Day 7: Today's Positive Step

SockFiddler

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Messages
623
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Tablets (oral)
Dear all

I've been awake all night worrying, writing, researching - not about my diabetes but the 17 other ****** things going on at the moment, and it struck me that I needed to take a break and do today's Positive Thing a little earlier than usual.

To be clear, I used to be a brilliantly positive person. I volunteered for 5 years running my local parent carer forum where I supported parents of disabled children and took their experiences to service managers with an aim to making the world - or just my city - a better place. I was, until about 6 months ago, the sunniest person in any room. Now I don't really know who I am. Not to be too glum, but the last 6 - 12 months have stripped away every defining aspect of my life.

Anyway. Positive.

Since my (inevitable) diagnosis of T2 (see? Already learning the local lingo) last week, I've decided to do one single, positive thing for myself every day. Not just have a banana or smile at the neighbour, but mindfully carry out a task that will directly benefit me (specifically me. If it makes life better for anyone else, huzzah, but this is my single daily moment of selfishness). In a way, I'm challenging my self worth: do I believe I am worthy of kindness; can I be kind to myself?

It's harder than you think, really.

Last week, on day 2, I joined a different diabetes forum. My introductory post was long and angry and didn't really invite anyone to reply - I was welcomed into that community by just a single pair of open e-arms (other introduction posts garnered upwards of 30), who were able to write just a single word: "Welcome".

"Be kind to yourself first" is advice I would readily give out to my parent carers. Being one myself*1, this wasn't some wishy-washy thoughtlessly optimistic affirmation I'd spit out like some dead-eyed yoga teacher, but a creed I genuinely believed in and could back up with evidence-based arguments.

I haven't been kind to myself in some time. It's not because I hate myself or have some secret self-loathing agenda but because when you're constantly at the sharp end of life, self-kindness too easily falls at the wayside, discarded as a gratuitous frivolity: Hey! I've got stuff to do! Kind to myself? I'm much too tough and badass to worry about that - look at all this **** I'm dealing with; I have to be some kind of super-hero uber-mum just to get through the day. Psshaw, self kindness.

So, upon day 1 of my Shiny New Life With Diabetes (positive, see?!), I decided I would take my own advice and do a single, positive thing for myself each day. And my clumsy, inept forum post - where I wasn't kind to myself at all - was my day 2 attempt.

I got better at it, though. In customary fashion (for me), I took the diagnosis of diabetes over the phone because I was unable to find time to get into the surgery for an appointment. And, with typical bloody-mindedness, I instantly set about arming myself with information, striving to understand this new thing and how I might control it (because - as anyone with a disabled child will tell you - information and control are EVERYTHING in our worlds).

My day 3 self-kindness was booking a 45 minute-long appointment with the diabetes nurse. Okay, in and of itself, that's not terribly self-kind, but the reason I did it was: I recognised that I could give myself a break and let someone else do the information heavy-lifting. So instead of spending hours researching and learning and cross-referencing, I figured I'd just save myself some time and anxiety and let someone else teach me instead.

Kindness.

Day 4's kindness, by the way, was to throw away every remaining pot of Slimfast noodles, the diet I finally figured out and started upon an ironic 3 days before my diagnosis. Oh, Life, you are a rascal! The noodles look like something the cat threw up, then someone scooped up and dumped into a plastic pot and then put in the microwave. The noodles themselves have a weird texture which I can only compare to the worms I used to make my brother eat. By pot 2, I was in tears. So on day 4 I threw pots 3, 4 and 5 in the bin.

Sorry, this is probably all a bit TMI for an introductory post. I'm cursed with being both a writer and an over-sharer, Again, when you're dealing with parent carers who might have turned up to your support group in their PJ's, it puts everyone else at ease if you're not ashamed to be wearing different shoes and be sharing all the types of stories that everyone has but no-one ever says out loud. Old habits.

Speaking of old habits, those pesky carbs! I'd never been educated about food beyond the 5-a-day thing (which turns out to be complete arbitrary nonsense, apparently) and the 2k/day calorie rule - which never made sense to me as I'm 6' tall and when you actually SEE what 2,000 calories looks like and then you compare that with what my family raised me to eat. All carbs - pasta, potatoes, rice, more potatoes! We're the family who could eat 4 different types of carbs in a single meal! (I have learned my actual intake should be 2,800 - 3k / day)

This last week - again, very typically for me - I have met my diabetes face-to-face. I've looked it in the eye and stared it down. I've gone carb cold-turkey (as far as modern food, my budget and my energy levels will allow).

