i have been sitting reading the posts by ellen and how she lost her husband at xmas as some of you know my son who was diagnosed last september is more often than not non -compliant with his insulin he has his family worried sick about his health and like helen i feel so helpless i will try to get him to read her posts but i will probably get the same answer as always "i dont care or im not bothered", he is only 15 and i know it has to be difficult for him but why does he constantly make himself ill, and have blood sugar levels of anywhere between 25 -33 he does take corrective doses now and again, i have had a meetig today with DNS who wanted to monitor him in hosp but he refused point blank.
Diabetes does kill by ellen vdk
- Thread starter vickiec
- Start Date
Re: diabetes does kil by ellen vdk
Im nowhere near knowledgeable enough to help with your issues, just wanted to say that I really hope your son gets the right help soon
Im nowhere near knowledgeable enough to help with your issues, just wanted to say that I really hope your son gets the right help soon
Re: diabetes does kil by ellen vdk
thanx for the reply it just helps to get this off my chest sometimes, you know he says he feels okay and his DNS says this is normal because he thinks this is the norm but he has had it under control in the past and felt really well and admitted to this so i find it so difficult to understand why he wont test and give corrective doses until he feels really unwell and he knows himself that it is really high like i said before 25+ he wont talk to anyone about it is really disruptive in school so much so they are refusing to allow him in school when he isnt wearing his pump or his levels are high, althiugh they do realise his anger is because his diabetes is out of control, he says i ruined his life the day i took him to hospital and he was diagnosed.
thanx for the reply it just helps to get this off my chest sometimes, you know he says he feels okay and his DNS says this is normal because he thinks this is the norm but he has had it under control in the past and felt really well and admitted to this so i find it so difficult to understand why he wont test and give corrective doses until he feels really unwell and he knows himself that it is really high like i said before 25+ he wont talk to anyone about it is really disruptive in school so much so they are refusing to allow him in school when he isnt wearing his pump or his levels are high, althiugh they do realise his anger is because his diabetes is out of control, he says i ruined his life the day i took him to hospital and he was diagnosed.
phoenix
Expert
- Messages
- 5,671
- Type of diabetes
- Type 1
- Treatment type
- Pump
Re: diabetes does kil by ellen vdk
Hi,
It isn't a solution I know, but what your son is doing is relatively common. I don't think it's the same as Ellen's husbands issues which involved large amounts of alcohol coupled with insulin.
I found this article on the JDFR site, describing some of the issues with young people and diabetes.
http://www.jdrf.org/index.cfm?page_id=103523. It may not include anything new to you but perhaps there might be some suggestions there.
I don't remember if it has been mentioned before but there is a 'childrenwithdiabetes forum' (just google it) There are probably more parents there who could give support from their own experiences.
(edit : cross post & sp)
Hi,
It isn't a solution I know, but what your son is doing is relatively common. I don't think it's the same as Ellen's husbands issues which involved large amounts of alcohol coupled with insulin.
I found this article on the JDFR site, describing some of the issues with young people and diabetes.
http://www.jdrf.org/index.cfm?page_id=103523. It may not include anything new to you but perhaps there might be some suggestions there.
I don't remember if it has been mentioned before but there is a 'childrenwithdiabetes forum' (just google it) There are probably more parents there who could give support from their own experiences.
(edit : cross post & sp)
Re: diabetes does kil by ellen vdk
Hi Vickie, I don't have any advice to offer and I have no experience of dealing with teenage children (that time is still to come for me). But I wanted to say that my thoughts are with you and I hope that you can find a solution for yourself and your son. Don't be afraid to ask for all the help you need from your consultant and GP. They must have seen these issues in other families and should be able to offer some guidance.
Hi Vickie, I don't have any advice to offer and I have no experience of dealing with teenage children (that time is still to come for me). But I wanted to say that my thoughts are with you and I hope that you can find a solution for yourself and your son. Don't be afraid to ask for all the help you need from your consultant and GP. They must have seen these issues in other families and should be able to offer some guidance.
Hi vickie,
not really sure how you deal with this, but I'm guessing that no amount of nagging will help - that would mean the adult wins, and no teen wants that. He needs to come to the realisation on his own, or at least he needs to believe he's done it on his own.
