Change is needed
So, over the years I've been trying hard to kick diabetes ass. I'm a type 2 on insulin since I was diagnosed at 7 weeks pregnant with my first child who is now 6 and a half years old. But I've realised that I've been playing at it. I gain success, such as being able to come off my insulin the year before last and then let it slide, I almost self sabotage myself. I am definitely addicted to carbohydrates in all its forms, a very severe addiction which has taken over my life, inflicted my body with all sorts of problems.
The past few weeks my blood sugars have been out of control and to begin with I wasn't bothered, I was in the midst of a a carb induced haze and all I could think of was my next carb hit. I spent a night with my heart pounding and thoughts of dying and decided I need to once again take control. I've struggled to get them down more than ever before, I've took hundreds of units of insulin and nothing was working really. This morning I've took them from 16 to 6.0 through eating only fat and a small amount of protein and no carbs l, alongside black coffee, water and some exercise. I need to make a change, my eyesight is definitely affected and I've been dodging my eye screening because I'm scared of what they will say I've also missed all of the diabetic consultant appointments I've been sent since my twins were born in March 2016. I don't know why really, maybe I'm too busy, or at least that's the excuse I've made, but I fear maybe it's postnatal depression, I just can't seem to focus on anything and struggle to find the energy to actually do things like go to appointments or deal with situations.
Anyway I'm trying to make a permanent change this time, for my husband, for my children and mostly for myself. I want to live a long life that is healthy, I don't want to die having been fat, unhappy with myself and trying to lose the weight for all of my life. If I don't do it now at the age of 31, I don't think I ever will. God help me, everyone help me because I am going to need all the help I can get.
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