Not to boast but my intake totals for the last 3 days look like this:

Friday: 2258 calories, carbs 245.05, sugar 71.5
Saturday: 2318 calories, carbs 151.3, sugar 57.3
Sunday: 1235 calories (Sunday is "Sleep and Salad Day"), carbs 89g, sugar, 43.3g

On Friday my self-kindness (I was carb-craving like I was pregnant) was a packet of cheese and onion crisps. I feel no shame.

On Saturday I thoughtlessly had a baked potato with what I thought was going to be a brilliantly healthy dinner - chicken and pesto wrapped in bacon. Well, it was delicious.

But here's the shocking thing (in this particular instance - a lot of things this week have shocked me). I would think nothing of ordering a takeaway on a Friday and digging in with my son with a movie and a bottle of coke. Goodness, when I worked it all out, it's about 8k calories! In a single meal!

It's all too easy to be tired and click a few buttons and - ta-da! - food appears at your door, delicious and ready to eat! For a while, giving myself a pass from being in the kitchen (not a natural housewife) was the only kindness I could afford myself, which sounds lame, I know. I beg only that you don't judge me until you know more about me. When I say "It's been crazy" I'm not kidding. I've had to give up my beloved volunteering, I've lost my mobility, I've been fighting tooth and nail for my son for well over a year. I've been severely anaemic for 3 of the last 4 years and, in all the appointments where I've asked doctors for help - with my back, with my weight, with my stress, the best anyone has ever given me is "Lose some weight". As if I hadn't realised, until that moment of magnanimous epiphany, that I'm actually shaped like a whale. Being neither stupid nor lazy, it remains a mystery to me why, in 3 years of asking for help, no-one has ever bothered to ask "Why can't you lose weight?"

Which is why I say my T2 diagnosis was inevitable.

So I started looking at the numbers. Logic thus: diabetes is a metabolic disease. It is affected by carbs and sugar. To understand my diabetes, I need to understand what I eat and what that does to me. Not just emotionally and practically, but in terms of what I eat actually delivers. For the first time in my life, I need to be in control of my food - not just because it'll allow me to control my diabetes and my weight, but because it'll prove something to myself, something quiet and vicious and accusatory that whispers to me in my mother's voice. I need to take control of the most fundamental aspect of existence: how I fuel myself.

That and having all that data is fascinating and will - hopefully - persuade the diabetes nurse on Wednesday to give me a meter and lots of strips because, apparently, NICE guidelines don't require T2's to monitor - it's left up to individual surgeries to decide if they want to fund that or not (if you don't monitor, how can you fundamentally understand - and therefore control - your relationship with food?). The way I am choosing to engage with my diabetes is aggressively cerebral and data-driven. It's factual and unemotional: with so much else in my life up in the air, I need just one thing to be stripped of all feelings and boil down to simple observe-and-record scientific fact.

Allowing myself to have this approach, to start anew and let go of the guilt and shame I felt upon my diagnosis (again, meet my lovely mother) is, maybe, the greatest kindness I can grant myself. That and surrounding myself with people who are also on the same journey.

I believe we all need more kindness: we all need to both show and be shown more kindness, and I believe this utterly. I believe we all need to be kinder to ourselves, to give ourselves a break. To be kind enough to ask how we're really feeling about something, or to find out what we actually want, or find that half hour to take the plunge with an overly long, rambling post into a new community.

So this is me. Struggling to be positive. Trying to be kind. I'm looking forward to meeting you all and sharing stories, numbers, jokes and such kindnesses as any of us can afford with you - I've already read some of your stories and felt such a wave of gratitude that I burst into tears.

With e-love,

Sock x

*1 My son, Euan, is 11 and has autism and complex sensory needs. I could go into how poorly we've been treated by our LA and how it's resulted, now, in the decision that he must go into residential - which is a decision I haven't made freely and is absolutely breaking my heart, but I just spent the night working on that and I'm trying to be positive, remember?
 
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chalup

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Hello and welcome. It sounds to me like you are going about this exactly right. Knowledge is power and self kindness is indeed very important. I am in Canada and spent many years doing residential care for people of all ages with physical and developmental disabilities. It is a huge job to look after someone with complex needs and it sounds like your son is very lucky to have you as his mother. I do not know how these things work in the UK but here the families have 24 hour unrestricted access to family members in care as well as a great deal of input as to how care is provided. I hope the transition goes smoothly for both you and your son.

