I realy need some help with type 1 teenage daughter.

[carob29]

Hi all

I am asking you all here for help and advice with my 13 year old daughter,
She is a usual teenager x 10!! My heart is breaking every night with arguments either with her or because of her, Last night she told her dad she hated him because it was her fault she has diabetes, (he has a son from previous marrige and he is also type 1) i went to my gp yesterday morning to try and get refered to a child phycologist or mayby some counselling but he told me basicly that it was all fine and i was overreaacting. Should i ask her diabetic nurse or see another doctor??? i need to help her get this sorted out in herself but i don't know how to. please please someone help me.

Many Thanks xx

 

[suzi]

Hi Carob29,
Is your daughter just displaying typical teenage mood swings or is she not dealing with her diabetes properly, ie bs tests /injections ect. A little bit more information would help us guide you in the right direction. Big ((hugs)) for you, as a parent myself of a T1 son, i know a little understanding and support from others can help enormously,
Suzi x

 

[leggott]

Hi, Like the previous post says, if you can give some more information it may help other readers to give you some guidance.
My husband had diabetes in his teenage years and he says these were the hardest. These years can be difficult for many children, let alone the added complication of having diabetes. My husband said he did struggle a lot in coming to terms with the fact he was diabetic and the normal ' why me' always ran through his head. I'm not saying that this is the problem but it may be a factor. I'm very suprised that you were not referred. It might be nice for her to discuss things with someone she doesn't know. Children are often more honest and open when dealing with people other than their parents! Good luck - Leggott.

 

[hanadr]

Teenagers can be hell. Teenagers with health issues are hell with extra terrors. They don't look ahead to the consequences of what they want to do and KNOW absolutely for sure that adults are idiots who understand nothing.
Perhaps your daughter would feel happier about her situation if she knew some ohers who share it.
Contact Diabetes UK. I know they have group activities for kids. Perhaps there is sometthing in your area.
Good luck Just keep telling her how much you love her( and even that will be wrong some days :twisted: )
Hana

 

[carob29]

hi again,

She isn't managing her diabetes very well, she hasn't done a bg test for about 2 days +! If she is at her friends house for tea she tells me she has taken her ins only for me to find out later that its still in her school bag, sometimes she takes too much and go's too low. her diatician has tried to get her to fill out sheets recording her meals,carbs and ins to work out a insulin unit per so many carbs, i know its crazy to expect her to do this while at school but if she only did it for 1 week it would be such a great step forward, and then we can stop her having so many hypo's, she is on humulin s 3 times a day and levemer at night. Simple thing like your not getting out to play or getting any supper till you tidy your room ect turns into a huge fight with doors being slammed and then she bangs them so hard, she actually punched her dad on the back last night because he wouldn't let her into the fridge. She was away with her grandfather to our relatives house over new year and actually got up when they were all in bed and ate a whole jar of choc spread. i don't know if i'm going on a bit too much i'm sorry if i am, but hope some of this is a bit more info?

thanks again x

 

[suzi]

Hi Carob,
Firstly having a teenager in the house who doesn't want to tidy their room is typical teenage behavour, so don't worry about the negativity she shows towards doing menial tasks.
When it comes to bs and injecting thats where the trouble is, shes rebelling against everything and i'd hazard to guess that her diabetes is right there at the very top of all thats wrong in her world right now.
How long has she been diabetic? has her periods started? and the incident with her eating a full jar of chocolate spread, has she any eating issues? A lot of questions i know and i appologise, but teenagers, especially girls on insulin have problems with their weight (or think they have problems with their weight) and this is where a lot of their aggression stems from.
I would definately get her an appointment through her DN to see a phycologist, they will help to smooth out her fears/anger/frustration, until then we are here for you and will help in any way we can, sending lots of ((hugs))
Suzi x

 

[carob29]

Hi suzi

She was diagnosed nov 08, started her periods not long after that, i feel she has had alot to deal with since she was diagnosed things with her attitude and behaviour are getting worse, she hasn't had issues with her eating before but she was addmitted to hosp 1 week before xmas 09 with ketoacidosis (not serious as she was out the next day) and i think she has noticed the weight lose related to her lack of insulin which is worrying!! The only thing that makes her happy at the mo is going with her best friend up to a farm where they have 2 horses and she helps by cleaning out stables and going out on hacks ect. as i said in my first post she told her dad she hates him because it was his fault she has diabetes it is all very sad i can excuse "typical" teenage behaviour like tidying up after herself ect but this is realy getting out of hand now.