There's no reasoning with teens. I work with them now and half the time I'm convined they're all crazy or stupid, but really it's all the hormones and the general weirdness of not really being a kid or an adult and trying to work out who you actually are. Combined with such high sugars, there's not going to be much logical thought going on. When I was in my teens my sugars were all over the place and I was completely unreasonable when it was very high. Apparently I pushed my sister against the fridge and she has a scar on her face, but I can't remember that at all. I was pretty much non compliant, I used to steal money and spend it on chocolate, or I would do massive injections so I would go hypo and have an excuse to eat lots and not go swimming. Then in later teens I used to binge drink and took a lot of drugs. Surprisingly I only had to be hospitalised once for dka, and that was from food poisoning, I didn't know you still had to inject even if you couldn't eat, and obviously I wasn't testing.
The thing is, I never really considered how dangerous all thus could be for a diabetic, and frankly I didn't care. The idea that i would ever be 30 or have any responsibilities was an alien concept! Most kids don't yet have the capacity to think about the future or consequences.
Now I'm 31 and looking back I think I was a massive idiot. But no amount of nagging or general shame and guilt made any difference. It's only really in the last 2 or 3 years that I've been trying to be sensible about it. Getting retinopathy and having laser scared the **** out of me! I really don't want to go blind. That was my initial wake up call. Then I read Ellen's post about her husband and I realised I never want to cause that sort of pain to the people I love. So I did the Dafne course and I'm really trying my hardest now.
It might be worth trying to persuade/ bribe/ blackmail your son to go on a Dfane course. For me it was kind of a revelation. Meeting other diabetics and sharing experiences also helped a lot, and so does this forum. It's good to know you're not alone.
I really hope you don't take it personally when he seems angry at you. I used to resent my parents for giving me their ****** genes but obviously now I'm out of that horrible selfish teenage phase, I'm over that! Mostly... (I still don't appreciate inheriting shortness!) He loves you really and one day he'll realise it. With sugars like his I'm not surprised he's angry and badly behaved, it really does mess with your brain and make it really hard to control yourself. I think someone on here said they filmed their kid being evil and played it back to them later. That might also be worth a try.
I'm really sorry you're having such a hard time with your son. Eventually he'll grow up and start taking it seriously, unfortunately some of us just take longer to get there! If all else fails, I'll lend you my pointy stick
hope it all gets better soon. Take care x
not really sure how you deal with this, but I'm guessing that no amount of nagging will help - that would mean the adult wins, and no teen wants that. He needs to come to the realisation on his own, or at least he needs to believe he's done it on his own.
There's no reasoning with teens. I work with them now and half the time I'm convined they're all crazy or stupid, but really it's all the hormones and the general weirdness of not really being a kid or an adult and trying to work out who you actually are. Combined with such high sugars, there's not going to be much logical thought going on. When I was in my teens my sugars were all over the place and I was completely unreasonable when it was very high. Apparently I pushed my sister against the fridge and she has a scar on her face, but I can't remember that at all. I was pretty much non compliant, I used to steal money and spend it on chocolate, or I would do massive injections so I would go hypo and have an excuse to eat lots and not go swimming. Then in later teens I used to binge drink and took a lot of drugs. Surprisingly I only had to be hospitalised once for dka, and that was from food poisoning, I didn't know you still had to inject even if you couldn't eat, and obviously I wasn't testing.
The thing is, I never really considered how dangerous all thus could be for a diabetic, and frankly I didn't care. The idea that i would ever be 30 or have any responsibilities was an alien concept! Most kids don't yet have the capacity to think about the future or consequences.
Now I'm 31 and looking back I think I was a massive idiot. But no amount of nagging or general shame and guilt made any difference. It's only really in the last 2 or 3 years that I've been trying to be sensible about it. Getting retinopathy and having laser scared the **** out of me! I really don't want to go blind. That was my initial wake up call. Then I read Ellen's post about her husband and I realised I never want to cause that sort of pain to the people I love. So I did the Dafne course and I'm really trying my hardest now.
It might be worth trying to persuade/ bribe/ blackmail your son to go on a Dfane course. For me it was kind of a revelation. Meeting other diabetics and sharing experiences also helped a lot, and so does this forum. It's good to know you're not alone.
I really hope you don't take it personally when he seems angry at you. I used to resent my parents for giving me their ****** genes but obviously now I'm out of that horrible selfish teenage phase, I'm over that! Mostly... (I still don't appreciate inheriting shortness!) He loves you really and one day he'll realise it. With sugars like his I'm not surprised he's angry and badly behaved, it really does mess with your brain and make it really hard to control yourself. I think someone on here said they filmed their kid being evil and played it back to them later. That might also be worth a try.
