Type 1 and Marital problems

[Steve14]

I and my wife lived in a happy marriage up until the point where I got diagnosed with this disease. I remember the first time I was sent home with "DKA-high" levels and shown how to inject myself. So after I done that, I was relieved that it was so easy and painless. Fast forward a year, now I scream hitting a vein 3 times out of 4 each day. My diet is better than ever, my levels are worse! My A1C is worse than last year's. Meanwhile my beloved wife throws this at me: "I did not want to deal with you and diabetes. For fu**s sake! It is diabetes!"
...
She lives at the other end of the world. We have a lovely house close to the ocean down south, 5 dogs and kids are on their own, and I cannot be there. Her opinion about diabetes is millions of people have it and they don't make a big deal out of it. I know I don't, unless I get stressed and it affects my levels. My last doctor's visit didn't go well. I made sure to drink plenty of water like I always do, and ran my sugar a bit higher (10-12) in case I have to wait long and due to fear of hypo. As time passed by I started to feel thirsty, dry. Went into the restroom thinking I'd use the faucet because I had no other option (I drank a liter before I left home and who would have thought...). Restroom had a nauseating urine scent upon entering, and just said screw it. Went back to the hallway, sat down, and waited another 10 minutes where my heart started beating out of my chest. I had a panic attack and at that point felt severly dehydrated, and decided to get out of there asap before I faint. Drove home, measured my levels and it was 11.5. I expected to be either higher than that, or close to hypo. The reason why I told you all this is because my wife thinks that having diabetes should not affect travelling.... especially standing in lines at the airport for X hours. A total of 13 hours flight that I've went through several times by myself, but never being diabetic.
...
My wife has cancer, broken neck and a host of other conditions that make her disabled to the point where it'd be risky to have her visit me. Somewhere I understand her, but feel that downplaying my disease makes matters worse and would love to have her taking this more seriously.

I think having T1D as a man can be extremely emasculating and feminizing. It made me OCD check my levels and fear of hypos and hypers. I always try to keep my levels higher (8-12). Last year I aimed for 5-7 and it worked out well until I had an apple before dinner, or strawberries or blue berries or black berries. Sometimes it takes over 3 hours for insulin to start working. Before I could start eating my dinner meal I went down to 2.9 - 3.3. When I went a few days without checking my levels it had great effect on my mental well-being by reducing depression and anxiety.

Anyways, I lost the role of a man, and lost myself completely. Will this be my future? I so want to visit my wife and the USA again, but can't imagine going through this alone. I've always been the healthiest, athletic guy who never got sick, and now it is always me who has to excuse from the room, a conversation etc. I hate it with a passion. My greatest fear is having a hypo or DKA-close levels at the airport. I don't know what am I doing wrong? If I run my levels higher than now, then I'll get really sick. If I lower my calorie intake, then I just lay in the bed staring at the ceiling for hours without getting sleep. My levels are extremely inconsistent and have been since I got diagnosed. Sorry for making this so long-winded. Any help and guidance would be appreciated!
Thank you!

 

[Chrisle68]

Steve you are letting it rule your life You need to stop worrying Take control You need to stop beating your self up as you will only make it worse I fly all the time Xmas I'm off to the Philippines Remember you control it Its does not control you and the rest will come back into place

 

[SWUSA_]

@Steve14 Well, things can get better than they are right now for sure. I have type 2 and so I am a little different than you-and I am a woman so I like, uh , being feminized, and you must know that it is late in the UK and most forum members are going to bed just about now...so you will likely get more replies in the morning. I am also divorced-for a long time so am probably really ill equipped to give you useful marital advice but I inject insulin daily and am wondering why you are hitting a vein so often when you weren't last year-have you lost weight? Did you need to lose weight? Some people need shorter needles than others and some need to use different injection sites because they do not have much fat under their skin. Techniques for injecting may need to change a little for someone who has very little fat. I am going to tag someone with type 1 who may be able to help you more than me. It may be tomorrow before he answers so please check back tomorrow if not sooner. @GrantGam1337 has more type 1 experience than I do with type 1 injections. @himtoo also has type 1 and lots of experince. @TorqPenderloin also has a lot of type 1 knowledge. Also, if you do not feel safe traveling: you just do not feel safe doing it, and I would not until I felt better about my diabetes control.

 

[rockape37]

"In Sickness and in Health" sounds like someone isn't playing by the rules.

Nothing feminine about diabetes either.

Regards

Martin

 

[SWUSA_]

Steve you are letting it rule your life You need to stop worrying Take control You need to stop beating your self up as you will only make it worse I fly all the time Xmas I'm off to the Philippines Remember you control it Its does not control you and the rest will come back into place

I think you picked the right avatar, Chrisle.

