Cracker Jokes

[eddie1968]

This is not a joke but when I was a kid I was in the chippy and asked "How much are those 10p crisps?" Duh....lol, utter embarrassment lol

 

[Clivethedrive]

Did you hear about the american tourists visiting Belfast for the first time?
Well whilst waiting at a bus stop they overheard three local men talking.....the first man said " I'm off to Kilkenny, second man says " I'm off to Killarney, third man says im off to kilpartick....of my God says the American tourist ..it's true ..there all a bunch of cold blooded murderers.

 

[Robinredbreast]

This is not a joke but when I was a kid I was in the chippy and asked "How much are those 10p crisps?" Duh....lol, utter embarrassment lol

lol

 

[Robinredbreast]

Did you hear about the american tourists visiting Belfast for the first time?
Well whilst waiting at a bus stop they overheard three local men talking.....the first man said " I'm off to Kilkenny, second man says " I'm off to Killarney, third man says im off to kilpartick....of my God says the American tourist ..it's true ..there all a bunch of cold blooded murderers.

My ex mother In law, RIP, was born in Kilkenny

 

[Clivethedrive]

:( :( ho ho ho :) :)

 

[eddie1968]

Guy goes into pub and asks for ten double vodkas. Barman lines them up and the guy quickly grabs them all one by one and sinks them. Barman says "My you've got a problem!" and the guy replies"I know, I've only got 20p !"

 

[eddie1968]

Lion tamer goes clubbing and gets a knock-back from the bouncers
"No trainers allowed"

 

[Clivethedrive]

A duck goes into a pub an gets on the barstool, the barman comes over an the duck says " have you got any bread" the barman replies " this is a pub we serve beer and wine an spirits, now be off with you an dont come back, so the duck leaves.
Exactly the same time next day the duck returns , barman comes over an the duck says " got any bread" the barman says " look you were in here yesterday and if you come back tomorrow I'm going to nail your beak to this bar, so be off with you.
Next day the duck returns and the barman rushes over, the duck asks" have you got any nails" no says the barman ...." Good says the duck got any bread"

 

[Robinredbreast]

Guy goes into pub and asks for ten double vodkas. Barman lines them up and the guy quickly grabs them all one by one and sinks them. Barman says "My you've got a problem!" and the guy replies"I know, I've only got 20p !"

Was he Scottish ? it's okay, I am from Scottish ancestry lol

RRB

 

[Robinredbreast]

Lion tamer goes clubbing and gets a knock-back from the bouncers
"No trainers allowed"

That one's a doh

 

[eddie1968]

Was he Scottish ? it's okay, I am from Scottish ancestry lol

RRB

I am Scottish lol, must be the only tee total guy here lol and even though I do tell a lot of Irish jokes both my Grandfathers were Irish.

 

[Robinredbreast]

A duck goes into a pub an gets on the barstool, the barman comes over an the duck says " have you got any bread" the barman replies " this is a pub we serve beer and wine an spirits, now be off with you an dont come back, so the duck leaves.
Exactly the same time next day the duck returns , barman comes over an the duck says " got any bread" the barman says " look you were in here yesterday and if you come back tomorrow I'm going to nail your beak to this bar, so be off with you.
Next day the duck returns and the barman rushes over, the duck asks" have you got any nails" no says the barman ...." Good says the duck got any bread"

that's a good one lol

 

[Robinredbreast]

I am Scottish lol, must be the only tee total guy here lol and even though I do tell a lot of Irish jokes both my Grandfathers were Irish.

Erm, don't think you would of been my dad's best friend then, he was a Whisky drinker

 

[eddie1968]

Why do birds like Aldi ?
Because it's cheep lol

 

[Robinredbreast]

Why do birds like Aldi ?
Because it's cheep lol

Doh lol

 

[eddie1968]

What do you call a guy with a paper bag over his head ?
Russel
Hear about the Irish paper mill ?
It blew away
Paddy is at the breakfast table and says to Mick "This jigsaw is so difficult" and Mick says "Just eat the Frosties !"

 

[Mike d]

Paddy turns to Mick after he'd finished reading the death notices in the paper and said "Hey Mick, isn't it odd how they all died in alphabetical order"

 

[eddie1968]

Paddy turns to Mick after he'd finished reading the death notices in the paper and said "Hey Mick, isn't it odd how they all died in alphabetical order"

Cringe Mike....lol

 

[Doriand]

This is not a joke but when I was a kid I was in the chippy and asked "How much are those 10p crisps?" Duh....lol, utter embarrassment lol

Down in Australia, we have 'Two Dollar Shops'..One way to upset a shop assistant is to ask how much an item is........All items are.....$2.00....hence the name!

 

[Robinredbreast]

Down in Australia, we have 'Two Dollar Shops'..One way to upset a shop assistant is to ask how much an item is........All items are.....$2.00....hence the name!

lol, same here with the Poundland shops