I'm really sorry you're having such a hard time with your son. Eventually he'll grow up and start taking it seriously, unfortunately some of us just take longer to get there! If all else fails, I'll lend you my pointy stick
hope it all gets better soon. Take care x
lots of things you say sound familiar he doesnt see the long term effects, yesterday his DNS wanted him to go into hosp and he just laughed but he just seems to want to be in control of everyhting and because he cant he punishes me by taking off his pump, at the moment he hates school so because i make him go he doesnt want to talk to me and wont put his insulin pump on, then he'll ask for some money or something new and will put on his pump he has been calling the shots but not anymore i have not responded to his threats this time i can see he is upset but when i try to talk i am dismissed, school say he is a health and safety risk so if his blood sugars are high which is most of the time they dont want him in school so it looks like he is going to stay off school as they said to me yesterday if he turns up to school not wearing his pump they will send him home. I have offered him all kinds of help but he refuses to go to clinic wont speak to counselors i suppose this would be seen as a weakness, luckily i am a RMN and worked in psychiatry for 30 years and at the moment i work with people with challenging behavours thats a laugh when my son is the most challenging of the lot, funny i just said to my husband we think we have problems now wait until he starts going out drinking, god help us then but i suppose then he can make his own deisions about his life and we will have to back off , thanks for your reply anyway and i'll keep you up to date x vickie
Aw Vickie I don't have any words of wisdom for you as my son is just 2 but I do hope you find a solution to all this soon.
Annette
xx
Annette
xx
annette i hope your son does not feel like my son does when he gets older it is heart breaking to watch and be helpless, but my sons DNS says teens are the worse age to be diagnosed as they are already going through so many emotions just growing up and becoming adults, but thanks for your support.
Debloubed
Well-Known Member
- Messages
- 828
- Type of diabetes
- Type 1
- Treatment type
- Pump
- Dislikes
- When people say 'Pacific' instead of 'Specific' :-)
Hi ya, just reading your posts and wondering if things are any better today? Because it is a daily battle this type 1 lark, I don't have a diabetic teen to deal with but I was one and my thoughts are perhaps the pump etc are just freaking him out? it is odd being attached all day long to a machine, I have the maturity to understand the HUGE benefits of having this contraption attached to me all day long but still, little things like getting dressed in the morning can be challenging as when you are (ahem!) naked, where do you clip it?! But then there are ways and means to solve that problem. When I was a teen, I injected twice a day and kept myself to myself re: my diabetes care. Have you tried letting him just get on with it? or does he just not inject/bolus at all? I wonder, how long would he leave it without taking any insulin? I know I don't know him but I am pretty sure he is smart enough to know that no insulin at all, is bad. How long have you left him without prompting him to attach his pump?
I must say at this point that I am accutely aware of how easy it is for me to ask these questions because if it were my child, I would be wanting to pin him down and attach the pump myself!! I feel your pain, I really do.
My instinct is to leave him be. Could you bear to do that?
I must say at this point that I am accutely aware of how easy it is for me to ask these questions because if it were my child, I would be wanting to pin him down and attach the pump myself!! I feel your pain, I really do.
My instinct is to leave him be. Could you bear to do that?
I have two teenagers with diabetes (type 1) - the eldest is 15 (16 in September) she has had diabetes since age 15 months.
The younger is 12 (13 next month) and has had diabetes for just over 2 years.
The elder one was a nightmare with food and injections and testing.
Her HBa1c was 13 for about 2 years.
She did all of the stealing food, and money for food, over injecting, not injecting, not bringing insulin on holiday (twice). She didnt grow for over two years due to poor control. She found out she had early signs of retinopathy in February, and it gave her a big shock.
Her control is a lot better and she is mostly taking responsibility, with a few blips, and quite often doesnt test, but she is definitely a lot better, and she always injects herself now.
The younger boy is a complete nightmare and although the daughter had horrendous control etc as described above, she is the type of person who does want to please on the whole ...
He has the whole I dont care and i want to die anyway thing going on.
He has talked of suicide, and self harmed. He runs away at clinic appointments. He was referred to Child and Adolescent mental health services, and eventually after two visits refusing to get out of the car, came in to the building , but wouldnt talk to them, so they have kept it open that he can see them in future if we have a crisis...
He is constantly in trouble at school. He has no friends really. He hates his diabetes, does the whole stealing, eating rubbish, wont test at all , frequently wont inject. If given snacks for school and things to treat hypos he just eats them anyway.
I hope he grows up and out of this phase like my daughter - it was an early complication that scared her. He is more of a rebel but it is the only thing i think will do it for him.
