Diabetes, life and all that - personal diary

[pavlosn]

Feliz Navidad

The choir and orchestra of the
First Egomi Elementary School
(Which includes my son)

Pavlos

 

[peacetrain]

I think it depends on how you feel at those numbers . I quite often feel a bit shakey and panicky around 4.2 ish and any lower I can get palpitations and full blown panic. That said, I wouldn't eat a biscuit or a jelly baby. I tend to have a warm drink with splash of lactofree milk or soya , a square dark chocolate and then a piece of cheese or slice of ham. I find protein far better at lifting my levels without an overshoot. It also works for my migraine attacks.

I'm the same. I'm having a rest from testing at the moment because I was becoming obsessed and I haven't changed my diet so I feel ok about it. Like you, when I feel I'm low I eat a little dark chocolate or cheese. Milk on my coffee or some full fat yoghurt are also helpful, for me. I don't seem to be able to wander around shops for hours on end like I used to. I begin to get a strange feeling high up, above my naval but not as far as my chest. That's when I feel I need something to revive me. It's a sort of heavy, dull feeling ... As if I've had all my stuffing taken out! Lol!

 

[cold ethyl]

I'm the same. I'm having a rest from testing at the moment because I was becoming obsessed and I haven't changed my diet so I feel ok about it. Like you, when I feel I'm low I eat a little dark chocolate or cheese. Milk on my coffee or some full fat yoghurt are also helpful, for me. I don't seem to be able to wander around shops for hours on end like I used to. I begin to get a strange feeling high up, above my naval but not as far as my chest. That's when I feel I need something to revive me. It's a sort of heavy, dull feeling ... As if I've had all my stuffing taken out! Lol!

I get two low sugar feelings.. One as described and the other a sudden sort of flat feeling and I can feel quite blue out of the blue, as it were. If I test then I'm usually in low 4s or sometimes high 3s. I don't much like either feeling so reckon my range is a bit higher. I don't test as religiously at 2hrs as I once did , mainly fasting, after lunch and before and after dinner as that is the meal with the most variance. I also sometimes do a random test at some point in afternoon just to see where I am heading before making dinner. If I'm low a warm drink is enough to put me on for the time it takes to finish meal off. It's all about learning what works for us as individuals. We may all be diabetic , but we're not automata which is why what is good for you, might not be good for me.

 

[Mike d]

Feliz Navidad

The choir and orchestra of the
First Egomi Elementary School
(Which includes my son)

Pavlos

Jose Feliciano?

 

[pavlosn]

Jose Feliciano?

Indeed!

 

[pavlosn]

It may be Christmas but I still went on of my morning walks today, while everyone else in the household, and the rest of the City it seems, were still sleeping.

As you can see not exactly White Christmas!

Finished my walk just in time to catch my son opening his presents.

Still a fun experience to share but a bit of the magic is not quite there now that my son no longer believes in Father Christmas

Have a very Merry Christmas everyone

 

[daisy1]

Merry Christmas Pavlos to you and your family. Have a lovely day. From Switzerland with no snow either x

 

[pavlosn]

Merry Christmas Pavlos to you and your family. Have a lovely day. From Switzerland with no snow either x

@daisy1

Merry Christmas to you and yours. May God keep you all safe and well.

Shame you have no snow but I am sure it's very beautiful there just the same.

We visited Switzerland in August 2012 and thought it was one of the most stunningly beautiful places we have ever been to.

You are very fortunate to live there.

As a special Christmas treat to you, here is my tribute to your beautiful country:

Lake Riffelsee with the Matterhorn in the background

Gornergat

Matterhorn

Klein Matterhorn

Zermatt

Interlaken

CERN, Geneva

Best wishes

Pavlos

 

[Mike d]

LOVED Switzerland... Japan #1 but that ain't far behind

Take care guys blessings to all of my good friends

Mike

 

[daisy1]

Thank you Pavlos for the beautiful pictures

 

[pavlosn]

The table is set for our Christmas lunch but unfortunately two of the chairs, belonging to my own parents, will remain empty.

I just visited my dad at this care home hoping to collect him and bring him home for the day but this will not be possible as he is unwell. My mom insisted to stay with him and no matter what I tried she would not be convinced to join us.

"We don't know if there will be another Christmas for the two of us to be together" she said.

Which of course went right through me, as I felt like I was abandoning them by leaving them behind to join my own wife and son in hosting her side of the family for lunch.

The last time we were all able to spent Christmas lunch together was two years ago, before my dad's latest and most severe stroke.

My only consolation is that the empty chairs in my table belong to people who are still around for me to see. I will be going back to the nursing home this afternoon.

Others are not as fortunate.

