Men jokes....

Scandichic · Jan 31, 2015

A LOT OF JOKES ABOUT BLONDE FEMALES FLOAT AROUND THE INTERNET BUT SOME MAY BE SURPRISED THAT THERE IS A WHOLE GROUP OF JOKES ABOUT MEN THAT MANY DO NOT SEE.
ENJOY THIS OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN.
One day my housework-challenged Husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?''It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' Brisbane Broncos !'
And they say blondes are dumb...
________________________________________
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world...'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you.......
_________________________________________
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower..'Honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.____________________________________
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour
_________________________________________
Dear Lord,I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
________________________________________
Q: Why do little boys whine?A: They are practising to be men.
_________________________________________
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy. .
_________________________________________Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
________________________________________Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?A: It helps them remember which end to wipe..
_________________________________________Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?A: Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals'
_________________________________________
While creating husbands, God promised women that good and ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world.........
......then He made the earth round, and laughed and laughed and laughed.
_________________________________________
Send this to at least five bright,funny women you know and make their day!
And send this to five bright men who have enough sense of humour to take it!

Doriand · Jan 31, 2015

Scandichic said:
A LOT OF JOKES ABOUT BLONDE FEMALES FLOAT AROUND THE INTERNET BUT SOME MAY BE SURPRISED THAT THERE IS A WHOLE GROUP OF JOKES ABOUT MEN THAT MANY DO NOT SEE.
ENJOY THIS OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN.
One day my housework-challenged Husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?''It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' Brisbane Broncos !'
And they say blondes are dumb...
________________________________________
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world...'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you.......
_________________________________________
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower..'Honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.____________________________________
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour
_________________________________________
Dear Lord,I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
________________________________________
Q: Why do little boys whine?A: They are practising to be men.
_________________________________________
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy. .
_________________________________________Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
________________________________________Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?A: It helps them remember which end to wipe..
_________________________________________Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?A: Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals'
_________________________________________
While creating husbands, God promised women that good and ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world.........
......then He made the earth round, and laughed and laughed and laughed.
_________________________________________
Send this to at least five bright,funny women you know and make their day!
And send this to five bright men who have enough sense of humour to take it!

Used as a pick up line by an unsuccessful bloke in night clubs:"I'll give you the best two minutes you've ever experienced!" At least he was honest!

adrian207 · Jan 31, 2015

Scandichic said:
A LOT OF JOKES ABOUT BLONDE FEMALES FLOAT AROUND THE INTERNET BUT SOME MAY BE SURPRISED THAT THERE IS A WHOLE GROUP OF JOKES ABOUT MEN THAT MANY DO NOT SEE.
ENJOY THIS OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN.
One day my housework-challenged Husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?''It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' Brisbane Broncos !'
And they say blondes are dumb...
________________________________________
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world...'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you.......
_________________________________________
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower..'Honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.____________________________________
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour
_________________________________________
Dear Lord,I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
________________________________________
Q: Why do little boys whine?A: They are practising to be men.
_________________________________________
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy. .
_________________________________________Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
________________________________________Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?A: It helps them remember which end to wipe..
_________________________________________Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?A: Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals'
_________________________________________
While creating husbands, God promised women that good and ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world.........
......then He made the earth round, and laughed and laughed and laughed.
_________________________________________
Send this to at least five bright,funny women you know and make their day!
And send this to five bright men who have enough sense of humour to take it!

I liked those, but why may I ask did you put it on here ............Send this to at least five bright,funny women you know and make their day!
Bright

on here

adrian207 · Jan 31, 2015

Doriand said:
Used as a pick up line by an unsuccessful bloke in night clubs:"I'll give you the best two minutes you've ever experienced!" At least he was honest!

It was probably in the middle of the football season so you couldn't really expect to get anymore than 2 minutes, could you??

carty · Jan 31, 2015

We. we're bright but someone switched off the green flashing light

CAROL

adrian207 · Jan 31, 2015

carty said:
We. we're bright but someone switched off the green flashing light
CAROL

ha ha ha I like that answer

Pasha · Jan 31, 2015

Attention to detail,

A group of German metal workers are sitting around eating their lunch when Hans asks Helmut, "how many eggs can you eat on an empty stomach"? . Helmut thinks this over for some time wishing to give a very accurate answer and finally answers 5 eggs. Hans then points out to him just how dumb his answer is, because once you have downed one ,your stomach is no longer empty.

