Trying to keep motivated

[Willow_14]

Hi, I'm new to this site so I'm not too sure how everything works on here but I love this site so far because it's just somewhere where we are all the same and we all know what we are talking about and are probably going through the same thing.

I have had type 1 diabetes since I was 2 years old, I am now 14 so I have had it for about 12 years. I was fine with it until recently. One day I just thought, What's the point. I'm always going to have it. It's never going to go away and I just want to give up and stop. I am talking to my psychiatrist and she has given me some advice on how to keep motivated but it's just words on paper. It's nothing I can just put in my head and hope it will go away. I feel like I can't do this anymore and i don't know what to do about it because I don't want to become ill, but I'm technically always going to have and illness so no matter what I do I am going to be ill. I just don't know what to do anymore.​

 

[himtoo]

hi @Willow_14
welcome to the forum
i think it can be hard at times when you feel like that and hopefully talking here should help because there will be quite a few people who have experienced these feelings ( including me ).

i am 57 years old right now - i was diagnosed 43 years ago -- So far I would say my life has been pretty amazing -- i have worked for 38 years -- married my lovely wife --played sports - gone on holidays - enjoyed all my good friends company
( basically lived a normal life)

ok -- so I get to visit my consultant twice a year and there is always a reminder to being diabetic going there.

I guess what i am saying is - you can have a wonderful life if you let yourself and put that bit of effort in we all know we need to do to stay pretty healthy

 

[Willow_14]

@himtoo I don't know why but knowing I'm not the only one that feels/has felt like this is really comforting, thank you

 

[himtoo]

no probs @Willow_14
i'll tag a few of my lovely type 1 friends so they should stop by as well

@Mrsass , @Juicyj , @Jaylee , @catapillar , @MH2010 , @becky.ford93 , @mahola , @Bluemarine Josephine ,@wiserkurtious , @noblehead , @azure , @Fayefaye1429

 

[Willow_14]

Thank you again @himtoo

 

[rachel162]

Hi Willow,
I know exactly what you mean, I'm 22 and have been T1 since I was 2, and from time to time it does seem overwhelming to put it lightly!
Is your control pretty good? I tend to find my worst 'why do I have to do this' moments tend to be when my control is slipping and I'm tired, stressed and everything starts to seem pointless. I've recently had to just bite the bullet and focus more on diabetes to sort out my control, but now I have improved it's hardly having an impact on my life at all.
As himtoo said, it is a bit of effort, but at the end of the day that bit of extra effort is enabling you to live a far better, less stressful, more fulfilling life than you would be able to live if you just ignored your diabetes...definitely worth it if you ask me!
And sometimes a good rant will just do the trick! Again to echo @himtoo, there are loads of us on the forum who do get it, and we'll give you plenty of support.
Big hugs from me.
R x

 

[Jaylee]

Hi Willow,

Your parents weren't "Buffy" fans perchance..?

The way I see it.? The more you can control your D. The less it feels like an "illness".
In fact it only is, if it's allowed to let you feel that way...?
I concentrate on myself & not how others are running the "race".?
Most people are sprinting in a different direction anyway....

Keep yer head on chicken & you will cross the road safely.

 

[Mrs Vimes]

@Willow_14 it doesn't sound like you've given up because you've gone onto here. Now how type 1 is going to limit you? You can't join the armed forces, certain vehicles you can't drive....

Sounds like you are in year 9 or 10. Yr 9 is a strange one because you have to make probably the first real important decisions that will affect your future with your options. It's also hard if you are undecided on your career choice.
Year 10 - you are committed now to your courses and this tine of year it seems to be all kicking off revision and exam wise.
You have already got skills in place because of having diabetes. You know the importance of preparation ahead of the other kids in your year group. You have also lived under pressure by dealing with this condition. Experience wise you are ahead of the game and you probably don't realise it.
If you keep yourself well, the sky is the limit for your future. The best part is coming up for you because you can start making decisions about training, education and jobs. Its going to get exciting and you want to be well for it.
The hospital is a bore I know and I'm glad you are getting emotional support. I go the hospital and see them as a service to me. I don't report to them, I'm using them to stay healthy so I can carry on doing stuff that I like.

