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  1. sugar readings.jpg The best way to describe managing diabetes is to compare it to walking on a tightrope. Such fine balance has to be maintained at all times. Take too much insulin; you go low, take too little; you go high. It's a dangerous game that none of us decided to play, and yet here we are, playing away, because if we stop for just a little while, we are left to face some serious consequences.

    So we can't be faulted if we enjoy the little achievements during our good days. For myself, I enjoy looking at my readings and seeing that they're single digits rather than double. I enjoy seeing that I'm staying within the blue line. It shows that my effort is paying off, that at least I'm doing something right. But of course, those days don't always last. My readings are far from perfect. In my attempt to achieve perfection, I need to experiment, and in order to experiment, I need to upset the balance that's already there. The past couple of days haven't been the easiest; if not for my diabetes, then definitely for my mental health. My readings have been higher than I'd like, no matter how much I've tried to improve my carb counting and assess my insulin ratios. It seems that no matter how many corrections I take and methods I try, nothing is working.

    Amidst my frustration, I've forgotten that I'm allowed to have my off days. It was only when my boyfriend reminded me to not be so hard on myself, and that I've been doing so well lately that I shouldn't allow a couple of days of off readings to bother me, that I realised he was right. In my attempt to remain within the blue lines, I had forgotten that that's not possible. Rome wasn't built in a day, so how can I achieve a perfect HbA1c in just a couple of weeks? I realised I needed to be easier on myself, and to give myself the time and support I need to improve my health.

    It's okay to fall off the tightrope every now and again, what matters is how you treat yourself and how you pick yourself back up every time you fall.
  2. While for some it may feel like forever, this past month in lockdown has flown by for me. Each day has blurred into the other and it's becoming increasingly harder to find something new and exciting to keep the spirits up. Aside from the occasional walk to stretch the legs, there is nowhere to go, and there's only so much one can take of Netflix each day!

    But it hasn't been entirely depressing. This time for self reflection has made me realise that there are aspects of my life and health that I still need to improve. Work and life in general before Covid-19 gave me the excuse I needed to ignore my diabetes. I convinced myself I was too busy to check my sugars regularly and record them in a diary, and that I was even too busy too learn how to manage my condition better. My procrastination and refusal to believe I wasn't managing it well enough were too strong to overcome. Now, though, I have no excuse. How can I be too busy if I'm spending hours sitting down doing nothing?

    The results of my HbA1c were the catalyst I needed to begin my journey of self-improvement. Finding out I had gone up from mid-60's to 76 (9.1%) was both embarrassing and disappointing, seeing as I was so convinced I was doing great. It was like a switch had been flipped. I knew exactly what I had to do, and what I needed to do it. There was no excuse not to start immediately; I had an empty diary I could write in, I had all the information from the DAFNE course I took part in last year, and most importantly, I had support. My partner and his family, who I'm quarantining with, have been nothing short of helpful. They ensured I recorded my results regularly and kept a food diary, they listened to my rants about how my sugars weren't going the way I wanted them to, and they kept me away from the snacks when temptation called. If it wasn't for them, I don't think my motivation would've lasted.

    Starting this blog has given me even more motivation. Being able to see that there are others who share my story is comforting, it's nice to know I'm not alone in my struggles. My main goal is to lower my HbA1c and maintain stricter control over my blood sugars, as well as improve my carb counting. Hopefully in time I can look back on this blog and see how much progress I make.
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