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Diabetes & a relationship.

Discussion in 'Type 1 Diabetes' started by jodie_2012, Oct 21, 2015.

  1. jodie_2012

    jodie_2012 Type 1 · Member

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    Hey guys, I'm just wondering what your partners/ wives / husbands etc are like when it comes to your diabetes?
    I have been Type1 for 18 months and with my partner for 3 years.
    He can be supportive but I feel that when it comes to my diabetes he doesn't really take it as serious as I'd like him to?
    I'm not expecting him to understand every single in and out because there's some things I don't understand myself still!
    But when it comes to things like hypo's etc I feel like he just doesn't react or offer support etc.
    It sounds petty but I'm writing this after just having a really bad hypo in asda car park with no glucose and he didn't say or do anything!
    Am I being dramatic or asking to much of him? I've cause a row because I had a go at him in the midst of my hypo as I was panicking.
    I just want him to be a bit more understanding but I'm not sure how to go about it!
    Thank you and sorry for sounding so miserable! Jodie x
     
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  2. Jems7

    Jems7 Type 1 · Member

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    Hey Jodie! I've been diabetic for 14 years and been with my partner for 3 years, one thing I will say is that it's entirely normal to be more emotional during a hypo, pretty much anything can make me cry when I hypo! It could be that your partner doesn't really understand/know quite what to do! Does he go with you to appointments etc? When I started dating my partner he didn't know anything really and he now always comes along to my appointments and was with me when I recently started the pump. He usually has more questions for my doctors/nurses than I do and some questions I'd never have thought of! Maybe one suggestion I could give because I got annoyed at Stuart one day and he said he just felt useless and a bit of an idiot is that when I was hypo to actually tell him what I need! When I've had a bad hypo and i start to panic, if I've already had he glucose and I'm just waiting on it working, I sometimes tell him to just keep talking to me to help keep me calm. So just telling him what you need, even if it's just a hand to hold!!
    Please feel free to private message me if you want to chat x
     
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  3. Clivethedrive

    Clivethedrive Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Hi jodie_2012, sounds like your other half isn't quite understanding what is really happening re your illness,my wife and daughter are very supportive as they know what i was like prior to gaining control of my bs's ,they i think knew before i did something was not right with my health,has he noticed the changes? Maybe he's playing mr cool so as not to worry you?sometimes not understanding whats happening is quite a block to reacting positively? Anyway my best wishes to you both and give yourselves permission to take the time to learn together and look after each other( the book,Diabetes explained by dr richard bernstein3rd edition deals in detail with how to treat hypo' s and get diabetes under control)
     
  4. noblehead

    noblehead Type 1 · Guru
    Retired Moderator

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    @Jems7 advice is really good, try and involve your partner more by taking him along to clinic appointments and explain to him what it feels like to go hypo and how he can assist you when it happens.

    Goes without saying @jodie_2012 that you should always carry some fast-acting glucose with you, hypo's can happen when you least expect them.
     
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  5. Totto

    Totto Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    @jodie_2012 I have no experience of T1 or the kind of hypos you have, nor of epilepsy but my husband had epilepsy. Very rare for him to have seizures but they had to be avoided at all costs even though he only had a very rare and mild form and not the dramatic grand mal kind.

    In my mind seizures and hypos are of a kind. Your partner probably doesn't understand how severe a hypo is so do take him along on an appointment with someone who can explain the severity of hypos and how he can assist you.
     
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  6. himtoo

    himtoo Type 1 · Moderator
    Staff Member

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    my wife and I have been married for 27 years and quite scarily she seems to know i am going hypo before I do -- ( this has caused its own rows when I don't believe her -- LOL)

    I guess the main thing is tell your partner everything you can so that there is understanding ( we have a many years long standing joke that she says I tricked her into marrying me because she did not know all the ins and outs of dealing with D -- but we laugh a lot about that all the time )
     
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  7. yingtong

    yingtong Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    I've been type 1 for over 53 years and married for 45 years,my wife is so supportive a she is better than any blood/glucose meter at spotting I'm going low which is brilliant as I have lost my "hypo" awareness and I still love her to bits.
     
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  8. Catlady19

    Catlady19 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Have you been on any courses (DAFNE I think it is for T1?). Partners are welcome to attend and this may give him much more awareness of what happens to you.
    Good luck, you'll work it out! x
     
  9. novorapidboi26

    novorapidboi26 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    My misses is quite good although she doesn't bother with anything much these days as, well, I don't require anything from her.........

    she is happy to work out the carbs for any meals she cooks for me which is good........

    as far as hypos are concerned, my symptoms are strong and I never really tend to panic with hypos, even with the bad ones, this is probably because I pretty much always get a response from the liver and I always carry a sugary drink.....