Look at what you have achieved so far. In spite of having diabetes!
I have a partner and we've been together for 24 years. My target in the next few months is 5 pull ups in a row. I'm on two at the moment. Sorry I've written loads!

 

[Willow_14]

@rachel162 thank you, I also feel at my worst when I am stressed or tired but I when I do u read or something to get my mind off it which helps

@Jaylee I don't think my parent were a fan if buffy, maybe I just looked like a tree when I was a baby thank you very much and I will make sure my head it screwed on tightly when I cross the road

@Mrs Vimes I am in year 9 currently but I am moving up into year 10 in September, I've never thought about diabetes being positive (about having skills before others/important skills before others) I hope you get to your 5 pull ups soon and thank you for taking the time to write that for me

 

[Juicyj]

@Willow_14 Hey big hug Willow, welcome to the friendliest bunch of under standing folk you will meet !

My best advice is to not focus on the future, live from day to day, the challenge as we look ahead can seem too much and that's when it's becomes daunting, if you live life each day it is much easier to cope, talk through your worries, we can listen and hopefully you can learn from the experience of others.

Personally I decided to become an expert on my diabetes and to manage it as best as I could, I don't get knocked by high figures when I get them I just focus on retaining good control which I know will help me cope mentally, so I read books and have attended courses, it is always work in progress and takes a bit of effort but it is possible.

Don't give up lovely, whatever your troubles they can be fixed, we are all here to help each other

 

[richyb]

you will get through it. One advantage is the world is looking a lot a finding a cure, I think great strides will be made. So look on the bright side there are worse things out there. Try not to look on the dark side it has'nt stopped me doing much. Enjoy life.

 

[catapillar]

I don't think of diabetes as an illness & I don't think I'm ill. A lot of people have said they think being diabetic makes them healthier - they are much more aware of what a complicated bit of kit the body is and therefore of the importance of eating healthy & exercising etc

Don't get me wrong, I definitely think it's s pain in the bum but it doesn't stop me working hard, it doesn't stop me exercising, it doesn't stop me travelling. It can be an inconvenience, but I just have to incorporate those diabetic inconveniences into what I'm doing and work around it.

It's totally naturally to sometimes feel overwhelmed by how much of a pain in the bum it can be. You are definitely not alone there. I'm sure we all have moments when we think it's a stupid game and it's not fair. It's great that you can get some advice from your psychiatrist on how to deal with that - I'm sure you will learn some great tools on how to manage those feelings going forward.

 

[Willow_14]

@Juicyj thank you so much, when I think about the future I do get worried about what will happen with my diabetes but I will try and try to look at it each day at a time

 

[Willow_14]

@richyb I try not to look on the dark side but when I do it all gets a bit too much so I am trying not too, I know there are worse thing out there and I am grateful that I don't have them so u do appreciate that I could have it a lot worse, thank you

@catapillar I have never thought that it actually makes you healthier but it actually make sense as to why, I hope to be travelling too one day so I am glad to know that it will not stop me

 

[Mrsass]

Hey Willow this site is great like you say because everyone does understand exactly what you are going through, we all have parents/partners/friends we can chat to but they never quite get it do they?

I've been diabetic since I was 3 so grew up with it like you and think I felt similar to you at your age, like its so annoying sometimes n what's the point really?
But there totally is a point because if you keep good control of your diabetes there is very little it prevents you from doing, personally I never quite fancied being in the army n stuff so it's not really stopped me doing anything!

As catapillar said I feel like it's kind of made me healthier because I have a terrible sweet tooth n if I didn't have to think about my bg's id probably stuff myself with so many sweets n **** but I don't because obviously I'd have high bg's n feel really rubbish.. Plus I'd get fat!

