Problems with 16 yr old recently diagnosed.

[Chrisj]

I am not diabetic but my daughter(16 yrs old ) was diagnosed as type 1 in may this year just before her gcse's.
She was very good about it at first and did very well in her exams, but now she just doesn't seem to give a **** missing jabs not even knowing what her numbers are and generally being a real pain.
The mood swings are very severe and she's up three or four times a night for a drink or the toilet.

What ever we say she just rips our heads off wen we ask her about her jabs /numbers,I know it's probably a 16 year old girl thing and just wondered if it was common . The GP nor consultant can make any headway with her and neither are we.
Just wondered if you can point me in the right direction via links etc for some background or advice.
Thanks for any help.
Chris (her dad)

 

[ham79]

let her have a look at some of the things that will go wrong if she doesn't start taking things seriously. Blindness , loss of limbs or from personal experience crippling pain and a 10 day stint hooked up to machines(3 i don't remember) good luck.

 

[jopar]

Poor little lass..

She been dumped with something that she has to manage, doesn't have a choice about and I suspect feels like it's totally controlling her life.. She lost control of her life with the excpetion of being in the control whether she does or doesn't inject do her BG's... And no-one understands what she going through..Her life has changed, she has no control over this change, no choice but if she ducks her head, don't inject or do her BG's then it can't control her...

Nagging her, showing her pictures or telling her what might could happen if she doesn't take the bull by the horns and start being proactive in controlling it all, isn't going to be effective at all, I suspect she already knows this, and is very scared young lady indeed...

How does one encourage, support and show a child that yes you can gain control, and enforce it to live the life you want to live and not be at it's beck and call! As with all teenagers what the hell do us adluts know at the best of times, you just don't understand etc etc...

A good idea if she game for it, is for you and her mum to mimick, being a diabetic for a couple of days, do the hog, BG testing (pretend or fresh lancets for each) pretend to inject, work out what dose you would need to match your needs, look at where it effects you day how it all fits in with social life etc.. This will give you a gest to what she's facing, and hopefully you may not quite understand but you trying to..

I would also ask about counselling as she is stuggling to come to terms with it all and how it is and will effect her life... There maybe fears that shes unable to explain to you but might be able with some-one else first...

I would also ask if they know of any other diabetic of similar age that will talk to her, and perhaps a parent or two that you could talk to...

Another consieration might be an insulin pump, it a different regime and a slight different method of control but it can give her the believe that she can and is in control of her condiditon..

 

[catherinecherub]

Hi Chris,
I think your daughter is a typical teenager with the added problem of diabetes.
You need to tread carefully and perhaps there are other things going on with her. She may be being bullied because of her condition or she may be wanting to be slim, like all the so called celebrities, and knows that insulin could make her put on weight.

You could ring Diabetes U.K. and ask them to point you in the right direction for help, they are very good at these sorts of things.

Being graphic about what can happen to her if she doesn't gain control may or may not work.
Above all, make sure that she knows you love her and are there for her. I would back off for a bit and see what happens if you don't ask her about her management.

I am sure that this is a very worrying time for you ands I hope this helps,

Catherine.

 

[Alzibiff]

This is a tough one.
What follows is MY personal opinion and advice and no more. To give you some idea of where I am coming from, I was diagnosed at age 11 and that was some time ago.

I used to try and get by by missing injections for a day or so and then firing in a syringe full of insulin to last me through the next few days - doesn't work. I also justified, (to myself), missing injections by thinking that I would lose weight by doing so - doesn't work.

I got through it though as after a time, I realised that my "ignore it" tactics just were not going to have any effect at all. I think that if she gets the idea that she CAN control this thing, she will do. A big turning point for me was when I attended a DAFNE course earlier this year - the motto being something like: "eat what you like and like what you eat". After that, I managed to get onto an Insulin pump which has really engaged me as this gets rid of multiple daily injections and provides a way of individual control which is totally in the hands of the individual - doctors can set initial doses of insulin but it is up to the individual how this progresses. My advice - enquire about pump therapy, try and get your daughter to see that there IS light at the end of the multiple injections tunnel and try and get her to see that her life is in her control - not dependent on anyone else.


There are hard lessons for you and her to learn -that goes with the territory of having a 16 year old - I have a 16 year old son, he (thankfully) doesn't have diabetes but does have all the wants desires and attitudes of all others of his age. This is an extra pressure and I don't envy you - BUT - I am sure that with the right approach you can make all of your lives easier and develop a strong relationship.

She is NOT alone but I guess she feels it. I did!

