Guest, we'd love to know what you think about the forum! Take the Diabetes Forum Survey 2020 »Dismiss Notice
Diabetes Forum should not be used in an emergency and does not replace your healthcare professional relationship. Posts can be seen by the public.Dismiss Notice
Guest, stay home, stay safe, save the NHS. Stay up to date with information about keeping yourself and people around you safe here and GOV.UK: Coronavirus (COVID-19). Think you have symptoms? NHS 111 service is available here.Dismiss Notice
Am I weird or what? Oceans of thoughts and dreams!
Well yes, medically, probably because I support a footie club that doesn't like winning!
Also run a junior football team.
I also have really weird dreams.
I also have weird things like deja vu!
But I'd like to tell you about an experience I had about 9 years ago.
It was my mother's birthday yesterday, she would have been 93. She passed away nearly 10 years ago.
I had been on hospital watch with her for about ten days, when she slipped peacefully away.
At the time she was In a coma from a stroke and my brother was on holiday, my other brothers couldn't get time off to help. I was left to be her sitter.
The day that my brother returned from his holiday abroad, he spent ten minutes with his mother before the doctor gave his prognosis. They went for a drink, and my mother passed.
Was she waiting for a final farewell?
Anyway, the wife decided that after the funeral, I definitely needed a break, so she booked a week away in the Lake District.
We stayed in a beautiful cottage close to Keswick. I just love the area around the Lake. I love walking.
The first morning after, it was a lovely autumn morning. You could see for miles, with wispy clouds for company. I packed a rucksack and put my fell walking boots and gear on and set off. I just walked and walked, not really caring what direction I took.
I took a detour through a small village and followed a tributary of water, crossed a bridge over the frothing fast running water.
The footpath followed the stream and climbed steadily towards a hill, then onto the near mountain. I followed the path, the water continued towards me. The track was becoming harder to follow as the foliage and the undergrowth got thicker. The nearness of the two hills were enclosing as the going got tougher. After about another half mile, I was just about to turn around and I noticed that the path was widening and a rather pretty isolated area came into view, there was a weir where two tributaries ran into each other, there was a bench, so I decided to sit a while, grab some nosh and a drink.
I relaxed into the setting. Beautiful. Just the rippling of the fast running water, flowing over the weir. The softest splash, sprinkling in the surf. Really peaceful.
I relaxed as the sun broke through, forgetting recent past events and as the sun shined on me, the tension flowed out of my body.
I smiled a knowing smile, the serenity, the quiet, the stillness, this was a place from the madness of everyday life.
I realised that I was having a perfect moment in time, as my senses became aware, they slowed as i collected all the awareness of everything that surrounded me, the calming awareness lulled me Into a knowing of acceptance that what I was witnessing was a gift that was helping me just when I needed it. I smiled then, I realised that a pain had receded from my heart.
An acceptance of life, it had to go on. To get my life back on track. To think of others and to help them. To stop mourning. To look forward, I had a family to support, who were looking to me for support.
I thought of my friends and family whom I missed and I started crying, not In sadness, but for the joy they gave me and what I would miss. The tears flowed, I was glad I was alone. I let them go, I smiled, I cried more, the relief was uplifting. I relaxed into a sleep. My heart was heavy no more. My brain was released to think of other matters, my love for my family grew.
I heard a noise that awakened my reverie. I had no tissues, so I had to wipe my tears on my coat sleeve. I smiled as the sun still shined down on me. I picked up my backpack, wondering how to get back. I looked at my watch, it was 3pm gone. Where had the time gone? How long had I sat there? I never did eat, I drank my water as I walked, I felt one stone lighter.
But I didn't care, I had a smile on my face and ready to get back to this mad world of ours.
After each of my two brothers had passed, I went back for a visit to find this beautiful place I had found to help me again. I couldn't find it, I asked the locals, no idea was the reply.
Just remembering the moment helped me find the courage to personally grieve for my brothers and give me the strength to fight and live my life.
Was this place real or did I fall asleep and dream it? I don't really care, it is something that was very personal and helped me tremendously. Does anyone else have these moments?
Or am I really weird, like I said?
You need to be logged in to comment