Do you remember to test and do your injections etc when you're supposed to? Sometimes when bloods are high that can make you feel really lousy so the better your bg's are the better you will feel, I can't get my blood lower than 10 today no matter what I do and it's making me feel like poo but I know it will come down eventually so I'll just crack on and keep testing & correcting cos there's no point getting myself upset about it

There is so many of us around at all times pretty much so never think there's no one to talk to, although it can be pretty quiet at like 3am lol

Abbie xx

 

[becky.ford93]

Hey there,
I'm in a bit of a different situation to you as I was only diagnosed a year ago at 21 years old.
You're doing amazingly well, it's hard being your age because when I was in school I'd have done anything to be like everyone else, and with diabetes you're never going to be. It's not easy. It's ok to think "you know what, I don't deserve this!" some days, because you don't!! I always find it easier to keep going (with or without diabetes) if I have things to look forward to. Even if its something silly like treating myself to a dessert one day. Keep yourself focused on your goals, even if it's long term things like going to uni or getting a job. Everyone goes through **** times, but keeping on top of your levels will actually make things easier for you, rather than harder (as it might often seem).
Thinking about complications can be scary, and weirdly I think it sometimes makes us not want to deal with it. But if you keep going with your blood sugar control there's nothing to be afraid of. I've seen people really go downhill in their teen years, and it can sometimes be hard at that age to see how it's ever going to affect you. But it does And I wouldn't want to see you not be able to the things you want to in ten or twenty years time because of slip-ups now.
It's ok to have your rubbish days, just remember that you're doing better than you'll ever know, and the fact you still make it out of bed every day despite what you have to deal with is the most massive achievement!!

 

[azure]

Hi @Willow_14

You've got through 12 years of diabetes at the most difficult time, in my opinion, so to me you're doing great

The first thing I'd say is that you're only young and there will be a cure one day. I've had diabetes more than 20 years and the progress towards a cure in the last few years is really exciting and gives me hope. In the meantime, I concentrate on staying as healthy as I can, not stressing too much, and not beating myself up if I sometimes get a high or a low.

I think about the future, but I think about non-diabetes things - plans, hopes, dreams.

Diabetes is something I think about on a day to day basis, but only because I have to. I refuse to let it take over my life. I concentrate on doing the best I can to keep it under control, and every time I get a blood sugar that's in range, I feel I'm beating diabetes. Yes, it always has to be pushed back down because it's always trying to burst out of the cage I've put it in, but every time I beat it, I feel empowered.

Every person here gets how hard it is and how it can get you down. Feel free to moan - we understand.

 

[Willow_14]

@Mrsass I do remember to test and do injections when needed but it's just so annoying when I am with my freinds or something and they can just eat and not think twice about it and stuff, I hope u are feeling better soon and thank you xx

@mahola thank you very much, I will remember to stay stubborn and I'm sure you will be an expert in no time

@becky.ford93 thank you, I will try and keep focused on my goals so I can achieve what I want to someday

 

[debrasue]

Hi, Willow.

You'll probably think that you and I have nothing in common - I'm Type 2, only recently diagnosed, and I'm an ancient and decrepit 63-year-old grandma - but your very moving post made me want to give you a big, big hug and tell you that you DO have what it takes to win, despite this horrible, unfair disease, which you don't deserve, and which has blighted your life for so many years.

The reason I say you have what it takes is because you have found this forum, and have the ****s to post a thread and say how you really feel. That makes you A Winner, right there.

I have a very dear friend who's a recovering alcoholic. He's been off the booze for 20+ years, but he's still very active in Alcoholics Anonymous. He explains this by saying: "The only way I can keep it (his sobriety) is by giving it away", which is why he actively supports other new members on a daily basis.

From what I understand of T1, it would seem that you've acquired a phenomenal amount of wisdom in the 12 years you've suffered from it, and maybe that's one way you could keep your motivation - by giving that wisdom away to others who are in dire need of it.

I'm going to follow your progress through the forums with interest, sweetheart. Sending you big warm hugs! xxx

 

[Willow_14]

@azure I have my fingers crossed for a cure too(of coarse) I'm trying to focus on keeping healthy but when I have bad days I just give up a bit, but I will try a bit harder each day so I can become healthier thank u