stuck in a dangerous rut.

[**shell**]

HI
I've been diabetic now coming up to 10 years, and as long as i can remember i've never had an Hb1C under 10! I always seem to have an excuse for my high blood levels, like, 'because its winter and I never really get the chance to go out' or when its the summer its 'I have loads of work to get done for going back to uni'.
When I was still at school I was still active but I soon started to binge eat on snack size chocolate bars (its the only treats we were allowed in our house) and although now things are sorted in the 'binge eating' area my appetite has never gone back to normal.
Now that i'm coming to the end of my 2nd year at uni and in my tenth year of being diabetic its about time i did something about it, the only problem is i only have the motivation a week before a clinic appointment and a few days after my blood testing sharply stops and i just give myself shots of nova rapid (i'm on basal/bolus with nova rapid and glargine) when i feel high.
I'm getting really fed up and I always feel really dissappointed with myself for not respecting my body and treating it how I should.
Has anyone else felt in this sort of rut, and how did you get yourself out of it.

Shell
xoxox

 

[Lel]

Hi Shell,

I haven't been Tpye 1 for nearly as long as you, only a year, but I was diagnosed with D 5 years ago.

i know what you are speaking about.
I was put on insulin this time last year, it probably would have been sooner but i had spent most of my time dodgin clinic appointments so they never got a chance to test me for it sooner.
when i and the doctors thought i was type 2 i seemed to think that it was ok because it wasnt as 'bad' as type 1, (i've soon learnt differently on here)so i carried on like nothing was any different, until i started feeling really ill and looking terrible. So i was tested and now im type 1.

I was told very little at my docs about how important carbs and everything are and i didnt know how to count them and match my insulin so i was pumping it in and having lots of hypos and getting REALLY fat and not understanding why.
Then i discovered these forums and i learnt so much about what was happening to me which made things clearer but all i wanted to do was bury my head in the sand and rebel because i felt like i had just been abandoned and no one else understood what i was going through. it almost felt like grieving.
so in oct last year i stopeed my insulin completely just ate what i liked, when i liked and the weight started falling off and i felt like rubbish but i was to stubborn to admit why.
i did what you do and only took it when i felt really high and awful.

But for some reason or another a couple of weeks ago something in me just changed and i deided that i was being stupid so i have gotten all the boooks out again and made myself a chart and i have started testing all the time, eating low-carb and taking my insulin and i've never felt better.
it feels really good now when i see that my sugars are where they should be and that i can almost understand what's happening
i still have loads to learn but i think the main thing is that life is far to short as it is to be treating it like it means nothing and shortening it even more.

low-carb is definately the way for me and i feel 100% better in many ways just because i now have some control. i don't have the same feeling of disappointment anymore when i eat something because i generally know that it's ok for me or i know that i have taken enough insulin to cover it.

you should try it for a week at least, get a notebook and write down everything you eat, how much insulin you take and test test test, it's pretty shocking when you think what you have been doing to your body up until now.

i don't know if this has been any help as i've just babbled on, but i think you need to remember that you're not alone and no matter how long you have had diabetes i think you are allowed to have your moments when you need to have a little self pity but you need to know that it wont help....but chocolate does....with insulin.

PM if you ever need a yap.

xx

 

[**shell**]

Thanks for the reply, its good to know that people seem to rebel against it as I tend to do. My clinic is mainly full of 50+ people who all seem to have it sussed out which can make me feel even more alienated. I've hopefully turned a corner with it now like you did a few weeks ago. I've checked my blood twice in the past two hours because I was starting to feel sluggish only to find my bmi was 27.2 and i know I definalty should have done something about it before it reached that high.
Anyway getting off the point, just wanted to say thanks

Shell
xoxox

 

[hanadr]

Good Luck Shell!

 

[leyland22]

Hey, I know just how you feel too.

I've only been T1 for around five years, and I've only ever had a couple of HA1b..whatever it is.... that have been below 14 - so you can imagine how rubbish I feel half the time. I check my blood sugar about once every month - no kidding. The way I've dealt with it is just awful, and it's really affected my life, work, etc.

Anyhow, I went on holiday recently - first time in about ten years. I'm guessing it was probably the heat, the fact that I did a lot of walking, and that I ate sensibly for once, but my blood sugar dropped to acceptable levels! I felt brilliant for the first time in ages. I had loads of energy, I didn't feel down, I wasn't peeing all the time, desperately hungry/thirsty. I never, ever want to go back to feeling like that. I've only been back a week or two, and I've tried really hard to do everything right. I feel really good at the moment and I want to keep on feeling like that!

