I dont care anymore.

[keishamarie]

So here is a little background information on me.
I am a 19 year old girl who was diagnosed with Type 1 at the age of 12, At firsts my control was amazing and the doctors were really happy with me.
In 2013 I started to suffer with sever stomach pains, 24/7 nausea and complete fatigue, after spending 3 years in and out of hospital and undergoing every test under the sun they still didn't know what was wrong with me, In this time my control went down hill drastically my bloods would always be high and my ketones would be creeping up daily because I couldn't eat, I was also on so many different tablets my bloods just could adjust to any of them.
I have depression and anxiety which was made worse in these 3 years.
In 2015 I finally got a diagnosed with Gastroparesis this meant that finally I could try and get my bloods back under control but it never happened.
Over the last 6months of 2015 my life changed quite abit I left education and got a full time job and actually became an adult this didn't help my control I started to be more focused on everything else rather than my condition, I hate having Diabetes and I'm going through the phase of F**K IT. I really need to get out of this stage because its making me ill, I still suffer badly with my depression and obviously this doesnt help me. I've just been transferred to a different hospital so I have a completely new team of diabetic nurses but I am just wondering if anyone has any advice on how maybe I can motivate myself to want to get better and want to 'like' having Diabetes again?
Thankyou in advance.

Keisha

 

[Cheryl_Bohn]

You'll never "like having diabetes." You can't even "like" it from a distance, as if it was a post on Facebook! LOL! It sounds like you may have some unrealistic expectations that put you on the wrong end of the judgments most of us make about ourselves and our mutual conditions. Depression and diabetes often go hand in hand. Whether it was the chicken or the egg really doesn't matter. What matters is re-learning to love and respect yourself. As some very loving people once told me, "You may just have to borrow our Hope for right now." I didn't have any of my own, but theirs' helped me enormously. For you, I would say: A) Borrow someone's Hope; B) Do the best you can, just for this moment, with your BG and nutrition; and C) Get help for your depression. It doesn't get any better by waiting. Whatever you choose to do first will help the other two when you are ready. I wish you all the best...and you can borrow a little of the Hope I have for you whenever you want

 

[Mrs Vimes]

Here is a positive. You do care because you are posting on here. It shows you do want to help yourself.
Cheryl-Bohn's advice is spot on. I like that 'borrow someone's hope'. There is plenty on this website.
Also the depression thing. If you gave depression everything is difficult. Get that 'sorted' (easy said I know) and you will want to look after yourself. You need to see your doctor.

 

[Juicyj]

Ah big hug hun.

Cheryl's advice is spot on, however in terms of coping with the day to day business of looking after yourself, it's a case of living day to day rather than looking at the big picture and hating it. We get quite easily distracted with the big type 1 but forget to look after ourselves. I have tried meditation and recommend it when things get bad, it gives you back your sense of self and helps to calm a troubled mind, try and find a local group you can join in, doing it by yourself requires great discipline but either google local groups or check facebook and join a group, look up mindfulness meditation.

As Mrs Vimes said you need to contact your diabetes team and talk to them about your struggles, they will help you get back on track and once you are back on track life will also get alot easier, running high causes anxiety so getting back to 'normal' levels will help massively.

Try and also remember this is a 'blip' we all fall off the wagon as we are all walking the tightrope with you, it doesn't take much to become unbalanced, it's having the strength and perseverance to know when to get back on it and start getting back on track.

Share your struggles, we all appreciate and understand how hard it can be at times

 

[noblehead]

@keishamarie, echo what's been said already, you can never like having type 1 diabetes but you can learn to cope with it and manage it without it impeding too much on your quality of life, if you want motivation look at those who have lived with this condition for 50, 60, 70 and even 80 years and are still going strong, as your only young you still have a long life ahead of you and can still achieve so many great things.

Just picking up on your gastroparesis, you say since your diagnosis you've struggled with your bg control, I'm just wondering if you should speak with your new diabetes team and make sure you are on a suitable insulin regime to manage this condition, I don't know a lot about it but as it causes a delay in stomach empting and food absorption perhaps you should be considered for a insulin pump, the bolusing options on a pump like the Extended Bolus feature would perhaps work better for someone with gastroparesis issues.

