worried wife

ellenvdk

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can anyone please give me some advice. My husband has been type 1 diabetic for 5 years yet he still isn't looking after himself. He doesn't test before he injects, injects too much at night and not enough during the day. Only a couple months ago, i thought i had lost him when i woke to hear his breathing so faint. i tested him he was 1.1. I phoned for ambulance straight away in panick. it took two hours to get his sugar levels up.
Today my friends and family have pointed out that my husband looks pale and grey. He said he's tired so I made him test his bloods. he was 28.8.
what can i do to make him realise. What are the worst possible things and side effects that can/will happen. I tell him he'll kill himself but i'm sure he thinks that i'm over reacting.
 

cugila

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Hi Ellenvdk.

Have read of this link and tell me what you think. Read ALL the posts in answer.

viewtopic.php?f=19&t=11157&start=0&sd=a

If this is who I think it is. He needs professional help.
 

hanadr

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Hi Ellen
unfortunately you can't make him take care of himself. He has to come to it on his own behalf.
I've had nearly 40 years of this and only the last couple, when the complications are becoming more evident, is he doing a better job.
He's just come back from the nurse with a good report. Hb A1c 7.1% Which she is pleased with.
It is hard, but you can't contrrol it for him
Hana
 

totsy

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hya and welcome,
i can understand how u feel, it must be awfull ,sadly... as already said you cannot make him look after himself, it is only himself who can do this
if hes not a member of here maybe he could join??
hope to hear good news from u soon :)
 

ellenvdk

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cugila said:
Hi Ellenvdk.

Have read of this link and tell me what you think. Read ALL the posts in answer.

http://www.diabetes.co.uk/diabetes-forum/viewtopic.php?f=19&t=11157&start=0&sd=a

If this is who I think it is. He needs professional help.

Hi Cugila
I'm in complete shock. Firstly because i'm 100% it is my husband, secondly because he actually has come on here without being shown how, and thirdly and most worryingly, he looks like hes given up. If he came on here for help, why hasn't things improved. I didn't check when he posted his topic but to have had so many replies it can't have been in last 24 hours can it???

I've tried everything and i know people are right when they say i can't make him, but how do i, at the age of 29 (15 years younger then my husband) stand by with my 4 year old boy, watching him ruin his body and our lives. We have our own business, and with an eye, or leg missing or worse, organ damage, he won't be able to our business. Don't get me wrong, if he lost his leg in a wheel chair tomorrow, i'd be completely by his side, but he's ruining himself and i feel that its so selfish.

I have an appointment booked with doctor again, and i've tried to get him into hospital when he's been too low, in the hope that he'll realise that there is a better alternative, but nothing has worked.

How do i just stand by and watch him do this?
 

cugila

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Hi Ellen.
I'm sorry I had to be the one who broke this to you, I really am. I knew it would shock you. He actually posted here 26/10/2009.

You don't stand idly by. This is where it really gets tough for you and him. You have to do everything you can to try and get him to see that it isn't a death sentence, it is just another of lifes challenges to be tackled and dealt with. I thought when he left his last message here we might have gotten through in some small way. I'm not so sure now. He is in the classic denial mode, 'if I ignore it it will go away and I don't need to do anything about it ?' That, is a tragic mistake.

Diabetes if left to it's own devices is a progressive disease, it WILL get worse. Take control of it and it can be reversed in some respects, can be a change for the better in some peoples lives. Mine is one of them. In some ways I feel privileged to be a Diabetic, to be here trying to help others, stop them making the mistakes I did. To have met and known MANY wonderful people who all want to help others. This place is full of them.

The person with Diabetes makes it what it is by their own actions. It has to be their choice because it is a new lifestyle. Nothing is banned, apart from the obvious. Many things that you want to do in life are still available to you. You just have to take better care of yourself. If not for yourself, then for the ones you love. Your Family, your nearest and dearest.