You will find the folks on this forum to be both caring and a fantastic source of information. Keep posting and ask anything you might like. Someone will be along to answer.
 
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SockFiddler

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Messages
623
Type of diabetes
Type 2
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Tablets (oral)
Look at that! 2 replies already, and each with multiple words!

Thank you, both (and anyone else who wishes to hop on) for the welcome. It's so easy to become isolated and, from there, to go slightly bonkers. I honestly think writing and participating here is going to do me the world of good. And, hopefully, maybe, cheer others up along the way.

In all honesty, I'm not quite ready to talk about the situation with my son yet. I mean, I know I desperately need to, but it's all so raw and I need some kind of mental buffer for a while - such as being in new place that has no trace of it save that which I carefully invest.

I feel in love with this forum - specifically the people - as soon as I found it, but had some issues with logging in. Either the admin fixed it (thank you!) or my computer unbugged itself. Either way, I'm delighted to be here.

Thanks for having me :)
 

bulkbiker

BANNED
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19,576
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Diet only
Hello and welcome...
The carb cravings do subside and once you get used to the yummy stuff we eat on a low carb diet you won't miss then at all. This is from a guy who used to eat a whole loaf of bread on his way home before dinner! I have had precisely one slice of bread in the past 20 months (in a posh restaurant- "specialty" bread) and if it hadn't been for the butter it would have been really horrible! Now I cut out the middle man and just eat the slice of butter (but some would say I m a bit odd in that respect).
Anyway you are here.. we're mostly lovely and very willing to help.. Ask any questions and we'll be along to answer in time.
Good luck in your new hobby.
 
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Diakat

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Hi there Sock,

The forum is full of kind, helpful people, who often like a laugh (and a few grumpy ones ;)).

We are all guilty of letting life grind us down sometimes. But it sounds like you are getting back to a better place.
 
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geefull

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2,569
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Hello @SockFiddler and welcome

I'm sure you will find, as I did that the forum is a welcoming and helpful place.

The information and support I've found here has made a huge difference to my being able to feel in control of the way my health is managed on a day to day basis.

Share where you feel a need to and ask away with any questions you have :)
 
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Snapsy

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Welcome, @SockFiddler ! Humbled by your story - what an inspiration!

Hugs. And then another 17 hugs, one for each of the other things in your first paragraph.

Do stick around!

:happy:
 

SockFiddler

Well-Known Member
Messages
623
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Tablets (oral)
I'm so grateful for all your replies! I just exclaimed with glee as I was writing one reply - the flag went green and Euan was instantly over to see what I'm up to.

And while I'm typing this reply, it goes green again!

Holy nachos, this is brill :)

Also, hobbies... I'm learning Spanish with Duolingo because... well, just because. For a while I tried Danish but the nouns and adjectives were killing me (sorry, Danes). Spanish seems to be far easier. I guess it's not a hobby until I actually start talking to people in Spanish which, at the moment, would be challenging:

"I have a beer!"
"I am a spider!"
"Clean my room!"
"Nice to meet you!"
"Monday and Tuesday are days of the week!"
"The men are positive!"
"She is a specialist of birds"
"My blouse has different colours"

Not terribly conversant yet, though that stupid green owl insists I'm 23% fluent already...
 

AM1874

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1,383
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Type 2
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Diet only
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Hi @SockFiddler .. and welcome
Loving your positive attitude .. and you have made a good move coming here. Since joining this forum, the folks here have given me so much info, advice and support that I am now much more confident about the journey ahead. So ask your questions and be assured that you will receive the answers that you need .. It's still early for me but, in my experience, it gets easier .. very quickly ..

Managing and controlling your diabetes through exercise, diet and testing your Blood Glucose seems to be the best way forward for many people. For me, committing to an LCHF (Low Carb High Fat) lifestyle and testing 3-5 times a day seems to be working and you'll find that there is a wealth of info, relevant advice and positive support about LCHF on the forum ..