Pavlos

 

[Mike d]

View attachment 10144

The table is set for our Christmas lunch but unfortunately two of the chairs, belonging to my own parents, will remain empty.

I just visited my dad at this care home hoping to collect him and bring him home for the day but this will not be possible as he is unwell. My mom insisted to stay with him and no matter what I tried she would not be convinced to join us.

"We don't know if there will be another Christmas for the two of us to be together" she said.

Which of course went right through me, as I felt like I was abandoning them by leaving them behind to join my own wife and son in hosting her side of the family for lunch.

The last time we were all able to spent Christmas lunch together was two years ago, before my dad's latest and most severe stroke.

View attachment 10145

My only consolation is that the empty chairs in my table belong to people who are still around for me to see. I will be going back to the nursing home this afternoon.

Others are not as fortunate.

Pavlos

Thoughts are with you Pavlos

 

[Moniker]

Pablo's, I know what you are feeling. This is the first year that my mum, aged 99, can't get out for Christmas. She is newly In a wheelchair and my home is not accessible. One of my sisters and I are working to make her day pleasant but I am sad she cannot come and see my tree with ornament and trinkets gathered over many years, some older than me.

Thank you for maintaining your interesting and beautiful journal for all of us to enjoy.

 

[pavlosn]

Making use of the brief interval of time between the family departing after lunch and friends arriving for Christmas drinks tonight, to listen to some music and enjoy some me time; the wife is taking a nap upstairs while my son is in the playroom going through his presents with a couple of his friends.

Outwardly I am trying to be my usual cheerful self.

If I am honest though, I am feeling a little flat inside. There is an element of just going through the motions to this year's Christmas celebrations.

I suppose the built up and the expectations are so high that the reality does not often match up.

My parent's absence certainly is a big part of it.

I suppose I always want things to be perfect, especially on a day like today, and continue to find compromising with anything less hard to do.

I am not a diabetic today by the way, or at least not eating like one. I decided I want be doing any testing either.

It's only Christmas once a year and I am taking a day off from diabetes for it.

I did not plan to do so, and I will probably regret it tomorrow but for now this is what I feel I need to do.

How much damage can one day make?

Pavlos

 

[douglas99]

View attachment 10144

The table is set for our Christmas lunch but unfortunately two of the chairs, belonging to my own parents, will remain empty.

I just visited my dad at this care home hoping to collect him and bring him home for the day but this will not be possible as he is unwell. My mom insisted to stay with him and no matter what I tried she would not be convinced to join us.

"We don't know if there will be another Christmas for the two of us to be together" she said.

Which of course went right through me, as I felt like I was abandoning them by leaving them behind to join my own wife and son in hosting her side of the family for lunch.

The last time we were all able to spent Christmas lunch together was two years ago, before my dad's latest and most severe stroke.

View attachment 10145

My only consolation is that the empty chairs in my table belong to people who are still around for me to see. I will be going back to the nursing home this afternoon.

Others are not as fortunate.

Pavlos

You have been a great friend on this forum, and your wise words have expressed what others, including me, haven't been able to say.
It's a great mark of respect that your parents now see you as they see themselves, as family makers.
They can respect you have your family, and you are mature enough for them to 'let go', and know you will be safe, and be a part of the family you have created for your self.

It's not that they don't want to be with you, it's more that they know you don't need to be with them, and they see you have created your own place in the world now.
In the same way you couldn't leave your wife and son, to be with others, your mother feels as you, and knows both her and your father have done their job, and they have created someone to be proud of, and to cherish together, and no longer need to 'worry' over you, and can spend time with each other, as the circle becomes complete.

As a family, it's a truly beautiful thing that you can simply drop into, and out of, each others lives, as, and when, and you know that you love each other, without guilt, as none of us can change what life has dealt out to us.

I very much doubt they would say anything other than,
'That is my son, and I am proud of him, he takes care of his family, past, present, and future'

 

[connie104]

Pavlos my heart goes out to you I am so sorry that your parents could not be with you today to celebrate Christmas . I know how you feel about not really enjoying it without them as we are on our own for the first time in many years and everything feels rather flat.
Let's hope 2015 sees a recovery in your fathers health and he is able to spend more time with his family.

 

[pavlosn]

@douglas99

Thank you for your wise words. They are very much appreciated.

@connie104

I hope you did get to at least speak with your family back in England. I know it is not long now before you are near them.

I imagine that there must inevitably always be some mixed feelings when leaving one country behind to make a new start in another, even if this other is your original country of birth. I know I found it a bit difficult when I moved back in Cyprus after a decade in the UK many years ago. But I am sure it will all be worth it to have your family near you.

I did get to go back to my dad's care home later in the afternoon and managed to spend some time with him and my mom. My original intention was for my wife and son to also join us but with a house full of neighborhood kid this was not possible.

