Diabetes and depression - Advice Please?!!

[SazCameron]

Hi there! I'm hoping to get some advice from you all!

My boyfriend was diagnosed type1 a couple of months ago (after inititally being told he was type2 - a story for another day!) however he has been coping less and less as time goes by, to the point where he is now very depressed and even saying things about how he wishes he weren't alive etc.

I know he needs some kind of help, but being a very stubbon man (is there any other kind :wink: ) who doesn't want to talk about it he won't get proper help.

Did any of you have this? Is there anything I can do to help him? what helped you through it?

I would so appreciate any help you can give!!! Thankyou!

 

[ma5on]

Hi Saz

This is a tough one cos the only thing I found to help 'lift' my depression around this was to actually get on and do something about it.

My depressive moods nearly always correlate to periods of poorer control and improve dramatically when my sugars come back within range. My husband knows he's not getting much out of me when my sugars are high, but I will chatter away quite happily when they're in the norm....weird! (Also experience a kind of joyful mania when I'm going hypo, but that's another story!

Men are harder to crack - I (and this is only my opinion!) think men can be single-minded at times - this can be a great thing!!! However if this is focussed towards his Diabetes in a negative sense then it's a downwards spiral....

All I can suggest is that he starts to try and get a grip on things - I found that by taking control it made me feel like I was actually IN control. I started testing regularly and noting down my results - this also helped me put my case forward to the hospital for an insulin pump (now on the waiting list).

I also feel some sense of achievement in bringing my HBA1C down from 14.7 to 9.9. Although I have a way to go, at least now I know I'm doing what I can to avoid complications - before I knew that a lot of the fault would have lain with me for mismanaging my Diabetes.

These forums have really helped - just talking it over with other people who ACTUALLY GET IT!!! Not some patronising consultant near retirement who thinks he has all the answers!

If he's not interested - he may not be ready yet (we're here when he is!), you can always come here for support - we don't discriminate! :wink:

Hang in there!!!

ma5on

 

[jopar]

Hi Saz

Your boyfriend is properly still in the grieving process that diabetes go through, as we all grieve after our old life, this is normal… Also being new to diabetes he has yet to find his own empowerment to control the condition which with the grieve process and if still suffering from high sugar levels, or uncontrolled sugar levels makes life pretty tough for the diabetic…

As ma5on says, he needs to find a way of empowering himself to take control of his diabetes, once he’s found that he should be more positive…

How to find empowerment, this is a hard one, because it can’t really be given on a plate sadly, but needs to be work on and gained…

A overview, is the need to learn and understand how food and insulin reacts with him, how exercise, work load stress effects his blood sugars, so that he can then decide what he needs to adjust so his blood glucose remains stable and in good range..

In reality easier said than done..

The only real way of finding out what happens when, it data collection taking the time to build a complete picture, the better the picture you’ve built the easier and quicker it is to take the control data needed

1, blood glucose level
2, learn carb counting, and types so that you know what is in a meal/snack you’ve eaten
3, whether you’ve exercised, worked before eating
3, whether you are stressed, feel ill or on holiday ect
4, if you exercise, was it moderate, hard bg before during, after… what carbs you took ect

It seems and is a lot to do…

And can so easily be overwhelming, and can cause someone not even to attempt starting… So take it at one small step at a time, set little goals to achieve that are realistic… As when he’s achieved these, then he feel just a little more empowered and well find it easier to expand further to gain more empowerment etc…

Take one day at a time, if he’s failed to yesterday, well you can’t change the past put you can try again today, and with the knowledge that he gained yesterday, will help him achieve today… Don’t look too far into the future as this come over whelming as well…

 

[Jen&Khaleb]

I became very depressed after having my baby who has Down syndrome. When he was 8 months old he went into DKA with a blood sugar of 86. I was really upset again but after my initial break down at the hospital I did recover. I now find diabetes more annoying than him having Down's. If help is needed you need to find it. The help might be talking to other diabetics (this forum) or seeing a mental health professional. My partner left me when our son was 10 weeks old because he was "sick of being around someone crying all the time". Be supportive and respect that people need time to adjust to new situations and some people cope better than others.

Diabetes is depressive for many reasons. Sometimes it is just disappointing when you think you are doing all the right things and still get poor readings, the forecast of doom and gloom or the struggle with the relentless routine. It does become easier and less of an inconvenience but still difficult for the majority.

I hope things get better soon for you both, Jen.

