Husband of Diabetic in distress, needs help!!

[Wallz]

Hi guys, firstly thanks for taking the time to read this post, i am new to the forums so appreciate all the help and advice.

I am not a diabetic, but married to a T2 diabetic, only diagnosed 3-4 months ago. She is only 28 and is on oral meds (gliclazide and metformin i believe). Although i cant fully appreciate what she is going through as im not diabetic myself i understand the sypmtoms, the causes and generally what is going on.

However, recently she has been very angry and very negative, flaring at the smallest of things, and to be honest any opportunity to shout at me even if its not worthy of an arguement!i am aware that having to come to terms with diabetes as a life long illness can make her angry. I have done my best to calm her but as she constantly tells me, i dont understand what its like. ive agreed to do as much as i can around the house as shes happiest when the house is tidy, and to exercise with her (even if its just regular walks), and to be much stricter on what she eats, which is she wants.

Her diabetes clinic is pretty useless - the usual diet advice and monitoring, but when she asked for help with the anger the response was pretty much that its part of the process, and no offer for help.

i guess all im asking for is a little advice and guidance as to how i can improve things so that she isnt constantly angry and flares at the smallest of things! I want to help her, and the last thing i want is to ruin our marriage but i do feel that if it continues this way that will happen - and not by me but by her!

i look forward to all your ideas.
Thanks guys!

 

[sugarless sue]

After any major trauma in our lives we go through the 5 stages of grief. This can happen with a death or a diagnosis of illness or even stressful things like moving house !

The stages are :

1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me".

2-Anger-"why me?".

3-Bargaining- wishing things could be changed.

4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity.

5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept what has happened, not just try to bear it quietly.In the case of her diabetes a positive attitude to controlling it may happen so that she is once again in control of her life.

It is difficult just now but being there to support her is the best thing.
Has she considered going to a counsellor for help with the anger ? Her doctor could refer her.

 

[wiflib]

Hi there.

I have T2 but I'm a bit of an older bird.
She is quite young to have T2. Have they confirmed this with the right tests? Her irrational behaviour could also be the result of the meds she takes or fluctuating blood sugars. Does she test? What is a typical days diet for her? Does she have any other health problems?

Someone else may come along with more info for you but the answers above questions may hold some clues.

And a pat on the back for you for being a supportive and loving partner at a time when things are so fragile.

wiflib

 

[Bluenosesol]

Surely, your wife is suffering emotional distress (as most of us did on diagnosis, but affects some more than others) and therefore she is entitled to counselling. I would ask your GP/DN for counselling support.

Regards Steve.

 

[Heather Eyles]

I am a T2 diabetic, diagnosed nearly 2 years now.

When I was first diagnosed, my husband and I were told that he would probably notice when my BS was high as I would be very argumentative and angry.

Maybe this is what your wife is suffering from.

As previously mentioned, you deserve a gold star for being such a supportive and caring husband.

I hope your wife's moods improve as she comes to terms with the diagnosis and her bs starts to come down.

Regards

Heather x

 

[cugila]

When I was first diagnosed, my husband and I were told that he would probably notice when my BS was high as I would be very argumentative and angry.
Heather x

Hi Heather.
Sorry to have to contradict you but, being argumentative and angry etc is a symptom of LOW blood sugars, Hypoglycaemia. It is not a symptom of high Bg levels.

i.e. it is normally listed as personality change or Irritability.

 

[jenrose]

Sorry Ken but when my blood sugar was very high I became very het up, like I was very stressed. I told my dietician (as she was the only person I could actually talk to and she asked if I was normally intolerant? I thought that I would not have noticed this change in my behaviour if I was. I don't get snappy when I am too low though so guess we are all different.

 

[cugila]

OK Jen. As you say we are all different, something I quote quite often. It's just not a recognised symptom, I can only post what I know, plus from my experience of both levels too....

 

[TheTartanPimpernel]

I found with the other part of this household that mood swings came matched fluctuating sugar levels - and from time to time still do.

I was not diagnosed until 13 years later but, as I have mentioned elsewhere, the diagnosis was the best news I had because I knew what the problem was and could start to manage the necessary changes. It does not have to be a negative or worrying experience.

Try and relax and let life manage her diabetes - rather than have diabetes over-manage her life.

 

[IanD]

The Drs do not realise how great a shock the diagnosis is. Are there people in your circle of friends who can give quiet support & take the pressure off you?

