Can I rant here, please?

[Helping_hand_]

@Helping_hand_ - When is your Dad's next appointment with his vascular team? If you feel you are not getting through to him, then in your shoes, my next steps would be to approach his vascular team; not for a consultation, as they may not agree to that, unless your Dad had consented to his condition being discussed with you, during his acute phase.

Again, I would write to them, expressing my concerns about his diet, and smoking aspirations, suggesting his preference appears to be to revert to his pre-crisis lifestyle . Hopefully they would take the time to reiterate the need to change to look after his diabetes and for his vascular health. I have a strong suspicion that the re-plumbing job he has had done on his legs would be a far bigger challenge to do again, if it is possible at all (I have no idea). Perhaps the prospect of a re-run of the discomfort, fear and loss of independence could be helpful, bearing in mind how fresh all of that is in his mind at the moment.

The reason my Mother's toe/foot/leg was saves was she won the lottery, in terms of luck. The tiny clot blocking the blood vessels she had left to her foot resolved spontaneously. Apparently that in incredibly rare,a dn the vascular surgeon was at enormous pains to stress to my mother that the chances of getting that luck another time were minuscule.

Good luck with it all. I do hope he catches on before you strangle him! You really are trying hard.

Thanks @AndBreathe

My dad has a brilliant care team, the nurse visits 3 times a week plus a pediatrist. They have been trying to help him and support him before and afte the operation.
Basically he wants everyone else to do the hard work and he refuses to make an effort. The nurses actually noticed the negative effect his behaviour was having on my mother, and suggested maybe he could help her a bit more and support each other. He wasn't happy with this, claiming he was the one with the problem.

All he does is blame other people, his doctor, the surgeon because it's taking too long to heal ( it's only been 3 weeks). I have been in touch with some cares support groups and they tell me the more I pander to him, the less he will do for himself. He has to actually want to help himself, and this has always been his problem.

He has had the best care and support and if he chooses to ignore medical advice because he knows best, that's up to him.

 

[Chook]

My Mother used to be like your Dad and I wasted the best part of my 30s running round after a manipulative woman who loved the attention and control she had over me. She, also, wouldn't lift a finger to help herself and carried on smoking despite several strokes.

I think you've tried all you can and maybe it's time for some tough love. He is an ungrateful adult, whose got you where he wants you and who is more than capable of making his own life choices.

I'd list all you do for him, read it out to him, then tell him you aren't prepared to stand by and watch him commit slow suicide - and that from now on you will help your Mum but he is old enough to care for himself and then let him do exactly that - all his own shopping, cooking, personal care, meds - literally everything.

 

[Helping_hand_]

Just a quick update, my dad registered with the new Doctor yesterday. He has arranged an appointment for the Diabetic clinic for June, and a dietian for July.

He spoke with a diabetic nurse today and she was happy his blood sugar has dropped to 8.3. She has given him diet advice that he is happy with, it's not low carb/ high fat. But it is a plan he can stick too and make for himself.

So now everything is in place I feel I can relax a bit and let him make his own choices.