I have tagged @daisy1 for you and I suggest that you read up on the Low Carb Program in the information that she will soon be sending you. You might also find the discussion on the Low Carb Diet forum helpful .. and the following Diet Doctor websites ...
Low Carb Intro and Information
Low Carbs in 60 Seconds

A top priority is that you get yourself a test meter and, for this, I suggest that you try the website at:
https://homehealth-uk.com/product-category/blood-glucose/
for the SD Codefree meter, which costs £12.98 (you don't pay VAT) or:
http://spirit-healthcare.co.uk/product/tee2-blood-glucose-meter/
who distribute the TEE 2 meter, which is free.
I have both for comparative purposes and I have never found any significant difference between them. Unless you are prescribed test strips by your doctor (unlikely), the costs of testing comes down to the ongoing charges for test strips and lancets. I'm testing 3-4 times a day which works out at around £10 to £12 per month for either of the two packages above but, more importantly, I now know what my BG levels are .. and I can now manage them
Hope this helps
 
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Salvia

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Messages
812
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Prediabetes
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Diet only
Hello @SockFiddler - what a delight to have you join us; despite a few negatives to deal with, your joyous positivity is positively infectious ;) . Love begats love, and there's oodles of it flowing from your words; I'm very sure that people will be happy to return that affection, and give whatever help and support they can, in spades. :)
 

Bluetit1802

Legend
Messages
25,216
Type of diabetes
Type 2 (in remission!)
Treatment type
Diet only
Hi @SockFiddler and welcome aboard.

Your posts are so refreshing they are a joy to read, so thank you.

Buying your own meter will be the kindest thing you can do for yourself because it will guide you through the minefields of diet and which foods are suitable for YOU and YOUR blood sugar control along with a food diary. Another kindness you can do for yourself is to make sure you have copies of all your blood test results, either print outs from the surgery or on-line if your surgery has complied with the recommendations to have this facility available. You know knowledge is power, and we can't always trust our medical team to tell us everything - they have a knack of filtering out information you would be better knowing.

Keep researching, read round these forum threads, and ask as many questions as you like. We are all on your side.
 

Rachox

Oracle
Retired Moderator
Messages
15,810
Type of diabetes
I reversed my Type 2
Treatment type
Tablets (oral)
So I started looking at the numbers. Logic thus: diabetes is a metabolic disease. It is affected by carbs and sugar. To understand my diabetes, I need to understand what I eat and what that does to me. Not just emotionally and practically, but in terms of what I eat actually delivers. For the first time in my life, I need to be in control of my food - not just because it'll allow me to control my diabetes and my weight, but because it'll prove something to myself, something quiet and vicious and accusatory that whispers to me in my mother's voice. I need to take control of the most fundamental aspect of existence: how I fuel myself.
I was diagnosed 7 weeks ago and your paragraph about numbers and taking control really sums up how I have been dealing with my diabetes! I have apps and spreadsheets galore. My rusty O level maths has come into its own, adding, subtracting and working out averages!
This forum has been a great inspiration for me, there's such lovely, supportive and fun people here. I'm sure I wouldn't be where I am now both physically (blood sugars normalising and weight going down) and mentally (I've gone from shell shocked, the title of my first post here, to determined and content with my lot), if I hadn't stumbled on this forum searching desperately on the internet at diagnosis.
I wish you all the best xx
 
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Bluetit1802

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This has really made me laugh - because my husband's only French phrase is that his shirt is very shiny...............!
;)

and after attempting to learn Dutch, the only phrase I learnt was .... your carpet is good.
 

Chook

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People who think they know everything.
You are VERY welcome to this forum :)

You might find, though, that your Diabetes Nurse isn't so keen on you eating a low carb diet - for some reason they seem to think that our brains won't function unless we eat carbs. Many of us just agree with what they say, smile and ignore.

As you have done some research you've probably already found out that we don't need carbs but they are very hard to give up as they are so addictive.

BTW, up until recently I worked with adults with Autism and going in to residential will be more traumatic for you than it is for your son. Most of the service users I worked with really enjoyed living where I worked and I hope its the same is for your son. *Big hug for you and your Euan*.

I learned French, German and Latin at school - and I can't remember a word of the German or Latin and only odd bits of the French. I learned Greek as an adult (I got engaged to a Greek when I was in my early 30s and wanted to talk to his mother) and all I can remember now is 'cheers', 'good morning', 'good afternoon' and 'good evening' - and 'can I rent a motorcar' - which, given that I can't drive, is a bit of a strange one.
 
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daisy1

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@SockFiddler

Hello Sock and welcome to the Forum :) Here is the Basic Information we give to new members and I hope you will find it interesting and useful. Ask as many questions as you like and someone will be able to help.


BASIC INFORMATION FOR NEW MEMBERS

Diabetes is the general term to describe people who have blood that is sweeter than normal. A number of different types of diabetes exist.

A diagnosis of diabetes tends to be a big shock for most of us. It’s far from the end of the world though and on this forum you'll find well over 235,000 people who are demonstrating this.

