Fed up now... take it back

[lizziewizzie]

I'm fed up. I've only been diagnosed since 18thish of Dec. but I'm fed up and bored of this. I'm drinking alcohol for the second time since being diagnosed. The first time, I injected 8 units thinking it might make me hypo and die, being silly. Now, I'm with my boyfriend so wont do anything silly, but I know I shouldn't drink again. I'm just fed up. I honestly thought I would be fine with this. I'm a nurse, I know the basics of diabetes. I can deal with this. It's just logic and convienience. BUT it's not. I'm fed up. I feel like a child and I want to cry and scream. I want this to go away. I do not like to have to control something so important to my living. I've had depression for years and always tried to end my life. Now I have to keep doing things to ensure I live. This is so different to me and out of my comfort zone. I'm fed up. x

 

[TorqPenderloin]

I hope you can find the courage to seek help in addressing your mental and physical well-being.

I was diagnosed 4 months ago and it's a h*** of a lot to take in at first, but then a week goes by and you're a little smarter, then a month, and so on. After a while, you start to get your life back and you feel more prepared and confident for the future. Sure, there are the days that suck, but everyone has those diabetes or not.

It sounds like you have a lot going for you and it also sounds like you care (otherwise you wouldn't have joined here). Be proud. Some people aren't strong enough to do that.

The way I see it: this is just the beginning to a new chapter in our lives.

 

[Shellbellx]

I'm fed up. I've only been diagnosed since 18thish of Dec. but I'm fed up and bored of this. I'm drinking alcohol for the second time since being diagnosed. The first time, I injected 8 units thinking it might make me hypo and die, being silly. Now, I'm with my boyfriend so wont do anything silly, but I know I shouldn't drink again. I'm just fed up. I honestly thought I would be fine with this. I'm a nurse, I know the basics of diabetes. I can deal with this. It's just logic and convienience. BUT it's not. I'm fed up. I feel like a child and I want to cry and scream. I want this to go away. I do not like to have to control something so important to my living. I've had depression for years and always tried to end my life. Now I have to keep doing things to ensure I live. This is so different to me and out of my comfort zone. I'm fed up. x

Awwwh @lizziewizzie I'm so sorry to hear u feel so down! I've been thinking of u! Uv been doing great!!! It's only been 2 weeks lady!!! Give urself a break !

I really do understand how u feel! I wish I could say I was having good days and bad days but it's more like good hours and bad hours! My emotions and blood sugars are all over the place!! Please don't think u are alone bcos ur not!!! If uv suffered from depression then I can only imagine how this must be affecting it!! Please do see ur gp or counsellor? Maybe talking will help!

I get what ur saying too! U would think it was logic and black and white but by god it's hard!!! And so frustrating! We will get better at this I'm sure Lizzie! Were goni need a lot of time! A lot of tears and a lot of tantrums! But if I can do it u can do it with me

I had a drink for new year and that's messed up my bms! Try and keep a clear head until u feel better lovely!

Xxxx

 

[Prem51]

@lizziewizzie I've had periods of depression on and off for over 30 years, so I know where you are coming from. I was in depression when I was diagnosed in September, so apart from the shock it didn't help my depression either. My reaction was bit different. I had been drinking quite a lot over the summer, going to the pub most evenings for a meal and a few pints.

The shock of being told I was diabetic made me stop drinking. I had only three (large) glasses of wine in the first 3 months. Since my 3 month retest my alcohol consumption has been creeping up again unfortunately. I have come to terms with being diabetic and become a bit complacent. My New Year' resolution is to control my drinking as part of controlling my condition, though I am going on holiday in a few days time and will be tempted to drink more then.

You are still in the 'shock' phase. It is understandable. It is a shock to all of us, even if we knew something about diabetes. I was aware that I was in most of the high risk groups but thought that it would not happen to me. But it has, and we have to deal with it.
Don't beat yourself up about having a few drinks. We react in different ways to being told we have this scary condition. As a nurse you know it can be controlled. Once you have got your head round the diagnosis you will be able to work out your coping strategies and move on.

We are all here for you, and each other. Take care of yourself.