Alan

 

[copepod]

Just wondered which GSCEs your daughter did? What are her career hopes? I ask, because when I was diagnosed as a 30 year recent Marine Biology graduate and former Territorial Army nursing officer, many things became banned because of diabetes eg professional SCUBA diving, professional boat driving, overwintering in Antarctica, driving minibuses and vans, further TA services etc. So, please don't give her bland assurances that she can do anything she puts her mind to - it's not true. However, there are ways round most things eg I had a 17 year lad with type 1 diabetes in my expedition group in South Greenland, and I've been a leader on expeditions to Costa Rica, Chile, Falkland Islands and South Georgia since diagnosis, plus much travel, mainly solo or with partner to adventure races all over UK, Ireland, Belgium, Poland & Portugal, nordic ski touring in Norway, hiking in Atlas Mountains and Andees Mountains, throughout Latin America, Morocco, Jordan etc. I've found getting work tougher since diagnosis than before, but have had many good and interesting jobs since.
I still haven't got on a DAFNE course, but would recommend it. There is an online version at visit www.bdec-e-learning.com/home.asp

 

[FordPrefect]

I dont think she needs to hear anymore about the dangers of diabetes its probably going to make things worse as I suspect her GP/ specialist/nurse etc have gone thru it with her already. Now so far she has had her exams as a more pressing thing to distract her now thats over. And instead of celebrating the finish of her exams she has been thrown a big thing to deal with. A lifetime of injections and potential problems and early death and disabilities and other things she has prolly never had to think about before. Add on to this that as a 16 yr old was probably expecting her parents to stop being so involved in every aspect of her life just like the rest of us were at that age, instead she has parents asking her about injections and blood sugar levels etc etc.

Sounds to me like she is scared and trying to avoid the whole thing, and probably really angry about it all. I think that she probably needs to talk to someone who she feels comfortable with and whilst docs and specialists might be good on the medical side they might not be great on the more emotional and purely practical side. Diabetes UK might be able to help if you check out there site failing that maybe a nurse at your doctors surgery. I know that nurses are much maliged here but the ones at my surgery are great and maybe she could relate more to a woman especially a younger woman depending on your daughter ofc. You could talk to her yourself and say how worried you are but IMO not in a naggy parent talking to a child. As others have said this could have some real consequences in terms of career choices etc and even if you daughter isn't interested in them she might still feel the loss of choice.

 

[ZACNEMMA]

Bless her

It's such alot to come to terms with. I am a parent of a 13 year old boy, Zac-diagnosed 10 months ago. My only advice would be to not go on about it to much when she comes in from school or social outings, and when you do ask about her numbers and her insulin doses make it a secondary conversation. Certainly I have found with Zac that if I jump straight in after school or outings and start asking about how he has managed things that day he becomes stressy. However if we just chat in general his levels come out in the conversation.

I wish you love and luck it still is early days.

Emma x

 

[Celtic.Piskie]

She's not being 'awkward'... or a pain on purpose.

She's just been diagnosed with a lifelong, possibly fatal disease that wil control her every single meal for the rest of her life.

I heartily sggest that you follow up on jopar's suggestion.
Take your blod sugars before meals, then 1 & two hours after. Calculate every single food that you eat.
Caculate your insulin, don't forget to account for the weather, exercise, fat content, fibre content of the foods too.
Try to imagine doing that for every single meal for the rest of your life.

You can't just go out and hve a meal, you can't just eat anything anymore without it being a complete trial.
No more coke, no sugar, candies, ice-cream, etc.

Right now, she is in so much pain. Try to support her. I know it sounds melodramatic to your, but her entire life as she knew it is over.
See if she'd be open to a support group. I used to go to Heartlands Hospital for my care. Every year they'd set up a holiday for kids with diabetes.
Encouage her to go to meetings, days out with them.
You cannot know what is going on with her, you cannot understand it. No-one can becase it is such an indivdual thing.
This wil not be okay. She won't be fine.
Having diabetes is awful at times.
Thankfully, it;s mostly well controlled and an irritation in my case.
But there are times when I still abolutey hate it.

 

[Chrisj]

Thank you for all your replies,I guess I'm just a little worried (actually very ) about the damage she is doing to herself now. She just simply refuses to do anything until she is pushed an that leads to rages.
Unfortunately being 16 she is regarded as an adult in our health authority and so has fallen between 2 stools.
Her consultant is excellent and helps all he can,ho hum time to get my tin hat and hide in the shed :?
Once again thanks for your replies
Chris

 

[veggienft]

.
I've told myself that if my children, when they were teens, had a problem with alcohol or drug addiction, my solution would involve taking them to skid row ......let them see the effects of their behavior. I think the same would apply in cases like yours.