 

[AFoxy74]

You can still b a man and diabetic, you can still be active and diabetic, as said a little earlier you need to take control, that will take away the fear! Always have your bm meter with you so you can test levels whenever you feel 'not right'

 

[Steve14]

Steve you are letting it rule your life You need to stop worrying Take control You need to stop beating your self up as you will only make it worse I fly all the time Xmas I'm off to the Philippines Remember you control it Its does not control you and the rest will come back into place

Thank you for the encouraging words. Would you mind sharing your experiences with long flights and preparation etc. ? It would be a life saver. Thank you so much!

 

[Steve14]

@Steve14 Well, things can get better than they are right now for sure. I have type 2 and so I am a little different than you-and I am a woman so I like, uh , being feminized, and you must know that it is late in the UK and most forum members are going to bed just about now...so you will likely get more replies in the morning. I am also divorced-for a long time so am probably really ill equipped to give you useful marital advice but I inject insulin daily and am wondering why you are hitting a vein so often when you weren't last year-have you lost weight? Did you need to lose weight? Some people need shorter needles than others and some need to use different injection sites because they do not have much fat under their skin. Techniques for injecting may need to change a little for someone who has very little fat. I am going to tag someone with type 1 who may be able to help you more than me. It may be tomorrow before he answers so please check back tomorrow if not sooner. @GrantGam1337 has more type 1 experience than I do with type 1 injections. @himtoo also has type 1 and lots of experince. Also, if you do not feel safe traveling: you just do not feel safe doing it, and I would not until I felt better about my diabetes control.

Yes, I'm borderline overweight I think. I haven't lost a pound since I got diagnosed. Well, actually I gained some pounds the weeks after diagnosis, but remained the same ever since. It's weird because prior my diagnosis I had bouts of losing/gaining each year, but not with T1. You know I could take the pain, it's just too much on top of my other issues. What bothers me most is going out and getting sick, so eventually I just give up and stay at home. It depresses me. I think I'm severely insulin resistant. I want my levels to be more stable. Nothing more, nothing less. I want to be more resistant to stress. People suggested me to buy a treadmill.

 

[SWUSA_]

Yes, I'm borderline overweight I think. I haven't lost a pound since I got diagnosed. Well, actually I gained some pounds the weeks after diagnosis, but remained the same ever since. It's weird because prior my diagnosis I had bouts of losing/gaining each year, but not with T1. You know I could take the pain, it's just too much on top of my other issues. What bothers me most is going out and getting sick, so eventually I just give up and stay at home. It depresses me.

So, are you changing the site where you inject everytime and moving at least 2 inches from the site where you last injected?
Also:When did you see your doctor last? Have you discussed your not feeling well enough to go out with him or her?

 

[Steve14]

So, are you changing the site where you inject everytime and moving at least 2 inches from the site where you last injected?

Yes and no Ma'am. I change sites with each injection, but do not vary usual sites 2 inches apart. Nobody told me that I should.

My MD knew about my plans of flying overseas, and he was okay with it. My diabetic doc agreed too, even encouraged me that it would greatly benefit me to clear out my head and just enjoy my time with my sweetheart. These conversations happened shortly before the summer, at which I got to experience how summer heat and diabetes (don't) go together. It was horrible. I couldn't leave the house because my control & knowledge wasn't as good as it is now. Great changes took place earlier this year when I stopped drinking milk and eating cereal cold turkey. It almost cut my levels half. I kept up with the same diet, and sadly I'm almost back to as high as I was before that.

 

[SWUSA_]

Yes and no Ma'am. I change sites with each injection, but do not vary usual sites 2 inches apart. Nobody told me that I should.

@Steve14 Yes, you should not be injecting into exactly the same spot for at least two weeks between injections.

 

[SWUSA_]

@Steve14 The symptoms you are describing sound like exactly what happens when you reuse the same injection spot too frequently. You can develop bruising and scarring-so it is painful and your insulin works erratically.

 

[SWUSA_]

Yes and no Ma'am. I change sites with each injection, but do not vary usual sites 2 inches apart. Nobody told me that I should.

My MD knew about my plans of flying overseas, and he was okay with it. My diabetic doc agreed too, even encouraged me that it would greatly benefit me to clear out my head and just enjoy my time with my sweetheart. These conversations happened shortly before the summer, at which I got to experience how summer heat and diabetes (don't) go together. It was horrible. I couldn't leave the house because my control & knowledge wasn't as good as it is now. Great changes took place earlier this year when I stopped drinking milk and eating cereal cold turkey. It almost cut my levels half. I kept up with the same diet, and sadly I'm almost back to as high as I was before that.

So, you need to let a spot rest for at least two weeks between the time you last used exactly that spot and when you use it again.

 

[Chrisle68]

Thank you for the encouraging words. Would you mind sharing your experiences with long flights and preparation etc. ? It would be a life saver. Thank you so much!

