OK. You’re not going to enjoy this post, but I have to write it and you need to read it.
In preparation for this post, I wanted to do a search of your thread for a post I made to you some time ago, where I stated in pretty clear words, of as few syllables as I could muster just exactly how your actions of that time were f&*^ing with your mind, your body and frankly putting you into a position where you have the revolver od diabetic of Russian roulette at your temple. But, I couldn’t find it. But the search was valuable because it was a real straightener for me, and informed me of even more hard facts which do nothing to disabuse me of my Russian roulette theory.
Bottom line is; these thread have been running, in one form or another since your first post of
25th November 2012. Yes, 2012. That’s almost a year longer then I have been diagnosed.. But the sad, worrying, awful thing about all 38 threads you have created is how few of them indicate any real progress, and certainly their quantum shouts loud and clear that the success you have enjoyed along the way, and don’t get me wrong, there have been some, have been short-lived and not sustained. Unfortunately, that isn’t the way diabetes works for a great outcome. The potential long term consequences of that kind of activity aren’t good, and you know it.
Right now, I can’t decide what is driving your particular brand of self-destructive behaviour. I’m not clever enough to get to the bottom of that, but the bottom line is you need help I seriously doubt we can give you on the Internet. You need counselling. Indeed, you’ve had some counselling, but I don’t know what brought that to an end. Maybe the end of your degree and therefore your time in your Uni city. I don’t know.
But bottom line is you are bouncing around like a diabetic steel ball in a pinball machine; bouncing off the buffers, triggering alarm bells, sometimes happy bells and round you go again, until you come right down the middle of the pinball playing field and straight into the gutter, ending that play of the game.
Absolute bottom line is you have to decide what you’re going to do and stick to it. Choose one set of advisors, whoever that is, and stick with them.
Last night I just couldn’t get the good old Dolly Parton song out of my mind,…… “Here you go again”, and this morning I actually called it up on YouTube, and it really can be applied to you. In the song, Dolly represents you and the person she sings about is your attitude to your diabetes, and your constantly changes in approach to your care, and self care. Watch it and overlay those thoughts.
Now, today, choose your which route you are going to adopt and stick with it. Thus far, the influencers I have read you cite are:
· GP at home
· GP at Uni
· Nurse at home
· Nurse at Uni
· Parents
· Flatmates
· Counsellor
· Hospital Doctors
· Personal Trainers
· T’internet – Here I have no idea if you subscribe elsewhere
. There are probably more I don't understand
You appear to listen to the person shouting loudest at any given moment. That’s simply not going to work. From somewhere inside you, you have to summon up your own voice, your own will and some application.
As I said, at the beginning of this post, I’m sure this isn’t comfortable reading for you. It hasn’t been so comfortable to write either, but I have reached the end of the “There, there” platitudes.
You are a bright young man, who needs to apply a few of those grey cells to steady, progressive thought. You need help, but more than anything else you need to help yourself, and until such times as you decide to help yourself properly, our efforts to support you will be futile.
