How do you tell your family you have diabetes?

Alicia R

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Messages
72
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
It's probably down to attitude, it may not seem a bright future, but the future is bright if you take the right steps. You only have to Google something like "celebrities with diabetes" to see how many very well known actors/actresses, sportsmen etc have diabetes. I'd tend to be looking at it in a positive way and be thinking that this isn't going to beat me and I'm starting a bucket list now. I knew I should never have read "The Art of positive thinking" by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale. Maybe your friend should get hold of a copy?
Again it's down to different attitudes and as much as I would hate stereotyping any nationality the attitude your friend shows is very similar to the attitude that I saw in those US based forums all those years ago. As much as it may affect anybody in your circle, you're not going to hide the fact for ever, so why wait, just doesn't add up. There again, that's just me, you asked a question, a rhetorical question perhaps, I gave an opinion, the answer is simple, you say "I have diabetes", so no worries.

You're absolutely right! But, you know how it is. Think back to when you were diagnosed. Before you had time to adjust. How did you feel? How did your family react, at first? Were they all jumping for joy? Or, did it make them worry or sad? Sooner or later you have to face it head on and it's really no big thing, when you've adjusted. But in the very beginning, those first few moments when you hear those words, "You have diabetes," how does it feel? "Oh goodie, I have diabetes! I can't wait to tell my family!" Or... "Oh ****, I have diabetes. How am I going to tell my family without upsetting them?" Just saying, is all!
 

Alicia R

Well-Known Member
Messages
72
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
Hello!

I was diagnosed T1 last year aged 29.

I dreaded telling my parents, as I didn't want to make them sad. No one in my family has diabetes so it was a total shocker.

I left it about 4 weeks, until I was more confident in my treatment and so I wasn't too sad when I told them.

Anyway, I did in the end. It wasn't easy, I just blurted it out!

For a while they worried and had questions, but now no big deal at all :)

OMG! You hit the nail right on the head! That's exactly how I feel and that's exact;y what it is, no matter what anyone thinks! What you just said, it's so perfect, I'm speechless! :)
 
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Emmotha

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Messages
1,123
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
OMG! You hit the nail right on the head! That's exactly how I feel and that's exact;y what it is, no matter what anyone thinks! What you just said, it's so perfect, I'm speechless! :)
You sound like you are being a great friend. I think we all could do with the same support you are offering your friend. I had a friend diagnosed 6 months before me so they could give me lots of help
 

pavlosn

Well-Known Member
Messages
2,705
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Tablets (oral)
Hi Pavlosn
There comes a time when every parent HAS to take a step back and HAS to let go, if you don't do it now there will come a time when the child will say enough is enough and start pulling away from you, if you allow him the freedom now to choose but stay within reach to help when asked for that bond will be stronger between you.
Its a hard thing to do as we always want to protect our young ones, but if you can learn the trick now later it will pay dividends as he will know you will be there for him no matter what.

On Children
by Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.




Sent from the Diabetes Forum AppseEpe o.: The vivaiRb
 
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JTL

Well-Known Member
Messages
4,358
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Diet only
Dislikes
Litterbugs war mongers hate mongers propagandists.
I'm sure there's more.
On Children
by Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.




Sent from the Diabetes Forum AppseEpe o.: The vivaiRb
Forgot all about Kahill.
The Phrophet.
Read him and memorised some of his stuff from my hippy days.
 

Diamattic

Well-Known Member
Messages
678
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
I was diagnosed when i was 29 as well, but when i was brought to the emergency room and admitted with DKA my girlfriend called my parents the next day, so thats how they found.

Beyond that, I told them not to tell anyone else in my family, and a couple weeks after I was released and feeling more like myself I mailed everyone a card.

The card was in black and white, one that i made myself, and on the front had a hand drawn frowning pancreas waving a white flag with a caption that read "I give up!"
On the inside a wrote a brief statement that told everyone that i had been diagnosed with T1D, that I am still in good health and good spirits, and a brief explanation on what it is, and then a line let them know if i should ever to go there house for dinner they should try not to serve pasta or pizza, and shouldn't be offended if i turn down any deserts around the holidays lol

That was pretty much the end of that. The next time i saw that family member i just asked "oh hey, did you guys get my card ?" with a smile, and they would say something like "yeah, that sucks eh.. " I would agree and that was that!
 
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Postitnote

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Messages
170
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
Dislikes
At the moment... artex ceilings. Also the concrete patio.
I told my husband straight away and didn't even have to think about it...

... my parents still do not know. I can not tell them and it would be a lengthy post to explain why. Suffice to say it is a combination of (1) them being extremely judgmental: I brought it on myself; and (2) them being interfering and offering "advice", kindly meant (I think) but completely lacking in the benefit of any experience or education. Advice that if I ignore or I challenge, I am accused of being disrespectful.

I do wish I had the kind of mum that I could talk to about this sort of thing. My husband is great but sometimes I just want my mum to hug me and tell me she's there for me, and that it's going to be okay.
 
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Nuthead

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986
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Insulin
Easy one for me. I was in hospital at the time being diagnosed with cancer and almost died in a&e. So after the family were told I was not going to make it and then told I had a very aggressive cancer and could go either way, and then I also had steroid induced diabetes (from the drugs to keep me alive) the diabetes thing didn't seem to matter much. :meh:.
 
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JTL

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Type 2
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Diet only
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I'm sure there's more.
I came home from the surgery and said ... Gordon Bennett I've got flaming diabetes on top of everything else now .... or something along those lines.
I must be abnormal.
People seem to want everything to be an issue.
Are people maybe watching to many soaps?
 
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I didn't make an issue of it, even though I was away from my two children, in a strange hospital, hundreds of miles away from home too, got on with it, after saying, oh s**t..
 
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vintageutopia

Well-Known Member
Messages
401
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Diet only
I understand what your friend is going through. Aside from my husband and a very dear friend, no one knows. My husband is my biggest supporter and has even started a LC lifestyle himself. He says I inspire him...silly man. :rolleyes: My kids are 10, 8, and 1. They don't know, but they do know I watch what I eat and check my BS. I had gestational diabetes with my youngest, so it isn't strange for them to see me pricking my finger.

I suppose I will tell the rest of my family (whom I am very close to) in my time. In my head, I feel like I want to tackle this thing and understand it better before I talk to others about it. It is okay for her to take her time too.
 

Replicant

Member
Messages
8
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
I do not quite understand why somebody would not tell their family members that he/she has a diabetes. I do not know what type diabetes the person in question has but at least with type 1 it is important that the people near you know of your condition and know what to do in case of a hypo. I told immediately (I am type 1) the people who need to know, family, close work colleagues and people I have to travel with for work.

Diabetes is not a contagious disease.
 
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vintageutopia

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Messages
401
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Diet only
Honestly? I think there is more guilt associated with Type 2. If someone is overweight and did not exercise enough or eat healthy foods prior to the diagnosis, there can be judgment attached to the revelation and that is the last thing a newly diagnosed diabetic needs to hear-- "you could have prevented it."
 
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Replicant

Member
Messages
8
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
Hi Vintageutopia, I am not sure if your reply is directed to me or somebody else. Most of the people I have to explain my condition do not have the faintest idea between 1 and 2. So in some sort of way I think we are in the same boat. I did not know there is guilt associated with type 2, I have only studied type1 and skipped everything else. As far as I know you can do a lot to change the situation with type 2 with life style changes, even a complete cure. There is nothing you can do with type 1 except to adapt to the desease with insulin.

I still do not understand why somebody should hide the diabetes from the family or friends.They should be your support network. If they are not, there is something wrong which has nothing to do with diabetes.
 
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JTL

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The guilt with T2 is manufactured from ignorance.
I've even had an ambulance driver make snide comments.
I for one couldn't have avoided mine ... it is not self inflicted.
I've always been very active.
I've never had a sweet tooth.
Never indulged in cakes crisps fizzy pop sweets etc.
Never been one for pigging out.
At just under six foot three I remained at fourteen stone with nary a fluctuation and was slim and in shape,
Then I started taking Gabapentin with the warning of weight gain.
I shot to eighteen stone almost overnight and the next thing I know I have diabetes.
I still don't pig out or do fizzy drinks etc .... never have ... never appealed to me.
 

vintageutopia

Well-Known Member
Messages
401
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Diet only
No, it wasn't directed at anyone specifically, I was just trying to shed light on why some people may not feel comfortable sharing their diagnosis. In addition to possible guilt for some, others may just be private people and even though they may be close to family and friends, they may choose not to share. I don't think that means they have an issue. Different strokes for different folks.

Personally, I can't pinpoint why I haven't shared my diagnosis with my family, except 1) I am still new to this journey and finding my way 2) I don't want my parents and sister to worry, because they will and I would like to allay their worries by showing them how I am managing it 3) When something unexpected or untoward happens, I tend to reach within rather than to others. It's a character flaw, but a true one.

As far as people understanding the difference between T1 and T2, I completely agree. We are all in this together.
 
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the_anticarb

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I think these sorts of reactions are a result of Type 2 diabetes in particular, and Type 1 by association, being stigmatised. I have had diabetes 23 years and don't remember this stigma when I was first diagnosed, it is only in the past 10-15 years that people have been made to feel like lazy slobs who deserve all they get if they get diabetes.
To the OP would your friend have this reaction if she had been diagnosed with another chronic condition such as epilepsy? Is it that she is not ready to accept having an illness, or not ready to have diabetes in particular?
I can be reluctant to tell new people in my life such as work colleagues, that I have diabetes until I have known them a while because a) I want to be as 'normal' as I can even to the outside world and b) if I want the odd treat and to inject for it I don't want people raising their eyebrows or asking 'can you eat that'. However I don't feel bad about family members knowing, I was diagnosed as a teen so never had to tell them myself.
Just make sure your friend does not stay in denial too long. That way complications lie. Been there done that bought the t shirt.