Separate names with a comma.
Well today things went from bad to much worse!
I have stopped taking the codeine that I have for my back pain as I keep constantly having attacks of feeling out of control and codeine does alter the breathing so I was hoping that I would feel better but it didn't help at all .. had a word with my carer this morning and asked her to take me seriously so she wouldn't just brush it off .. that I have been feeling really bad and out of control! She immediately phoned the nurse and the team leader who both came straight away and the 3 of us had a long chat about it and I should be seeing the doctor tomorrow afternoon.
In the afternoon I went to the activities room and I joined in with the finishing of the letters we did last week and most probably bored the pants off everyone with my tales of woe at the same time! Then I went into the café to have an omelette and a cup of tea and promptly dozed off to sleep when a guy called Trigger shouted boo! at me and I woke up with such a jump and was extremely annoyed! I keep reminding him not to do that because of my heart condition but unfortunately he thinks that it's very funny!
I eventually came back to my flat but am really worried that I will have another attack and feel that I am going round the twist.. it's a horrible feeling.
I have been feeling so much more relaxed now that I have an idea of what to do resulting in my having a really good night's sleep and getting up today earlier than usual.
I went to join in the bowling this morning and had a nice chat with 2 or 3 people afterwards.
I noticed Jan sitting outside when I was talking to Joan in the café so as she left I went and had a chat with her.. she hasn't been feeling very well just lately and I think she was pleased to be able to tell me about it.
After having a banana for lunch I meant to go to join in with the Sparkle session but I dropped off to sleep instead! Decided to pop down and see who was there and had chat with Valerie and another young lady asking them about their experiences of when they were young .. it's surprising how much you can learn about people and each one have had some sort of tragedy to deal with!
Life has a habit of biting you in the backside just when you least expect it!
Food has been a bit haphazard again so no point of putting any counts down.
My niece came as planned and we had a good chat about things .. we came to the conclusion that it would be best for me to first send my daughter a card that I had bought explaining why I didn't contact her on the day in question and just briefly how and why this situation has arisen plus assuring her how much I really love her and then finally adding that I will phone her in the next couple of days so she can put her point of view.. etc.
I went for my usual cuppa and sat in the café for about an hour just enjoying the different area coming back just before my niece arrived. She is such a tonic and nearly always comes up with a sensible conclusion to things that bother me.. and she is only 46 .. compared to my 85!
I always find that any friends that I make are a lot younger than myself and in actual fact most people of my age are rather stuffy and old hat.. so to speak!
My mouth was very dry and painful this morning .. I ended up having 3 teeth removed yesterday and as I was told I had to wait until the afternoon before I was taken through.. as it is teaching hospital there were about nine young people in the theatre which meant that I could have someone to hold my hand .. bless them .. the scraping of my jawbone I found the most unnerving although the whole process was over quite quickly tbh.
My brother had stopped and waited all day for me which I thought was so good of him.. in fact when he eventually enquired about the situation I had just gone into the recovery room so he decided to go home but as they don't keep anyone in longer than possible he had to turn around and come back!
I had a "Rachels Divine creamed rice" for breakfast and another one for lunch but don't know what I am going to have this evening .. [could perhaps be another one?] they are Soo delicious!
A good start to the day when the carer came in and we had a chat about yesterday's events .. she was very supportive and then we did the rest of my ablutions (washing etc.)
I spent the most of today just preparing for my mental and physical result of the op tomorrow and hoping that this pain subsides so I can get a bit of sleep tonight. . . the pain has and is still really bad!
Had a grocery delivery at 3o'clock and then went to have a cup of tea .. met Chrissy there and had a chat with her and then when Francis came and as they don't like each other Chrissy went off and I continued to talk to Francis .. the silent messages from each one of them to me indicating their intolerance of each other is hilarious
Food counts - Cals 1144 Carbs 159 Protein 30 Sodium 98
Can anybody see the sky
And can they hear the wind?
It's cold and lonely in the park
And no one can I find
The days drift into months and years
The trees are changing too
Can anybody see the sky
It's lost its radiant hue
The wind it blows across my face
And cuts into my cheek
Can anybody hear the wind
Its never been so bleak
Can anybody see or hear
The cries of pain and sorrow
Or will the many turn their heads
We'll think of that tomorrow
Can anybody give a word
To calm the restless night
And soothe this aching heart of mine
Before I lose the fight
For life is love , to love is life
And little there is left
If only I could see the sky
But darkness o'er me crept
And if I could but hear the wind
That breathes throughout the day
But all I know is what I felt
And love has gone away
So numbed that hardly can I speak
And sit alone would I
Can anybody hear the wind
And can they see the sky?
Hospital transport picked me up at about 10am and I saw the doctor at 11.45.. very disappointed initially as they were going to get me back at a later date for the extraction but I burst into tears at the thought of having to wait even longer so he arranged for me to have it done on Thursday! I was so pleased that I burst into tears again
I then had to get an x-ray done which was just as my transport home came but that had to be cancelled and rearranged which meant waiting for ages.. by the time I arrived home I was exhausted and went to bed for a bit.
It has been one of those days where the creamed rice have been very handy and I ate quite a few of the Rachels Divine rice which I find really delicious and quite addictive.
