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I keep opening my notebook and looking at the figures from the last test, I have even looked up what information I have from diagnosis and written the numbers alongside. I still get the feeling of not knowing if I ought to laugh or cry. People who get the all clear after a cancer scare must experience something similar - I suspect, but they have had to go through far more onerous treatment.
I now have every excuse and reason to go on eating low carb, and a pressing requirement to make myself some new clothes.
Although I am not losing weight I am changing shape, regaining a waist. Nothing fits properly.
I went to the butcher and picked up a half pig I ordered from them. They are an old fashioned firm and I can have the carcase cut up into the size of joint I need for the two of us, then they pack and freeze it so I just need to pick it up and put into the freezer here.
Many years a go now, when I went to buy the freezer, the size I wanted was out of stock, so the manager offered me a larger one at a good price, and I have never regretted having the extra space. I have been able to stock up on cheap deals, buy bread at 10p a loaf and raid the marked down shelves ever since. Now I always have veges available, with the carb count marked on the pack, and the Lidl rolls freeze well so I always have them fresh when I want them, plus I can take half an ordinary loaf out for my husband and leave the other half to stay fresh.
I am still feeling shocked by my results today - Hba1c reduced to 47, from 91 - I was thinking perhaps something in the 60s - and in such a short time. I thought it was 80 days but I think it might be 78 - not that it matters - but I am sure that the results were to a large extent due to my having a meter so I could check after meals and then act on the results to maintain a low spike.
Of course I need to continue to eat low carb - but that is no hardship really - I hope that I will be able to eat more fruit eventually, but that would be fairly low carb - the greatest temptation will be the apples from my trees later this year, if it is a good year. Perhaps I should get an apple crusher and turn them all into cider rather than see them go to waste. The birds appreciate the windfalls, but in a good year there can be hundreds of apples on each tree.
The main problem at the moment is that I have almost nothing to wear. I will have to get busy and make myself a few things to tide me over until my weight stabilises.
Today I managed to walk over a mile to the folk club, which was quite a surprise to me, and my BG was 6.0 mmol/l when I got back - I came back on the bus as it is not much fun walking in the cold and dark. Later in the year I hope to be able to walk there and back again. It finishes at 6, so not too late.
I seem to be able to eat an evening meal and have berries with yoghurt or cream and remain under 8 mmol/l - 7.9 today.
I cut down the veges if I have the berries, but I can have - for instance sweet pepper, mushrooms and some peas with my meat of the day on the days when I don't have berries.
I keep thinking about the blood test I had done yesterday, and I do hope that the results are good - thinking that I could have experimented less - but I did need to establish just what I could or could not eat - I will not be able to buy strips for the meter and test several times a day - though my results are very much more variable now than when I was losing weight. Perhaps I need to cut down until I am losing weight again. My BG levels are dropping, so IF I am becoming more responsive to insulin I am converting glucose to stored energy in the form of glycogen and fat.
I am going out every day and doing more walking, but I can't say that I am doing buch exercise. I will go and use the trampoline in the garden once the weather improves - it will probably need a scrub so it is not slippery before I can use it safely.
I finally realised that the odd levels are due to exercise and nothing to do with food at all.
Walking is making a big impact on the lowest levels I see, but after even a short walk my readings are high.
Hopefully as my fitness increases the highs will not be so abrupt. I can go up and down stairs far more easily than at diagnosis, my feet have shrunk so much that I have had to discard several pairs of shoes and sandals - but I did not have symptoms of diabetes - I have been watching for them, as I expected to be diabetic long ago. Perhaps I was, but eating as low carb as I could might have helped.
Exercise is altering my reaction to insulin, I think, so my readings go down after eating. It is 7.5 after eating this evening, it is usually closer to 8.
After me thinking that I had got a handle on this, my blood glucose levels have been all over the place - one over ten and one over eleven after eating lunch, which is only a few carbs - but also fives and sixes, so obviously something is altering.
I have a blood test on Friday, follow up to the original one for the diagnosis. I expect my levels will be unfavourable, after a few months of low carbing - but things can only get better. I will be able to walk down to the hospital for the test now - I'll probably get the bus back up the hill, I have not yet got back into tackling that incline, but things are changing on that front too.
I must get my bicycle back into working order - the back wheel keeps slipping and the chain loosens.
I do feel a lot better, even if my levels are so up and down.
Today I went to the folk club. I can use my bus pass and get fairly close to the venue, and off I went, no sticks and no wobbles. I feel a lot stronger these days.