You may find this link helpful.

 

[Heather Eyles]

Hi Ken,

I know what you're saying, however my practice nurse (who looks after her diabetic mother) said that the irritability can also come on with high bs.

I have also noticed that when my sugars are high, I get many of the symptoms of hypo (i.e shaking, slurring, unsteady and feeling a bit "drunk"). As has been said many times on this forum, we may all suffer from diabetes but we are all different!

Regards

Heather x

 

[cugila]

My goodness, some women amaze me !!! :lol: They certainly are all different. Thank goodness.

Seriously though Heather, are you sure the symptoms you are getting when high aren't a false hypo ? That is when your body thinks that you are going low and gives you the same symptoms as a real hypo ? I'm really interested in what you have said because as stated previously high BG numbers do not have anger/irritability listed as a symptom. I asked my Endo about this. He agreed that it is not usually a symptom. He too hadn't come across this before ?

At the risk of getting my head 'ripped off he asked me if any of the Ladies were menopausal ? '
He said it, not me ! I said I would ask, if I survived then I would let him know what was said. :wink:

 

[Heather Eyles]

Hi Ken,

Yes, I have been going through the menopause, but my nurse's mum passed that stage a long time ago. Also, my hubby says I hadn't been that bad with the menopause. Usually it is he who tells me to check my sugar levels - which then turn out in late teens (usually no higher than 8 after meals). He then says I'd been getting rather snappy so thought I must be high!!

With regards to false hypo, possibly - but dont really understand why my body would think it is low when it is in fact high. Then again dont really understand why my body wanted diabetes, underactive thyroid, duodenal ulcer etc :roll:

If anyone else on here has the same symptoms, I'd love to hear from them - also if they have any hints or tips on controlling the false hypo systems (with a real hypo you can get some glucose tabs in you or something) as dont know how to bring it down quicker if at all possible.

Cheers

Heather

 

[cugila]

Usually it is he who tells me to check my sugar levels - which then turn out in late teens (usually no higher than 8 after meals). He then says I'd been getting rather snappy so thought I must be high!!
Did you actually test ?
With regards to false hypo, possibly - but dont really understand why my body would think it is low when it is in fact high. Then again dont really understand why my body wanted diabetes, underactive thyroid, duodenal ulcer etc :roll:

Heather.
Me again ! I posted this earlier today for somebody else. Might explain things for you ?

A 'False Hypo' comes about because you may have been running high Bg levels for a while. Any drop in Bg levels can make your body think that you are dropping too low because it is used to higher levels.

Consequently you start to get the symptoms of a real hypo at a higher level.
Example. Normal higher Bg .........14 mmol/l.
Drop in Bg to say 8 mmol/l.
Body says .............too low !!!
Body gives out warning signals..., sweating, shaking, faintness, paleness, headache, tingling lips, blurred vision, irritability etc etc. All symptoms of a real below 4 mmol/l hypoglycaemia event.
But you are not that low, hence a 'false' hypo.

The problem gets worse if you treat it like a real hypo as you start eating Gluco tabs like there is no tomorrow if you haven't checked your meter reading. So then you go too high and start a 'roller coaster' effect ! So always check if you feel bad, never assume anything. Test !

The best way to try and get the numbers down in that event is to drink plenty of fluids, water, sugar free drinks etc, maybe even some exercise. Just don't eat anything and test after 20- 30 mins. You might still feel 'rubbish' though. The real cure is not to let Bg levels get that high in the first place.

Hope that helps.

Ken.

 

[Heather Eyles]

Thanks Ken.

I did see the other posting and it helped explain a lot about false hypo's.

Thanks for the advice re drinking water etc and light exercise to help try and bring the levels down, I'll try that next time.

Cheers

Heather x

 

[judy59]

Hi Heather

When I get snappy my husband usually says 'go check your blood', which I do and it can be up by 10 points, so he's normally correct and now know's my moods and is very understanding. When I started having hypo's at the end of last year (after being diabetic for 6 years) the moods were completely different, sort of like - not knowing what you were saying or doing, but he could tell the difference straight away and knew it wasn't the same.
I have spoken to a few diabetics about this and they all have moods swings when high and different mood swings when low. So you are right it does happen. Its great being in control of my levels and am at present (since early December 09) always between 4 and 7, lets hope it stays that way eh?

