The SCREAM thread

[Robinredbreast]

Oh that is awful, I really feel for you. Its not the same scenario, but my brothers ex wife accused him of abusing his son. It took 13 months for him to gain access to them, police said there was no case to answer & when it went to family court the judge was fabulous & threatened to remove the children from the mother & give my brother full custody if she ever did anything like that again. The children were quite disturbed, but they weren't teens, they were younger but they have come through it & both went the following year to live with my brother permanently. It was a dreadful time, but all you can do is be there to support & help. Also make sure you remain calm at court, its really hard but don't even acknowledge her if she is there. Having a solicitor there is also really important to guide you. Hang on in there, hopefully your son will gain contact & eventually full custody. I am guessing social services will have CAMHS involved to help your grandson. There are some evil people out there & I don't understand this world.

I hope it goes as well as it can tomorrow. I think there is a hard road ahead for you all, but gaining stability & routine for him will be so important. Please keep me updated.

Sending hugs x

Thank you so much, it's my son I am a bit concerned about, but my stomach has been in knots and I am feeling nervous of the unknown.

 

[Robinredbreast]

@Robinredbreast huge hug and some extra to give to your grandson.
My brother had a horrendous experience with social services, his ex and the person hit hardest his daughter.
Long story that doesn't have a great ending either, but due to the experience my brother became a child advocate, he works with (usually against) social workers, I know some of the cases he has worked on and it breaks your heart to hear how people treat their own flesh and blood.
I was out shopping with him once, when a young teenager came up and asked my brother if he remembered him, my brother said of course. Called him by his name, the lad asked if he could shake his hand as his life had been completely turned around by brother's help. I was near in tears, as we walked away my brother said I hate kids. I love my brother

Thank you Shar, your post has been really helpful, as have the other posts. Feeling nervous about who is going to be there. I will take the teddy dog and I still have to write in the card, I hope when my grandson is not so distressed and traumatised by it all, the social worker will, hopefully pass on the gift and card.

 

[Robinredbreast]

@Robinredbreast I'll be thinking of you all tomorrow too
x

Many thanks Zand

 

[JohnEGreen]

@Robinredbreast Wishing you and yours the very best of luck for tomorrow will keep you in my thoughts.

John

 

[Janiept]

There are going to be many people holding you and your loved ones in their thoughts tomorrow Rrb. Hugs from another one x

 

[Robinredbreast]

@Robinredbreast Wishing you and yours the very best of luck for tomorrow will keep you in my thoughts.

John

Thank you John.

 

[Robinredbreast]

There are going to be many people holding you and your loved ones in their thoughts tomorrow Rrb. Hugs from another one x

Thank you Janiept.

 

[debrasue]

This hard, not just a scream, but hurting.
I have grandchildren I haven't seen for a few years, because of a marriage break up, 2 girls and a boy, my grandson age 10.
Recently, my son received a posted letter from social services and on the same day, a hand delivered one. When my son phoned me and was obviously in distress because he needed to meet me asap and show me the letters. When I read them I was choked, my 10 year old grandson ( who I haven't seen for 6 years) at the hands of his mothers partner and the mother herself ( who is still with the man) has been taken away and is in a secure unit, because he is so disturbed. Apparently my grandson has been in and out of foster homes, and social services have been involved since 2012. Tomorrow morning ,my son has a hearing at Reading court, so we, my teen and I are going with him and Ed has been great and is taking us in his car about 7.30am. I have been coping pretty well, trying to be positive for my son and grandson, but today, this afternoon, has been so upsetting and I am so angry now that these monsters have done this to a little boy, my own flesh and blood, for years. I don't know if the mother will be attending tomorrow, but my son said he is just going to ignore her as though she isn't there. My son has managed to get a solicitor as he wants to get custody or some contact, the solicitor will be attending as well and he sounds very positive about my son's case and he wants to sue social services.
I bought my grandson a teddy dog and a thinking of you card, from all his family in my town, to show him we care for him, love him and are thinking of him <3 but I haven't written in the card yet, I am finding it difficult. I just want to get in their faces and scream, scream, scream at them .......................
View attachment 20024 View attachment 20025

I'm so sorry to hear about this, Robs. What a terrible thing to happen. I can completely understand your hurt and your rage at the people - all the people - who caused or allowed this to happen to your beautiful grandson. This poor little boy has been let down so badly by the very people he should have been able to trust would love and care for him. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that all goes well for your son today and that you both get a chance to help your grandson and spend time with him in the future showing him how much he is loved. Big, big hugs, Robs xxxxx

 

[linnyb]

Your mom actually sounds like a really nice woman in my neighborhood with schizophrenia. She is in her early 70s and has been this way for over a decade and there is no change , i.e. long periods of utter lucidity, nice social behavior, etc. and then periods of strange obsessions

Yep I agree. In my opinion there is an underlying issue that hasn't been diagnosed. I think it could well be schizoprenia or narcisistic personality disorder. Going to try citizens advice today but at the moment nobody is willing to listen. x

 

[linnyb]

Thank you so much, it's my son I am a bit concerned about, but my stomach has been in knots and I am feeling nervous of the unknown.