Anyhow, I've spent five years in a rut and I want out now! I hope you can get out of yours.......

 

[Lel]

Hey Shell,

i know what you mean about the whole clinic business.
Because I was originally diagnosed as type 2 my clinincs were full of people that were at least 40 years older than me and it's depressing!!!

you aren't the first person that has ever felt like this and by no means the last but it's good to talk and ask questions to get you back on track.
27.7 isnt good so you need to start taking care of yourself!!! it's scary what can happen with poor control when all it takes is some adjustments to your life that'll make you feel loads better.

One thing im enjoying is the fact that i don't need the loo every 5 mins :lol: i can actually get stuff done at work now.

take care

xx

 

[ma5on]

OMG - This is EXACTLY what I was like.

I was diagnosed 7 years ago with T1 when I was 21. In the beginning I was really good - I guess it was a bit of a novelty having all the new toys to play with. Then as I started gaining weight I think I panicked.

When I realised I could eat whatever I wanted just by stopping my injections, I was like Rik Waller at a cake fair!

I managed to lose 3 stone before I ended up in hospital with malnutrition (still weighing 10 st, which is ok for my height of 5'9") as my body had been so deprived of nutrients where I was just peeing them out. Nothin would make me see sense longer than a couple of days, and for me the scariest thing was getting fatter. I did worry about my eyesight at times but always thought I would be ok cos I'm still comparatively young.

The turning point for me was reading an article about a girl my age in a magazine who had done the same thing but had actually lost her sight in both eyes and was now blind. I was already having symptoms, like the 'glucose fog' as I call it, and some days I couldn't even get out of bed I had so little energy.

Then I got offered a fantastic job in another part of the country but knew in order to succeed in that I had to sort my **** out!

It's been a long, hard struggle and the hardest thing for me has been the weight gain, but am trying to get back on track with that by cutting CARBS and cr4p like sweets, NOT insulin.

Even now I have to remind myself that it's not the insukin alone that makes me fatter, but what I eat that the injection covers in the first place.

I have since found out this is called 'Diabulimia' and have found a great group on Facebook where other sufferers have posted their stories. It's really helped knowing there are other people like this as the hospital gives you the impression that every other patient has an HBA1C of 6 and they live on vegetables - hardly realistic, especially when they preach about filling up on pasta and potatoes every meal!!!

Hang in there - the advice about testing is sound. For me it went from being a royal pain in the ass to empowering. I could go out knowing my sugar was under 10 and that I wouldn't need to shop only in an area where there were loos in a 50 yard radius (and trust me I knew EVERY public loo in my old town!!!)

When my husband and I go out now, the bill is half what it used to be as we're not paying for my 4 pints of Diet Coke!!! He normally finishes my drink for me now (then I have to wait for him while HE goes to the loo!!!) )

I can also say that by sleeping through the night you'll feel AMAZING!!! The first time I slept through and woke with a sugar under 10 I felt like you did as a kid on the first day of your summer holidays!!! That energy you have is fantastic, and impacts on your mood the entire day!!!

Don't blame yourself - Diabetes is not your fault and you deserve all the support you can get to manage it - these forums have been amazing for me and I wouldn't be without these guys! People who actually understand, and never judge!

Small steps all add up. Treat yourself to a pretty little notebook and a new pen (I am so motivated by shopping!). Try and make testing a small routine in your day. I even keep a food diary now so I can see what makes things tick!!!

Be kind to yourself - instead of eating rubbish, I spend money on makeup, bubble bath and clothes!!! (Primark is amazing if you only have a few quid, otherwise hit the makeup counters for some posh samples!)

Rome wasn't built in a day, and you have a lifetime to get this right - just start making small changes now and the positive impact these have will motivate you to do more!