Try taking your daughter to hospital. You would have to arrange the visit with the staff before hand. Introduce her to diabetics who fail to control their blood sugar, and are paying the price.

Prior regret can be a powerful tool. But it must be experienced personally to be felt. This would be most true for inexperienced teens.
..

 

[copepod]

I'd suggest that rather than trying to scare your daughter by showing her people with complications, it would be more use for her to meet people with type 1 diabetes who have similar interests to her - whether dancing, skiing, trampolining etc. If she's interested in expeditions or sports, then try www.bses.org.uk (BSES Expeditions to arctic, rainforest etc regions. I know of people with type 1 diabetes who have been to South Greenland as a young person and Chile / Falklands / South Georgia as a leader) or MAD (Mountains for Active Diabetics)
http://diabetic.friendsinhighplaces.org/ or www.runsweet.com for information and advice about all kinds of sports. Living with type 1 diabetes is tough, but it's not the end of the world.

 

[Clarky]

I'm recently diagnosed with type one and it hit me quite hard. I'm about 5 months in now. I'm 28 and I'm still too scared to read about the complications, so no way would I suggest shoving them in the face a 16 year old girl! What I would like, is to talk to someone who is going through the same thing as me. So I'd suggest that would be a good thing for your daughter too, someone who's her age, but has maybe even had it longer and is able to control it properly and advise. I was a horrible teenager and although I 've been told I'm handling being hit with diabetes well, there's no way I could have handled it when I was 16.

Good luck

 

[kegstore]

I was 14 when diagnosed, and nothing or nobody was going to encourage me to do anything I didn't want to, certainly nothing more than the minimum required. As far as I was concerned, complications were a distant and only vague possibility. Of course you feel quite differently about it when you actually get there, which needn't have been such a certainty if I'd paid more attention early on.

27 years later I sometimes wonder what I'd say to that stroppy 14 year old if I could, but I can't and I'm afraid I don't have an answer for you. The person who does should bottle it if possible and sell it, they'd make an absolute fortune!

 

[Lucie75]

I was 9 when I was diagnosed so had got used to it by the time I hit my teens, however I still chose to rebel against it at around your daughter's age. I think this is perfectly normal and I fear you will just have to ride it out. My mum had a horrid time with me. I would do injections but only when I wanted to, and I would eat whatever I wanted, including chocolate every day. I wanted to be no different to my friends at school and diabetes wasn't going to stop me.

My control was terrible but I didn't care, never tested. My hba1c always showed poor control and my consultant once said to my mum to just let me get on with it. He told her I'd soon come to my senses once adolescence was over and he was right. It lasted a year, maybe 18 months, but I did eventually start controlling it again.

Always be there for her but don't push the boundaries. Anyone knows it's a difficult age and you just have to give her time. She will accept it eventually.

Best of luck.

 

[Celtic.Piskie]

You simply have to let her grow out of it i'm afraid.

Scaring her would just be traumatic. She has enough to deal with without (as she sees it) you threatening her with having her limbs cut off.

Support, gentle encouragement. You can never know what it's like, so please don't try. It used to make me so angry when my parents would say, 'it's not that bad', 'I know it's not nice but..'.
No, you don't know because you can't unless you are her.

Just show her that you love her and will always love her. I used to lie a lot about my results.. a LOT.
My parents would get pset if they were hig and would get angry at me, so eventally I gave up trying.

Just some ways on not to do it
Good luck.

 

[RebeccaSmith]

Hey.
I was diagnosed when I was 16. It's a traumatic thing, you're life is tipped totally upside down, nothings the same as it was, and the future is pretty bleak. The only thing that is for certain in life is that she needs 4 injections a day forever, and theres a possibility to amputation, liver failure etcetc. I'm sure you don't need reminding of the consequinces of diabetes, but I don't think she is being a typical 'moody' teenager.
When i was diagnosed, I coped well initially, but the realisation of the disease can be terrifying and it suddenly hits you like a brick wall. It's going to be difficult for her to go clubbing - she'll be worrying about her bloods and potentially not having a big time, while carrying a big bag for all her diabetic equipment. Travelling is harder. Work can be harder. Exams can be harder. At the moment, for her, everything is harder and her world has probably collapsed.
Keep doing what you're doing and she'll pull through it.
If she wants to chat to me, she is more than welcome. Having someone you don't know to talk to is a massive release of pressure, especially when they're in the same boat, and I also found this site very helpful.
Pm me if you want any help or advice.
Good luck