Hopefully we will all go to the home together tomorrow and my son can get to give a small Christmas carol concert on the piano for the benefit of his grandad and the other home residents! He might as well put his tendency to show off and all those piano lessons to good use for once!

My mother did come back to my house with me and is now busy keeping my mother in all company. She actually wanted me to drive her straight from the care home to her house but I would have none of it. This is no night for anyone to be home alone.

Thank you both for your support and friendship.

I wish you and your families health and happiness for the New Year

All the best

Pavlos

 

[pavlosn]

All's well that ends well, and my once a year day of eating with no concern about being diabetic ends with a glucose count of 125mg/dl or 6,9 mmol/l.

High by my usual standards but satisfyingly low, considering I probably spent most of the day eating. To be honest I did not stop myself from tasting anything, I had roast potatoes, pancakes, crackers, even desert, but my portions were not overly generous.

I do not drink a lot anyway so alcohol was restricted to a couple of glasses of red wine tonight. These have probably contributed to the surprising low glucose count before bedtime.

I hope everything has had a great day and enjoyed themselves with no lasting damage to their glycemic control.

Pavlos

 

[alliebee]

Thinking of you Pavlos x

 

[pavlosn]

Thinking of you Pavlos x

@alliebee

It's not been all together a bad a day Allie.

No day that includes my wife and son smiling could ever be that.

It's just that my dad has not been very well for the last week.

He has had his fair share of problems physically for the last couple of years, more than one stroke, cancer of the bladder, impaired kidney function and a completely blocked carotid artery.

His strokes have left him with severely impaired speech and mobility, he is restricted to a wheelchair. In fact, his ability to communicate is so limited that we do not really know if and to what extent his cognitive capacity has also been affected.

To add to his problems, he has a permanent catheter, another gift of his strokes but also of an enlarged prostate. This makes him particularly vulnerable to urinary tract infections.

But all of the above, he has had for a while now, and they are the reason why he has to remain at the care home; my mom would just not be able to care for him on her own at home.

Depression has also been a problem for a while now, not uncommon in stroke sufferers, and he has been on mild antidepressants more or less continuously since his last stroke.

This seems to be what appears to have become worse over the last week or so. He has become very uncooperative, even aggressive at times, refusing to eat or drink or even take medication at times.

My dad has always been the mildest and calmer of men. I honestly can not recall ever hearing his voice raised in anger, far less seen him be physically violent.

This is particularly difficult on my mom, who is his primary care giver. She spends all day, every day at the home, effectively doing everything for him: feeding him, making sure he drinks sufficient water so that his kidneys do not deteriorate, cleaning him, dressing him. It is very taxing on her both physically but particularly emotionally and it is visibly taking a toll on her.

To be honest I do not know if I feel more sorry for him or for her.

I suspect that if his mood and attitude do not improve, he will be placed on more antidepressant/sedatives with all that will mean for both his mental capacity but also for the health of his kidneys. Antidepressants and impaired kidney function do not mix well.

So this is the background that is the real reason why my parents absence today was so painful. I would not have minded in the list if I knew that they were both well and unable to join us because say they were away on a holiday.

Unfortunately though we have to accept that life is not all good news and bright sunshine.

It would all be too easy then.

I try to be there for them both.

I drive my mom from her house to the home every morning and back again every night.

I am always the one who will go to the hospital with them whenever they need to visit, far too often lately.

I am also the person who my mother can express her worries and frustrations to. This does not always make for the easiest listening but she needs to get things out if she is to remain sane and I am probably the closest person she has. I can be a good listener and a calming and reassuring influence to her but if I am honest the exercise is one that affects me to a much greater extent than I let on.

It's ironic but I get to see a lot more of the two of them now that he is sick, than I did when they were both well.

They usual story of taking things for granted and assuming that everything will continue to be as fine in the future as it was in the past.

I try to be there for them both but I also try to be there for my wife and son. I try to be a good husband and father and that means keeping the full extent of the problem away from my wife and son. It also means putting on a happy face by the time I return home. This is partly for there sake but mostly for mine. My happy face becomes my escape, my safety valve.

But enough about me and my troubles.

I was very sorry to just read about the passing away of your friend this week. My commiserations. It really has not been the best couple of months for you either. Not with your neighbor also passing away, only recently.

It brings home to me that the world is full of problems, a lot of them more serious than my own.

It is just human nature I suppose to give an exaggerated relative importance to our own particular situations.

In many ways I consider my life blessed, not least because I have known the love of two very caring parents.

It may be difficult to see them go through what I can only describe as a personal ordeal, but at least I am fortunate enough to still have them around and as often happens with families, these troubled times have served to bring us closer together.

Thank you for lending a friendly ear.

All the best

Pavlos