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The best way to describe managing diabetes is to compare it to walking on a tightrope. Such fine balance has to be maintained at all times. Take too much insulin; you go low, take too little; you go high. It's a dangerous game that none of us decided to play, and yet here we are, playing away, because if we stop for just a little while, we are left to face some serious consequences.
So we can't be faulted if we enjoy the little achievements during our good days. For myself, I enjoy looking at my readings and seeing that they're single digits rather than double. I enjoy seeing that I'm staying within the blue line. It shows that my effort is paying off, that at least I'm doing something right. But of course, those days don't always last. My readings are far from perfect. In my attempt to achieve perfection, I need to experiment, and in order to experiment, I need to upset the balance that's already there. The past couple of days haven't been the easiest; if not for my diabetes, then definitely for my mental health. My readings have been higher than I'd like, no matter how much I've tried to improve my carb counting and assess my insulin ratios. It seems that no matter how many corrections I take and methods I try, nothing is working.
Amidst my frustration, I've forgotten that I'm allowed to have my off days. It was only when my boyfriend reminded me to not be so hard on myself, and that I've been doing so well lately that I shouldn't allow a couple of days of off readings to bother me, that I realised he was right. In my attempt to remain within the blue lines, I had forgotten that that's not possible. Rome wasn't built in a day, so how can I achieve a perfect HbA1c in just a couple of weeks? I realised I needed to be easier on myself, and to give myself the time and support I need to improve my health.
It's okay to fall off the tightrope every now and again, what matters is how you treat yourself and how you pick yourself back up every time you fall.
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