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Hello, there. My name is Bray.
I don't know how these forum blog things work. I am twenty three and very so un-tech savy. I am also outdated on new tech stuff and what not. Despite my lack of knowledge of connecting with the work via internet, I decided to make one of these. I don't expect anyone to read it. However, if you do, do not hesitate on saying hello. I believe I am an easily approachable person.
Anyway, I just want to share my story on diabetes. It does get very personal, but. I think that is the point, right? So here goes nothing.
It was the summer of 2013. I was twenty one, young, and a bit careless. Looking back, I can admit I was slowing gravitating towards a dark time. If my smile and upbeat attitude in front of others was misleading, my eating habits were definitely giving it away. I was eating anything and everything one should not be eating. In the morning, I might grab and apple or eat my left over Chinese food from the corner stores ( I was, and still am, living in the hood. You can imagine the quality of the food.) For lunch, I would grab a cheese steak or hoagie sandwich from the other corner store, or maybe McDonald's if I felt like treating myself. My in-between meal snacks would include Laffy Taffies or Skittles, or any other sweet I could get my hands on. To conclude the day, I would grab more fried chicken from the Chinese Store and some chips as a side. Once again, IF i felt the need to treat myself (which was about everyday) I would grab ice cream or a chocolate bar. This eating habit was traditional, and nothing seemed wrong with it. In fact, I'm sure I was pretty proud of myself for keeping a low consumption on those days. Every day that I had worked, I made sure to drink beer and alcohol and liquor with co-workers to alleviate the headaches the managers were proud of providing me with. It was seldom that I would eat a healthy meal. I cannot remember a day where I had not eaten junk food at all, around that time.
I do remember that summer very well. It was very hot. I remember being extremely thirsty ALL of the time. I would gulp gallons of water, then soda to keep me quenched. It only made the situation worse. My mouth would feel very cotton liked, and all of that liquid had me peeing every fifteen minutes. I couldn't go out with friends without having a roll of tissue with me at all times; there would be times where we are enjoying a drink in the park, and the urge to pee would hit me multiple times. I learned VERY quickly to carry some with me everywhere I went afterwards. I remember my hands tingling whenever I would clean. At the time, I blamed on the bleach that would linger on my hands from not thoroughly cleaning them off. I remember feeling fatigued, irritated, and depressed; to be fair, I have been feeling like that my entire life. I also remember feeling very itchy downstairs. ALL. of. the. time. (the next sentence gets graphic.) There would be this creamish white clumps forming all around the area. I remember being very scared. I was still a virgin at the time, and I wasn't fooling around with anyone. Is this an STD??
I remember being very scared, knowing something was off.
I didn't know.
I do remember the last days, I had eaten an entire half gallon of ice cream ( maybe it's just me, but that doesn't sound too extremely fat ... does it?) I was sitting there, munching on my everyday treat, unaware of what it was doing to my body. I didn't really care either. I was never really a skinny girl, but I wasn't fat either. And if I was, I still did not care. Food was my life, my getaway. My medicine. Besides, I had been getting a few compliments around that time. "Are you losing weight" It looks like it, girl! You look great!" Now, I haven't done a sit up or ran in a while around that time, so you would think that comment might be alarming. But, no. I was too satisfied with the fact that I look skinny for the first of my life.
I remember talking to my dad about it when doing laundry. I told him about the continuous urinating and the constant thirst. He looked at me ever so serious and said, "It sounds like you may have diabetes. It sounds like the symptoms. I hope it isn't." Well, so did I! But how could it be anyway? There aren't that many people in my family who has the condition. Isn't it hereditary? And I'm only twenty one! It did not sound like a reasonable explanation, but his sentence still played in the back of my head. It was time to go to the doctors and ask anyway. You know, just to be safe. I like my ice cream.US
So, there I was. September 4th, 2013. Sitting in the neighborhood health clinic with a doctor who seemed half way concerned about the news she was privileged in breaking to me, telling me I have diabetes. She kept on pronouncing it like "diabetUS". It was distracting me from my crying episode.
I left the place thinking. What am I going to do now?? EVERYTHING about my life has to change. No more junk food, ugh. No more candy, ughhh. No more beer, you have got to be kidding me. No more fried chicken. Are you s*****ng me?! (For those who haven't caught on, I am black. I know your white senses are tingling at the "fried chicken" part. In this text, you can safely assume things. I don't mind, I do not care.) How can I even afford a sald anyway?? WHY would I want to eat a salad?? I am going to have to start exercising everyday? Now, exercising isn't such a pretty. Despite my unhealthy habits and laziness, I am naturally an athletic person. I USED to keep up before, but ice cream was so much better. Now, I must give it up for broccoli sticks and sit ups. Oh, boy.
I was very depressed. For a while. Even to this day it hits me hard. I have gotten a lot better in taking care of myself. I still have my days though. Lately it has been feeling like months. I still get depressed from time to time whenever my boyfriend nags me to take care of myself. I must admit. It has been life changing. For the most part, it has been a good life changing experience. I am healthy, or some days I am aware. I am not even sure if that is better than not knowing. I don't know, it is still a battle. I don't know how to wrap this up, for I am no good at writing. I just wanted to share my first story with you guys. But, if you read this, thank you. If you read this and can relate, say something. It isn't easy feeling alone in this. Isn't that why we are all here? It's ohkay to talk to me. I will make sure you don't feel alone as well.
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