Lillypad62

Member
Messages
7
Hi lilly, i am a type 1 and a very bad diabetic probably worse than your husband. What your doing it great and my loved ones have also tried with me to get me to take care of myself better, but for me i feel its my diabetes, i live with it not them, if i dont do insulin or test my sugars thats my choice! Dont get me wrong i know that is a really bad way of thinking just trying to explain why your husband might be the way he is. Nothing against you or anyone else its a psychological thing that there isnt really any help available for. With me my diabetic team know i like gadgets so if they want me to test my sugars they give me a new metre to try that way i play about with it so they get some readings from me. That may not work for your husband but my point is try and find little tricks like that, that will make your husband do a little more and one day he might come to terms and accept his diabetes and start looking after himself better. I have been diabetic for 15years now and i still cant accept it but i am a whole lot better than i used to be so some progress has been made just very slowly lol. I hope this helps a bit and gives a little more insight. Sometimes living with a diabetic is harder than having the diabetes yourself so keep up the great work xx


Hi Thankyou for your insight. I do understand its not always an easy thing to live with. I just love him dearly and don't want to suffer the consequences in a few years... I'm thinking of his little boy. I don't want my partner missing out on him growing up because he is ill.

I do like the gadget idea! He loves gadgets too so we'll look into that - Thank you.

Anyway I'm not going to give up!

Lilly
 
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Lillypad62

Member
Messages
7
Hi Lillipad62, I’m very new to this site, so new I haven't even had time to introduce myself. I have been a T2D for approx 10 to 15 years and in that time not really understood the seriousness of the disease. Doctors never telling me of the consequences, just saying stick to a sugar free diet and you will be alright and me not being much of a book worm not bothering to even read the pamphlets that are about. Then one day a pharmacist chatted with me showing concern and told me about this site and since joining I intend to search all the nooks and crannies to keep me on track. I can understand your frustration of your efforts to help and it falling on deaf ears. Perhaps if you were to share your concerns with your friends or his work mates to nudge him in the right direction. I found it weird that it took a complete stranger (“Pharmacist”) to give me a wake up call. It is a very difficult situation to be in and wish you luck with your efforts.

Hi there. Thank you for your insight. I think it may take someone outside the situation - like you said to speak up about this. I'll direct him to this site too. hopefully that may help.

Thank you
Lilly
 

Susikav

Well-Known Member
Messages
1,916
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Diet only
Dislikes
Diabetes and ulcerative colitis.... :) Rude people... Violence.... and the amount of time I spend away from my beautiful family in the UK...
We hear this so often on this group about people who refuse to manage their diabetes will not change their ways and the worry it is for their partners. It must be difficult to see someone being so irresponsible about their health. At the end of the day it his diabetes and his responsibility to manage it not yours he is a grown up who needs to man up. Maybe one day he will get a wake up call that makes him see he must change what he is doing
Surely, ultimately, the responsibility lies with the poor anxious partner who will one day be the carer for a person in a wheelchair, or bed-bound with amputated limbs... even blind and helpless? Those things are not threats invented to try to stop diabetics from eating pizza and drinking beer, they are a sad reality... For me, it has to be the single most selfish thing a diabetic can do... I know we are supportive on the forum, and we aren't here to stand in judgement on anyone in particular, but the anxiety is all about the future and what it holds, isn't it, not what we're eating today. or tomorrow... If you are aware of the inability to get to grips with it all the best thing would be therapy, surely... it's not just one life ruined we're talking about here, it impacts on everyone in your life....
 