Counts today - Cals 1331 Carbs 181 Protein 39 Sodium 417
My counsellor came today and I was able to talk about the awful events of the last few days .. it is always so helpful to have this listening ear and get an insight into the machinations of the mind when these things occur. I was very pleased with the response from her about my own view and the way which I have handled it.. it's just a matter of time to leave a decent chance for things to subside and hope it will be enough for them to see how much I have tried to do the right thing.
I haven't been able to eat much today especially as my tooth has been very painful again .. thank goodness I will be going to the hospital in the morning to get it sorted.
Counts - Cals 1005 Carbs 182 Protein 42 Sodium 900
It's still been much cooler today but at least not much rain.
Kept an eye on my intake and I'm delighted to find out that it's paid off .. counts are pretty good ..
Cals 1288 Carbs 196 Protein 41 Sodium 1300
The weather conditions changed so that the fete stalls had to be indoors and as my niece texted me to say that she would have to come later because of a headache I didn't go down to it until about 1 o'clock when most of the people had gone.. however, my niece came later in the afternoon and we went to Sainsbury's for a bit of something to eat and to do a little shopping.
I was so pleased when she remarked that I had shown great restraint by answering the post on Facebook with a dignified response and not with anger which she might have done.. it really made my day.
We had a very nice meal .. J had a chicken and vegetable soup plus an omelette, E .. her daughter ..a masala and I had beef lasagne .. then J bought 3 tops which had been greatly reduced whilst I got my groceries.
No counts done again today but I know I haven't had very much all day.
Yesterday I had a message from one of my granddaughters who told me in no uncertain terms what she thought of me which covered nearly a whole page and without pulling any punches either. Needless to say I was extremely upset especially as she had misinterpreted what I wrote in the first place which was that I was feeling really down .. and that was because my grandson's cremation was that day! The reams of abuse went on and on about how I am a self-centered grumpy old person who never thinks about anyone but myself .. and so on and so on!
Today I find that my other granddaughter has also posted similarly and added that my near death experience should have made me think about how horrible I am and do something about it before it is too late!
This morning I have decided not to respond to the posts on Facebook but leave it for another time when hopefully things will settle a bit .. whatever I say is likely to be taken the wrong way methinks .. and the fact that I have told my family in the past that I regret the things that happened years ago is likely to fall on rather deaf ears anyway.
Went to help the preparations for the fete tomorrow but there was nothing to be done!
Had a nice chat with Joan and then a cup of tea and an egg mayonnaise sandwich and then went to the hairdresser to get my hair washed and blow dried.. and soon I will be going to bed ..that is after I have done a bit of tidying up.
I bought a new dress which turned out to be a little bit short.. bought a second one which is somewhat longer to find it's too long!
Looking forward to tomorrows fete and my niece coming too.
What a day!
First I had the Saffron lady came in to see me and told me that I will be getting another flat asap and I shall have the next one plus this one for 4 weeks in order to give me time to arrange the move which was great but then when I went on facebook I found that my granddaughter had replied to my post of the other day giving me a real ticking off and saying that I am selfish and lots of other derogatory names .. to say that I was gobsmacked is putting it mildly! I tried to explain but everything I wrote was taken in completely the wrong context and that everything is about me .. always about me.. me .. me ..me! She ended by saying that I am an "epic binner" which I had to look up as I didn't understand that. .. but heyho.. if that is the way she feels!
I did reply at one stage saying that there are things in my life she doesn't know about which are troubling me and causing a lot of anxiety but that didn't help matters at all.
So after that I went to have some scampi and chips out on the courtyard which tbh were not very nice and then after a bit of a chat I came home.
I haven't recorded my food intake as I am still feeling quite low and deflated after her attack on me.. tomorrow's another day!
I woke up this morning crying my eyes out and feeling absolutely awful .. I just couldn't stop and I felt so dizzy as well so I asked to see the doctor and as usual was put down to see the nurse! I am feeling a bit better now but I still want to have a word with the nurse as this dizziness has been going on for such a long time now. It has made me feel quite sick all day although the hot weather hasn't helped it's true. Had a couple of visits to the café for teas and this evening an omelette with a few baked beans. .. counts are - Cals 1218 Carbs 145 Protein 40 Sodium 849
Feeling really low today .. went to the café for a cup of tea as usual and I saw a woman who I thought might be from Saffron and decided that if I she came by again I would ask about my transfer to a different flat but as she came she stopped and said that she had just sent a message to them to remind them of that.. so I didn't have to say anything after all!
Then I went out to Roys not that I needed anything but just to get some air and enjoy the sun and I passed Chrissy who was on her way home and as she went by I heard her say "whatever does she think she looks like?" .. ! .. I was completely gobsmacked as she had always seemed to be so friendly before .. so that didn't help the way I was feeling either.
Not a good day food wise and so I'm not going to make a record of it!
Rather a boring day .. I eventually went down to the lounge and was going to join in the Sparkle session but changed my mind and went for a cup of tea instead.. bought a couple of apple tarts [just small individual ones] which were not at all tasty and then went out into the yard to feed the birds with the crumbs. Brenda and Kathy came in the café for a cuppa so I joined them and we had a nice chat. Finally I came back and made some dinner of a boil in the bag kipper which was quite nice and I now have a banana and custard to have for supper.
Counts are too much but the weight seems to be going in the right direction -
Cals 1476 Carbs 222 Protein 42 Sodium 1873