 

[suzi]

Hi Carob,
I'm sure your hubby felt very hurt by her words, no parent wants to hear the 'i hate you' phrase, but teenagers do it anyway, usually followed by the 'your ruining my life' phrase. Don't take it to heart too much, i think it goes with the territory of parenthood, and she has certainly been through so much.
I asked about the eating habits, as many teenage girls soon realise that not taking their insulin leads to weight lose, which is never healthy, and can lead to numerous complications and problems.
You may find doing some research on the net and showing her the results, as to what happens when you don't take insulin approprately, will be enough to shock her into taking her diabetes more seriously.(girls are far more likely to ditch the insulin in order to lose weight than boys) That and telling her if she doesn't do her injections and bs when required then she won't be fit enough to go out to the horses.
It's hard work being a parent of a diabetic child, i often feel like a mathematian, dietitian, nurse and prison guard :roll: rolled into one, but it does get easier and you will come out the other side.
Take care,
Suzi x

 

[Jen&Khaleb]

This is only something I read and not sure if I agree totally with the author. The article described getting kids to manage diabetes in the same way as everything else in life. Do the right thing and be rewarded or do the wrong thing and be punished. An example would be not allowing horse activity if records weren't kept and insulin injections done. Khaleb's DN did explain that most teenagers shave off 5mmol when keeping records so you actually have to check the meter.

Like I said, I don't know if I agree with this method and it would probably depend on how the child is normally disciplined at home. I have a 15 yr old boy at home who is nothing like a teenage girl. We get on well and he puts up with being very neglected while I spend so much of my time with Khaleb's learning issues as well as his diabetes and therapy/medical appointment.

Other teenagers are the biggest help so maybe teach her friends about diabetes or send her on a camp - if there is one available to you. I wish you all the best.

 

[Theunicornlady]

I can't write without sounding bloody patronising! Given I'm having similiar problems, albiet I've given up the battle of the bedroom! I just want her to get her T1D under control - she wants a pump, but she hasn't got a chance if she lies, or makes it up as she goes along. I've told her to aim for getting onto one by summer, but she has to help herself first and work WITH the health professionals. I've told her my experience is the more you co-operate, the better treatment you get

I think you and Daddy need to sit down with your gorgeous girlie and reassure her about your involvement with her T1D. Tell her what you expect of her and listen to what she has to say about her expectations of you with regards to it all. At 13, she should be able to do this since most 13 year olds know everything and exactly what they want :wink:

If you think banning the horses for a few weeks until she gets it sorted is the answer for now, do it. The important thing is to make sure you all understand each other.

Oh and I think she needs to apologise to Daddy for that hurtful remark. Its not his fault, though its easy to point the finger. Who do I have to blame? My girl's diagnosis was out of the blue since nobody in our family has diabetes. Well, my cousin had it but it was rife on his Mother's side, while there are no problems on his Dad's side (my family).

HTH and massive hugs to ALL of you. Just try to engage her - communication at this age is the biggie.
xxxx

 

[Nomi]

Hi,
just a thought - having high BGs often makes you more moody and snappy. My boyfriend can always tell if my BG is higher than normal, apparently I can be a bit of a nightmare!!! Anyway, if you do manage to get your daughter to take control and bring her BGs down she might also be less moody I'm not promising anything though - you know what teenagers are like!! :roll:
May be your daughter wont talk to anyone about it because she feels like she will be told off/ pressurised into doing something? if so it might be worth trying to find someone she can talk to who wont try to tell her what to do but could maybe discuss with her what happens when you don't control it very well and what the benefits are if she does? that way she can decide for herself?

good luck

xx

 

[hismom]

hi,
I have a son of 13 who was diagnosed last october. All I can say is to try and be as understanding as possible. (I know how hard this is and to be honest I have problems with this too) It is a huge thing to take on board,put yourself in her shoes she now is different from her peers and will probably be insecure about it all. If she is anything like my son she will have looked on the internet and read about all the negative side of diabetes. She will settle but in the meantime it is an uphill battle. I also agree that she may be having mood swings from the highs and lows she will be having. Pre-diagnosise we had an awful time with my son with temper tantrums I even filmed him when he had them as he couldnt remember. Now he has settled and at the moment is really good with checking his bg and maintaining control. I would also try to find out what it is like at school for your daughter as schools can be very good but some can be very bad . peer pressure is enormous at this age.

 

[Theunicornlady]

After my initial response to your post, I took my own advice and talked to my daughter about what she expects from me and what I expect of her. She was really pleased when I showed her how to use co-pilot, a free managment program she got with her meter. She has used it to record mood, sugars, what she ate, how much insulin she took etc. I've told her I expect her to use it and the aim is to try and get a pump by the summer holidays. She has agreed to work with me and hit that target.