Susikav

Well-Known Member
Messages
1,916
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Diet only
Dislikes
Diabetes and ulcerative colitis.... :) Rude people... Violence.... and the amount of time I spend away from my beautiful family in the UK...
Hi Lillipad62, I’m very new to this site, so new I haven't even had time to introduce myself. I have been a T2D for approx 10 to 15 years and in that time not really understood the seriousness of the disease. Doctors never telling me of the consequences, just saying stick to a sugar free diet and you will be alright and me not being much of a book worm not bothering to even read the pamphlets that are about. Then one day a pharmacist chatted with me showing concern and told me about this site and since joining I intend to search all the nooks and crannies to keep me on track. I can understand your frustration of your efforts to help and it falling on deaf ears. Perhaps if you were to share your concerns with your friends or his work mates to nudge him in the right direction. I found it weird that it took a complete stranger (“Pharmacist”) to give me a wake up call. It is a very difficult situation to be in and wish you luck with your efforts.
Hi, Roybhamuk... welcome... It's like fog lifting, isn't it? :) This site is lovely and everyone is very informative and supportive... check out the Low Carb High Fat threads, and Low Carb Recipes and What did you eat today? If you have numb patches on your feet, as I did, go to the Help with Neuropathy... there are some very clever people on here!! Good luck... Susi
 

Susikav

Well-Known Member
Messages
1,916
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Diet only
Dislikes
Diabetes and ulcerative colitis.... :) Rude people... Violence.... and the amount of time I spend away from my beautiful family in the UK...
Hi Thankyou for your insight. I do understand its not always an easy thing to live with. I just love him dearly and don't want to suffer the consequences in a few years... I'm thinking of his little boy. I don't want my partner missing out on him growing up because he is ill.

I do like the gadget idea! He loves gadgets too so we'll look into that - Thank you.

Anyway I'm not going to give up!

Lilly
Well done Lilypad... It must be so hard for you... you seem strong though, and you have come to the right place for support and information... :) Check out the Low Carb threads - they're really good... you can access recipes and see what everyone's eating on a daily basis, which gives you great ideas... good luck honey...
 
Messages
23
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
Hi Thankyou for your insight. I do understand its not always an easy thing to live with. I just love him dearly and don't want to suffer the consequences in a few years... I'm thinking of his little boy. I don't want my partner missing out on him growing up because he is ill.

I do like the gadget idea! He loves gadgets too so we'll look into that - Thank you.

Anyway I'm not going to give up!

Lilly
Well i have just tried the freestyle libre and it is fantastic i was non stop testing my sugars with it as you only have to scan but now my sensor has ran out and cant afford to buy anymore but i bet he would love it too. It does loads of stuff to i was playing around with it for weeks and still love it as it is also a normal blood tester as well. Maybe you should get your husband to try it xx
 

infinitemantra

Active Member
Messages
31
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Hi Lilly
I have no advice as to how to help your husband as I dont know him or how he thinks feels or reacts. But what struck me was whilst I agree with all the comments sympathising with your frustrations, my heart goes out to your husband. I am 45 and was diagnosed in may with h1ac of 147 and very quickly found out the consequences of diabetes complications and for a while i felt very lost in terms of knowing what to believe and the worst thing was the thought that i woild be too ill to be an active dad to my 3 and 5 year olds or worse and to be a burden to my partner.

I hope he finds his way to fight back he certainly has good support.
by the way 6 months later my h1ac is 47 and getting better
 
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Bullies, Liars, Trolls and dishonest cruel people
Surely, ultimately, the responsibility lies with the poor anxious partner who will one day be the carer for a person in a wheelchair, or bed-bound with amputated limbs... even blind and helpless? Those things are not threats invented to try to stop diabetics from eating pizza and drinking beer, they are a sad reality... For me, it has to be the single most selfish thing a diabetic can do... I know we are supportive on the forum, and we aren't here to stand in judgement on anyone in particular, but the anxiety is all about the future and what it holds, isn't it, not what we're eating today. or tomorrow... If you are aware of the inability to get to grips with it all the best thing would be therapy, surely... it's not just one life ruined we're talking about here, it impacts on everyone in your life....

