I learnt to give myself permission to eat what I wanted and not to indulge in the binge/disgust/guilt merry-go-round. Of course there was quite a lot more involved in getting there and you'd have to research it to see if mindful eating is for you, but it's something to think about for that aspect of your (our) problem with food.
I did start slowly losing weight though, without starving myself, feeling deprived, cheating - you can't cheat if you have permission to eat what you want. I started to get my head in gear for eating in a less destructive way. However, this did little for my diabetes.
Then, having been refused an operation as my blood sugar was too high, I found this site and started thinking that low carb might be the way for me. I hit the deck running and went very low carb, but not high fat (not low fat either). It was OK. I wasn't getting cravings. I wasn't hungry (actually I rarely am - it's not why I over-eat). I lost weight. My blood sugar came down. It was great.
Like everything in life there are ups and downs to this. I fall off the wagon. I still occasionally pig out, but I keep going back to low carbing and back to getting my BS under control. My focus has definitely changed to watching the BS, not feeling guilty about food or not losing weight. For me the low carbing is helping me lose weight slowly. Sometimes I go weeks without losing any, but I'm not letting it go back up, so if it's slow then it is was it is. It seems to be a way of working on this diabetes thing that is right for me.
Coming on this site, talking to others and learning that I am not alone is one of the best things to have happened to me. Being open and honest and keeping a diary was my first step (search for I'm Rosie and I'm a carboholic). I also used the My Fitness Pal website to input all my daily food, which helped me learn a lot about carbs. After a lifetime of weight issues I knew about calories, but was ignorant of carb values.
Anyway, sorry for droning on so long - and you thought you rambled! I just felt you needed to know there is life beyond this and you can take control, Best of luck.
