daughter reluctant to take responsibility

[ETC]

Hello,
I have an 11yr old type 1 daughter. We currently live in Zambia and her exposure to other type 1 kids is extremely limited. There are no clubs, trips or meetings etc that she would have elsewhere. I work in the same school she goes to so she has been coming to me every lunchtime to get her insulin, snack time or special events with extra food etc. She is now moving to Grade 6 and will have a school trip in Sept. I have been able to go on previous trips but will not go on this one. She doesn't want to go even though there are several adults and a registered nurse. So I've told her to step up and start learning to do it for herself....but her excuse is 'I'm scared' every time I bring it up OR walk away and refuse to discuss her own care plan. How do I get her to 'want' to take responsibility for her own health, insulin shots etc. She was 5 when diagnosed and still uses pens. If I bring the topic up we end up in a fight over her lack of interest in her own health. It completely stresses me out and I'm at a loss for what to do so that she can go on trips and rely on me less as she gets older. I tried to get her on this site and of course she refused and when she saw me writing this she walked off declaring she wouldn't speak to me. She is in such a bubble in Zambia, as I guess our family is. Any advice

 

[himtoo]

Hi there @ETC
welcome to the forum !

I don't have any personal experience covering this particular subject , I am going to tag in a lovely mum who has a recently diagnosed daughter for some support. @mahola

 

[novorapidboi26]

This must be difficult....

She obviously realises that she will need to do it all herself one day so you could sell the fact that the earlier she starts the better she will become at it....

I was diagnosed at 15 so started on my own immediately, so don't have any personal experience....

should be some parents on here at that stage though...

 

[azure]

Hi @ETC

11 is a difficult age - even without diabetes. I think children of that age and be a mix of getting to be more adult but also in some ways still be quite childlike.

When you say she comes to you to get her insulin, do you mean to fetch the pen or for you to actually do her injection? Does she do her own blood tests?

Have you asked her about her reluctance to start looking after her diabetes? Coukd it be that by making you responsible for it, she can block it out and deny it a bit? Or do you think she just dislikes 'being different'?

 

[ETC]

Hi @ETC

11 is a difficult age - even without diabetes. I think children of that age and be a mix of getting to be more adult but also in some ways still be quite childlike.

When you say she comes to you to get her insulin, do you mean to fetch the pen or for you to actually do her injection? Does she do her own blood tests?

Have you asked her about her reluctance to start looking after her diabetes? Coukd it be that by making you responsible for it, she can block it out and deny it a bit? Or do you think she just dislikes 'being different'?

Hi Azure,
I think you hit the nail on the head with both thoughts....dislikes being different (and often angry) and is in denial. She does do her own blood glucose checks and can inject but doesn't feel confident in working out how much insulin to give. We have recently been on the same school lunchtime schedule so she's been able to come to my classroom but will soon be going to the next grade and will not be able to come to me as easily. I used to use the school nurse and will hope to go back to that. However I often inject an amount instinctively using prior knowledge and general carb counts. The nurse often uses the algorithm but is not able to account for sport activities etc that could result in dropping her too low. This is also the problem I have with the up and coming school trip....all of the variables involved beyond the carb count at meals. Truthfully I'm terrified of letting her go, even with a nurse and the other adults. They don't live it and do not know the unexpected lows that can occur. maybe her dad and I have also been in denial to an extent as we're always available and haven't pushed enough for her to take some control. I feel we haven't prepared her enough but living here we are very much alone in our situation.

 

[azure]

I can totally understand why you're worried about the trip - I would be too. It's a natural reaction as a parent, so don't feel you have to deny those feelings or 'toughen up'.

I notice you said that your daughter doesn't want to go on the trip. If she genuinely doesn't want to go (rather than just saying that as a reaction to you asking her to take more responsibility) then perhaps this would be a chance to chat to her about why? She might have fears that she hasn't really vocalised before, and those fears (eg of hypos) could be contributing to her denial of the diabetes. Does she have a paediatric diabetes nurse she could talk to about her concerns? Some teams also have psychological support available. Your daughter was very young when she was diagnosed, so perhaps she's only now really becoming aware of everything to do with having Type 1?

There are blood glucose meters that can help calculate insulin amounts. Perhaps that would help with the practical side of things. You don't say what the trip involves, but, for example, if it involved various activities, you could do a trial run as a family, where you help and support her so she feels more confident.

But mainly, I'd say try to get her to open up. Tell her you know how scary Type 1 can be and tell her you're proud of how she's coping with it all. Explain you only want her to start doing a little more for her benefit not yours.

She does sound like she might be struggling to cope with having Type 1, so if she'll open up to a friend or relative that might help too.

 

[mcT1parent]

Hello,
I have an 11yr old type 1 daughter. We currently live in Zambia and her exposure to other type 1 kids is extremely limited. There are no clubs, trips or meetings etc that she would have elsewhere. I work in the same school she goes to so she has been coming to me every lunchtime to get her insulin, snack time or special events with extra food etc. She is now moving to Grade 6 and will have a school trip in Sept. I have been able to go on previous trips but will not go on this one. She doesn't want to go even though there are several adults and a registered nurse. So I've told her to step up and start learning to do it for herself....but her excuse is 'I'm scared' every time I bring it up OR walk away and refuse to discuss her own care plan. How do I get her to 'want' to take responsibility for her own health, insulin shots etc. She was 5 when diagnosed and still uses pens. If I bring the topic up we end up in a fight over her lack of interest in her own health. It completely stresses me out and I'm at a loss for what to do so that she can go on trips and rely on me less as she gets older. I tried to get her on this site and of course she refused and when she saw me writing this she walked off declaring she wouldn't speak to me. She is in such a bubble in Zambia, as I guess our family is. Any advice

Hi there. I can only imagine how stressful this is for you. We have a 10year old daughter who was diagnosed last year.

School camps are a nightmare but I think it is so important for T1 children to go on them if they can, so that they do not feel 'different' from her peers. When our daughter went on her school camp this year, we gave her a phone to take with her with instructions to phone us at any time. She gave her own injections but she discussed dosage with us on the phone each time so she was happy. We erred on the side of 'less is more' in terms of the insulin, so her BG levels were higher than usual whilst on camp. But we thought it worth it. Having a phone and access to us gave her the confidence to go on the camp, knowing that we were always at the end of a phone. As it happened, we stayed locally (just in case there was a problem) but she never knew that. As a parent letting her go on her own was very hard especially as a newbie to the condition but also empowering for her. The two nights felt like an eternity but my daughter came back stronger.

I wonder what is making your daughter feel scared - do you think that is just an excuse or is there some truth to it?

BTW, we live in Cape Town. The South African Diabetic Society here is quite active and has camps etc. Does Zambia not have anything similar? My daughter went on her first T1 camp a few months ago here and found it really helpful to meet other children with the same condition.