It is incredibly stressful as you know... it causes huge rifts in the family (4 kids, 2 parents) and my husband doesnt want to take him on holiday at all this year because of it, and has even talked about getting respite for us via social services.
Lets hope the penny eventually drops for both our sons xxxx
The younger is 12 (13 next month) and has had diabetes for just over 2 years.
The elder one was a nightmare with food and injections and testing.
Her HBa1c was 13 for about 2 years.
She did all of the stealing food, and money for food, over injecting, not injecting, not bringing insulin on holiday (twice). She didnt grow for over two years due to poor control. She found out she had early signs of retinopathy in February, and it gave her a big shock.
Her control is a lot better and she is mostly taking responsibility, with a few blips, and quite often doesnt test, but she is definitely a lot better, and she always injects herself now.
The younger boy is a complete nightmare and although the daughter had horrendous control etc as described above, she is the type of person who does want to please on the whole ...
He has the whole I dont care and i want to die anyway thing going on.
He has talked of suicide, and self harmed. He runs away at clinic appointments. He was referred to Child and Adolescent mental health services, and eventually after two visits refusing to get out of the car, came in to the building , but wouldnt talk to them, so they have kept it open that he can see them in future if we have a crisis...
He is constantly in trouble at school. He has no friends really. He hates his diabetes, does the whole stealing, eating rubbish, wont test at all , frequently wont inject. If given snacks for school and things to treat hypos he just eats them anyway.
I hope he grows up and out of this phase like my daughter - it was an early complication that scared her. He is more of a rebel but it is the only thing i think will do it for him.
It is incredibly stressful as you know... it causes huge rifts in the family (4 kids, 2 parents) and my husband doesnt want to take him on holiday at all this year because of it, and has even talked about getting respite for us via social services.
Lets hope the penny eventually drops for both our sons xxxx
thank god i'm not alone listening to you is like listening to myself his pump was on yesterday and he took one dose because he wanted a lift in the car to his girlfriends as soon as i picked him up and brought him home off came the pump, he wouldnt put it back on him and my husband had a huge confrontation this morning my husband made him put it on but once in the car he took it off again the school was on the phone today [i was only in a meeting on fri] because of his anger, they now say he is a health and safety risk at school so he may have to stay at home, so he wins as lately he does not want to go to school and hates me for making him go, he then punishes me by taking off his pump his blood sugars are sky high i dont know how he is surviving , and as you say our whole family life is wrecked, since he has come in from school he is eating kitkats and full sugar pop 2litre bottle no insulin, i am the same as you nothing makes him happy he hates life would rather be dead than be a diabetic, only light at the end of the tunnel is he has a lovely girlfriend who tries to talk to him but she is only 14 and knows nothing of the dangers associated with diabetes, please keep in touch and vent your feelings anytime you want. vickiexx
Hi again,
just a thought, but have you tried talking to his girlfriend? She really needs to know about diabetes if she's dating a diabetic. And at that age he's more likely to listen to his girlfriend than his parents.
Also it sounds very much like attention seeking behaviour. If he thinks he can punish you then that's exactly what he'll do. If you can pretend it doesn't bother you he might stop doing it. If he's doing it to get a rise out of you, don't give him the satisfaction. Once he realises he's hurting himself more than he's hurting you, he'll probably stop. Teenagers have a huge range of psychological weapons, but none of them are terribly sophisticated!
If he's eating sweets and pop that you've got in the house, maybe you should stop buying them. Nobody actually needs them (just keep a secret lucozade in case ge goes hypo?) so it shouldn't be a problem. I know I felt singled out when other people had chocolate and I wasn't allowed. If nobody else was eating it I probably wouldn't have felt I was also entitled to it!
Obviously these are all just suggestions. But from working with difficult teens, I know it's important not to let them think they have power over you. They'll only abuse it.
Take care
just a thought, but have you tried talking to his girlfriend? She really needs to know about diabetes if she's dating a diabetic. And at that age he's more likely to listen to his girlfriend than his parents.
Also it sounds very much like attention seeking behaviour. If he thinks he can punish you then that's exactly what he'll do. If you can pretend it doesn't bother you he might stop doing it. If he's doing it to get a rise out of you, don't give him the satisfaction. Once he realises he's hurting himself more than he's hurting you, he'll probably stop. Teenagers have a huge range of psychological weapons, but none of them are terribly sophisticated!