Ok always check how long it's going to take. I have a man bag well that's what mates call it where I go it goes Its a bag goes over my shoulder When i was found to have it (diabetes) like you i hit a low thought my world had ended Even thought about selling my motorbike But my mate got me my bag in it goes.... wallet, phone, keys, Testing kits, Meds, bag of sweets and two bottles of water With the water I try and freeze it so always ice cold even if its out for the day or a few hours the bag goes strange at first But now i love it. Ok the plane and the flight.....
Always find out there first name of your air hostess/ flight attendant Remember as you have taken the time to remember there names, they will remember yours, And if there is any problems it's nice to know there names Plus you may get a little bit extra No not that lol But pillows extra drinks. And they will keep an extra eye out for you. So it sounds silly but it works .........
As for flights this year Feb went to Australia stopped at Singapore June Maine in USA godson 21st September mates 50th USA and for Xmas going to the Philippines. Hope this helps just a little bit of thinking a head and you take control of it
Chris

 

[Steve14]

So, you need to let a spot rest for at least two weeks between the time you last used exactly that spot and when you use it again.

This is the most helpful answer! Thank you so much! This may very well be the root cause of my struggles. And yes, I do have bruises.

 

[SWUSA_]

This is the most helpful answer! Thank you so much! This may very well be the root cause of my struggles. And yes, I do have bruises.

Keep us posted and I have tagged more experienced people with type 1 for you-they may be able to help you even more but they are not online right now. I would expect that they will answer tomorrow.

 

[Steve14]

Ok always check how long it's going to take. I have a man bag well that's what mates call it where I go it goes Its a bag goes over my shoulder When i was found to have it (diabetes) like you i hit a low thought my world had ended Even thought about selling my motorbike But my mate got me my bag in it goes.... wallet, phone, keys, Testing kits, Meds, bag of sweets and two bottles of water With the water I try and freeze it so always ice cold even if its out for the day or a few hours the bag goes strange at first But now i love it. Ok the plane and the flight.....
Always find out there first name of your air hostess/ flight attendant Remember as you have taken the time to remember there names, they will remember yours, And if there is any problems it's nice to know there names Plus you may get a little bit extra No not that lol But pillows extra drinks. And they will keep an extra eye out for you. So it sounds silly but it works .........
As for flights this year Feb went to Australia stopped at Singapore June Maine in USA godson 21st September mates 50th USA and for Xmas going to the Philippines. Hope this helps just a little bit of thinking a head and you take control of it
Chris

I will keep this in mind. Thank you. I've heard about this.... treating the crew right, and you will get the same in return. It's just that I felt awkward to start a chat and didn't wanted to be rude, taking time away from people who may really need it. But hey, now I will need it. Besides it should be more frightening to fly knowing that they don't know it! If I get there, I'll surely mention that I have a medical condition and may need an extra snack and checking on me just in case. Thanks!

 

[Chrisle68]

I will keep this in mind. Thank you. I've heard about this.... treating the crew right, and you will get the same in return. It's just that I felt awkward to start a chat and didn't wanted to be rude, taking time away from people who may really need it. But hey, now I will need it. Besides it should be more frightening to fly knowing that they don't know it! If I get there, I'll surely mention that I have a medical condition and may need an extra snack and checking on me just in case. Thanks!

Most of them, love to chat on long flight most people go to sleep So they get bored When I went to my mates 50th in the USA Emily my flight attendant was chatting how she had just broken up with her partner And asked where was I going said mates birthday party She was shocked when I said he was 50 and I was hitting 48 she laughed said i would have put u at early 40s late 30s I said stop flerting Thats my point she spent the best part of an hour chatting to me Don't be afraid They are women they love to chat

 

[azure]

@Steve14 To me, it sounds like there are a couple of issues here - the first that you may be struggling a bit with control; and the second that the Type 1 is causing you anxiety that's affecting your life.

If you can sort the first of those, then that might help reduce your anxiety a little.

Have you got the book Think Like A Pancreas? Perhaps going back to basics and doing a basal check then assessing your meal time ratios might be a good start.

I'd also suggest carrying your diabetes kit with you. Then you can test whenever you feel worried.

There's nothing feminising about Type 1. Or masculinising, for that matter. Perhaps explain to your wife that you're struggling at the moment but you're taking steps to sort things out.

 

[Steve14]

I hate to bother you all again. She wants to restrict me to eating fruit, veggies, meat and fish. Period. No wheat, nothing. Granted that I do eat excessive carbs, but believe me the first thing I did after diagnosis is to try to clean up my diet. I have made some strict restrictions, but got stuck there for a long time. Whenever I try to cut my daily calories down by a margin, I end up lying on my bed and go 2 hours staring at the ceiling bursting with energy.... and when I do manage to fall asleep, then I'll wake up feeling like people were beating me in my sleep. Considering how much she knows about nutrition it was a shocker to see my wife give me such an ultimatum. How on earth could I cut down my calories? Even if I lower my insulin dosage I still have to ingest my daily requirements. Thank you!