counceling

[barney70]

hi
I have a diabetic daughter aged 17 she has been diagnosed for nearly 2 years,my question for all those who are type 1 or have children with type 1,have they or you or your partners ever been offered counseling.The reason i ask is because this life changing condition is so god **** scary for both individual and parent alike that i think it needs adressing,we were taught how to carb count and to correct and the slow 24 hour bolus,but the everyday emotions and the whole stress and turmoil that comes with horrible condition that no body told us about,i would love any feedback good or bad from parents or people having to live with this day by day

 

[Just_Me_Rachel]

Absolutely agree that counseling should be offered by the diabetes team. I was, at age 15, but not again after that although i changed to adult clinic and struggled hellish with my diabetes. In retrospect I wish as a young adult I'd have asked my diabetes team for that sort of help. All i can say is that a few years later when my life was badly out of control i ended up getting serious therapy, privately.
That's just me, and i was struggling with another auto immune disease along with diabetes.
My question to you is, how does your daughter feel about this? If she's interested in seeing someone, i would suggest you bring it up to your diabetes team or else GP. If she's pushing for it, I'd suggest you do whatever you can to get her counseling or therapy as, frankly, diabetes is hard work. No-one should have to do it alone. Let her learn the tools and acceptance that she is going to need to deal with diabetes.
To you, I'd suggest the same. Also, have you considered joining support for mums? There's some great Facebook groups.

That's just my say based on my experience. Glad to answer anything further. Good luck!

 

[Winnie53]

Welcome to the forum @barney70

Don't know which country you're writing from, but I wonder...is there a summer camp for type 1 youths near you? Might be worth a Google search.

 

[Scott-C]

I'm a T1 son, not a parent, but after almost 30 years of it, it really hit home when my mum (almost 80 and still racing around in a Mini like a formula 1 driver!) said to me she sometimes feels guilty thinking she's passed on bad genes. Nonsense, I told her, completely random condition, but being a bit cynical told her if she feels guilty, she can buy the next round to make up for it.

All diabetics of any age will go through a "why me" stage. Some of us go into denial, running bloods too high, and there's no easy way round that for a parent. Reading an article about someone who went blind after 5 years motivated me a lot to control well. Thirty years in and no eye problems.

We live in a different, slightly parralel world to non-T1s. You'll never truly understand what it's like to have to make calculations before each meal hoping that you've got the sums right and you won't end up with a big spike or hypo further down the line. Even when careful and tightly controlled, there's a whole lot of unmeasurable things going on the background which will throw things out. So, while it is correct to look at/analyse test results, don't ever say that one was too high, you must be doing it wrong. Test results are a very personal thing. It's very easy for a parent to look at results and comment without having a clue what they're talking about. In a few months time, your kid will know way more about the practicalities of T1 than you and, frankly, her doctors, will ever do, so don't ever second guess her.

There's a story about a woman called Eva Saxl which I always find inspiring. Jewish woman who fled to China to avoid the Nazis in WWII, ended up making her own insulin from water buffalo pancreases after the Japanese invaded. If your daughter ends up feeling sorry for herself, it's time for a bit of tough love. Tell her she really can't complain when she's given the stuff off the shelf instead of making it from scratch in a war.

 

[barney70]

thanks for the replies,my daughter just wants to be regarded as normal,which she is and gets unhappy and angry with me when i tell her that she has this condition that makes her different from all her friends and that she has to check her blood when she wants to do normal things like dancing or walking or going to the gym.Like we none diabetics just take for granted and it makes her angry towards myself and her mother who only want what is best for her,she does not want to think of her self as different to everybody and knowing that she has to do things differently to others makes her angry and to lash out at the ones nearest mainly me and her mum,i think she is struggling and so am i,i make her my main priority which in turn affects my marraige but i worry so much when she is away from the family fold

 

[nmr1991]

i mentioned depression but they just put it down to my constant high blood sugar, i would still have depression if i were to have it in the normal range, and anxiety would go up instead whilst the low blood sugar takes its place

 

[izzyj09]