    I don't think you are being dramatic, no, being so new its normal to want support as you yourself are in the dark......its unfortunate you had a row but this was almost certainly due to the hypo....

    maybe have a calm word when your blood sugars are stable and say how you get scared when it happens and that you would like him to help...
     
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  10. Natalie1974

    Natalie1974 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    I think it's one of those things that improves with experience on both sides. I've been diabetic for 15 years now and with my partner for only around 18 months or so. Partly because I was on my own with a young daughter when I was diagnosed I've never made too much fuss about hypo's...as I didn't want to freak her out...I just take myself off and sit quietly with my jelly babies until it passes. I know from experience that if I make a fuss...that everyone else around me will start panicking or fussing over me...which is something I really hate...especially in an addled state. I think for me...because I have such an approach to hypo's that my partner has never really been too concerned when they happen because he know's that I can handle it myself but will sometimes just give me a 'I'm here if you need me' type look which I find really reassuring.

    As @noblehead said...always make sure you have fast acting glucose on you...I know it's not always as easy as it sounds and we've all been caught out at some point but being prepared does help to take the panic element out of it...it will also help to reassure your partner that you're in control and he doesn't need to worry about you when you're not with him. I think it must be tough for partners to know what to do or how to react...it's something that we deal with every day so we know what to do and how to deal with it...so I suppose it's logical that they would assume that you're in control of it all and they perhaps don't need to get too involved but perhaps you need to discuss your feelings in regards to various aspects of your diabetes and how you feel that he can support you.
     
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  11. Cathn61may

    Cathn61may Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    It is hard for a person living with a Type 1 Diabetic but he must be made aware Hypos happen. It is not done purposely they say time is a great healer if he loves and cares for you it should not be a problem. My ex husband though I had hypos deliberately. Little did he know stress brought them on for me. He used to make me feel guilty and shameless. My 3 sons are able to tell if my sugar is low. Hypos now far and few between.
     
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    #11 Cathn61may, Oct 22, 2015 at 8:01 PM
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 22, 2015
  12. Sarah Ann Hodges

    Sarah Ann Hodges Type 1 · Active Member

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    Hi Jodie.....I've been diabetic for 28 yrs and with my husband for 25 years...he is brilliant with me and I know I'm lucky he can pick up highs and lows sometimes even before I can by my mood or my appearance I think because he's seen my diabetes at its best and worst and I suppose I do describe how it feels the impending doom and everything and I think because of letting him in on it I think he then takes much more interest...maybe take your partner with you to clinics I don't think anyone will truly understand everything but I know I couldn't do it without his support...I hope you sort everything out love. Xx
     
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  13. wren5

    wren5 Type 1 · Member

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    Hi Jodie
    It's hard on the pair of you as you have only been diagnosed for 18 months, but he should realise that you don't know how you are meant to feel. I have been type 1 since I was 5 so I have had to teach him about hypos. But I didn't realise how much it affected him until I had kids and starting going unconscious during the night! It took me a while to realise that he keeps patting me during the night as a hypo makes me a block of ice. But after 27 years of marriage I still need to tell him when I am having a hypo but he is brilliant when he knows but whenever I have a bad one he can become a pest by keep asking if I am alright. Like the others say he needs to learn with you
     
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  14. Joanne 01

    Joanne 01 Type 1 · Newbie

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    Have you spoken to him and asked him why he acts like this? many people are frightened and just turn away instead of having to deal with diabetes because they don't understand it educate him and make him understand and if he doesn't he's not good enough for you x
     
  15. TorqPenderloin

    TorqPenderloin Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    I'd remind him that a hypo reaction is basically your body's response to keep your brain from starving to death. I think those are words just about anyone can understand. If that doesn't do the trick, have him a Google "Diabetic Coma."

    Hopefully, it's just a matter of educating him and helping him to grasp the severity of these kinds of situations.
     
  16. johncon

    johncon Type 1 · Member

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    I've been with my wife 15 years and to be honest she hasn't involved herself that much in my diabetes. Probably as I just try and sort myself out whenever I get in a hypo (the only time she realises I'm in one is if she see's me drinking lucozade). Your response to your hypo was probably fear at not having glucose readily available, I can sympathise a little with him as what was he supposed to do? Stay with you and try to help or go into the shop and buy something for you to help? He could have felt torn between what he was supposed to do. I think you really need to discuss things with him and tell him whats best to do if something like that happens again. It can be frightening for loved ones to see you in that state, but forewarned is forearmed.
     
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  17. Fayefaye1429

    Fayefaye1429 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Hey Jodie some of mine have been great and some partners when I look back have been bums about it. When a partner struggled or I found he didn't understand if ask if he wanted to know more etc and ask my diabetic nurse if we could have meeting to explain some bits to him but dressing the meeting up so he didn't feel stupid.i.e saying it was to fill both of us in have you considered that?
     
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