New Year Resolutions - 2015

[zand]

My New Year's Resolution will be the same as the last few years. I won't make New Year's Resolutions because I always feel bad when I fail.

 

[adrian207]

http://manflu.info/womans_role/womans_role.htm

Stage 1 - I think I'm coming down with a cold.Don't forget, even medical experts recommend self diagnosis, and ALL men are experts at recognising the early stages. Here you will be expected to sympathise, any flippant comments now such as , "Oh I expect it's Man Flu is it?", will cause immediate deterioration. Preferred responses will be along the lines of, "There there, can I get you some chicken noodle soup and put your favourite Police! Camera! Action! DVD on?". This stage can last from one to three days.

Stage 2 - It's not a cold, it's the 'flu. Your beloved will barely be able to lift his fingers to work the remote control by now. There will be dramatic displays of coughing and chest holding. He will present a red and sniffly nose, and a phantom fever. Do not mention <begin sarcasm˃ Man 'Flu <end sarcasm˃. Instead continue to serve comfort food and provide him with a selection of men's magazines (such as FHM or Maxim) to take his mind off the illness ravaging his poor body. You may also be required to gently dab his forehead with a lightly dampened sponge or massage his feet. This life threatening stage may last from three to five days.

Stage 3 - It's not completely gone, but I think it's going. By now your beloved will be physically exhausted. He will have spent the previous seven days teetering on the brink of death only to have pulled through. However, he will start to feel less 'achy all over', and begin to move short distances away from the sofa. Hang in there with your pampering, you're nearly done. This stage can typically last from six to ten days. Please be aware that any sarcastic references to Man Flu at this stage can render the hapless victim straight back to the life threatening stage 2. He should be allowed a suitable period of convalescence (the length to be suggested by him) prior to being tasked with household tasks.

Yep, that just about sums it up. That is exactly what we get and feel. However there are a few minor points that need clearing up.
1) Should the supply of Chicken Noodle soup run out at Asda, it is the responsibility of the carer to check availability at Morrisons, Aldi, Tesco's, Lidl, Co-op and local Londis stores. The Chicken soup is a vital part of the recovery. This can under very special circumstances be replaced with Cream of Tomato.
2) Police Camera Action is a long standing TV series which should last much longer than the 3-5 days as mentioned above. If it doesn't, then the carer has not been recording all the episodes as promised and so should therefore go out and buy the complete box set.
3) The remote should never be the responsibility of the flu sufferer. With fingers and joints that are so weak that even the mere lifting of a simple gadget like a remote can cause excruciating pain, the carer should be at beck and call to the sufferer and be willing to change channels for him. At this point I suggest a bell be placed at the side of the bed.
4) Should the sufferer laps into a life threatening coma, then this will be because the carer has not performed her duties to the best of her capabilities. Once said sufferer has managed to pull himself through this crucial stage of neglect , and overcome the remainder of the symptoms, it is not advisable to allow him to do any manual work around the house but instead to let him convalesce with friends at his local.

 

[zand]

Yep, that just about sums it up. That is exactly what we get and feel. However there are a few minor points that need clearing up.
1) Should the supply of Chicken Noodle soup run out at Asda, it is the responsibility of the carer to check availability at Morrisons, Aldi, Tesco's, Lidl, Co-op and local Londis stores. The Chicken soup is a vital part of the recovery. This can under very special circumstances be replaced with Cream of Tomato.
2) Police Camera Action is a long standing TV series which should last much longer than the 3-5 days as mentioned above. If it doesn't, then the carer has not been recording all the episodes as promised and so should therefore go out and buy the complete box set.
3) The remote should never be the responsibility of the flu sufferer. With fingers and joints that are so weak that even the mere lifting of a simple gadget like a remote can cause excruciating pain, the carer should be at beck and call to the sufferer and be willing to change channels for him. At this point I suggest a bell be placed at the side of the bed.
4) Should the sufferer laps into a life threatening coma, then this will be because the carer has not performed her duties to the best of her capabilities. Once said sufferer has managed to pull himself through this crucial stage of neglect , and overcome the remainder of the symptoms, it is not advisable to allow him to do any manual work around the house but instead to let him convalesce with friends at his local.

I've 'liked' this on behalf of my husband

 

[Brunneria]

I'm a member of the weaker sex.
And the fairer sex.
Definitely.

Mr B has a number of pleasantly bulgy muscles which developed by magnificently performing heroic tasks like reaching things down from high cupboards, taking out bin bags (my back!), and walking the dog in wet weather (my hair!).

His manliness is especially charming when he carries the vacuum cleaner up and down stairs, and does his own ironing.

It's part of my delicately biddable feminine nature to show my deep appreciation with cups of tea and chicken soup if these arduous duties wear him down until he catches that terrible plague known as man flu.