 

[Robinredbreast]

I'm fed up. I've only been diagnosed since 18thish of Dec. but I'm fed up and bored of this. I'm drinking alcohol for the second time since being diagnosed. The first time, I injected 8 units thinking it might make me hypo and die, being silly. Now, I'm with my boyfriend so wont do anything silly, but I know I shouldn't drink again. I'm just fed up. I honestly thought I would be fine with this. I'm a nurse, I know the basics of diabetes. I can deal with this. It's just logic and convienience. BUT it's not. I'm fed up. I feel like a child and I want to cry and scream. I want this to go away. I do not like to have to control something so important to my living. I've had depression for years and always tried to end my life. Now I have to keep doing things to ensure I live. This is so different to me and out of my comfort zone. I'm fed up. x

It's a lot to take on board and yes it is for life, unless a cure or a eureka breakthrough is for us in the future ?

This will be my 27th year, Ex husband left and I was diagnosed with type 1. I just got on with it, nothing I could do to change the diagnosis, but that's me, when a doctor said he could smell pear drops and I was admitted to hospital, I said " Oh s**t, my uncle had type 1 years before.
It has been very tough for me lately and I have been in a very dark place, but with some help and support from some lovely members on here, it did help me through the darkness, it took a while, but I did get there, it's still not easy at times, but I will battle on and I will try not to let it engulf me, burden me or take over my life. Give diabetes a kick in the butt from time to time, you are in charge and in control of diabetes, please don't let it control you, it's the shock and probably thinking about what the future will be like, but honestly, you will get there, it's just takes time.
Be good to yourself, be strong x
I wish you all the colours of the rainbow......................... except blue.
Take care, RRB

 

[R2T2]

@lizziewizzie Hello Nurse!
Hang in there and try not to let it get you down.
I suffer with depression too and it can be very hard at times, but this forum helps as there are a lot of good people on here who can give you good advice. I would say speak to your doctor about the depression though... I didn't want to but my wife made me and even though I resisted medication at first, it is helping. If you feel you need a good cry then go for it, I don't believe any good comes from holding back your tears. It won't make the diabetes go away but it will provide a release for your emotions. I often have a good cry myself (big softy that I am!) and feel much better afterwards.
Try and think of all the good things you have around you, even if it's just coming here and looking at Dizzy and Dory - they always make me smile

 

[Daibell]

Hi and welcome. We all found it difficult at first. Now, you can drink alcohol just be aware that the liver can't dump glycogen (glucose) if you are going hypo if it is busy getting rid of alcohol. Overall alcohol has little effect on blood sugar unless you drink cider or high carb beer etc; wine is fine. BTW are you a T1 or T2; I expect T1 based on using insulin?

 

[rocknrollman]

Im totally with you ,being myself only told i had type 2 a month ago.I think theres never a good time to be told you have diabetes,but just before christmas can be very difficult to cope with,especially when everyone else seems to be drinking and eating too much.
Im still coming to terms with it and im full of questions and im angry,because i have kept myself fit and hardly ever eat sugar.Just goes to show i have a lot to learn.There is a lot of advice both from doctors,friends and on here,which although helpful can be confusing and contradictory.You just have to muddle through and find out whats best for you.
I am dealing with myself by seeing this as a wake up call.Yes its boring and im not the most motivated of people,but thats the choice ive been given and although its sounds corny,things could be worse.
I still drink because i need at least one vice,but im determined to try and beat this.
I hope things get better for you lizziewizzie and you find the strength to see you through.

 

[lizziewizzie]

I have just come on to delete this post as I felt embarrassed for my silly tantrum, but I think I'll leave it, your kind words have brought a different kind of tear to my eye. Thank you @rocknrollman, @Daibell, @R2T2, @Robinredbreast, @Prem51, @Shellbellx and @TorqPenderloin you are all incredible people.

I need to take this seriously, make lists and plans (as that always helps me) and definitely not drink again. It's really bad for my mental health anyway, and I've tried to give it up for years. This is fates way of giving me a helping hand, albeit a wicked hand! I'm moving in with my OH in a week and so will take this year as a fresh start for healthier and happier things to occur.

Thank you all again.