Try to get him to read the success stories on here, stories of partial failure and a resolve to get things back on track. Some instant successes. It's all there.Most succeed, but it does take willpower and motivation. It needs support, from everybody concerned, you, him, little boy, Dr, Nurse etc. This forum as I think you have seen can offer all the support we can. We can't physically take him by the 'scruff of the neck' and get him to 'see the light', so to speak. That, has to come from him.

Discuss this with your GP. see if there is something can be done to help him. I really don't know what more we can do. We can support you too. There are many good people on here who have been through similar who can also advise you and him. He does need professional help in the first instance. IMHO he is depressed, that is one of the hardest places to crawl back from. I know, I was once severely depressed to the point that I couldn't even work anymore, couldn't function. With the right help he can climb out of that pit of despair, get his life back.

Try to get him back here. deal with things slowly, bit's at a time. Sometimes reading stuff here it can be a bit overwhelming, I know I was when I first came here earlier this year. My life has been turned around because I took the advice freely given here. He can do the same.

I wish you both well for the future.

Ken.
 

ellenvdk

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My husband seems to be constantly cold when in the house, despite the fact he works out doors but never complains outside cause he's working. He's also pale and grey looking all the time. His memory is also getting soooo much worse. Is any of this to do with diabetes??
 

hanadr

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Has he had a tthyroid check?
Cold can be a symptom of an underactive thyroid and there are tests for that.
However, I'm always cold and my GP insists my thyroid is Ok.
Hana
 

totsy

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i would get him seen by his g.p as it could be lots of things :)
 

ellenvdk

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Please help me. Yesterday my husband was 33.1 after being out drinking. He injected his novorapid and he went up to 34. I sat up til 4am testing his sugars so he didn't go to sleep high. This morning he looked terribly ill so we went to doctor appointment which I had already booked. Doctor told him that dropping low in his sleep will not kill him. This has made him happy as he says that what I've been telling him is not true. Can someone please clear this up for me. Can hypos and hypers kill?
He seems to think he's invinsible.
 

cugila

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Is your husband Type 1 or Type 2 ? Was this the diagnosis and not just the fact he is on Insulin ?
 

Becca

Active Member
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Type of diabetes
LADA
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Poor you. You must be sick with worry. From what I understand hypos, going low, at night can cause real and immediate threats (diabetic coma and unconsciousness) but hypers can do big, bad damage in the long term. Your husband sounds like he's running the latter risk, and making himself ill - and you ill with fear. Added to this his cheerfulness about being told going to bed high won't kill him and you've got a major pain on your hands. His ****** attitude _will_ make him sick though - you need to get the Dr on your side if he's going to start seeing sense and looking after his health.

In the meantime, try not to worry too much. You obviously care a lot about this man, but it's up to him to make the change in his life. Everyone here is totally supportive of both you and him. Take care.
 

LittleSue

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Type of diabetes
Type 1
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Yes, hypos and hypers DO kill.

Going "low" (around 4) won't kill him, but previous posts suggest your husband's been much lower than this and paramedics have had to rescue him? That's a different matter.

Normally if you go hypo without waking up, the liver rescues you by dumping glucose into the bloodstream and you wake up with high sugar and a headache at breakfast time. But there's a limit, the liver needs to replenish itself before it can "dump" again, so may not be ready to cope with the next hypo. Also if there is alcohol in the body, the liver will deal with the alcohol first before it gets round to dumping glucose.... which may be too late. Alcohol + deliberate overdose of insulin is extremely dangerous. Diabetics have died from hypo after alcohol, even without deliberately overdosing. Your husband is not "sleeping better", he's unconscious.

Doctors often tell people they'll wake up if they go hypo, to reasure them, but in truth not everyone wakes up. (I accidentally "slept" through hypos for about 3 months once, got into a terrible state.) Sounds like your husband's GP was trying to be reassuring without realising just what's going on.

The only way is for your husband to be honest with his GP or specialist about what's really happening.