Thank heavens, as a mere female, I seem to be immune.
I don't envy men.
The symptoms are terrible.

 

[lizdeluz]

Oh yeh and they're bloody deaf when they want to be

Say again?

 

[adrian207]

Say again?

 

[lizdeluz]

I've 'liked' this on behalf of my husband

 

[ConradJ]

Oh yeh and they're bloody deaf when they want to be

Or can suddenly hear you whisper something under your breath whilst they're in the opposite end of the house where they can never normally hear you SHOUT!

(Que: Eddie Murphy and mother's slipper.)

 

[ConradJ]

Two big barrells blazing away now's that's formidable

Reminds me of a scene in 'Cheers'...

'Uh, huh, look at the warheads on that Sam?'

 

[ConradJ]

My New Year's Resolution will be the same as the last few years. I won't make New Year's Resolutions because I always feel bad when I fail.

And that's the whole point of "manageable and meaningful"...

NYR's are generally a waste of time because they're thought out on the back of a fag packet at 0.3 light seconds before the clock strikes, whilst desperately trying not to a) fall over, b) throw up, c) not appear to be an outcast with the plague.

As dear old Mrs Doyle would say, "Go on, go on..."

 

[lizdeluz]

Reminds me of a scene in 'Cheers'...

'Uh, huh, look at the warheads on that Sam?'

Would that be Cliff?
Right now, thinking about them, I can't match that quote to any of the other suspects.....

 

[ConradJ]

Would that be Cliff?
Right now, thinking about them, I can't match that quote to any of the other suspects.....

Spot on... I think! It's been about 24 years since I saw the clip so... (Cliff was the USMail man, right?)

 

[Totto]

Haven't really thought about New Year resolution but come to think of it, what do you think if I say I've decided not to smoke in the coming year? It could actually be manageable.

 

[zand]

Yes me too @Totto. I'll do that one too!


edit: maybe it's not that meaningful for me though?

 

[Totto]

Zand it is always meaningful not to smoke or so I tell myself now and then when a spot of lung cancer would seem like a minor problem compared with the lack of cigs in my life. It comes and goes you know.

 

[Robinredbreast]

Would that be Cliff?
Right now, thinking about them, I can't match that quote to any of the other suspects.....

I did love watching Cheers, but whoever it was ( Woody Harleson ?) I don't think it would be at Carla or Diane,

 

[zand]

Zand it is always meaningful not to smoke or so I tell myself now and then when a spot of lung cancer would seem like a minor problem compared with the lack of cigs in my life. It comes and goes you know.

I'm not sure it counts for me though, 'cos I've only smoked about 10 ciggies ever (when I was 15). But I resolve not to start smoking!

 

[lizdeluz]

Spot on... I think! It's been about 24 years since I saw the clip so... (Cliff was the USMail man, right?)

Yes, the mail man. I loved all the characters, but especially Norm.

 

[Scandichic]

Sorry, what?

@adrian207 @Robinredbreast
He forgot to mention delusional.....

 

[Scandichic]

http://manflu.info/womans_role/womans_role.htm

Stage 1 - I think I'm coming down with a cold.Don't forget, even medical experts recommend self diagnosis, and ALL men are experts at recognising the early stages. Here you will be expected to sympathise, any flippant comments now such as , "Oh I expect it's Man Flu is it?", will cause immediate deterioration. Preferred responses will be along the lines of, "There there, can I get you some chicken noodle soup and put your favourite Police! Camera! Action! DVD on?". This stage can last from one to three days.

Stage 2 - It's not a cold, it's the 'flu. Your beloved will barely be able to lift his fingers to work the remote control by now. There will be dramatic displays of coughing and chest holding. He will present a red and sniffly nose, and a phantom fever. Do not mention <begin sarcasm˃ Man 'Flu <end sarcasm˃. Instead continue to serve comfort food and provide him with a selection of men's magazines (such as FHM or Maxim) to take his mind off the illness ravaging his poor body. You may also be required to gently dab his forehead with a lightly dampened sponge or massage his feet. This life threatening stage may last from three to five days.

Stage 3 - It's not completely gone, but I think it's going. By now your beloved will be physically exhausted. He will have spent the previous seven days teetering on the brink of death only to have pulled through. However, he will start to feel less 'achy all over', and begin to move short distances away from the sofa. Hang in there with your pampering, you're nearly done. This stage can typically last from six to ten days. Please be aware that any sarcastic references to Man Flu at this stage can render the hapless victim straight back to the life threatening stage 2. He should be allowed a suitable period of convalescence (the length to be suggested by him) prior to being tasked with household tasks.

Sadly Mr scandi loved this....