If he's eating sweets and pop that you've got in the house, maybe you should stop buying them. Nobody actually needs them (just keep a secret lucozade in case ge goes hypo?) so it shouldn't be a problem. I know I felt singled out when other people had chocolate and I wasn't allowed. If nobody else was eating it I probably wouldn't have felt I was also entitled to it!
Obviously these are all just suggestions. But from working with difficult teens, I know it's important not to let them think they have power over you. They'll only abuse it.
Take care
yes i have spoke to girlfriend numerously over months but only yesterday when i spoke and she tried talkin to him he called me a grass and said i have no business discussing him with his girlfriend and i dont keep sweets etc in the house he got pocket mnoey off his granda yesterday unknown to me as i have stopped all pocket money priveleges etc , i did try to talk to him today and was told he didnt like me did not want to talk to me he wishes he did not have to live and and finally he wishes me and his dad were dead.
Hi vickie,
This site may be of some help to you.
There are quite a few links for understanding teenagers with Type 1. They include,
Challenges.
Family issues.
Expert's advice to parents.
http://www.lifeclinic.com/focus/diabete ... n_main.asp
Catherine.
This site may be of some help to you.
There are quite a few links for understanding teenagers with Type 1. They include,
Challenges.
Family issues.
Expert's advice to parents.
http://www.lifeclinic.com/focus/diabete ... n_main.asp
Catherine.
hi,
I have a 14 year old who has only been diabetic since October last year. I dont think your son is trying to punish you or even rebel. I think he is having a tough time coming to terms with what is happening and the fact that he is different from his mates. He needs to realise that different isnt bad. Luckily at the moment my son has excepted what has happened and for most of the time lives a a kid who just happens to be diabetic. He is still wary of going somewhere new where he will be with other kids his age group and having to do blood tests and insulin. He has been lucky though and most people are interested in it ,a lot of girls actually feel protective of him which I am sure he will love when he is older. Give your son time ,try to keep his levels as low as he will let you. If he thinks its what you want he will do the opposite, he must do it for himself.
I have a 14 year old who has only been diabetic since October last year. I dont think your son is trying to punish you or even rebel. I think he is having a tough time coming to terms with what is happening and the fact that he is different from his mates. He needs to realise that different isnt bad. Luckily at the moment my son has excepted what has happened and for most of the time lives a a kid who just happens to be diabetic. He is still wary of going somewhere new where he will be with other kids his age group and having to do blood tests and insulin. He has been lucky though and most people are interested in it ,a lot of girls actually feel protective of him which I am sure he will love when he is older. Give your son time ,try to keep his levels as low as he will let you. If he thinks its what you want he will do the opposite, he must do it for himself.
to everyone who has given advice i now have my lovely son back he eventually he let his guard down and after lots of talkin and tears lifes good again.
Hi vicki really sorry to hear ur having such a hard time with ur son sorry i dont have any advice for u. i also have a teenage son and am starting to worry about his attitude towards his diabetes. until recently connor was really good at taking his insulin and testing at all the appropriate times and knowing what he could eat but over the past few weeks iv noticed his BS been high all the time and he not wanting to test and sneaking food into his room. i know he's a growing boy he just turned 13 couple weeks ago we'v always has a close relationship it is only connor and i at home and i think that help when he was diagnosed 2 years ago we would always talk about it and always disscus how to go about things but i feel hes not coming to me as often anymore and im just really worried hes going to turn all rebelious on me :? any suggestions welcome
Maybe you should try get him on his own and tell him how u are feeling and that u know how hard it is for him and see if he maybe open up to u about his feelings i know its a long shot but if u get him some were its just u and him for a couple hours? sorry i cant help keep ur chin up.
Maybe you should try get him on his own and tell him how u are feeling and that u know how hard it is for him and see if he maybe open up to u about his feelings i know its a long shot but if u get him some were its just u and him for a couple hours? sorry i cant help keep ur chin up.
to connors mum
my son and i were also very close but as you have read everything went to pieces about a month ago to hear my son say he wished iwould go away and die was devastating for me , but he has settled down after breaking his heart and sobbed with me he hates having diabetes and i cant make that go away but he is doing well again and to see him laugh and smile again is amazing, he tells me he loves me all of the time now and i am realdy to pick up the pieces if he relapses again.
my son and i were also very close but as you have read everything went to pieces about a month ago to hear my son say he wished iwould go away and die was devastating for me , but he has settled down after breaking his heart and sobbed with me he hates having diabetes and i cant make that go away but he is doing well again and to see him laugh and smile again is amazing, he tells me he loves me all of the time now and i am realdy to pick up the pieces if he relapses again.