<<Hugs>>
Sue
 

ellenvdk

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So if he's drinking alcohol every night and going low I should be worried? I spend my nights listening to him breathing to make sure he's ok. I'm sure last night he injected about 50-60 units before I snatched pen off him bending his needle (maybe I did wrong thing but I couldn't watch him injecting more). That was because doc had told me to inject 4unitd at a time and retest every half hour. He didn't want me disturbing his sleep so he injected too much. I'm not sure If that behaviour is from diabetes or alcohol. He went low during night but when doc said it can't kill I was relieved!! :(
 

lilibet

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Ellen
Im so sorry for your troubles. Im afraid I agree with everyone in that you cant make him take care of himself but there are maybe a few things you should know that might help you make decisions at times when they are difficult (appreciate you might already,so forgive me If I sound patronising). Can you tell us what insulin he is on, and maybe people could make suggestions that you could implement which might allay your fears

Alcohol
Diabetics ARE allowed to drink, it just usually depends on what, and how much. Drinking will LOWER your bg as your liver, which is involved in bg regulation, is busy processing alcohol so cant be involved in this. I wouldnt swear on it but roughly 1u alcohol takes 1 hours to get 'out' your bloodstream. I can have a few spirits and mixer with no probs but If I drink 6 onwards :oops: then I need to watch. Your husband is concerned about hypos but takes 60 of insulin at night on top of alcohol. That is madness

BG levels
My meter says anything above 16.8 and I need to check for ketones. Ketones in essence are a by product of your body having not enough insulin to help use up glucose.It upsets the PH balance of your blood and can result in a thing called Diabetic Ketoacidosis. Very dangerous and deadly if left. A bg of 28 saw me admitted to hospital at the time of diagnosis so if its this high, it needs to be dealt with pronto. I assume the whacking amounts of insulin were some recognition from hubby that this was too high but if he learns what 1 unit drops his blood sugar by then he could safely reduce high bg without hypos as I cant believe a T1 would take that much in one go and be safe!!

Hypos -anything below 4 in essence, though some manage at the 3's. If he is going low a lot at night ,which btw might not kill you if left untreated but can cause brain damage (sorry,but its a fact) so frequent hypos might be to blame for his foggy brain though jury is out on this re research which suggests that it serious hypos that causes versus ongoing hypos. High bg will make him feel rubbish though and be to blame too. If he is going low to the point where paramedics etc are required you can get a Glucagon kit which is injectible into the
muscle and can be used if people cant 'help' themselves with hypos (ie well enough to guzzle the lucozade or whatever). This might give you some reassurance that you can treat him if it ever gets to that point. Another tip, if people cant drink - try and get some icing sugar tubes, they are good for squeezing into someonnes mouth if they are a bit lethargic due to hypo

I am truly sorry for your woes, I was dx around a year ago, aged 33. I know it must be horrible having had a it a long time but my fear of complications is such that I know I will never leave the straight and narrow. There are sites, medical journals and a plethora of infomration that highlight that complications are a very real part of diabetes. Just about every diabetic forum on the web has a section on it, and its full of people with serious problems ranging from background retinopathy to full blown kidney failure so hubby needs to realise that its not scaremongering. Its fact. I know of someone whose only had it 7 years, but seems to approach it in a similar way to your hubby ie eat what i want, doesnt count insulin dose, hypo every afternoon, collapsing after drinking sessions. He's already had a skin graft on his toe after dropping something on it. I know another whose had it 30 years, A1c is not that high but higher than it should be. He has neuropathy, sexual dysfunction probs, heart bypass

Its not too late for him, but ultimately he needs to see it
 

ham79

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I nearly ended up dead when my bloods were running over 26 collapsed hallucinating and in terrible pain. my ketones were through the roof I was very lucky. He's very lucky to have you looking out for him
 

Fujifilm

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241
Hi Ellen

I might be well out of order for writing this but your husband is one selfish git and maybe its harsh reality time, get him to write a will. If he is treating diabetes the way you say he is it may well kill him or at the very least give him horrendous complications.

After he posted on the forum he was given a load of advice and it seems he has chosen to ignore it, hes not listening to you or the doctors. Unfortunatley you can't save him from himself. :(

I am type 1 diabetic and by no means the "perfect" diabetic, but the way I look at it is, me being diabetic means not only do I have to be responsible for my own health and actions because it makes my life easier, but I have to do it for my wife because she is the one that looks after me (and worries) when I get it wrong or am not well.

Your husband seems to have no respect for you or your feelings or what you are going through and even less respect for himself. Diabetes is a pain in the bum but its not rocket science to control it.

Not long ago I had a serious hypo the worst one in twenty years, but in reality I did not have the hypo my wife did, what I mean is, I passed out and six hours later come round in hospital feeling the worse for wear, for six hours my wife did not know if I was going to live or die and had to watch people trying to save my life. It was far worse for her than it was for me. :( Thats why your husband is a selfish git to be putting you through what he is.

Sorry to be so blunt but sometimes it has to be said.


.
 

ellenvdk

Member
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Fujifilm said:
I might be well out of order for writing this but your husband is one selfish git and maybe its harsh reality time, get him to write a will.
- Fujifilm, i don't think you're out of order at all, in fact you took the words right out of my mouth. I feel the same. Me and his son have to watch this and thats why i told him that i can't watch it anymore. Why should i. I mean, if he got run over tomorrow and had a terrible accident and lost both his legs, i would completely stand by him, but why should i when he's doing it to himself!! Maybe that makes me sound selfish, but i've tried and everytime he promises to change, but doesn't :(

i really don't know what he's trying to do to himself, i just know i don't want to wake up and find him dead. thats seomthing i could never get over. I was fitted with a pacemaker 5 years ago at age of 24 and if i didn't look after myself i'd get a rollocking!!!

I appreciate everyones support and advice. Its making me find things easier as i realise its not me doing things wrong.
 

LittleSue

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ellenvdk said:
So if he's drinking alcohol every night and going low I should be worried? I spend my nights listening to him breathing to make sure he's ok. I'm sure last night he injected about 50-60 units before I snatched pen off him bending his needle (maybe I did wrong thing but I couldn't watch him injecting more). That was because doc had told me to inject 4unitd at a time and retest every half hour. He didn't want me disturbing his sleep so he injected too much. I'm not sure If that behaviour is from diabetes or alcohol. He went low during night but when doc said it can't kill I was relieved!! :(

Did he tell the doctor about his night hypos, and that he drinks alcohol at night? It sounds like he only mentioned having high sugar at bedtime, in which case the doc's advice would be sensible. Perhaps he was trying (to "prove you wrong") to make the doctor tell him to inject more insulin.

You are right to be worried. But to clarify, if he has drunk alcohol, feeding him lucozade or wahtever will still raise his blood sugar - its the automatic rescue by his liver that the alcohol interferes with.

A Glucagon pen is a good idea, although this works by making the liver dump glucose, so I'm not sure if alcohol would stop Glucagon working. Rubbing some honey inside his cheek may also help as it would be absorbed through his cheek but less risky than liquid.

Your huband seems to have serious psychological issues around diabetes. Many of us are angry about diabetes at some stage but this is not the way to deal with it. Some youngsters get so-called 'diabulimia" where they avoid injecting becuase they don't want to put on wieght - this is a recognised syndrome. I'm sure the experts who help those youngsters could help your husband. But before he can be helped he has to be honest with medics about what's really going on.

Perhaps you could point out how scared your child would be if his daddy died in the night with a hypo, all the psychological trauma. Also since your husband has T1, there's a chance that his child may also get it. How scary for your child to have daddy die apparently because of diabetes, then get diabetes himself. Does he want the child terrified that he will die every time he goes to sleep, when really daddy died because of his own stupid actions? This mght take the focus away from the risks to himself, which don't seem to scare your husband.