Judy

 

[casamorena]

I am wondering if it is more to do with the fact that she feels deprived of a normal life and food than with the diabetes itself. I went through this myself but once I stopped denying myself the foods etc that I liked and found other things to have instead I began to calm down. I felt cheated because my husband was tucking into the tin of Roses we had at Christmas and I couldn't. He bought me some Thornton's diabetic chocolate but I felt it was a bit too sweet and nasty and wasn't as good as the real stuff so felt even worse. Now, if I crave chocolate I have one square of Green & Blacks chocolate which I keep in the fridge for emergencies - there isn't much sugar in it. What I found was that if I had something different - like strawberries or raspberries with natural fromage frais and heremesetas to make it sweeter - it made the cheated feeling go away and the husband then wanted what I had but I wouldn't share because the berries are expensive and they were MY treat. I do occasionally feel a bit down about not being able to eat what I like but I try to treat myself with something nice that is just for me and it usually makes me feel better. I do get grumpy when my sugars fluctuate although I don't test, I know in myself what the problem is and it is quite often not food related but a need for a drink of no added sugar squash which I am a bit bad about - not drinking enough. Sometimes I wake in the night and won't be able to go back to sleep wihout a biscuit. Husband isn't allowed those either. Tough being a husband. Never mind. Good luck and I'm sure it will all come right in the end.

 

[Jimmac]

Hi, Husband in distress,

I am the devils advocate here and your forum administrators know me from other a posts (jimmac) I am a founder member of the UK Aspartame Awareness Campaign and I would beg your indulgence just for a moment to comment on what I have been reading here. I get really distressed when I read of the anxiety and traumas of diabetics particularly newly diagnosed type 2 sufferers, and their symptom, ( I am not a diabetic),

I would like to pick out Ken's Post and his "false hypo" explanation which I don't dispute for a moment but would like to offer another explanation which is based on many hrs. of research; we do not believe aspartame is safe as the FSA tells us and we can prove it ,we have presented them with new evidence based on the fact that aspartame contains10% methanol and the symptoms of anecdotal sufferers matches’ exactly that of methanol poisoning. This is causedover many years (0-20) of consuming very small doses of methanol every day in our diets. I can elaborate on this if anyone is interested and your administrators will allow me.

Back to Ken, I can state categorically that the symptoms he describes -

"the Body gives out warning signals..., sweating, shaking, faintness, paleness, headache, tingling lips, blurred vision, irritability etc etc. All symptoms of a real below 4 mmol/l hypoglycaemia event"

you can also include anxiety attacks here and all are exactly the same symptoms as for methanol poisoning - please everyone Google "methanol poisoning" and compare them - the most serious giveaway is the blurred vision. We believe these symptoms may be caused by the 10% methanol content of the; diet / low cal / light and sugar free etc. products sold nowadays most of which contain the artificial sweetener Aspartame - why pick on aspartame, simply because aspartame is the ONLY artificial sweetener that contains methanol.

The ironic thing here is that when we stop consuming aspartame altogether most of the symptoms above disappear altogether almost immediately and the more serious ones like eye problems will take longer or in fact may be permanent. I urge you to give up consuming ANYTHING containing aspartame for a period of 2 weeks and monitor the effect – please post your results on this web-site.

Diabetics do not need to give up their non-sugar diets; 3 UK Supermarkets have banned aspartame from their own brand product range they ere ASDA / M&S and Sainsbury, you will be hard pressed to find a methanol free artificial sweetener anywhere else. This is no commercial for these Supermarkets, if I did not mention them by name this post would be incomplete.

We are particularly concerned for Diabetics since the FSA and every other caring organisation quite rightly, recommends a sugar free life to control the condition. Our problem is we know of diabetics, who tell us that aspartame plays havoc with their BS levels, again, they test this by taking aspartame leaving it for a short time and going back on it. One of our sayings which could have been written for Diabetics but says it all is :-

Aspartame is a TROJAN HORSE - whilst tricking our brain into thinking we are consuming sugar when we are not, it at the same time delivers 3 vicious poisons into our bloodstream – Methanol / Formaldehyde and Formic Acid - I would be happy to explain that also.

Best of Luck - Jimmac

 

[Kastrian]

Are you going to post this everywhere? :lol:

 

[Graham1441]

I sip water all day while at work and I find that keeps my levels right.
Graham1441 :twisted: :twisted: