Having a bad day

[PepperTed]

I just need to vent somewhere where other people will understand. I've worried my family by talking about how bad I feel, because they don't understand and think it's more serious than it is, which has made it even worse.

I have had type 1 for 15 years but finally went on to a pump a week ago. Because none of the settings are right my control has gone out of the window. My average BG for the week has been 12.2, and since I usually have quite good control I'm feeling awful. I have an almost constant stomach ache (one of my main hyper symptoms) plus slight nausea. This has been pretty much constant for the week.

I was talking to my DSN every day but of course she isn't there at weekends, so I've had nobody to talk to since Friday morning. None of my corrective doses are working... BG 13.4, take six units, test after 90 minutes and it's still 13.4. Take another six units because I'm sick of feeling sick, test again, ... 12.8. My corrective doses have worked since I did DAFNE seven years ago and to suddenly find that they aren't making the slightest difference is really frustrating because I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND! There are so many settings to change on the pump that I'm having a massive crisis of confidence.

It finally caught up with me an hour ago and I came downstairs to have a cry on my own, in the dark. But my husband heard me and came down to ask what's wrong, followed by my mum (she's disabled and lives with us) and when I sobbed that I'm tired of feeling ill, she panicked and called 111. So then I had to convince them that I don't need to see a doctor urgently, and I'm okay. Now I feel bad for making my family feel bad, bad for wasting the NHS people's time, and bad for feeling bad!

On top of that I really don't think I should go to work tomorrow or I will end up bursting into tears at my desk, but taking sick days always makes me feel massively guilty no matter how sick I am. I feel like I need a holiday from diabetes.

I just needed to get that off my chest

 

[dancer]

OK, your blood sugar is high and you feel awful but your levels aren't dangerously high. You'll be able to speak to your DSN tomorrow and she'll advise you of what changes to make.

Could you possibly be coming down with something? If so, that would complicate matters a little.

Sometimes it's just something simple, like an infusion set not working as well as it should, but not badly enough to cause really high blood sugars with ketones.

I'm not going to suggest any changes. Hopefully you're back in bed, sleeping peacefully, having got it all off your chest.

It will get better and you'll look back at tonight and wonder why you let it get to you so much. It is hard work but you will get there and you'll know how wonderful the pump is. Sleep tight!

 

[catherinecherub]

Sorry you are having such a rough time. Sometimes a good cry can put things into perspective Other people who do not understand feel helpless and because they care so much, they do not know what to do.
I would suggest that you see your G.P. as you seem to be depressed. There is no shame attached to depression and it can happen to anyone. Dealing with a chronic illness for 15 years is enough to make anyone depressed.

Is there anything specific you want to ask about the pump as others here will be able to help.

 

[Robinredbreast]

Oh I'm so sorry to hear of your problems and how emotional you're feeling. I am not on a pump, so can't advise or help you. Don't be hard on yourself, I know from reading other posts that there are often blips in the begining, and you haven't wasted any bodies time.
Try and take lots of calm deep breaths, focus on the positives ( if you are able to) x
Try and get an appointment to see your nurse or GP tomorrow for some advice, help and support.

Goodnight and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. (((((((( HUGS ))))))))))

Take good care RRB x

 

[Mike d]

You have my BEST wishes @PepperTed

You vented amongst a great community with frustration and fears that many understand or have experienced themselves. That includes me

Mike

 

[donnellysdogs]

@PepperTed

Do please get to speak to your dsn in the morning.

What pump are you using?

It takes a while to settle your basals. Have you got to go back to dsn to change themor have you got the full functionality of the pump to do them yourselves.

The reason your corrections probably aren't working is because you are running constantly above the 12 limit where corrections need a little more and as your basals are out.. Then your body has two things going against it... The corrections won't work if your basals are out.

Take the day off and get some advice from your dsn.. Being weepy is a reaction to the frustration you afe feeling.... Don't blame you either.

It would be better to see your dsn or speak to her on the phone than anything else....

 

[Jazztrombonesuperhero]

You have to put t things in perspective. Diabetes isn't the worst thing that can happen to you in this ever increasingly bonkers world in which we happen to live, but it can be a right pain in the **** at times. I've had it for 30 years and I don't think that there is an emotion i haven't experienced courtesy of Mr D during that time. One of the main protagonists (unjustifiably) is guilt. I have constantly felt "wrong" when doing blood tests or injections in public. I've blamed myself for mood swings due to mild hypos or irascibility due to high BMs. I feel like a criminal when I have to explain to customs officials what my medication is and the reason I'm looking so sweaty is due to hypoglycaemia, not heroin ...... honestly......no really......oh, you believed me in the first place, sorry........
My point is that it makes you feel this way but in reality, in general, people are on your side. You have a disease that is treatable, many people around the world don't. In another time or another place we would all have just died miserably, but we haven't. We have possibility. We have hope. You can't always see it, but it's always there.
It is totally understandable that you feel this way and believe me, you're not on your own. So many of us have been there and come out the other side. You'll get help with your medication, you'll feel better, but always remember that NONE of this is your fault and we're all on your side. You always have lots of us to talk to.

 

[Scandichic]

I'm bumping your post in the hope that someone on a pump will see.
Anyone would feel emotional and frustrated in your position. Eventually you and your healthcare team will get you sorted but it sounds like it might take longer than you anticipated so stop beating yourself up. I wish I could advise you but I can't as I'm T2 on meds. Is it possible that the equipment is faulty? Hugsxxx

 

[dtennant9]

Since I started my pump in November I have had worse overall control than I had on MDI. You just need to take baby steps with everything and try and concentrate on one part of the day at the time. When you are certain you have the Basals correct for that part you can start working on the carb ratios and correction factor.
I'm coming up to 3 months since starting and I still feel like I have a long way to go before it is sorted out.

 

[PepperTed]

Thanks all. It helps a lot just to know others understand how I'm feeling.

I wasn't looking for advice about reducing the blood sugars, just venting about how I feel. I'm waiting for a call back from the DSNs to talk over my results from the weekend. And I'm definitely not depressed, it was just a bad day!

 

[Bufger]

To be perfectly honest a day or two off 'on the sick' every few years when its really needed helps both you and the company. You'll go back feeling refreshed, you'll most likely be able to concentrate more etc. There is such a negative view on being sick and yes some people take it too far but in your situation i'd probably make the call, tell them you're on a new method to deal with your insulin and it hasnt worked out as easy as you'd hoped and have a couple of days for adjustment

 

[PepperTed]

Thanks Bufger. I warned my boss (and HR) that this might happen, and they have been very supportive. The guilt is all coming from me!

I still haven't had a call back from the DSNs though. I know they must be seeing patients but I desperately want to talk to someone. I've taken the plunge and upped my basal by 10% because this is getting ridiculous. My BG was 13.4, I got fed up and took 12 units to see if it would have any impact, an hour later and it's 12.6. So frustrating. I just want the nausea to go away.

 

[dtennant9]

Thanks Bufger. I warned my boss (and HR) that this might happen, and they have been very supportive. The guilt is all coming from me!

I still haven't had a call back from the DSNs though. I know they must be seeing patients but I desperately want to talk to someone. I've taken the plunge and upped my basal by 10% because this is getting ridiculous. My BG was 13.4, I got fed up and took 12 units to see if it would have any impact, an hour later and it's 12.6. So frustrating. I just want the nausea to go away.

@PepperTed I've noticed quite often since starting the pump that I don't see much downturn in my BS an hour after doing a correction. I usually see a reduction a bit after that.

 

[Engineer88]

hey PepperTed, what insulin and pump are you using? we can help more if we know,

all the best.

 

[donnellysdogs]

Thanks Bufger. I warned my boss (and HR) that this might happen, and they have been very supportive. The guilt is all coming from me!

I still haven't had a call back from the DSNs though. I know they must be seeing patients but I desperately want to talk to someone. I've taken the plunge and upped my basal by 10% because this is getting ridiculous. My BG was 13.4, I got fed up and took 12 units to see if it would have any impact, an hour later and it's 12.6. So frustrating. I just want the nausea to go away.

@PepperTed

With any correction of insulin whether by pump or injection then you should come down to normal target by 5 hours.....you should start to see a drop by 90 mins.. But it won't be the biggest drop in bg.. This will occur 2-3 hours after that correction.

What pump are you on?

 

[PepperTed]

I'm on an Animas Vibe with Novorapid. My sugars today have been:

2am - 9.5 (1.5u correction)
6am - 9.8 (3.25u correction)
10am - 11.6 (7g of carbs and 7.45u)
12pm - 12.4 (3.5u correction)
1pm - 13.2 (FED UP, 12 units of correction!)
2pm - 12.6 (1.2u correction)
3pm - 12.1 (5.8u correction)
4pm - 11.4 (0 units, thought I'd had enough and it was finally coming down...)
5pm - 11.4 (4.9u correction)
Now - 11.2 (is there any flipping point in trying to correct???)

So I make that 33 units correction units with apparently no effect. Most of the changes could be due to natural margins of error from my blood meter. I've had 7g of carbs the entire day, and hardly any food, where the heck is all this insulin going?

Obviously my basal needs to be raised. A DSN called me at 3pm and told me to put a temp +20% basal on, which I did. So far it doesn't seem to have made any difference.

I've just had a pretty carb-y dinner, just in case the lack of food / carbs was somehow contributing to this - I don't really understand it all yet. Had parsnips, carrots, peas, flour (yorkshire pudding) and a small bit of cake for dessert. Let's see how bad it gets now

 

[donnellysdogs]

Have you been started on a basic flat hourly rate for all your 24 hours?

I personally would not be putting on a tbr but altering the actual basal rates upward.

 

[donnellysdogs]

To stave off hunger I would suggest that younhave lower carb foods.. Ie 2 boiled eggs (i bolus 8g for medium and 10g for large ones). These will not raise your bloods enormously.

Cheese and walnuts as a snack won't either.

 

[donnellysdogs]

Yes, its 33 units correction but how many units are you pumping through on an hourly rate?

 

[iHs]

PepperTed your bg levels will go lower once youve adjusted your 2 hourly basal rates correctly ........google Basal Rate Adjustment table.

Using a Combo pump a while ago, my 24hr basal rates were all set at 0.50u per hour but at 2am bg was 2.2mmol so took some lucozade, 4am bg was still 2.8mmol so again more lucozade, 4am bg was still low so had lucozade and a biscuit as I needed some sleep. Got up at 8am, bg was 9mmol so realised that I didnt need to eat the biscuit, just the lucozade but that my basal need increased from 4am onwards.

Took me a few days of adjusting the basal as I didnt think to look at the guide table but ended up with midnight basal being 0.28, 2am being 0.30, 4am being 0.45 so you can see that I dropped my 0.50 to 0.28 so you can see what the difference was to bg as my target was 6.5mmol so for me I needed to reduce but for you, you need to increase.

Dont despair..........you will get there in the end once youve got your hourly basal rates sorted properly..