I go to the diabetes advisory course tomorrow so expect to get some stick about not taking the pills, but they really make life not worth living for me, so I will not go back on them voluntarily.
This session starts at twelve, so I must remember to eat early enough - but weigh first thing to see if I have lost any weight.
I did buy some chocolate when I went to Lidl - but I don't really like it, even though it is only 24percent carbs. I might try making some sort of dessert with it, or fat bombs maybe.
I am continuing to see lower BG levels, but this week I have not dropped any weight, and I am wondering if I am becoming less insulin resistant. Insulin creates fat, removing the glucose from the blood. It would therefor make weight loss slower if insulin was having more effect.
It might also be the six Lidl protein rolls I ate in the last week or so.
I can only to on keeping on and see what happens. At the moment I am happier to see the lower BG levels than I would have been to have another 2lb weight loss.
I just took my BG and it is the lowest I have recorded - something seems to be happening to my metabolism after two months of low carbing.
I have seen my average levels of before and after my evening meal gradually drifting downwards, and not altering very much between the readings, but I am down by a whole number after being rather higher than anything I have seen unless testing a food for spiking.
The only thing I have changed is using double cream in my coffee and on the berries I eat - perhaps I have reached some level of fat consumption which has changed things, as I have been eating a few more carbs due to the falling BG levels.
I did hope to drop to this level once I had lost a bit more weight, with some hope of reversing diabetes eventually - I am just surprised at it happening so soon if that is what it is.
Yesterday I got a sudden increase in BG up to 10.7 mmol/l which only decreased to 8.9 at bedtime and today my fasting level is 8.7.
That is rather worrying, as I had been seeing numbers in the 7s and low 8s even after eating.
I am going to reduce carbs down to the lower levels I was on when I was first diagnosed, as I have been adding in more of what I used to be able to eat, little by little as I did way back when I was doing Atkins for ongoing weightloss.
I was losing weight on target for 2lb a week, but I should have dropped another pound by now, and I haven't.
Ah well - I will have to go out and exercise as soon as the weather gets a bit warmer and dryer.
I am just coming towards the end of the second month of LCHF and the difference between my before and after eating BG levels was just 0.7 mmol/l today. My pre meal levels are still between 6.5 and 7 mmol/l which is a bit high, I think, but the small elevation by food should mean that my Hga1c levels will be down. I do hope so, as it will confirm the level of control I want to achieve.
I have to confess that I have looked at my husband's stock of sweets and chocolate from time to time and been tempted, but did not give in. I think about the display on the meter, and the weighing scales, and know that such an indulgence will be obvious there - and I must say that I want to see the look on the doctor's face too - when he tells me what change there has been.
I bought a couple of boxes of grapes when out shopping, the large ones with seeds as sold in Lidl - and I did really well with the first one, eating only a few each day. This is done by taking a few out of the box and then putting it back in the fridge. A simple ploy but it works. Then I was unable to get to the fridge as my husband was getting himself some milk for his coffee - so I carried the box to my desk, and then I ate them.
Other people have admired my self control with foods I simply do not eat, but that requires no effort at all. I do not eat biscuits, chips or cake, so I do not eat them even if I see them, and things such as green salad - fine, a single tomato - I take the smallest one from the net - but those things I do eat but should restrict, grapes and melon, I have to put them out of sight or I just keep on having a few, or another little slice, and I can't do that these days.
At least my waist has continued to shrink and soften - my abdomen was totally rigid a few months ago, and I had an equator rather than a waist. Now I need to make myself a whole new set of clothes which compress my waist to stay in place - otherwise the waistline slides down rather alarmingly, or are held up in some other way - dresses rather than skirts, or some sort of top to secure them from the effects of gravity.
I have not been able to test my BG as I ran out of strips for the One Touch meter we inherited from my mother in law. The pot of 50 strips was 32 pounds at the clinic, but I just bought a meter, lancets and 75 strips for under 30 pounds in Lidl.
I had been concerned that I did not know what my readings were, but the first test with the new meter shows 6.4 mmol/l. I am really pleased with that.
Last night I was lazy and I ate some of the sweetcorn I made for my husband - even though it had gravy with it.
For the first time I got a reaction on the urine sticks last night. It was only the slightest alteration, but I have acute colour vision and it was there again, though not so much, this morning.
I really have to accept that I need to make the extra effort, take the time to do the foods I know I can eat.
I used mayonnaise with my salad rather than make up more of the oil and vinegar dressing I usually use - that might have made the impact greater,
Ah well - lesson learned. Constant vigilance.