Helmut returns home in the evening and wishes to surprise his wife Lucy so he asks her how many eggs can she eat on an empty stomach, she says two eggs. Hah what a pity he says , if you had answered 5 eggs then I could have told you a good joke.

adrian207 · Jan 31, 2015

adrian207 · Jan 31, 2015

Why We Split Up
My ex wife Karen told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and that I'd have to quit.

So I did but then I caught her spending £75 on makeup.

So I asked, "how come I had to give up stuff and not her".

She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me.

I told her, "but that's what the beer was for".

We got divorced soon after that.

Doriand · Feb 3, 2015

adrian207 said:
Why We Split Up
My ex wife Karen told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and that I'd have to quit. View attachment 11432

So I did but then I caught her spending £75 on makeup. View attachment 11433

So I asked, "how come I had to give up stuff and not her".View attachment 11434

She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me.View attachment 11430

I told her, "but that's what the beer was for".View attachment 11429

We got divorced soon after that.View attachment 11435

Scandichic said:
A LOT OF JOKES ABOUT BLONDE FEMALES FLOAT AROUND THE INTERNET BUT SOME MAY BE SURPRISED THAT THERE IS A WHOLE GROUP OF JOKES ABOUT MEN THAT MANY DO NOT SEE.
ENJOY THIS OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN.
One day my housework-challenged Husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?''It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' Brisbane Broncos !'
And they say blondes are dumb...
________________________________________
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world...'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you.......
_________________________________________
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower..'Honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.____________________________________
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour
_________________________________________
Dear Lord,I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
________________________________________
Q: Why do little boys whine?A: They are practising to be men.
_________________________________________
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy. .
_________________________________________Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
________________________________________Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?A: It helps them remember which end to wipe..
_________________________________________Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?A: Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals'
_________________________________________
While creating husbands, God promised women that good and ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world.........
......then He made the earth round, and laughed and laughed and laughed.
_________________________________________
Send this to at least five bright,funny women you know and make their day!
And send this to five bright men who have enough sense of humour to take it!

Squire Fulwood · Feb 3, 2015

I have been reading the funny jokes but I notice that it has changed from men jokes to a battle of the sexes.

How long before someone gets upset, minces off and refuses to play anymore.

Well ................that's what usually happens.

Scandichic · Feb 3, 2015

Squire Fulwood said:
I have been reading the funny jokes but I notice that it has changed from men jokes to a battle of the sexes.

How long before someone gets upset, minces off and refuses to play anymore.

Well ................that's what usually happens.

Then I think the response would have to be...... Man up, princess!

Scandichic · Feb 3, 2015

Doriand said:
View attachment 11470 View attachment 11471

My husband loved those!

Scandichic · Feb 3, 2015

adrian207 said:
View attachment 11427

So what's the one for men?

I must disagree with number 3 under chemical properties. That is children.

But it's suddenly occurred to me....

Both mine are girls

adrian207 · Feb 3, 2015

Scandichic said:
So what's the one for men?
I must disagree with number 3 under chemical properties. That is children. But it's suddenly occurred to me.... Both mine are girls

There isn't one for men. We aren't hazardous material

Scandichic · Feb 3, 2015

adrian207 said:
There isn't one for men. We aren't hazardous material

Oh really!!!!!'

adrian207 · Feb 3, 2015

Scandichic said:
Oh really!!!!!'

We're lovable, adorable beings

anna29 · Feb 3, 2015

Love the man drop off day care centre idea .
Where is it ?

Perfect place to leave the hubby - whilst I go shopping

adrian207 · Feb 3, 2015

anna29 said:
Love the man drop off day care centre idea .
Where is it ?

Perfect place to leave the hubby - whilst I go shopping

Probably the local strip joint but we don't mind waiting

anna29 · Feb 3, 2015

adrian207 said:
Probably the local strip joint but we don't mind waiting

Cheeky - you men eh

Men jokes....

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