Morning, sorry but I strongly disagree with your first sentence. the responsibility does not lie with the poor anxious partner, it is down to the person who has diabetes, because they have the condition and must look after themselves.
I have read so many times on this forum, the same thing again and again, normally it is he female partner that posts looking for help and support, whilst the male causes all the worry, anxiousness and stress.
I feel for the op as she is in such a difficult position, between a rock and a hard place, she appears loving and caring and so wants for her partner to to take control and look after him self a little better. No one is perfect,I think many would agree that diabetes can be hard at times, but I wonder what the long term stress, worry and his uncaring attitude will do do to her health.
Best wishes RRB
 

kevinfitzgerald

Well-Known Member
Messages
692
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
Dislikes
All things that hurt (emotional and physical)
Hi all. I hope I'm typing in the right place. I'd just like some advice on how to deal with my partners diabetes 2. He has had it for a few years now. He doesn't seem to take it seriously (i think hes in denile ) and says he forgets to take his metformin unless I remind him (I am not always around) .
His diet is terrible and he won't entertain eating any fruit, vegetables, eggs or fish. He's is carb hell! I try different foods to help him with hidden veg but he knows it's in there.

I've suffer with anxiety. And as a result of worry for him, have turned into a control freak with what my toddler eats because I can't seem to help my partner. I don't want my son eating too many sweet goods. My partner's parents are both diabetic too. I can't talk to them because i know they would just say I'm over reacting.
He's tryed talking to a dietitian but that doesn't seem to have worked out. Any suggestions? Im finding it upsetting and I feel like I'm at my wits end! we're both in our early thirties and I don't want to lose my partner early on in life!

Sorry to ramble on. Thank you for reading my post

Lilly

Hello there Lily. Sorry to here of your situation.

It is so hard, painful when a loved one seems to just take no responsibility for their illness whether it be diabetes or something else.

All you can do is lead by example. Eat healthily yourself and cook healthy meals for your family. Do not give your partner any choice in the matter. If he wants to eat carby meals and sugary treats make sure there are none in the house. If thats how he wants to live then he will have to go out himself and purchase then himself!

Obviously it sounds as though he has picked a lot of this up from his parents and this will not help but stay strong and do the right thing. Do not pander to his wishes or react to his life choice hard that this might be.

If he sees that you and his son are eating well and are keeping active and enjoying life and he becomes unwell with complications it might be evidence enough for him to realise he needs to change they way he lives his life for the better.

Its not just drinkers that may need to hit a rock bottom before they change!

Do not enable him in any way. Let him live by his mistakes and just be there to support him when he needs you too. Then push home what he is doing to himself!

I wish you well and I hope he will "get it" before he hits that bottom.

Kevin
 
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tsalman

Member
Messages
12
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Tablets (oral)
Hi Lily, I think you are right in saying that your partner is in denial mode and many diabetics are like that. Maybe 2 things can motivate him to eat better:
1. Tell him that you understand that his diabetes is not his fault.
2. Tell him that diabetes is reversible and he can take up the challenge to reverse his disease.
Best of luck!
 
M

ME_Valentijn

Guest
His diet is terrible and he won't entertain eating any fruit, vegetables, eggs or fish. He's is carb hell! I try different foods to help him with hidden veg but he knows it's in there.
That would be a bit of bleak diet, to be fair! A lot of people seem to control type 2 pretty well with a lower carb diet, by increasing fat to replace the calories being removed. Instead of eggs and fish, is a nice fatty steak and fewer carbs an option for dinner? And lentils/peas or potatoes are carby, but a lot better than pasta or rice at least. Anyhow, it might be helpful to change tactics slightly, and focus more on reducing the carbs a bit while still making a savory and satisfying meal.
 

Freema

Expert
Messages
7,346
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Diet only
Fruit is not really a good choice for type 2 diabetics. Only berries in smaller amounts are good fruit sugar seems to be bad for the liver can store it without any effort and it spikes much more rapid than even White sugar
 

tsalman

Member
Messages
12
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Tablets (oral)
Fruit is not really a good choice for type 2 diabetics. Only berries in smaller amounts are good fruit sugar seems to be bad for the liver can store it without any effort and it spikes much more rapid than even White sugar
Are you sure fruit sugar is not good? My dietecian advised to take some fruit (like half banana, or 1 apple or 10 grapes or 3 dates) with every meal ! Please guide.
 
