my humour

[steveandkay]

Velcro ,,,,,, what a rip off
black beauty ,,,,,,,,, theres a dark horse

 

[steveandkay]

I walked into a bar once ,,,, ouch it was a metal bar

 

[myrio]

I was offered 8 legs of venison for 50 pound is that two dear

 

[myrio]

I was offered 8 legs of venison for 50 pound is that two dear

What do you call a dog with no legs? any thing you want he isnt going to come to you

 

[Robinredbreast]

Groans for all of them, they're so bad , they're good lol

 

[Scandichic]

 

[Doriand]

I walked into a bar once ,,,, ouch it was a metal bar

Horse goes inside a bar......Barman: "Hey fella, why the long face?

 

[jack412]

guy in bar..hears small voice,,nice tie, you're handsome etc..calls bar man and tells him...oh that would be the nibbles on the bar..they are complimentary

 

[chris lowe]

I've just come back from the holiday of a lifetime - never again!

 

[kevinfitzgerald]

Three mice having a discussion on which one of them is the hardest.

First mouse says "I'm the hardest mouse here, first thing this morning I did 100 press ups a hundred star jumps and then I drank a quarter bottle of Bells whiskey"

Second mouse says "That's nothing, I'm the hardest mouse here, first thing this morning I did 200 press ups, two hundred star jumps and then I drank a half bottle Napoleon brandy"

Third mouse laughs provokingly and says " I'm the hardest mouse here, first thing this morning I did 500 press ups with my girlfriend on my back, 500 star jumps with a cricket ball on each shoulder, I then drank a litre of Woods full proof rum before going out and beating up that local bad boy rat everyone is terrified of"

He then puts his coat and hat on and sparks up a roll up.

"Wow that is hard" said the other two mice, "where you off to now?"

"Home............................ to shag the cat"

 

[myrio]

my wife asked me to buy something that made her look sexy so i bought a case of lager

 

[chris lowe]

my wife asked me to buy something that made her look sexy so i bought a case of lager

Living dangerously

 

[Doriand]

I bought a 'penis enlarger' through mail order once. When the package arrived I opened it up and all I got was a magnifying glass!!!!It even had instructions:"Do not use under direct sunlight"

 

[chris lowe]

I bought a 'penis enlarger' through mail order once. When the package arrived I opened it up and all I got was a magnifying glass!!!!It even had instructions:"Do not use under direct sunlight"

 

[myrio]

my wife said to me do i look different today I said is it a new dress .She said no . I said is it a new hairdo she said no.I said i give in she screamed i am wearing a gas mask you BAS######