This post is not for the empathetic caring, patient and understanding, but more for those who don't understand the physical, emotional and spiritual difficulties I am trying to cope with on a day to day basis, here is an insight into Why and How I am Dying aged just 52. with a wife and son to leave behind,
Aged just 16, but with my 17th birthday just 2 weeks away, I arrived at my Army training base, full of dreams, full of plans, and weighing just under 9 stones dripping wet,
It took a whole 2 hours for the bullying to start,
No this wasn't simple name calling, or a bit of shoving around,
No, this was full blown Torture, this was beatings, humiliations, more beatings, psychological billing, and Rape. ! Yes you did read right,
My Army career was no where near as long as I hoped,
Going home to mum and dad, I had decided to bulk up a bit, thinking being a little bigger would prevent bullying, and eating more was hardly difficult, I. always had liked my food, the plan was to make 11 stone,
Reaching that target came easy, very easy, and very very quickly, be fore I really knew it,I had reached almost 15 stone, and unfortunately, I stayed around that wrought for quite a lot of years, and not being a soldier, and not being fit led to a w hole host of problems, but despite the obvious warnings, despite the valuable advice from Drs and other Medical Professionals, eating anything and everything to extremes.
Even becoming Diabetic wasn't enough of a warning, and many many halfheartedly attempts at dieting, and no effort at all towards exercising, led me to the approach of my 36th Birthday, this one wasn't to be a Joyous one either as just two days before my birthday, . I suffered 2 Strokes, and also 2 massive fits, Epilepsy brought on by the strokes, .
You would think that I'd learn right ?
No folks, this is me we're talking about, even a full blown stroke didn't warn me,
I trained as a Nurse, a Psychiatric Nurse but still a Nurse, did that warn me, did that teach me to eat well, and to Excercise, No folks not even that taught me a lesson,
See nothing ever does, with me enough, is never enough, not 1 or. 2 cobs or sandwiches for lunch, but 3 or 4, with crisps and a cake too most days,
Obviously I wasn't even going to stay at 15 stone, I have to tell you that earlier this year, before I was hospitalized I had reached over 22 stones, yes 22. !
That was less than a month before I went into hospital, on the previous admission the Paramedics refused to carry me, and despite being unable to stand, they made me crawl on my backside to the stairs outside the flat, and Down all 14 steps on my BACKSIDE !
Even that wasn't enough warning and I still ate pretty much what I wanted,
Lots of you won't know some of the effects of being so overweight, such as Erectile dysfunction, and worse still a loss of sexual appetite, My poor wife, still continues to love me, even years later, and yes we can still be intimate, but she has put up with an awful lot, this being one of the worst things, Remember this if your eating yourself silly as . I did, do you really want to lose all your sex drive, and miss the moments of passion with your partner, just think about that,
I'll post this Now before I accidently lose it all, and then I'll carry on typing more of this account of how I Sentenced myself to death,