 

[ma5on]

Jen, can I just say "Kick Ass!!!"

Sounds like you're a real example of how to overcome s*** and to do it brilliantly!!!

Thank you for being so frank.....and can I just say it's your partner's loss. You're brilliant!!!

Khaleb is a very lucky little boy! x

 

[Lel]

Hi Saz,

I was totally in the same position as your boyfriend, at 19 I was diagnosed as being type 2 but at 23 I found out that I was actually type 1 which I think is a common mistake made with people who develop diabetes as we are to young for type 2 but to old for type 1.

for a while i jumped right in there and started to look after myself but i soon realised there was a lot the doctors hadnt told me and i had put on a lot of weight etc which made me go into total denial, stop the insulin and also made me totally depressed.

'why me?' is what i often asked myself because there is no one else in my family and none of my friends have this so why am i the unlucky one?

The last few weeks for some reason or another i have decided that enough is enough and i am beginning to take care of myself again.
i think the worst thing for me is thinking that i would have to give up my love of food, but i really dont, i can eat what i like as long as i know how to cover it with insulin and i also don't over do it.
I enjoy it almost now i get a buzz out of knowing that i can control it and i know that im giving myself back a few years of my life because im preventing the complications that come along with diabetes.

Your boyfriend is quite rightly grieving for a life he used to have but he has to remember that it wont solve anything, this wont go away and he is the only person that can take control and face it head on.
He also needs to see himself as one of the lucky ones, as silly as it may sound, but he has been diagnosed with a disease that has so much support and tools to make is bearable to live with some people are diagnosed with far worse and that's what i try and remember.

it is so easy to sit back and feel self pity but the fact is that with a couple of months of adjusting and learning he can live with it for a very long time without it making a very big impact on his life.

I hope he realises soon that he isnt the only one out there.

Good luck with your stubborn man, heaven forbid mine ever got anything worse than a cold :lol:

 

[Miasma]

I'm 18 and I was diagnosed type 1 in january, I didn't have time to sit back and think about it til the other day as most people will understand, once you're diagnosed, you have to dive in with both feet, theres no time to sit and dwelll, its straight on with finger pricks and injections, I find myself pretty depressed at times because of it, like the other day I cried (pathetically) because my blood was 9mmol and i was just craving a cheese roll haha. I guess there's not much you can do about it except sit back and listen if he wants to talk, my boyfriend gets bored if i talk about it and it frustrates me more, its always nice to get it off your chest
hope he feels better soon babs

 

[Lel]

Hi Miasma,

I get days like that too but I just have a good blub and tell myself the cheese roll will make me feel worse....the will power I have is a good feeling now, didnt know I posessed such a thing.

My boyfriend is a bit rubbish at listening as he has the attention span of a flea, but if he knows the basics then i know im ok when im with him. i think men were all born with selective hearing.

The forum is really good for the bad days just to come on and vent.

take care!

xx

 

[farmerfudge]

I've had diabetes for over 3 years now. Before diagnosis I was a depressive person anyway suffering 2-3 weeks of depression at each go before it lifted.

Exactly at the time of my diagnosis I started a new job which was high pressured and fast moving. My diabetes was forced onto the back burner; looking back I dont know how I got on with things but I did.

That's kind of how it carried on until the last few months where I entered a depression that did not lift. It's no coincidence that during that period I was making a concerted effort to get my diabetes under control (visiting this site every day). It threw everything into greater scrutiny and emphasis and thinking about it constantly made my depression heavier.

Finally two weeks ago I went to the doctor and described what I was feeling. He actually dismissed the diabetes as a direct cause of this depression. There are other factors, threat of redundancy etc but I disagree with him, the fundamental cause is the diabetes in my opinion. None-the-less he's prescribed me a course of anti-depressents.

Just 'confessing' that I was suffering from depression for the 1st time in my life had an immediate effect it felt like a heavy load was lifted from my shoulders. 2 weeks on I can start to feel the effect of the Prozac kicking in, but it wont be fully effective for at least another 2 weeks apparently. I need to exercise more, which has an amazing effect on lifting depression, but it's like something inside my head is numbing the depressive thoughts and making it hard to dwell on negative things. Anti-depressans aren't for everybody but I'm glad I'm tackling this illness in what seems to me to be an effective way.

It's strange how depression is still such a taboo subject that people visably draw back from and seem so reluctant to engage in discussion about. In my opinion depression is not a dirty word and is not a label you can stick on people :roll: