I do a lot of blogging and writing around the internet, and I was considering posting this structured 'rant' on my own blog, but I felt it might not find an audience that would appreciate it, and therefore I sought out this forum.
You'll have to bear with me. I have a lot to say here, and a lot of it has been playing on my mind for nearly 4 years. I'm not sure if writing it down will help at all, but it certainly might help me come to terms with where I am.
Im a 25 year old guy, and back a few years ago, I had a lot going for me. I completed A levels in Film and Media at college with good pass grades, and came straight out into the wide world and decided I definitely wanted to work in the entertainment industry. I immediately went about finding relevant work, and having developed myself a basic editing showreel, and having a flawless attendance record in my previous 3 year part time job, I was snatched up by an ex-broadcast producer and immediately put to work as his assistant editor and cameraman for corporate video. For the next 6 - 10 months, things went from good to great. I had been extremely fortunate to get this job, and my next steps were to further develop my showreel, get my driving licence, and prepare to make a jump to a more prestigious employer in London.
Then things started to go wrong. I was unexplainably tired all of a sudden. Day long filming sessions completely ruined me, and I found myself lagging from the previous day even after plentiful volumes of sleep. It's at this point that I started to oversleep, be late for work, agitate my employer, and all the while I had no clue what was wrong with me. I assumed the workload was all just too much, but even so, I started researching into my symptoms, and at this point my mother told me my biological Grandfather had suffered from Type 1 Diabetes. Infact, he had also failed to look after himself correctly, and a combination of the diabetes and alcohol had killed him in his late 30s. So i took a handful of leaflets and printouts to my GP, and told him i was almost convinced I was suffering the onset of diabetes. He shrugged me off, saying I was a typical youth and I needed to sleep more. At this time, i could sleep a straight 16 hours and wake up feeling like I'd just run a marathon. So although i knew he was wrong, I hadn't a leg to stand on and just got on with it.
After a while, I admitted defeat in the Corporate video job, believing it was just too much for me to handle, and I resigned and moved into an evening shift bar job for a while, and then quickly into a regular office telesales job selling car insurance. I was so ill and tired at this time, that I didnt much care for anything except finding a regular hours job to allow myself more time to determine what was making me so ill. The office job was regular hours alright, but I was still painfully ill at times and lateness was still a problem. Alarm clocks booming as loud as brass bands beside my bed would do little to stir me in the mornings - I might aswell have been dead for all the good it did to stir me.
The office managers quickly picked up on my poor timekeeping, and ofcourse I told them I thought I was very ill, but without any kind of diagnosis I hadn't a leg to stand on. They instructed me to see my GP again, and return with a note stating I was having medical complications - or else they would put me right through the disciplinary procedure and inevitably, dismiss me.
I went to my GP, and again he told me to sleep more, and stop eating later in the day as it was 'putting fuel on a fire that's already burnt out.' No offer of a fasting test, blood test or anything. I knew there was more to my symptoms, but even so, i had nothing to prove it, so my argument would fall flat with my employer. I walked out on the office job soon after because I couldn't tolerate the embarrassment of being kicked out when I knew I had done nothing wrong.
By this point, I had lost an enormous amount of my previous bodyweight. I was described as looking 'like a skeleton' on more than one occasion, and it was more clear to me than ever that something was seriously wrong. I was struggling to find work, and found myself in a confusing situation where I fell out of favour with my parents, and ended up sleeping in various people's spare rooms and almost scavenging for scraps to eat. My entire life was in a daze - a permanent state of perplexing fuzziness where i found it near impossible to focus my attention on anything or utilise my previously sharp and creative mind. I must have looked like a junkie to any passerby on the street, although I've hardly touched any such substance in my life. Friends were buying me food, and lending me money to buy me more time.
As my symptoms reached their worst, I found a part-time job at Tesco. It was a christmas temp position, and it was dull. But i wasn't one to complain, as I had money coming in again and that was one step atleast. What I really hated was my severe lack of physical energy, and lifting stock baskets and boxes alone was nearly impossible, or so it seemed. Then came the typical first sign of diabetes in the form of urinating frequently. I was going to the toilet literally every 15 minutes, and I think at that point i knew i was diabetic. Then one day at work, i near enough fell face first into the rack of cauliflowers I was attempting to arrange, and staggered into the staff room in an attempt to be sick. Then I promptly took my lunch break, walked home and was sick a number of times. My work colleague and housemate came to find me at that point, and said I looked like death. Still, knowing how crucial it was to keep my job, i stumbled back down the road to Tesco in an attempt to return to work. By the time I got there, I knew the attempt was futile as I was certainly going to pass out. I asked the store duty manager to dismiss me for the day, which she grudgingly did, and then I stood outside the entrance and phoned NHS direct (the only people up until that point who had actually been helpful.) The nurse on the phone told me to stop being so modest and go and see a Doctor immediately. I phoned up my GP and made an emergency appointment - thank God something was being done about it at last, I thought.
Almost as soon as I sat down infront of my GP, he told me he was almost 100% certain I was diabetic. I wasn't the least bit surprised, as I'd known myself for a long time. I was told I didn't need an ambulance, but someone should take me to the Hospital immediately. After I told my parents, they came out of work and took me there immediately, and on arrival I was told i had a blood sugar reading of 46mmols, and they were surprised I was still conscious.
The hospital was a surreal week-long experience with tiny meals and old men with dementia running off with my trousers, but all in all I had insulin in my hand, and I knew how to use it, and atlast I could start fighting that dazed sense of confusion I'd been experiencing for nearly 2 years. I was dismissed from the hospital a day before christmas, and within a month I'd almost fully recovered. Tesco handed me my notice the day I walked back into the store (convenient), but it hardly mattered as I landed myself a well paying job as a Media/ICT technician in a school within weeks.
I'd love to say the story ends there, and everything since has been perfect, but it hasn't. Although my diabetes control is reportedly good (I have never had a diabetes emergency since my diagnosis at the end of 2007 or a situation where I consider my blood sugars to be severely out of my own control), continued difficulties with night time blood sugars have resulted in the problem of lateness and poor punctuality re-occuring from time to time. Now I have to say, I'm not perfect when it comes down to controlling my blood levels, but ask yourself would you expect someone who is diagnosed with Type1 diabetes at the young age of 21 to sit counting carbs all day? I've done advanced diabetes training, I've done my fair share of reading and research across the internet, but i refuse to let an illness completely rule my life. Is that really unfair?
My experience with diabetes in the workplace has been frustrating, to say the least. Especially since I work in a job where one day can involve sitting at a computer desk all day, and the next can involve carrying heavy equipment round. Managing my food intake vs. insulin doses on a day to day basis has been somewhat challenging, but I think I'm all but there now.
But to be honest, no matter what you say about diabetes, i don't resent it as much as I resent the ignorant people who make my life more difficult than it needs to be every day. The problem with this illness is, there's no way for others to see how serious it is without you whitey out and faceplant the floor infront of them, and because my blood sugar control is actually quite good, I've never done that. Therefore they just look at me as if to say, 'what's the big deal?'
Coming to the closing hours of an intense working day leaves you lightheaded and disoriented, and you can't remember what you were supposed to be doing next, and your superior tells you you're an idiot. And equally you find you're having a bad day with blood sugars generally, and your working pace is somewhat sluggish as you haul your heavy arms all over the shop. Then your boss tells you 'you're ****' or 'you're lazy' or something similar. It's unbelievably irritating, but what can you say? They already know everything you've got to tell them about diabetes - they just don't understand it, and you could tell them until you're blue in the face and they still wouldn't.
Worst of all was being put through a disciplinary procedure (again) in my current job, and the stress this was putting me under was hardly helping me tackle the problems I was still having with night time glucose levels. I was late from time to time, and again it was down to problematic blood levels, GPs prescribing me 3x as much basal dosage as I should be taking, and consultants experimenting with my different insulins as you would expect in the early stages of the illness. i was still getting to grips with my situation, and my superior had me in his office for a wrist slapping every few weeks. Unlike before, i felt physically and mentally able to stand my ground this time around, so I prepared to meet his argument. Most shocking was when I tried to explain the extent of my diabetes to him, and he replied saying it 'wasn't his responsibility to understand the nature of my illness.' So, he was trying to discipline and potentially fire me based on something he knew nothing about?
The sitution escalated further, with almost threatening letters summoning me to yet more meetings where written warnings that could lead to my dismissal were appearing. I realised I needed more than a few smart words to secure my job, so I contacted Diabetes UK. A lady there (Jennifer?) was incredibly helpful, explaining to me that my superiors were pursuing a course that was highly illegal, and classed as bullying in the workplace. Part of the document that she forwarded to me included the key phrase 'no employee can be disciplined in matters directly associated with their diabetes.' That's not a direct quote, but the best I can remember without the documents to hand. So i forwarded this information in the next meeting, and would you believe it they found absolutely any reason they could to issue me with a written warning (arriving for work at 8:25 when i start at 8:30 is apparently late) and then they left me alone, only to bother me from time to time now, looking for some way to try and catch me out and accuse me of swinging the lead.
Since all this passed, I've managed to sort out my night time blood sugars almost entirely in my own time. I take almost no basal dosage on the whole, and mornings seem to be a whole lot easier than they've ever been, but still not perfect. Living with my partner now certainly helps a lot, and it's nice to find someone at last who is observent of my condition, and often notices patterns in my blood sugar levels without me even having to explain it.
So here I am now. Finally about to take a driving test, living a more balanced life and enjoying it for once. As far as I'm aware, breaking into the film/TV industry is really tough for a diabetic, so I'm not sure I feel brave enough to try anymore. But at the moment, I'm just making the most of having all the things I lost (like having enough mental focus to write an article like this).
To anyone who read this, congratulations on reading the forum post that became a mini biography :wink:
You'll have to bear with me. I have a lot to say here, and a lot of it has been playing on my mind for nearly 4 years. I'm not sure if writing it down will help at all, but it certainly might help me come to terms with where I am.
Im a 25 year old guy, and back a few years ago, I had a lot going for me. I completed A levels in Film and Media at college with good pass grades, and came straight out into the wide world and decided I definitely wanted to work in the entertainment industry. I immediately went about finding relevant work, and having developed myself a basic editing showreel, and having a flawless attendance record in my previous 3 year part time job, I was snatched up by an ex-broadcast producer and immediately put to work as his assistant editor and cameraman for corporate video. For the next 6 - 10 months, things went from good to great. I had been extremely fortunate to get this job, and my next steps were to further develop my showreel, get my driving licence, and prepare to make a jump to a more prestigious employer in London.
Then things started to go wrong. I was unexplainably tired all of a sudden. Day long filming sessions completely ruined me, and I found myself lagging from the previous day even after plentiful volumes of sleep. It's at this point that I started to oversleep, be late for work, agitate my employer, and all the while I had no clue what was wrong with me. I assumed the workload was all just too much, but even so, I started researching into my symptoms, and at this point my mother told me my biological Grandfather had suffered from Type 1 Diabetes. Infact, he had also failed to look after himself correctly, and a combination of the diabetes and alcohol had killed him in his late 30s. So i took a handful of leaflets and printouts to my GP, and told him i was almost convinced I was suffering the onset of diabetes. He shrugged me off, saying I was a typical youth and I needed to sleep more. At this time, i could sleep a straight 16 hours and wake up feeling like I'd just run a marathon. So although i knew he was wrong, I hadn't a leg to stand on and just got on with it.
After a while, I admitted defeat in the Corporate video job, believing it was just too much for me to handle, and I resigned and moved into an evening shift bar job for a while, and then quickly into a regular office telesales job selling car insurance. I was so ill and tired at this time, that I didnt much care for anything except finding a regular hours job to allow myself more time to determine what was making me so ill. The office job was regular hours alright, but I was still painfully ill at times and lateness was still a problem. Alarm clocks booming as loud as brass bands beside my bed would do little to stir me in the mornings - I might aswell have been dead for all the good it did to stir me.
The office managers quickly picked up on my poor timekeeping, and ofcourse I told them I thought I was very ill, but without any kind of diagnosis I hadn't a leg to stand on. They instructed me to see my GP again, and return with a note stating I was having medical complications - or else they would put me right through the disciplinary procedure and inevitably, dismiss me.
I went to my GP, and again he told me to sleep more, and stop eating later in the day as it was 'putting fuel on a fire that's already burnt out.' No offer of a fasting test, blood test or anything. I knew there was more to my symptoms, but even so, i had nothing to prove it, so my argument would fall flat with my employer. I walked out on the office job soon after because I couldn't tolerate the embarrassment of being kicked out when I knew I had done nothing wrong.
By this point, I had lost an enormous amount of my previous bodyweight. I was described as looking 'like a skeleton' on more than one occasion, and it was more clear to me than ever that something was seriously wrong. I was struggling to find work, and found myself in a confusing situation where I fell out of favour with my parents, and ended up sleeping in various people's spare rooms and almost scavenging for scraps to eat. My entire life was in a daze - a permanent state of perplexing fuzziness where i found it near impossible to focus my attention on anything or utilise my previously sharp and creative mind. I must have looked like a junkie to any passerby on the street, although I've hardly touched any such substance in my life. Friends were buying me food, and lending me money to buy me more time.
As my symptoms reached their worst, I found a part-time job at Tesco. It was a christmas temp position, and it was dull. But i wasn't one to complain, as I had money coming in again and that was one step atleast. What I really hated was my severe lack of physical energy, and lifting stock baskets and boxes alone was nearly impossible, or so it seemed. Then came the typical first sign of diabetes in the form of urinating frequently. I was going to the toilet literally every 15 minutes, and I think at that point i knew i was diabetic. Then one day at work, i near enough fell face first into the rack of cauliflowers I was attempting to arrange, and staggered into the staff room in an attempt to be sick. Then I promptly took my lunch break, walked home and was sick a number of times. My work colleague and housemate came to find me at that point, and said I looked like death. Still, knowing how crucial it was to keep my job, i stumbled back down the road to Tesco in an attempt to return to work. By the time I got there, I knew the attempt was futile as I was certainly going to pass out. I asked the store duty manager to dismiss me for the day, which she grudgingly did, and then I stood outside the entrance and phoned NHS direct (the only people up until that point who had actually been helpful.) The nurse on the phone told me to stop being so modest and go and see a Doctor immediately. I phoned up my GP and made an emergency appointment - thank God something was being done about it at last, I thought.
Almost as soon as I sat down infront of my GP, he told me he was almost 100% certain I was diabetic. I wasn't the least bit surprised, as I'd known myself for a long time. I was told I didn't need an ambulance, but someone should take me to the Hospital immediately. After I told my parents, they came out of work and took me there immediately, and on arrival I was told i had a blood sugar reading of 46mmols, and they were surprised I was still conscious.
The hospital was a surreal week-long experience with tiny meals and old men with dementia running off with my trousers, but all in all I had insulin in my hand, and I knew how to use it, and atlast I could start fighting that dazed sense of confusion I'd been experiencing for nearly 2 years. I was dismissed from the hospital a day before christmas, and within a month I'd almost fully recovered. Tesco handed me my notice the day I walked back into the store (convenient), but it hardly mattered as I landed myself a well paying job as a Media/ICT technician in a school within weeks.
I'd love to say the story ends there, and everything since has been perfect, but it hasn't. Although my diabetes control is reportedly good (I have never had a diabetes emergency since my diagnosis at the end of 2007 or a situation where I consider my blood sugars to be severely out of my own control), continued difficulties with night time blood sugars have resulted in the problem of lateness and poor punctuality re-occuring from time to time. Now I have to say, I'm not perfect when it comes down to controlling my blood levels, but ask yourself would you expect someone who is diagnosed with Type1 diabetes at the young age of 21 to sit counting carbs all day? I've done advanced diabetes training, I've done my fair share of reading and research across the internet, but i refuse to let an illness completely rule my life. Is that really unfair?
My experience with diabetes in the workplace has been frustrating, to say the least. Especially since I work in a job where one day can involve sitting at a computer desk all day, and the next can involve carrying heavy equipment round. Managing my food intake vs. insulin doses on a day to day basis has been somewhat challenging, but I think I'm all but there now.
But to be honest, no matter what you say about diabetes, i don't resent it as much as I resent the ignorant people who make my life more difficult than it needs to be every day. The problem with this illness is, there's no way for others to see how serious it is without you whitey out and faceplant the floor infront of them, and because my blood sugar control is actually quite good, I've never done that. Therefore they just look at me as if to say, 'what's the big deal?'
Coming to the closing hours of an intense working day leaves you lightheaded and disoriented, and you can't remember what you were supposed to be doing next, and your superior tells you you're an idiot. And equally you find you're having a bad day with blood sugars generally, and your working pace is somewhat sluggish as you haul your heavy arms all over the shop. Then your boss tells you 'you're ****' or 'you're lazy' or something similar. It's unbelievably irritating, but what can you say? They already know everything you've got to tell them about diabetes - they just don't understand it, and you could tell them until you're blue in the face and they still wouldn't.
Worst of all was being put through a disciplinary procedure (again) in my current job, and the stress this was putting me under was hardly helping me tackle the problems I was still having with night time glucose levels. I was late from time to time, and again it was down to problematic blood levels, GPs prescribing me 3x as much basal dosage as I should be taking, and consultants experimenting with my different insulins as you would expect in the early stages of the illness. i was still getting to grips with my situation, and my superior had me in his office for a wrist slapping every few weeks. Unlike before, i felt physically and mentally able to stand my ground this time around, so I prepared to meet his argument. Most shocking was when I tried to explain the extent of my diabetes to him, and he replied saying it 'wasn't his responsibility to understand the nature of my illness.' So, he was trying to discipline and potentially fire me based on something he knew nothing about?
The sitution escalated further, with almost threatening letters summoning me to yet more meetings where written warnings that could lead to my dismissal were appearing. I realised I needed more than a few smart words to secure my job, so I contacted Diabetes UK. A lady there (Jennifer?) was incredibly helpful, explaining to me that my superiors were pursuing a course that was highly illegal, and classed as bullying in the workplace. Part of the document that she forwarded to me included the key phrase 'no employee can be disciplined in matters directly associated with their diabetes.' That's not a direct quote, but the best I can remember without the documents to hand. So i forwarded this information in the next meeting, and would you believe it they found absolutely any reason they could to issue me with a written warning (arriving for work at 8:25 when i start at 8:30 is apparently late) and then they left me alone, only to bother me from time to time now, looking for some way to try and catch me out and accuse me of swinging the lead.
Since all this passed, I've managed to sort out my night time blood sugars almost entirely in my own time. I take almost no basal dosage on the whole, and mornings seem to be a whole lot easier than they've ever been, but still not perfect. Living with my partner now certainly helps a lot, and it's nice to find someone at last who is observent of my condition, and often notices patterns in my blood sugar levels without me even having to explain it.
So here I am now. Finally about to take a driving test, living a more balanced life and enjoying it for once. As far as I'm aware, breaking into the film/TV industry is really tough for a diabetic, so I'm not sure I feel brave enough to try anymore. But at the moment, I'm just making the most of having all the things I lost (like having enough mental focus to write an article like this).
To anyone who read this, congratulations on reading the forum post that became a mini biography :wink:
Thank you very much for telling us all your story. I think it will be interesting to everybody. I'm glad that things are going much better now. I think you might find this information useful which we give to new members. If you have any questions, please ask, and someone will have an answer for you.