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Hypo hell! Blog no. 41

Published by Lamont D in the blog Lamont D's blog. Views: 441

I've no doubt that quite a lot of the people who view or read these blogs have had a reasonable amount of hypos and how they 'feel' when experiencing them. And what to do when the warning signs are there and you know what is happening. And of course, you treat them.

How would you 'feel' if you didn't know exactly what was happening to you?
Well, I've been there, worn the and so on.......
Well as someone who has been there, in hypo hell as I call it, is not an exact term, but it applies, as good as it is!
You see, as if you didn't know, I have RH!
Which is a blood glucose disorder, which when you eat carbs or sugars of any sort, you quickly dispose of the glucose, then you still create insulin. Enough to lower your blood glucose levels into hypos.
You see the first problem that you face is the fact that your bloods rocket up, not just gently, but really quickly enough to get the symptoms of hyperglycaemia. Which of course is high blood glucose levels. Then because of the excess insulin, you drop slowly back towards normal blood glucose levels.
But it doesn't stop, it continues down into a hypoglycaemic episode. It just keeps going, down until, you either eat and arrest the hypo. Or you drink enough to stop it happening. Then you have to keep eating through the day sufficiently to stop the yo yo effect. Of course you have to eat very low carb.
Just so that you don't start the whole thing getting out of hand.

So, at one time, about four years or so ago! This is where I was.
I was slowly but surely gaining weight, even on all the diets, in fact, not eating very much at all. In my own little world, because, I was not pleasant to be with, and not aware of what was going on. I knew something was, but my GPs as I did, thought it was my diabetes, (wrongly diagnosed) and all the dreadful symptoms, that was the cause. Unaware of what was going on, I trudged through life, always tired, always, no energy, huffing and puffing through life, exhausted. But those weren't the worst symptoms by a long stretch.
Sleep deprivation, waking and not being able to sleep regardless of how much sleep you may have got, the dreams so wild, vivid, colourful, not nightmares but so very life like, sometimes, I didn't even know, wether I was awake or dreaming, the drudge of life, bearing down on me.
I would be so warm at times, wearing clothes was a sweaty bath, even in winter, I couldn't cool down, my wife put it down to my age and ' that time of life!'
I couldn't see much because of the blurred vision, the constant headache, the feeling of being anxious and always angry, but not the temper, the real awful way, I hated everything and everyone.
I would just stop and cry for no reason, I couldn't just do anything as my body wouldn't let me. I just couldn't be *****!
I withdrew into myself, my social life was nil, my kids and grandkids ignored in case I couldn't help myself. I made excuses to the family but I couldn't face them, I couldn't trust myself! The anxiety and fear, with how horrible I felt, the confusion and lightheadedness, the list is endless, even some I didn't realise I had till they were pointed out to me.
I knew something was going on but I didn't know what!
I was unaware of what was happening to me.
Which made it worse!
If you have no hypo awareness or hyper awareness because it was constantly happening, you and your body would try and adjust, but nothing myself or my body did would stop the 'hell' I was in!
I was at a stage, that, I did feel like giving up. But because the wife is disabled and I needed to be her crutch, I tried like hell to get it sorted. But time was passing me by and in the end, life and time just became a blur. Just blending into nothingness!
I cannot remember, things at all, from that time, I've been shown photos and other stuff, but I haven't got a clue about them. I have always gone to my local football team to watch.
I've read all about it, but it just seems a mental aberration have blocked everything from my memory.
Whatever went on, I have no clue!
The grandkids birthdays, I have missed so much! I come across stuff, that are either in my wardrobe or my drawers that I'm certain I've never seen before, I'm certain! Well, I couldn't remember getting them!
I hope I've given you enough of the circumstances I found myself, I've tried to describe the what I was going through. But the point I'm making is if you a hyper, then hypo, then hyper, then hypo, then hyper, then hypo. And every time you took a reading it would be high, because that's when you first feel bad, and of course, your body is telling you to eat, and you would think it was your high bloods. You wouldn't feel the lows, so you never checked them, you just felt awful all the time, not knowing what your bloods were fluctuating wildly as your vivid dreams! Up and down all day, day after day, week after week! And so on.
Think of having a hypo, then multiplying by about three to four times, with the horrid symptoms multiplying until you just want to curl up and die!
Yes, I have thought about it, not since, I'm not that much of a coward to do that to my family, I know, what somebody does and what they leave behind. I'd rather face it, than back away and hurt the ones you love most.
I'm truly grateful to those who helped me get my life back and
the one person who literally saved my life and those who stuck by me!

My hyper and hypo awareness is now so keen, I won't be going back to my own personal, private, hell. I couldn't live like that again. My hypo hell is over and I'm never, ever, going back!
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