Sending hugs, its horrible to deal with. I hope things go ok today xx

 

[Robinredbreast]

Morning, our time at court went well. The solicitor was friendly and always informative, someone told us he was the best. The judge was the senior judge and many bodies went into a 'pre chat' room before the hearing. the mother was there and went in with my son to the chambers, her partner, sat at a table not far from us. It made me sick being near him, so I went over to the window for some deep breaths.
The outcome was that any disclosures about the case regarding my grandson, we are allowed to see, as the mother wanted to oppose this, the judge threw it out. The lady from CAMHS is independent and will do everything to help my grandson with his welfare and development. She wants my son to write a short letter, each week, on coloured lined paper and he could add some stickers, the first letter is to be headed WHY. I can also write, but everything will be baby steps and to introduce other family members very, very slowly. Lady said, when we read the reports, to take big breaths, especially my son. There should be another hearing in about 2 weeks time, so a positive outcome for my son, but the mother wants grandchild to stay in secure residential home and not to have any contact with my son or any of his family, but we will push on and hope for much happier times ahead.
A very big thank you to you all x

Edited, CAMHS stands for Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services. CAMHS are specialist NHS services. They offer assessment and treatment when children and young people have emotional, behavioural or mental health difficulties.

 

[Trachet]

Morning, our time at court went well. The solicitor was friendly and always informative, someone told us he was the best. The judge was the senior judge and many bodies went into a 'pre chat' room before the hearing. the mother was there and went in with my son to the chambers, her partner, sat at a table not far from us. It made me sick being near him, so I went over to the window for some deep breaths.
The outcome was that any disclosures about the case regarding my grandson, we are allowed to see, as the mother wanted to oppose this, the judge threw it out. The lady from CAMHS is independent and will do everything to help my grandson with his welfare and development. She wants my son to write a short letter, each week, on coloured lined paper and he could add some stickers, the first letter is to be headed WHY. I can also write, but everything will be baby steps and to introduce other family members very, very slowly. Lady said, when we read the reports, to take big breaths, especially my son. There should be another hearing in about 2 weeks time, so a positive outcome for my son, but the mother wants grandchild to stay in secure residential home and not to have any contact with my son or any of his family, but we will push on and hope for much happier times ahead.
A very big thank you to you all x

Edited, CAMHS stands for Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services. CAMHS are specialist NHS services. They offer assessment and treatment when children and young people have emotional, behavioural or mental health difficulties.

That sounds so positive. It is lovely that everyone in the system is routing for your grandson. It also appears that the judge is being sensible in how he (?) reacted to the mother's opposition to your grandson seeing you and your son. As you say baby steps and deep breaths. I really hope this is the start of a more positive outcome. Hugs x

 

[Robinredbreast]

May everything calm, gentle and loving come into your grandson's life. May he learn to know and trust you. May he be allowed to thrive under your guidance...and may your daughter see the light of wisdom to the point where your relationship with her is healed.

Thank you Galja, but to be clear, my grandson's mother is my EX daughter-In-law and NOT my daughter. Bringing her partner to the court, the monster that has played a huge part in my grandson life and is in a secure residential home, was despicable, but my focus is 100 % on my grandson.
I hope they both get whatever is coming to them.

 

[linnyb]

It does not at all sound like narcissistic personality disorder.

There are elements of her behaviour I haven't mentioned, but I am certainly no expert & not qualified to make a judgement. It's just really frustrating that nobody is willing to deal with this. I agree though that it could well be schizophrenia.

 

[Robinredbreast]

There are elements of her behaviour I haven't mentioned, but I am certainly no expert & not qualified to make a judgement. It's just really frustrating that nobody is willing to deal with this. I agree though that it could well be schizophrenia.

Hi, there are so many mental health conditions, have you been able to get in touch with any of the links below?
Good luck and I wish all the very best for you and your mother, take care x

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-...al-health-problems-introduction/#.V6YQo00rLnA

http://www.healthofchildren.com/P/Personality-Disorders.html

An online quote :- I had a long chat with Alex, the helpline supervisor at the Alzheimer's Society(helpline: 0300 2221122 open seven days a week. Note: despite the name, it deals with dementia generally; Alzheimer's is the most common form of many types).

 

[linnyb]

Hi, there are so many mental health conditions, have you been able to get in touch with any of the links below?
Good luck and I wish all the very best for you and your mother, take care x

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-...al-health-problems-introduction/#.V6YQo00rLnA

http://www.healthofchildren.com/P/Personality-Disorders.html

An online quote :- I had a long chat with Alex, the helpline supervisor at the Alzheimer's Society(helpline: 0300 2221122 open seven days a week. Note: despite the name, it deals with dementia generally; Alzheimer's is the most common form of many types).

Hi will contact both those links next week. Thanks x

 

[Sable_Jan]

I understood. Because maybe the many divorces in America, a stepson is a son, a stepdaughter is a daughter, a half broher or a completely unrelated brother or sister is a brother or sister. I even used to call my old mother in law after divorce as mother or grandmother, depending on context.

Didn't know it was otherwise in Britain?

I hope your duaghter in law comes back into or the first time in a loving relationship with you. I know you are a forgiving person and ultimately, that would be the best outcome, even if she comes to that without apology, without being accompanied by Mr. Abuser, of course, may he be jailed and banished

How confusing. In the UK a daughter in law is never a daughter even though she may be treated as such.......if someone says "daughter in law" that's exactly what they mean......

 

[Robinredbreast]

Stepson or step daughter is when the partner has their own children and then re marries.
Daughter in law, Son in law is when the parents child marries and their partner now has ties to the family through marriage. The 'In laws' are DIL or SIL's parents.

 

[eddie1968]

Just a scream about another summer (not Summer). It's been a let down, especially up here in Scotland. Today 6th August weather is gales and heavy rain. Nuff said. Aargh!

 

[Enclave]

@eddie1968 .. did you get that humdinger of a thunder storm last night .. both sheet and fork lighting !! ... right over the cottage where I am and the wife made me unplug the telephone and the TV .... awwwwww !!!!! still no trees fallen or hit this time