Hey I'm 21 and am type 1 diabetic myself, I think it's really important sometimes to agree with her that it is a rubbish thing to have because sometimes as a teenager you just want to scream and rave about it ! Unfortunately she is different because she has diabetes but maybe you could remind how in other ways she's just like any other teenager, she just has this thing,also try and point out that others have things that aren't 'normal' (I use this word with caution)
If your worried about her, why don't you try and talk to her team about it because these emotions are pretty normal and they'll have experience with teenagers with diabetes and the emotion that goes with it. I can only imagine the worry as a parent that you go through when she's away but unfortunately you have to let get deal with it because otherwise she might feel even worse, it also can be a good idea once in a while just reminding her how awesome she is because quite frankly anyone who copes with this disease at 17 is fab hope this gives you a perspective from a young diabetic to another

 

[hynes48]

i make her my main priority which in turn affects my marraige but i worry so much when she is away from the family fold

Hi @barney70. I was diagnosed at age 4. I am now 43. I have lived (and survived) through various stages of life at this point.

I hate to say it but your fear is the biggest issue and i say that from experience.

Looking back at those years I believe my parents fear of the diabetes was far more debilitating for them and I than me actually living with the diabetes. If your fear of it overrides everything else then all it will lead to his tension, fighting and in my case, for a period of time, rebellion against the diabetes.

Throughout my childhood and teenage years I was afraid to do some many things because my parents instilled their fear into me. Not intentionally. Everytime i wanted to do something the first words out of my Mother were "But, what if.........."

There are two key questions - Do you trust your daughter? Does your daughter have good hypo awareness? If the answer to both is yes then you need to let go and don't make the diabetes the focal point of every decision she makes.

Make a pact with her - if she always carries glucose with her then you will not interfere in her doing normal every day things.

The fear will subside overtime. Everytime she walks back in the door after going dancing, walking, to the gym, the fear that is absorbing you will subside...........and your relationship will improve.

Ask yourself, what is the worst thing that can possibly happen? She'll have a hypo. I have had many hypos and i lived to tell the tale. The most likely thing that will happen is she'll walk back in the door with a smile on her face and feeling liberated.

Finally, please please please don't ever tell her again that she is different from her friends. She is not. She is the exact same as them. She has dreams, hopes and ambitions just like they do. Let her chase them.

Conquer your fear.

I wish you all the best.

 

[brittyb]

Hi my Mum is doing a counselling course and she is researching into the effects Diabetes Type 1&2 has on the mental health of both the person diagnosed and the impact it has on the family. Any feedback would be gratefully received. No names will be mentioned just data collected. I will need the age of the person, gender and whether the family member or patient. I am type 1, aged 23 and have suffered from OCD prior to diagnosis and when my sugar levels fluctuate especially low the OCD thoughts can get worse. I do get depressed with monitoring and testing all the time and just want to be NORMAL. I talk to my partner and she motivates me to get it back on track. Counselling is few and far between as normally they say speak to you Diabetic nurse. I find writing things down and exercise helps. Getting blood sugars right make a huge difference and it does take time to stabilise. I have been diagnosed 2 years and getting use to it now. My father is type 2 of 9 years and he finds it a struggle as he had a heart attack with it (only found out then). He is controlled by diet and tablets and is doing well. He also says exercise and walking keeps his levels stable and it is also good for the moods to.

 

[JMK1954]

One of my hypo symptoms is a 'low' mood. That translates as I burst into tears watching a film, I suddenly feel despairing if a pan boils over etc etc. Normally, I am a well-balanced person, so if I find myself on the edge of tears I do a blood test. The usual hypo warning symptoms follow within a few minutes. Even my husband knows that tears are a warning sign now. I don't think this is anything to do with my mental health, but my brain's reaction to a dropping glucose level.

 

[brittyb]

One of my hypo symptoms is a 'low' mood. That translates as I burst into tears watching a film, I suddenly feel despairing if a pan boils over etc etc. Normally, I am a well-balanced person, so if I find myself on the edge of tears I do a blood test. The usual hypo warning symptoms follow within a few minutes. Even my husband knows that tears are a warning sign now. I don't think this is anything to do with my mental health, but my brain's reaction to a dropping glucose level.

Thank You that really helps as part of Mum's further studies in year 3 is to find out how people with diabetes cope with a rise and drop in sugar levels and how they differentiate from non diabetic people. I am type 1 and dad type 2 and we know by levels of agitation if we are going into a hypo.