On the forum we have found that with the number of new people being diagnosed with diabetes each day, sometimes the NHS is not being able to give all the advice it would perhaps like to deliver - particularly with regards to people with type 2 diabetes.

The role of carbohydrate

Carbohydrates are a factor in diabetes because they ultimately break down into sugar (glucose) within our blood. We then need enough insulin to either convert the blood sugar into energy for our body, or to store the blood sugar as body fat.

If the amount of carbohydrate we take in is more than our body’s own (or injected) insulin can cope with, then our blood sugar will rise.

The bad news

Research indicates that raised blood sugar levels over a period of years can lead to organ damage, commonly referred to as diabetic complications.

The good news

People on the forum here have shown that there is plenty of opportunity to keep blood sugar levels from going too high. It’s a daily task but it’s within our reach and it’s well worth the effort.

Controlling your carbs

The info below is primarily aimed at people with type 2 diabetes, however, it may also be of benefit for other types of diabetes as well.

There are two approaches to controlling your carbs:
  • Reduce your carbohydrate intake
  • Choose ‘better’ carbohydrates
Reduce your carbohydrates

A large number of people on this forum have chosen to reduce the amount of carbohydrates they eat as they have found this to be an effective way of improving (lowering) their blood sugar levels.

The carbohydrates which tend to have the most pronounced effect on blood sugar levels tend to be starchy carbohydrates such as rice, pasta, bread, potatoes and similar root vegetables, flour based products (pastry, cakes, biscuits, battered food etc) and certain fruits.

Choosing better carbohydrates

The low glycaemic index diet is often favoured by healthcare professionals but some people with diabetes find that low GI does not help their blood sugar enough and may wish to cut out these foods altogether.

Read more on carbohydrates and diabetes.

Over 145,000 people have taken part in the Low Carb Program - a free 10 week structured education course that is helping people lose weight and reduce medication dependency by explaining the science behind carbs, insulin and GI.

Eating what works for you

Different people respond differently to different types of food. What works for one person may not work so well for another. The best way to see which foods are working for you is to test your blood sugar with a glucose meter.

To be able to see what effect a particular type of food or meal has on your blood sugar is to do a test before the meal and then test after the meal. A test 2 hours after the meal gives a good idea of how your body has reacted to the meal.

The blood sugar ranges recommended by NICE are as follows:

Blood glucose ranges for type 2 diabetes
  • Before meals: 4 to 7 mmol/l
  • 2 hours after meals: under 8.5 mmol/l
Blood glucose ranges for type 1 diabetes (adults)
  • Before meals: 4 to 7 mmol/l
  • 2 hours after meals: under 9 mmol/l
Blood glucose ranges for type 1 diabetes (children)
  • Before meals: 4 to 8 mmol/l
  • 2 hours after meals: under 10 mmol/l
However, those that are able to, may wish to keep blood sugar levels below the NICE after meal targets.

Access to blood glucose test strips

The NICE guidelines suggest that people newly diagnosed with type 2 diabetes should be offered:

  • structured education to every person and/or their carer at and around the time of diagnosis, with annual reinforcement and review
  • self-monitoring of plasma glucose to a person newly diagnosed with type 2 diabetes only as an integral part of his or her self-management education

Therefore both structured education and self-monitoring of blood glucose should be offered to people with type 2 diabetes. Read more on getting access to blood glucose testing supplies.

You may also be interested to read questions to ask at a diabetic clinic.

Note: This post has been edited from Sue/Ken's post to include up to date information.

Take part in Diabetes.co.uk digital education programs and improve your understanding. They're all free.
  • Low Carb Program - it's made front-page news of the New Scientist and The Times. Developed with 20,000 people with type 2 diabetes; 96% of people who take part recommend it... find out why
  • Hypo Program - improve your understanding of hypos. There's a version for people with diabetes, parents/guardians of children with type 1, children with type 1 diabetes, teachers and HCPs.
 

Guzzler

Master
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Hi and welcome. Your introductory post has made me nod my head, chuckle and feel more positive about the journey we are on. Thank you.
 
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Snapsy

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and after attempting to learn Dutch, the only phrase I learnt was .... your carpet is good.
It's all too easy to ask for your loaf to be circumcised (beschnitten) rather than sliced (geschnitten) in a German bakery. It was days before that was pointed out to me........ by the people who'd been selling me bread regularly. The cliche about the German sense of humour is such a fib!
;)