Lizzie xxx

 

[Andy-Sev]

Hi @lizziewizzie, we've not spoken before but I was diagnosed back in September and after a week of being pro-active I felt the same, I wanted to hand my diabetes back and get my old, easy life back. But someone kindly sent me the following quote and I have it now tacked up above my monitor to spur me on when ever I find diabetes is getting to me, maybe it will help you too:

With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose. - Wayne W. Dyer

Anyway, hope you have a good weekend and take care

 

[Prem51]

No need to feel embarrassed @lizziewizzie. We understand how you feel and empathise. You will know alcohol is a depressant so it's not good to use it to self medicate. I drink mainly wine now and try to limit myself to one or two large glasses, but occasionally I will go over and regret it the next day when it makes me hungover and depressed. I drank a bottle of red wine on New Year's Eve and felt bad yesterday. I didn't drink last night and feel good today. I should learn from experience but never do. We all over indulge sometimes.

You sound better now. You have something to look forward to, moving in with your OH, and I'm sure your partner will be able to support you through the darker times we all go through from time to time. I wish you all the best for the New Year!

 

[lizziewizzie]

Hi @lizziewizzie,

With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose. - Wayne W. Dyer

I love it and it fits to me so well. Thank you very much for that. x

 

[Phil-86]

@lizziewizzie I know how you feel. Diagnosed T1D in November. An absolute inconvenience as it seems and I've been up and down all over the shop since being diagnosed. I have good days and bad days, really bad days sometimes. My partner is a student nurse and almost knew I had diabetes before we actually found out. I hate needles, so imagine trying to test my BS 10 times a day? Yeah, laugh it up, I do now but there's no other alternative for us unfortunately. I've found that talking to other people, except my partner as she has to live with it too and I don't want her feeling as im going on and on, usually helps me massively. But it doesn't all have to be bad, I am having a couple of beers tonight and I've had celebrations and quality streets and Christmas cake too over Christmas! It's just about balancing. Although I'm pretty new to T1, but you don't have to cut everything out, just moderate it. I love a drink, I still drink, I love sweets and chocolates and cake, I still eat them, I love white bread and absolutely hate wholemeal/seeded etc, so still have white bread, just all in moderation.

I hope you get sorted and cope the best way you need to. I'm getting there and still have breakdowns, remember, you can only juggle one ball (issue) at a time. We're only human.

Phil x

 

[Jane!]

Hi lizziewizzie. I was diagnosed Type 1 in August & was devestated. I was 54 , really fit & an obsessively healthy eater & it made no sense. My GP & occupational health at work both recommended counselling when I was still distraught two months later. I've never suffered with depression but I really didn't want to live with this disease & couldn't see how I would ever manage it. I nearly threw my meter at my diabetes nurse when she asked if there was something else upsetting me! Luckily, I was sent to a brilliant counsellor who really helped me learn how to take control of it and gradually things shifted. I've had to learn a lot but I'm still here & glad to be & somehow I'm getting used to it. I didn't drink alcohol for the first 6 weeks but gradually re- introduced it & lots of the things I thought I'd never be able to do again I am now doing. It's a huge shock that takes time to process. A friend of mine suggested that I stop trying to heal myself & get rid of it & just try to manage it for a while - that really helped. Be gentle on yourself & ask for help- it will eventually get easier. Take care.

 

[zoze_j]

Hi Lizzie,

First of all, *hugs!* secondly, you're totally within your rights to be fed up & p****d off! Nobody could every possibly get told "hey, congrats - you're gonna be a human pin cushion the rest of your life!" and think WAHEY!

I've had soooo many instances over the years where I've had major paddies & thrown my toys out the pram big style because I was fed up with it all!
But hand on heart, it got easier!

I found it was just a case of taking time to adjust & accept it all mentally. Once I did that, and told myself I wasn't going to let this condition dictate the rest of my life, but instead I was going to control it, it got easier.
That said, I still have days where I wish I wasn't diabetic (like the days I have a hangover & find myself testing my sugars every hour because they're all over the place!)

Don't be harsh on yourself, if you ever wanna let of steam, drop me a message - I'm always up for a diabitch session!