I am mum to 16 year old daughter with type 1, diagnosed 2 years ago. Things went well for first couple of months, she was testing 4 times a day and taking insulin twice a day. Now she refuses to test blood sugars, will not go to clinic appointments and will not speak to nurse or doctor. She does still take insulin but we have no idea what blood sugars are. If I try to speak to her about it I am "hassling" her. Try to say its because I care but she is having none of it. Any advice gratefully received
Advice needed for diabetic daughter
- Thread starter jackgard
- Start Date
First things first - she's still taking insulin. That's great. Some of us go off the rails and stop taking it completely (I did, albeit for a very short while). So although it's scary, don't panic (easier said than done, I know). She isn't harming herself as badly as all that. She may not be harming herself at all if she's taking her insulin regularly. Don't forget, generations of Type 1s grew up with no home blood testing at all.
Secondly - it's a tough disease. Sooner or later everyone with it has to come to terms with the fact that it's forever, you never get a holiday, and you don't get time off for good behaviour. That is a very hard thing to get your head round. You also find that your whole life is suddenly expected to be other people's property - people asking about your blood sugars can feel incredibly intrusive when you are a teen (and to be honest, when you are an adult too). It's completely normal to freak out about it - lots and lots of us do! It's also completely normal to do what you are doing and worry.
Having said all that, she's clearly not in a good place at the moment and both she and you need support. Others may not agree, but having been through it myself, I'd say the best thing you can do right now is tell her that you are worried, tell her you are there for her when she needs it, then give her a bit of space. She needs to find her own way of coping with diabetes and while she's still injecting, you can afford to let her do that.
If she'll take the suggestion - the best thing I did to get me to come to terms with diabetes was talk to other T1s. There have been two or three fellow T1s in my life who basically saved my life and mental health - one was 80 when I was 19 so it doesn't necessarily have to be someone her age. I'd be happy to help if it would be of use, and I'm sure there are others on here who would, too. (PM if you need to)
Secondly - it's a tough disease. Sooner or later everyone with it has to come to terms with the fact that it's forever, you never get a holiday, and you don't get time off for good behaviour. That is a very hard thing to get your head round. You also find that your whole life is suddenly expected to be other people's property - people asking about your blood sugars can feel incredibly intrusive when you are a teen (and to be honest, when you are an adult too). It's completely normal to freak out about it - lots and lots of us do! It's also completely normal to do what you are doing and worry.
Having said all that, she's clearly not in a good place at the moment and both she and you need support. Others may not agree, but having been through it myself, I'd say the best thing you can do right now is tell her that you are worried, tell her you are there for her when she needs it, then give her a bit of space. She needs to find her own way of coping with diabetes and while she's still injecting, you can afford to let her do that.
If she'll take the suggestion - the best thing I did to get me to come to terms with diabetes was talk to other T1s. There have been two or three fellow T1s in my life who basically saved my life and mental health - one was 80 when I was 19 so it doesn't necessarily have to be someone her age. I'd be happy to help if it would be of use, and I'm sure there are others on here who would, too. (PM if you need to)
hi sorry didn.t reply earlier.......to be honest i find living with a teenage diabetic hell.together with the teenage hormones... the female hormones and bs all over the place it doesn.t make life easy for anyone
so at least shes taking her insulin and attending school......i had to involve the school in the end.....she gets fed up with them hauling her out of class to test her bloods unless she goes to medical room.....the school nurse that visits also sends for her to see how she is doing.... we have the diabetic nurse going in too liase too.we come under Sen co ordinator and have countless meetings to ensur jane bs are not too high as then she cannot concentrate.....
next meeting with clinic if she doesn.t go you go...talk with the team and plot your course of action...will the nurse or dr contact her via her mobile???????
it needs to be done
she is probably scared stiff about getting told off ...pleasing everyone and letting you all down. its so hard good luck and keep me updated xx
so at least shes taking her insulin and attending school......i had to involve the school in the end.....she gets fed up with them hauling her out of class to test her bloods unless she goes to medical room.....the school nurse that visits also sends for her to see how she is doing.... we have the diabetic nurse going in too liase too.we come under Sen co ordinator and have countless meetings to ensur jane bs are not too high as then she cannot concentrate.....
next meeting with clinic if she doesn.t go you go...talk with the team and plot your course of action...will the nurse or dr contact her via her mobile???????
it needs to be done
she is probably scared stiff about getting told off ...pleasing everyone and letting you all down. its so hard good luck and keep me updated xx
Ambersilva
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I've just attended a short course for Type One Diabetics at my Diabetic Clinic. We were a mixed group with an attendee diagnosed several years ago who is needle phobic so is not injecting insulin but is testing BS levels. That attendee is soon to have a pump. Another attendee was a teenager and mother. Another attendee was recently diagnosed but is unable to test during working hours. Another attendee was aware of the nutritional aspect of food but could not work out the bolus required.
The purpose of the course was to help us learn how to Carbohydrate count and to workout the Insulin bolus. Other topics included detailed information about Complications and how to minimise the possibility of getting them in the first place. Pumps were discussed and we were shown how they are fitted.
Enquire at your Diabetic Clinic to whether a suitable course is available.
The purpose of the course was to help us learn how to Carbohydrate count and to workout the Insulin bolus. Other topics included detailed information about Complications and how to minimise the possibility of getting them in the first place. Pumps were discussed and we were shown how they are fitted.
Enquire at your Diabetic Clinic to whether a suitable course is available.
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jackgard said:
The only advice I could give is to speak with your daughters diabetes team and ask them for advice, diabetes is hard to come to terms with at any age but it must be especially hard for those diagnosed when they are young.
Thank you for all your advice, I will just have to be here for her when she needs me. I have tried to get her to speak to other teens with T1 but at the moment she isn't interested, think she just wants to forget she has diabetes. Understandably. I sometimes feel a bit judged by diabetes team, I keep in touch with them but all I tell them is how Abby refuses to test her blood and refuses to go to clinic, I am sure it's my own insecurities rather than theirs, they do all seem very nice. Will keep you updated and thanks again, it's good to know I am not alone 
Being diagnosed as a teen myself I can well understand how your daughter is feeling.. diabetes is a lot of get your head around.. its also frankly as total and utter pain in the backside.. especially as a teenager... as a parent I think you need to try and be supportive but not pushy.. at the end of the day at her age you can't force her to do anything she doesn't want to do..
The unfortunate truth is that with a lot of young people their control is quite poor.. in young women this tends to happen until they want to have children and then realise that actually they need blood glucose control to get pregnant and maintain a pregnancy.. in young men it tends not to happen until even later when they start to get responsibilities.. sometimes a visit to hospital with DKA or the like will be enough to kick start someone into action..
I would try and get her talking to someone.. and would definitely discuss with your diabetes team..
The unfortunate truth is that with a lot of young people their control is quite poor.. in young women this tends to happen until they want to have children and then realise that actually they need blood glucose control to get pregnant and maintain a pregnancy.. in young men it tends not to happen until even later when they start to get responsibilities.. sometimes a visit to hospital with DKA or the like will be enough to kick start someone into action..
I would try and get her talking to someone.. and would definitely discuss with your diabetes team..
i actually said to my daughters diabetic team without jane and said i felt they were judging me as a bad mum as janes hba1c was high...... i think at times i really pressurize jane to eat well test etc so i don.t feel so bad
They are fully aware of the hells we parenrs go through and of kids of course.....they know we try....but it has taken me about 6 years for the kids to lock the car door when they out without being reminded so testing bs without nagging may take a few more years yet xxxxx
They are fully aware of the hells we parenrs go through and of kids of course.....they know we try....but it has taken me about 6 years for the kids to lock the car door when they out without being reminded so testing bs without nagging may take a few more years yet xxxxx
Have you tried sitting her down and just asking her to talk to you about how she feels? Maybe the fact that you and her diabetes team are having conversations about her "behind her back" might be making her feel a bit rebellious? I know it's so hard, but could you try to put less pressure on her to do the tests all the time and have the perfect results? Maybe tell her you have no idea how hard it is for her to deal with this on her own, but that you are there for her and are trying to help as best you can.
I never really wanted or volunteered to speak to anyone about how I felt (which was bad!) but I think if someone (not neccesarily my mum or dad) had actually asked me "How do you feel about all of this?" instead of telling me "you must do this amount of tests and at these times" and then telling me off and treating me like a naughty child if I missed one or didn't get a good test result, I would probably have burst into tears, had a good cry, and then been quite honest and said how I felt like my body was betraying me, like I wasn't in control of anything, how much I just wanted to be a normal teenage girl, how unfair it all was!
I don't know what your relationship is like with your daughter, but I never felt that close to my mum and like I could just talk to her, which is why I suggest you asking her!
(I am 26 now and still feel like doing the above sometimes!)
My doctor once asked me to up my number of tests from 4 to 8. When I got a bit upset and said I didn't like doing them, and didn't know if I would be able to do that many, he patted me on the knee and said "Well, it's not that difficult, your nurse team and I all pretended to be diabetic for a week and did the blood tests. Obviously not the injections though, hahaha." And all I wanted to do was punch him in his stupid face! How dare he compare a weeks worth of tests to living with this for a lifetime??
As a teenager, everyone is a bit emotionally/hormonally turbulent, the diabetes adds to this so much more, I was a terrible diabetic at that age and I am still struggling for good control, but I only really took charge of it myself when I realised that no one else was going to suffer the consequences of not monitoring my blood sugars and taking my insulin correctly - and as pneu said, when my doctor started talking to me about babies and pregnancy and how good your control needs to be. That for me was the real kickstarter for sure.
Sorry if any of this sounds patronising or inappropriate - but it's what I wish someone had told my mum when I was younger! My mum was a nurse, so every clinic I felt like she and the nurses were talking about me behind my back, and the doctor would explain everything to her instead of me because she understood it, and sometimes he'd even say, "oh well your mum can explain it you later" if I said I didnt understand something or needed help with it. It made me feel so furious, and the only way I could get "control" over my body again would be by being naughty and not testing. Crazy teenage girl logic at work there!
Good luck Jackgard - and again, echoing Snodger, I'm sure we'd all be willing to help by speaking to your daughter if you'd like us to.
I never really wanted or volunteered to speak to anyone about how I felt (which was bad!) but I think if someone (not neccesarily my mum or dad) had actually asked me "How do you feel about all of this?" instead of telling me "you must do this amount of tests and at these times" and then telling me off and treating me like a naughty child if I missed one or didn't get a good test result, I would probably have burst into tears, had a good cry, and then been quite honest and said how I felt like my body was betraying me, like I wasn't in control of anything, how much I just wanted to be a normal teenage girl, how unfair it all was!
I don't know what your relationship is like with your daughter, but I never felt that close to my mum and like I could just talk to her, which is why I suggest you asking her!
(I am 26 now and still feel like doing the above sometimes!)
My doctor once asked me to up my number of tests from 4 to 8. When I got a bit upset and said I didn't like doing them, and didn't know if I would be able to do that many, he patted me on the knee and said "Well, it's not that difficult, your nurse team and I all pretended to be diabetic for a week and did the blood tests. Obviously not the injections though, hahaha." And all I wanted to do was punch him in his stupid face! How dare he compare a weeks worth of tests to living with this for a lifetime??
As a teenager, everyone is a bit emotionally/hormonally turbulent, the diabetes adds to this so much more, I was a terrible diabetic at that age and I am still struggling for good control, but I only really took charge of it myself when I realised that no one else was going to suffer the consequences of not monitoring my blood sugars and taking my insulin correctly - and as pneu said, when my doctor started talking to me about babies and pregnancy and how good your control needs to be. That for me was the real kickstarter for sure.
Sorry if any of this sounds patronising or inappropriate - but it's what I wish someone had told my mum when I was younger! My mum was a nurse, so every clinic I felt like she and the nurses were talking about me behind my back, and the doctor would explain everything to her instead of me because she understood it, and sometimes he'd even say, "oh well your mum can explain it you later" if I said I didnt understand something or needed help with it. It made me feel so furious, and the only way I could get "control" over my body again would be by being naughty and not testing. Crazy teenage girl logic at work there!
Good luck Jackgard - and again, echoing Snodger, I'm sure we'd all be willing to help by speaking to your daughter if you'd like us to.