 

[Bluemarine Josephine]

I am certainly not a veteran in Diabetes but, I love my Diabetes!
I am very afraid of it. Some days I feel already tired…
I respect it immensely.
My Diabetes rules me (at least, for the time being) and I run after it all the time.
But, I love it! Because it’s mine.

Maybe my thinking is incorrect but, if I had a child that fell and hurt its knee, I would kiss the child, kiss the bleeding wound, hold the child and caress it. Assure it that I am there to make everything alright. I would not hit the child, shout or abuse it for hurting.

I perceive myself as this child and my diabetes is my wound. I have to do the parenting for myself.
It is not my fault that I have a wound and, I do not intent to punish myself or blame myself or degrade myself for it.

Likewise, your diabetes is your wound... don't turn your back on it. It is like turning your back on yourself when you are needed the most. Your care towards yourself, you attention, your love towards yourself is needed more now.

I decided that I will learn to love myself even more (just like I would do with a hurting child) and I will learn to love my wound as well because, it is part of who I am.
I am not my wound but, the wound is mine. And I love it just like I love everything else about me.

Be gentle on yourself because your soul needs your love and your approval.
Life is like a prism, what you see depend on how you turn the glass. Make your diabetes your chance and your opportunity to grow. If you handle it right, your diabetes may very well become the wonder for your success story.

Be inspired and be inspiring.
Become the "perfect diabetic" so that everytime we look at you we know how it should be done.

I will continue to love my Diabetes even though I know that it is a wound that will keep bleeding for the rest of my life.
I suggest you do the same.

Regards
Josephine

P.S. Make this year the beginning of anything you want! Happy 2016!

 

[keishamarie]

Thankyou guys so much, reading all these have helped so much and it makes me feel so much better knowing im not alone! xx

 

[Saikoudaze]

Hi Keisha. I went through something very similar myself just over a year ago now. I had just started a new job too, and stopped caring about my diabetes because I was too busy with other things in life.

Eventually my friends and partner were the ones who gave me the kick I needed to start managing myself better and seek the therapy I needed. At the end of the day ignoring and not caring about your diabetes makes it worse. Nowadays there are plenty of applications and devices that can make managing T1DM easier, but it's still a pain in the ass. Being young I'm sure you're a smart phone user. Diabetes:M, MySugr, carbs and cals and myfitnesspal are all apps that make my life easier on a day to day basis, if you're not using them already I'd give it a go.

It looks like all of us on this forum can give you the boost you need to help you manage your diabetes

 

[matthewwallis]

Sounds a lot like me right now. I'm on the verge of giving up, got my sugars at a reasonable level throughout the day but no matter what when I eat at night they will go into the 20's. That's no matter what I eat, when I eat how much insulin I give myself or when I give it.

I suffered with Anxiety and depression, anxiety still now and they're probably the worst thing to have with diabetes also.

Things will always get better though, I hope you have people around you that can support you and if not, like me then you can come on here and find support and success stories that makes you see the light at the end of tunnel

 

[Kevlar87]

Hey Keisha @keishamarie

I went through the same thing when I was younger and I really hated having my diabetes but now I see it as a part of me that just requires a bit more understanding. I am more comfortable injecting in public and talking about it with people. I still have my reservations and sometimes I have difficulty keeping up my drive to keep it in control. My gf has helped me because she's made me focus on what's important and as she's an MD so it's opened my eyes to what can actually happen if I don't look after it.

I have a few good months and then a few ****** weeks but overall I'm getting better with my control but it's a patient game you have to play. I try to keep up my physical activity too to make sure my insulin sensitivity is good.

All in all, you can do it Keisha! There is no reason you can't have a successful career AND have well managed diabetes! It's a challenge but seeing your post makes me want to take control back too..just so there are more of us who can share the experience!

 

[Kevlar87]

@Bluemarine Josephine

Your post is inspiring! Thanks for sharing!