Hang in there and PM me any time you need a chat - I know how you feel!!!

ma5on x

 

[yipster29]

what a fantastic post ma5on!! I've been diagnosed 6 weeks and haven't thankfully hit that rut yet but reading your frank and honest post may stop me ever getting there!! Good luck xx

 

[**shell**]

yeah thanks ma5on and everyone else for posting, it has really helped! this whole forum i think is going to be an amazing thing for me (shame its taken me so long to actually register ha ha) i find that sometimes being diabetic is ten times tougher just because there is no support system where the people you talk to can actually understand.
Oh and a milestone ... I slept right through the night last night and woke up with my blood level at the exact same level as before i went to bed! I know it was just one night of many but hopefully its a sign of things to come. fingers crossed.
yipster 29, i can honestly speak from experience and say do your god **** best to not slip, one missed injection can lead to several. keep at it, you're just getting to grips with it (i'm guessing) its hard work to test and calculate and inject but its even harder work if you dont.
Good luck!
Shell
xoxox

 

[deadwood2]

Oi! As a newly diagnosed 50 year old, I resent and resemble those remarks :lol:

The problem is that once you cease to be a teenager, you stop knowing it all and it's bloody scary!

After 30 years practice the bullsh*t gets easier - "I'm fine", "No, no problems"... etc etc..

Once you're here for a reason, read, control, win. You will.

 

[ma5on]

Excellent - glad if I can help someone avoid the hell I went through!!!

Another thing for me before discovering this forum was that all the diabetics I knew were men....no offence to our bros but they have it easy by comparison!

Even my (non-diabetic) hubby doesn't understand that sometimes I NEEEEEEEEEED that **** chocolate, and I'm gonna have it!!!

Hang in there lovely ladies - we have each other! xxx

 

[yipster29]

I've found the only type 1's I know are on the forum... every diabetic I know is type 2 and it's not quite the same for me! The whole shock of diagnosis and straight on insulin etc so this forum is a god send!

 

[the_anticarb]

Hi there

I was in the rut for apx 17 years, and thought I was the only one! Diagnosed as a teenager, rebelled by pretty much ignoring it, never tested, ate what I wanted etc etc. Realised that when I took a lot of insulin I put on weight and went hypo a lot so I too develped the diabulimia and associated insulin with weight gain. Even when I began to get problems with my eyes still carried on as I was before and just put my head in the sand really. I was completely in denial, somehow thought I was different to other diabetics, but subconciously I was worried about the damage I was doing to my body, but I managed to just bury that feeling.

Well it all came to a head when I went on holiday to america recently to stay with family and just ate pretty much constantly the whole time I was there. I still wasn't testing but must have been running in the 20s much of the time. I felt like rubbish, couldn't stay awake past 9 o'clock, felt like all my relatives must be thinking bad of me for not looking after myself but still couldn't stop.

Then I came back from holiday and in the mail was a letter from the eye screening people saying I needed to see the consultant as there had been changes in my eyes. I realised that I would lose my vision if I carried on like that and I made a vow there and then to sort it out. The same stubborn refusal to be a diabetic in my teenage years when first diagnosed became a stubborn refusal to have any further damage inflicted on my eyes or elsewhere in my body.

Then I realised that I didn't have to get fat and go hypo all the time again if I simply cut out carbohydrates as I could reduce the amount of insulin I took and lose weight too. This has been the biggest difference for me. At first I did think what am I going to eat, as everything I was eating before was based on carbs. But after only a month it has become second nature now to eat low carb foods. And there are loads of things I can eat that I like, like roasts and sausages and nuts. Also as weight loss was an issue for me I subscribed to an online diet called go lower who send you low carb ready meals, this helped a lot in the initial stages.

The change in my energy has been amazing - all this time before I thought I felt fine, but I didn't know how much better 'fine' could be. I'm sleeping through the night and feel clear headed and lighter. It's like someone has unlocked the door to a prison and I'm free again.

The most important realisation I made, apart from realising that I'd go blind if I carried on, was that MY BODY CANNOT HANDLE CARBOHYDRATES -that's why I'm diabetic. It really annoys me that conventional advice says that diabetics should eat the same diet as healthy non diabetics - if that was the case then surely they wouldn't be diabetic!

Once I made the change, it wasn't difficult. I don't resent people eating chips and cake now - I thought I would but I'm so grateful to be able to manage my diabetes, and no longer feel that low level guilt about what I'm doing to myself, that I don't mind at all. In my experience, the difficult part is making the decision to take control - after that it's easy.

Good luck - feel free to PM me if you want

Gina

 

[mikethebike]

Liked the comment about the old ones.

Its not that its sussed.
Its more when you get to the 5th DECADE on insulin you cant be bothered to listen to the overwhelming advice from medical 'experts' as you had already been been type1 for twenty years before they were born. :wink:

 

[deadwood2]

well said, G.

Sometimes, being in control of something brings a big boost to self esteem.