I have been attending a course run by EPP called "self management of long term health conditions". I qualified for the course due to health problems myself, but my main aim was to pick up some tips to try and help my daughter. If you can get on one, you should qualify as a carer. Its such a shame there isn't something similar for pre-teens+. Its a generic course designed to help sufferers of long term health conditions come to terms with it all and how to remain up-beat and positive.

The big thing its taught me is communication with those around you is really really important. Talk to people about it, explain how it affects you. Diabetes is one of those conditions that people need to know about, because of what happens if something goes wrong. Colleagues, friends and family need to be aware of how they can support you as a parent, and your daughter. She may want to keep her condition quiet, but I know people who've done this and they are not with us anymore, because nobody knew what to do or didn't recognise the danger signs.

Anyway, hope this helps in some way
xxx

 

[Katharine]

Well done Unicornlady!

Would it help to involve the mum of the friend with the horses? Teenagers can have PERFECT manners in other people's houses but be demons at home.

 

[mumofteendotter]

My heart goes out to you. My daughter is 14, type 1 since 2000. Her control is poor (HBA1C 13 ish) and she drives me nuts at times. The diabetes comes from her father's side of the family and we got divorced in 1999. She's had various issues with not eating and depression. Her periods made her control worse although thank God they seem to have settled down now. She has had some professionals to talk to with her mental health over the years but she does not think they are helpful as it upsets her to talk about upsetting things. We saw our consultant yesterday and he said most diabetics have issues with food, injections, etc and teenagers more so. He suggested she could talk to someone else who might be more helpful.

I find it useful to go on a long drive with my daughter to 'chat' about 'things'. At home she hates being nagged and I hate the arguments but these long drives give us a chance to clear the air and plan what to do about the most recent issue. We have chatted about why she became diabetic and some of the advantages - like getting food first on a plane (if you ask nicely and explain the consequences), having to go to restaurants and cafes for food if we are too far from home to make it back for a meal, and being special and different from other people.

Are you getting any support? I'm waiting for a referral to a group of parents of teenagers. It's hard to know what is the diabetes and what is the teenager, the hormones, the moodiness because of the high blood sugar, etc.

Best wishes

 

[carob29]

Hello and i'm sorry i havn't been on for a while my laptop was playing silly bu**ers :x but its up n running well now, i would like to say a big thankyou to all who has replied and your kind wishes,
i never thought for a min i would find such great supprt,

I have noticed a change in my daughter lately and i think it is due to her sugar levels, we are managing them a bit better just now as she realy wants a pump so fingers x she keeps it up,

I just hope our next few years are not as big a struggle as these first few are!!

All my love to you all xxx

 

[Debloubed]

She was away with her grandfather to our relatives house over new year and actually got up when they were all in bed and ate a whole jar of choc spread.

Hi Carob, I don't have a diabetic teenageer but I was one once, I would bet my bottom dollar your little love was hypo in the night! I used to lay in bed shaking and dreaming of hob nob biscuits, but too scared (or too silly!)to get up and deal with the situation. I was also told off a lot for eating sweets etc (bit different back then, strict injection doses and I didn't carb count) but still, sweets became the holy grail in amongst my teenage rebellion! I wonder if your daughter feels like sweets are the enemy? Does she carb count? I used to deny I was hypo when young as I found it very embarassing. Silly, but true.

 

[carob29]

hi debloubed,
she is starting to do carb counting as she desp wants a pump, i don't think she fully understood what carb counting was to be honest so her diatician went over it again today in more detail and she feels more confident about it,

We have our ups and downs and currently we are having a good week, she actualy doesn't throw a tantrum when aked to do the dishes!!!

Sweets are a big issue with her too as she knows not to eat them so much but she can't help herself perhaps your right there....the demon sugar haha.

 

[Debloubed]

well there is your selling point for carb counting, she can enjoy sugar as long as she counts for it! it's quite life changing for a type 1 when you carb count and realise you can enjoy the odd Twix without pushing your BG through the roof! makes you feel less different too which is important during those dreaded teenage years :wink: do her friends know how to help her/what to do if she's not well? It's sad but awareness is a problem we all face with Diabetes, people just don't know what it's all about unless they have it or are closely related to someone who has it :shock:

 

[carob29]

people just don't know what it's all about unless they have it or are closely related to someone who has it :shock:

Yeah i know what you mean there!!

Also i love your idea about counting the chocs in with her meal times! Thanks so much

I Have another post open just now about a sort of kit bag for her, as she said today it would be easier for her to remember b.m's if all her stuff was together all the time (i can understand this as bearing in mind we all been teenageers and who wants to go for stuff in there bedrooms!!) And you have been great with your other advice so do you have any ideas as to what she can use? a site keeps popping up and there products aren't aimed at teenagers lol xxx