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Susikav

Well-Known Member
Messages
1,916
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Diet only
Dislikes
Diabetes and ulcerative colitis.... :) Rude people... Violence.... and the amount of time I spend away from my beautiful family in the UK...
Are you sure fruit sugar is not good? My dietecian advised to take some fruit (like half banana, or 1 apple or 10 grapes or 3 dates) with every meal ! Please guide.
Hi tsalman .... fruit is very high in fructose, which is not good for you.... berries, in reasonable quantities are much better... blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, strawberries for instance... I have them with full fat Greek or goat's yoghurt, kefir or in a smoothie.... sometimes with cream as a pudding, or a snack... good luck....
 
A

asparagusp

Guest
Fruit is not really a good choice for type 2 diabetics. Only berries in smaller amounts are good fruit sugar seems to be bad for the liver can store it without any effort and it spikes much more rapid than even White sugar
Freema sorry but that's a sweeping statement. Everyone has a different response to food including sugar. Some diabetics can tolerate a little fruit. Fructose the sugar in fruit is low GI and raises blood sugar slowly.

From Google -

As expected, glucose itself has a high value because it is rapidly absorbed into the blood stream; its GI or glycemic load per gram is 100. In contrast, the glycemicload per gram fructose is only 19, while that of table sugar is 65 – midway between its component parts glucose and fructose.
 

Susikav

Well-Known Member
Messages
1,916
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Diet only
Dislikes
Diabetes and ulcerative colitis.... :) Rude people... Violence.... and the amount of time I spend away from my beautiful family in the UK...
Freema sorry but that's a sweeping statement. Everyone has a different response to food including sugar. Some diabetics can tolerate a little fruit. Fructose the sugar in fruit is low GI and raises blood sugar slowly.

From Google -

As expected, glucose itself has a high value because it is rapidly absorbed into the blood stream; its GI or glycemic load per gram is 100. In contrast, the glycemicload per gram fructose is only 19, while that of table sugar is 65 – midway between its component parts glucose and fructose.
Berries are still the best... or a little white melon....
 

Deespee23

Well-Known Member
Messages
280
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Diet only
Difficult one, this. Without knowing your (as a couple) personal circumstances, it could be that your OH is trying to establish the fact that he is the one in control of his situation - even if that "control" only amounts to doing nothing. Does he feel railroaded? If you feel that you have little control over what is happening to you, it easy to develop a "F*ck It" mentality. Certainly, as so many others on here have observed, because there are no immediately apparent indications of the damage that is occurring, it is easy to become complacent.

I suppose all you can do is "keep on keeping on", but I know that is scant consolation for the stress and worry created by your position. And as Kevin FG has pointed out above, ultimately it is down to him. You must also look after your own health - I like the idea of making him go out to buy his own junk and only having "good stuff" in the house. The thing not to lose sight of is the fact that it is not just about your partner - it is about you as well. So look after youself and you have sorted 50% of the problem already.

Don't forget, there will always be someone to talk to on here when you need a bit of support.

PS - you are not a "control freak" - just someone who cares.
 

ickihun

Master
Messages
13,698
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Insulin
Dislikes
Bullies
Hi @Lillypad62
Your partner sounds like he's addicted to carbs.

Like any addiction he needs help, it has to be his decision to seek out help and address.
You cannot do this for him.

He needs to realise he's addicted. Obviously you eating well isn't enough for him to see how bad his diet is.
He needs a shock but not a dangerous one!

Leave pictures of gangreous feet/toes on his laptop/phone or tablet.
Tell him you've been on here and how so many posters wish theyd listen to early advice.
Encourage him to be the wise one. Say it matter of fact without emotion.
Ultimately its his job to wake up and smell the coffee and not yours to wake him up.
He needs to find his independence.
Try not to mother him.
He needs tough love!