Oh dear, this was unexpected

[Totto]

I love my husband but I have felt he dumps most responsibilities on me as it is so much easier for him if I sort things like the running of the household, getting supplies in, running the business, mowing the lawn, renovate windows and do the painting, make the deliveries and the rest including a lot of hard physical farm work but he is happy to the dishes. Generally he decides what is his work, the rest is mine.

We have wwoofers and this year we have been lucky enough to get a really brilliant young man who has been with us since early June and will stay for a few more weeks. He is really bright, works hard, cooks like today he chased me out of the kitchen and said, I forbid you to do the cooking, I will, go and rest! He is very funny and very good looking. He is thirty years younger than me and I have developed quite serious crush on him that I find it increasingly hard to handle.

I don't think I am asking for advice but I have no one I can tell and this is sooo difficult. I yearn for him and we have worked close together for 12 hours today or rather, worked for 10 hours and been for a swim and walk, just the two of us and I loved every second of the day, joking and talking or just in companionable silence but I feel this terrible desire for him and it is slowly turning me demented.

 

[Robinredbreast]

Aaaaww Toto you are so brave opening up like this. What you are probably feeling is just lust. Something you felt years. ago with your hubby, the passion, the wanting, admiration and the closeness of love and lust has probably diminished and gone in your hubby. What about a nice dinner, with one or two candles, sharing the meal together and using your fingers to eat with. You seemto need some vavavoom in your life, you are a woman and with needs. Just because there's snow on the roof, it doesn't mean the fire's gone out. Give yourselves a little kick start in the right direction, and hopefully it will rekindle your relationship but just keep a working relationship with the helper and don't act on it.
Take good care and good luck x

 

[jim1951]

If somebody said to you that one rich meal would destroy your health forever, would you eat it?

jim

 

[jack412]

Infatuation and the thrill of new love... Is this the first for you?
It's only a problem if you act out your feelings
Enjoy and Keep your nickers on and all's ok
Infatuation is good for 6-12mths before it passes
Or
Rip his clothes off, it's up to you. Some married fool around and some don't, work out which group you are

 

[Indy51]

The possibilities of embarrassment and mortification in this situation are endless. I'd cultivate a very rich fantasy life if I were in your shoes.

 

[gorillamark]

I have to agree with indy51.

 

[zand]

If somebody said to you that one rich meal would destroy your health forever, would you eat it?

jim

Surely that would depend on how long it was since you last had a meal at all?

 

[catherinecherub]

What a mess.
You may have a crush on this young man but I suspect he views you as a mother figure. Make a move and he might run a mile.

It wasn't so long ago that you were worried about your husband's health,

"Hubby just got home from the hospital after a suspected TIA last night. It is so good to have him home again, I dread a repeat of the experience of his five weeks stay in the hospital after his stroke seven years ago.

Now we will go to bed and hope the TIA will stay a single TIA, not being a messenger of a stroke.

Good night to you all"

http://www.diabetes.co.uk/forum/threads/good-night-to-you-all-and-good-morning.53403/

`Strokes often alter people's personalities and I suspect that you and hubby need to talk to each other about your feelings of resentment by being expected to do more than your fair share of the work. You need to try and rekindle your intimacy with hubby rather than you looking for pastures greener that usually end in three people being hurt.
Fantasies are just that, fantasies. Imagine the humiliation that you would feel if expressed your feelings for this young man and they were not reciprocated.


​

 

[Lamont D]

Not only three people. The immediate family is always involved in the fallout. Have you thought of the family and friends that rely on you?
I'm sure that you are aware of the consequences. My dad said to me as a good piece of advice ' think with your head, not with your heart or your private parts!

 

[Totto]

If I hadn't loved hubby so much, but I do and I actually like him even better atm, as if some of my feelings for this young man who is barely and adult spills over. I don't plan to take action as I feel this would mess up everything.

It is the first time since hubby and I got together that I have been even remotely interested in somebody else and it is tearing me apart.

 

[hels]

Hey Totto,

What's not to like about a bit of eye-candy.....but I'd suggest leaving it as that.

You say you are on a farm. I was brought up on a farm and know it is hard work and a lot more than a job. Can you encourage your husband to get out on the farm and do some jobs together? Nothing like a bit of fresh air and countryside.

Good luck.


Sent from the Diabetes Forum App

 

[dawnmc]

You need some date nights, life can get stuffy and boring.

 

[Scandichic]

Why not make the most of this young man and use him to cover the chores so that you and hubbie could take a well deserved break? Go to the beach for the afternoon or finish up early so that you have time to have a luxurious bath, paint your nails , spend a long time getting ready and go out for a meal at a fave restaurant. Hell's teeth, go shopping or have some you time. What ever floats your boat! As @dawnmc says, give yourselves some date nights. I know life on the farm is busy and I suspect that you are trying to relieve him of some of the pressure because of his health but feel a bit resentful as you have suddenly found yourself doing everything and then some hot guy has come along and is helping out and it has brought the situation to a head. Well I guess you have lots of options. You don't always have to have a confrontation. You are a very intelligent, reflective woman so ask hubbie for some help. The outcome may well be the same without the agro! (If only could follow my own advice here! )
Good luck with whatever you decide to do and big hugs!

 

[zand]

I'm not sure how to say this and maybe Totto your life on the farm is different to mine when I was growing up..but... @Scandichic lol luxurious baths, painted nails, meals out, shopping, date nights.......we never had time or energy for any of those things during a Summer on the farm. What you earn now has to keep you through the Winter, there's no holiday pay in farming. When there is work to be done you do it, 24/7. I remember dissolving into floods of tears when I said I didn't want to go to a work's barbecue because I was needed to help my parents with hay-making, absolutely no-one understood the urgency of getting the work done before it rained.

Take care Totto,
Hugs
zand

 

[sanguine]

I don't plan to take action as I feel this would mess up everything.

Yep. In a few weeks he'll be gone and if you make the wrong move you'll be left with all the wreckage. In your head you know that. Do what Indy says and cultivate the fantasy - that could last you much longer than a few weeks!

 

[Scandichic]

I'm not sure how to say this and maybe Totto your life on the farm is different to mine when I was growing up..but... @Scandichic lol luxurious baths, painted nails, meals out, shopping, date nights.......we never had time or energy for any of those things during a Summer on the farm. What you earn now has to keep you through the Winter, there's no holiday pay in farming. When there is work to be done you do it, 24/7. I remember dissolving into floods of tears when I said I didn't want to go to a work's barbecue because I was needed to help my parents with hay-making, absolutely no-one understood the urgency of getting the work done before it rained.

Take care Totto,
Hugs
zand

What I meant was that perhaps the hottie could be used to finish off some of the work so that you could get a few hours off in the evening. I understand that you may not feel like nipping in the shower but just going and sitting in a bar, cafe, restaurant (depending on time, energy and budget) may do you both the world of good. If time constraints allow?
Hoppas att du mår bra strax! En stor kram!

 

[jim1951]

Surely that would depend on how long it was since you last had a meal at all?

but sometimes its best to abstain in both scenarios?

 

[zand]

but sometimes its best to abstain in both scenarios?

Yes of course, as long as you're not dying of hunger.

 

[Totto]

Survived another day without embarrassing myself.

 

[zand]

Survived another day without embarrassing myself.

Yay! You know it makes sense! Well done!
hugs