- Messages
- 98
- Type of diabetes
- Type 1
- Treatment type
- Insulin
I think I finally cracked at the weekend. Since I was diagnosed in Januray I have tackled this thing head on and thought I had accepted that this is how I am going to be so I will deal with it. I didn't even realise it was starting to get to me until Saturday. I was at the park with my little boy (he's 2 in 3 weeks) and he wanted ice cream so without even thinking I got two cones from the ice cream van and we sat eating them while watching the ducks like a "normal" mum and son. Then I suddenly realised hold on I haven't checked my blood, I haven't taken any insulin, I don't even know how ice cream affects me as I haven't touched it since diagnosis! It was like I just got totally overwhelmed and I broke down. I sat there sobbing my heart out for what felt like 3 months worth of emotions coming out (I haven't cried once about this).
Rather than picking myself up and brushing it off and getting back to what I was doing I went to the supermarket, big mistake!! I bought every single nice thing that I've been missing, ice cream, chocolate, crisps, biscuits, and over the course of Saturday and Sunday I ate the lot, I didn't bother checking my levels properly or worring about the right amount of insulin, I just ate and enjoyed it. I checked my blood a couple of times and could obvioulsy see it was starting to get high but I just thought I don't care anymore. I spent the whole weekend wallowing in my own self pity.
Last night I started to feel guilty. I'm on my own with my little boy, I'm his only parent and all he has, how bloody selfish am I to act like I don't care when I have this amazing little boy who needs me. So I gave myself a hard kick up the backside and said no more. I've had my pity party over all this, I've still woke up with this condition and I just need to man up and get on with it. I think I'm starting to feel the effects of it though, I woke up today and checked my blood and gave myself a correction dose and I'm still sitting quite high when usually that would have worked.
I'm assuming that a weekend of eating nothing but rubbish will take a couple of days to leave my system and for things to get back to normal? I know this is a pretty pointless post, I just had to get it all out with others that I assume will understand how I feel. As supportive as my friends and family have been they don't quite understand how all this makes you feel. I will get over this, I will not let it get me that down again!
Rather than picking myself up and brushing it off and getting back to what I was doing I went to the supermarket, big mistake!! I bought every single nice thing that I've been missing, ice cream, chocolate, crisps, biscuits, and over the course of Saturday and Sunday I ate the lot, I didn't bother checking my levels properly or worring about the right amount of insulin, I just ate and enjoyed it. I checked my blood a couple of times and could obvioulsy see it was starting to get high but I just thought I don't care anymore. I spent the whole weekend wallowing in my own self pity.
Last night I started to feel guilty. I'm on my own with my little boy, I'm his only parent and all he has, how bloody selfish am I to act like I don't care when I have this amazing little boy who needs me. So I gave myself a hard kick up the backside and said no more. I've had my pity party over all this, I've still woke up with this condition and I just need to man up and get on with it. I think I'm starting to feel the effects of it though, I woke up today and checked my blood and gave myself a correction dose and I'm still sitting quite high when usually that would have worked.
I'm assuming that a weekend of eating nothing but rubbish will take a couple of days to leave my system and for things to get back to normal? I know this is a pretty pointless post, I just had to get it all out with others that I assume will understand how I feel. As supportive as my friends and family have been they don't quite understand how all this makes you feel. I will get over this, I will not let it get me that down again!